What Is To Be
by mjaw
Summary: Set End of the Final Season of Angel. As the final prophecy is foretold it brings Buffy to L.A. and a well kept secret is about to unravel. Not spoiler based! Hope to see you! A.
1. First

Title: What Is To Be  
  
Rating: R (for violence and sexual content)  
  
Author: Annie aka mjaw  
  
Setting: End of this seasons Angel. Angel/BtVS crossover.  
  
Pairings: The basic ones. Though NOT Buffy/Angel (so very...dated) ;)  
  
A/N: Hope this will have your approval! This is, after all, the so called "end". Better get it perfectly right. Please, let me know regardless. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it! This has not been based on any form of spoilers pertaining the actual ending whatsoever.  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
  
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What Is To Be  
  
-First-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-08-13  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
One year later.  
  
¤  
  
It was dark where she was. It was pitch black and when she suddenly stumbled she drew a sharp breath in fear of falling without ever stopping, afraid of being swallowed by the night. She was lost, though she knew she had headed out in search of something. If she could only find it...  
  
She stopped and listened as she thought she had heard a noise behind her.  
  
There was only silence.  
  
What was this place?  
  
It smelled of earth and rock and age.  
  
She carefully reached out a hand and soon it touched the rough surface of a stone wall.  
  
A cavern.  
  
Yes, she could smell water. Not much further.  
  
She steadied herself and began to move forward again, listening to the rhythmic thumping of her pulse in her ears and the slight scratch of her feet as she placed them tentatively on the ground with each new step.  
  
The suddenness of light stinging her eyes made her freeze and raise one hand to shield her face from the unfamiliarity of it as her sight quickly adjusted. She squinted, lowering her arm again as she stared at the well in the cavern floor before her. The water in it glittered invitingly and she realized how incredibly thirsty she was.  
  
She must have been walking for hours.  
  
The light came from below the still surface and as she approached it a ray shot up and gently graced the ceiling. She furrowed her brow as she tilted her head back and looked at the spot on which it now rested. There was an "A" carved into the stone and around it glowed a white ring. It was as though the light imbedded itself into the carving of the latter, circling within its dents and crannies and making it shimmer.  
  
She sunk to her knees, her eyes once more going to the water and her throat drying up even further at the thought of letting the liquid slide over her tongue. Bending forward she plunged her hands deep beneath the surface, letting the coolness of the water envelope her fingers before she cupped her palms and brought both of them as a bowl to her lips.  
  
She drank greedily but deeply, her eyes closed and her mind filling with growing dizziness.  
  
She didn't know where the sudden urge came from, but it overpowered her completely and before she had a chance to truly react she had thrown the last of the liquid away from her with a yell of disgust and as she opened her eyes they grew wide with that very emotion.  
  
The well was glimmering red as the blood it now contained rippled from her movement. The coppery taste stuck to every single cell of her mouth and she stared in abhorrer as she scrambled backwards.  
  
The light had been extinguished, but an eerie residue seemed to linger against the walls and she could still see her surroundings as she got to her feet.  
  
She blinked and then raised her gaze to the ceiling again.  
  
The "A" was smudged in a very strange way and the ring had turned black.  
  
Suddenly the surface of the blood gave way for something. The darkened shape of something now bopped calmly on it and she eyed it in suspicion before it hit her. She recognized it and it wasn't a something at all - it was a someone.  
  
She was by the edge in the next instant, reaching out her arms and grabbing the shoulder which was all that was really showing. Pulling the body forcefully to her and dragging it up, the legs still in the thick liquid as she rolled it over and stared down at the pale face of someone gone forever.  
  
But he was there...  
  
Oh, God, let him be okay. Let him live.  
  
She was trembling as she bent over him and let her hands gently stroke his cheeks, his brow, his hair.  
  
Open your eyes. Look at me. Spike...  
  
He coughed and stirred slightly before he did as she pleaded and eased his eyes open. They looked at her in wonderment, disoriented for a second before he smiled and reached up one hand to slide it over her cheek.  
  
"Buffy," he whispered and she returned the smile as the tears that had been building ran over.  
  
Suddenly he was lifted into the air and she was thrown away from him with such force that she lost her breath when she hit the ground.  
  
"It is upon us," he said and she heard the sound of her own scream as he burst into flames.  
  
***  
  
The backdrop of the high French window before which she stood illuminated her petite form and made her seem unearthly. Her head slightly bowed as if in prayer, though her eyes were open. Staring down at the street below - unseeing. Had someone walked by the doorway and thrown her a glance they might have thought them vacant, but if they stopped, if they stood there for a while and watched her they would see how her gaze suddenly flashed with something close to anguish.  
  
Willow had been studying her for nearly fifteen minutes, standing in the doorway of the large drawing room and as always feeling unsettled that her friend's resource of immense instinct seemed to fail her whenever she detoured into the state she was in right then. There had been no sign whatsoever that Buffy knew she was being observed.  
  
The Wicca worried about the Slayer, but the former had given up trying to talk to the blonde about anything related with the town in which they had shared so many milestones of their still young lives. Buffy simply smiled and shook her head that it was their past, and that they shouldn't dwell. Sunnydale was gone.  
  
Willow knew what that meant, and what was really gone. But she caved in as she could always see the daunting pain somewhere behind the light in the green of the other's eyes. She couldn't push something that might ultimately do more harm than good, and so she chose to let it all lie...  
  
Still, she had come there with a purpose and so she silently entered the room, approaching her friend to stop right by her side.  
  
"Buffy," she said, voice soft as she placed a hand on the other's shoulder. "Buffy," she repeated and the blonde blinked before she turned her head lazily to meet the redhead's gaze.  
  
"Willow?" she asked and Willow smiled at that.  
  
Where do you go? she wanted to ask. To what place does that state take you that is so hard to get away from?  
  
But she held her tongue stubbornly and instead she said:  
  
"I've been looking for you. Dawn's here."  
  
At these news Buffy seemed to be brought in full back to reality and she gave Willow a surprised look before she asked:  
  
"She's here? When did she get here?"  
  
"Half an hour ago," Willow replied. "I..."  
  
"Half an hour ago?!" Buffy interrupted. "It couldn't possibly have taken you that long to find me, this house isn't THAT big! I thought I asked you to get me straight away, Will."  
  
"You did, I just..." Willow tried, but Buffy merely gave her another skeptical look before walking passed her and heading out of the room. "...didn't know if I should disturb you," the redhead finished quietly, pausing for a second before she slowly followed in the other's wake.  
  
***  
  
Two hours later Buffy smiled brightly at her sister and the younger returned it before going back to the book she was reading with great interest. The reunite had been a happy one and now Buffy had an air of calm and joy about her that had been missing for a long time.  
  
"Anything good?" the blonde inquired and Dawn nodded intently, this time not letting the page go with her eyes.  
  
Buffy kept the smile on and continued through the large living room, out onto the terrace of the Victorian inspired building which was the home of Giles and consequently also the current home of Dawn, when the younger Summers sister was out of school.  
  
It had been Buffy's own idea since she wanted her sister to finish her education as well as have a spot on the Earth that could serve as some sort of haven, a point of safety. Buffy, on the other hand, had given up the thought of roots and she had let the wind carry her wherever it wanted for the duration of eight-and-a-half months.  
  
It had been hard to be away from Dawn, but since her sister had told her understanding of the Slayer's need to keep moving she hadn't been able to relinquish the need and thus she had traveled. She had seen the world... And in every city she had subconsciously looked for marks left behind by the hands of history as it wrote the tale of the Scourge. She had wondered, walking the streets, if she in that moment was putting her feet at the same spot as him... Had he seen that mountain? Had he gone swimming in that lake? Had he chosen the road she was choosing?  
  
Every step of the way he had somehow, everyhow, been there with her. She hadn't been fully aware of it, not at first... But as the weeks grew into months she came to sense him in a way that was close to eerie.  
  
In the back of her head was a constant whisper that she refused to acknowledge because if she did she was sure to lose her mind, one way or another.  
  
It said that if she merely waited she would see him again. That he wasn't lost to her, not completely.  
  
Last summer had gone by in stillness. She had enjoyed the fact that she no longer had to shoulder the cape of the slayer alone, that she could finally raise her head and actually see a horizon approaching, bringing her a fresh start. A life in the human realm where she could pretend, for a brief few hours a day when she went shopping or for coffee or for a simple walk, that she was your typical twenty-three year old woman.  
  
She wouldn't label this everyday "normal" because it was such a fluty word. What was normal to her was a world where the creatures of the underworld figuring in comics and horror movies and series on TV were as much part of reality as birthday parties and being stuck in traffic and sleeping late Sunday morning.  
  
However, the fact that she no longer had to deal with the demon part of society as a duty made her life that much easier. She still went fist-to- face if she needed to. Sometimes a late-night patrol worked as pure therapy for her strained nerves and it was good to blow off some steam. Just because she didn't HAVE to stand as the single slayer of the world anymore didn't mean that the slayer side of her had gone dormant. It was still very much alive within her and she treasured it more now, because it had made her journeys simpler. She never had to fret over her own safety; she could go wherever she felt like going.  
  
It was in large part that side of her that one day had given her the tingle back, though. That undeniable sense of him. There was an enormous difference to it though, one that she couldn't quite put her finger on, and one that she hadn't tried to make out properly since she had discarded the feeling after that first day.  
  
The hope that lived in her heart was too hurtful already. To kindle it would be burning a whole straight through her chest and she couldn't permit herself to for even a second consider what it could mean.  
  
Being in England at the moment that the feeling of him hit her with full force hadn't helped the matter as she began to see the shadow of her bleached blonde on every street corner. She saw his reflection in the mirror as she brushed her hair, which seemed utterly ridiculous as he had never had a reflection for as long as she had known him. She felt his body next to her as she was about to fall asleep, his arms around her, his nose nestling against the nape of her neck. And the missing of him grew into a longing she could not bare.  
  
She had to leave. She had to occupy her thoughts with something other than him. And so she went out to discover what she had thought for so long she would never get to experience. A planet that held wonders so beautiful she hadn't even grasped their concepts before actually being able to see them with her own two eyes.  
  
Two months ago she had begun to dream a dream so haunting that it eventually drove her back to England. She had been back two weeks and in that time she had discussed the contents of the dream with Giles, who was rather puzzled as to its meaning as well.  
  
She had dreamt it again the night prior, but this time there had been a new attribute to its already elusive contents. She had never seen the "A" smudged or the ring around it turned black before. And Spike... He had never spoken before.  
  
Now she put the tray she had been carrying down on the glass table by which Giles sat. The terrace was bathed in soft light, sifting through the leaves of three tall oaks standing on guard out in the yard. The shade was nice as it was an unusually hot day and Buffy poured herself some of the lemonade contained on the tray before taking a seat opposite her Watcher.  
  
"Everything okay?" he asked after a short while of silence and she smiled again, nodding.  
  
"Now that Dawn's finally here," she said and he smiled back before closing the book he had been reading and taking to eyeing her for a few moments, then he said:  
  
"I appreciate that you want to be strong for everybody. I have always admired that quality in you, and you know that. But perhaps the time has come, now that you're back, to speak of what is on your mind."  
  
"What do you mean?" she asked, her smile growing slightly stale as she took a sip of the sweet liquid and Giles hesitated, then answered:  
  
"I can tell you're still grieving, and you are in full right. But perhaps by talking about him... it might ease..."  
  
"Stop," she cut him off, clenching her jaws together and the smile being nowhere to be seen as she stood. "Please. Just stop."  
  
She put her glass down on the table before she turned and walked back inside.  
  
"Buffy," Willow said, making the other turn back around just a few steps through the door and Buffy shook her head.  
  
"I don't think there's anything to say," she said at the rather pleading look on her friend's face. "He died. Everybody does."  
  
"And I think there's a lot more to say than that," Willow stated. "You can't just shrug your shoulders and act like you're okay. Giles is right, you need to talk about this. If you don't process your loss, then..."  
  
"Like you did with Tara?" Buffy bit off, looking regretful at once and reaching out a hand to take the other's in a tight grip. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it to sound so harsh."  
  
"I know," Willow assured, still looking rather pale.  
  
"I don't need advice on how to deal with death," Buffy said. "I've had my share."  
  
"I know that too, but..."  
  
"Please," Buffy shook her head. "Please, let it go. I can't..." Her voice broke and she released Willow's hand before she turned and hurried out of the room.  
  
Fighting the tears she quickly ascended the stairs and went straight to her room, opening the door and walking through it before she slammed it shut and began to pace. Clutching and un-clutching her hands, gritting her teeth and still having her eyes fill with tears.  
  
There was a gentle knock on the door and she turned to the doorway since the door was still standing open wide. Dawn looked at her empathically and Buffy smiled tryingly, though her lips were trembling from the effort of holding back the sobs and her throat was beginning to ache.  
  
"A letter just came for you," Dawn said, entering the room and Buffy raised her eyebrows as she swallowed hard and the tears were forgotten for the envelope her sister reached out to her.  
  
Buffy was grateful to the younger in that moment, not only for the distraction - but for knowing when to push and when to simply stay quiet.  
  
The Slayer took the letter and looked at the sprawled letters forming her name and current address at the front of the envelope.  
  
"Angel," she said before turning it over and quickly opening it.  
  
Bringing three folded sheets out of it she unfolded them and walked over to the picture window to sit in the armchair standing there. Dawn waited for a few seconds before coming to the decision to leave the older alone, walking back downstairs.  
  
Buffy began to read and the further she got the more disconcerted she was.  
  
Dawn and Willow looked up from the cards they were playing when the Slayer half an hour later walked into the living room. She stopped before them with a look on her face they hadn't seen in a very long time - clear determination.  
  
"I have to go to Los Angeles," she stated. 


	2. Second

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What Is To Be  
  
-Second-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-08  
  
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She dropped the duffle bag at her feet and then slowly turned her head to have a look around the large foyer of the Hyperion Hotel. It was warm and welcoming. She had only been there twice before - once a few of years back, and a second time right before she left America for England - and at both those times she could conclude why Angel would have chosen it. At the thought of seeing him she felt a flutter somewhere near her heart and a small smile graced her lips. It had been so long.  
  
"Buffy?" a female voice asked as the woman it belonged to descended a set of stairs to the Slayer's right and Buffy turned her head to her with a questioning expression.  
  
The young lady had a remarkable face, filled with a beauty which seemed quiet and natural in spite of how evident it was. Framed by a silky mane of chestnut locks her face was the picture of innocence. Her movements were filled with grace as she took the last step and came to face Buffy. The latter had never seen her before, but she knew instantly who it had to be. Angel was good at writing letters that way - he never left out any good parts, but chose those parts with skill; knowing what would interest her, and what would not.  
  
"You must be Susannah," she said, wondering why the other was eyeing her with something close to irritation right before the look vanished and a perfect smile took its place.  
  
"I think we already established I know who you are," she then said jokingly, reaching out a hand and Buffy returned the smile, about to shake the hand when a voice she actually did recognize exclaimed:  
  
"Buffy?!" and she turned her head to the bottom of the stairs, having her smile widen slightly before she said:  
  
"Hey, Cordy."  
  
The brunette climbed the stairs and embraced her old friend. Buffy hugged her back.  
  
"I can't believe it!" Cordelia stated as they pulled apart. "Literally! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Well, I received this," Buffy replied, pulling out a manila envelope from a pocket in the duffle bag and straightening her back, holding the confinement of Angel's letter as well as the lengthy yet rather hurried description he had sent her of what they had all been dealing with for the past few months.  
  
Cordelia nodded.  
  
"Of course... We just didn't expect you so soon," she tried to explain and Buffy smiled a little.  
  
"Right, the manifest of impending doom with just enough lack of good detail to make me actually curious wouldn't be sufficient in making me jump on the first plane available," she stated sarcastically. "Please," she added and Cordelia had to smile as well.  
  
Buffy noticed a very fine thread of tension hanging in the air and she wasn't sure from where it originated - Susannah, or Cordelia. She wasn't even clear on what to make of it, why it was there. What had she done apart from walking through the door! Gees, this was turning out to be the perfect beginning of a great stay.  
  
The silence was growing stale and Cordelia seemed just about to part her lips and break it when the sound of a door opening somewhere behind her made her turn her head that way; Buffy moving her gaze to the spot as well just as a man walked into the large room to join the threesome. He smiled as he met Cordy's eyes with his own, but at the rather meaningful expression on her face he furrowed his brow slightly before he moved his gaze to the young blonde standing to the right of the brunette.  
  
As both ladies were situated at the top of the stairs leading from the entrance of his work place and home - directly into both - he had to tilt his head slightly back.  
  
His eyes grew. Then his smile broadened.  
  
"Buffy," he said and she swallowed, then returned his smile as she nodded.  
  
"Seems that's the way you guys wanna greet me," she murmured, feeling oddly out of place as she looked down at him. Then she added: "It sounds more or less like 'Slayer'... It's been a while since I heard that."  
  
He looked apologetic.  
  
"I didn't mean it to," he assured and she smiled again, this time with more feeling.  
  
"'Course," she said, getting herself moving and slowly walking down the steps to face him on the floor of the foyer. "But I still believe this," she added, holding up the large envelope again before finishing: "was a call for HER to come."  
  
"Yes," Angel admitted. "I need you to dress up as the Slayer just this one last time... I..."  
  
"I know," she interrupted. "I read everything you sent me. I know. You don't have to explain. Where do we start?"  
  
***  
  
"So," Cordelia said as she showed Buffy up the stairs to find her a room to stay in, "I think you'll be comfortable here," she added, looking hesitantly at her former semi-friend as they stepped into the hallway of the second floor and started down it.  
  
"I'm sure I will be," Buffy nodded.  
  
"Angel's told me about... You know. How you've traveled and... everything," Cordelia stated, still rather tryingly before she stopped in front of a door and turned the knob, pushing it open.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "Soul searcher and globe trotter extraordinaire - that's me," she added with a small smile and Cordy returned it, walking into the room and having Buffy follow.  
  
"So everybody's all right?" the dark haired asked, turning to the petite blonde as the latter put her duffle bag down on the bed and had a look around.  
  
"Yeah," she then replied. "Everybody's just great."  
  
"I heard what happened to Xander. His eye..." Cordelia said and Buffy smirked slightly as she turned her head to her. "I hope he's moved passed it," the former stated and Buffy smiled.  
  
"He's doing good," she then replied.  
  
"Is Dawn still studying?" Cordelia wondered and Buffy's smile grew as she nodded.  
  
"Angel's really filled you in," she commented and Cordelia smiled back with a shrug.  
  
"I can't say I wasn't a little bit curious," she admitted, then raised her eyebrows in wait for the answer to her previous question.  
  
"I'd say Dawnie loves school almost as much as she's enjoying England... Which is good," Buffy answered.  
  
"Why didn't you stay there?" Cordelia asked and Buffy had a shadow draw over her face before she looked away. "I mean - to be close to Willow and Dawn... and Giles," the former added.  
  
Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and turned to walk up to the single window of the room.  
  
"I needed to get out there, see all the places I've saved," she then answered.  
  
Cordelia watched her in silence for a few moments before she said:  
  
"You deserved to. See them, I mean."  
  
Buffy turned her head to her and smiled rather gratefully.  
  
"Thanks," she replied.  
  
"Well, I'll leave you to it," Cordelia said, turning and walking back up to the door. Hesitating in the doorway she said: "It's good to see you."  
  
Buffy smiled again, then nodded.  
  
"And you," she agreed. "I'm glad you decided to wake up."  
  
Cordelia's smile broadened just a tad at that and then she nodded.  
  
"He told you about that, huh?" she asked.  
  
"He told me about pretty much everything that's been going on around here," Buffy replied and Cordelia struggled to keep her smile bright as she nodded for a second time.  
  
"I'll come up and get you when it's time to rally the troops, okay? Get some rest," she said.  
  
"Thanks," Buffy said, watching the other leave the room and then turning to the bed.  
  
It looked alluring enough, but on top of it was something else that beckoned her attention and she grumbled as she walked up and unzipped the duffle bag, starting to unload its contents.  
  
***  
  
Twenty minutes later there was a soft knock on the door and Buffy put the last of her sweaters on their shelf in the borrowed closet before she closed the door to it and invited whoever to come in. The door of the room slid open and Susannah poked her head inside.  
  
"Hi," she said. "Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt your..."  
  
"Fascinating and fun-filled unpacking?" Buffy asked with a smirk. "Don't worry, I've seen all of it before, doesn't make for a very captivating pastime."  
  
Susannah smiled at that, stepping into the room and sliding the door shut with a soft click before she had a look around.  
  
"It's funny," she said. "When I first came here I thought every room looked the same. It was just another hotel... except it's more or less out of the 'Shining', the way it's in huge need of a good crew of handymen and all," she added and Buffy laughed, nodding her agreement. "Well," Susannah continued. "After a few days I started to notice little things and after a few weeks it grew into something more than a building. It's home... and the people in it are the closest friends I have..."  
  
Buffy looked at her with an understanding façade, which completely hid the confusion she felt as to where the topic was headed.  
  
"I didn't come here to mess with familiarity," she then stated as the other was growing hesitant in her speech. "I didn't come to stay, just to help. When I'm done, I'm leaving. And besides, what's to say I'm not a possible friend?"  
  
Susannah stared at her, and then she smiled a very small smile before she nodded.  
  
"Right. You're right! I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound so... I mean, I'm happy you're here. Angel speaks of you like you're the hero we need to make this equation work, and so does... Cordelia," she assured, pausing again and Buffy had another strange feeling of being watched in anticipation of some sort of reaction.  
  
Or perhaps it wasn't anticipation, perhaps it was just regular wait. What did this girl expect from her? That she'd oh-and-ah over the fact that she was needed to save the world? That she'd actually be shocked that Angel and Cordy thought she was the woman for the job. Well, okay, the Cordy- believing-in-her-so-openly part should have come as a shock, but it didn't. It had been a long time since she thought she actually knew what made Cordelia work. Now, after everything both of them had been through Buffy was only sure of one thing - they had grown up a lot.  
  
Susannah, though. There was a mystery.  
  
The little Angel had told Buffy of her she had stumbled into the Hyperion one late night, covered in blood and murmuring something about a bottle having to be found.  
  
Now, that was an entrance if Buffy had ever heard of one.  
  
The blood had later been determined to belong to a Jade demon, which the mortal had killed with her own hands as the demon had attacked her. Buffy had been skeptical to this particular part of the story since it sounded absolutely absurd. The Jade had a ruthlessness to them that made them hard to destroy even with the strength of a Slayer, and the thought of a mere human performing this task seemed utterly incredible.  
  
Angel had, however, vouched for the truth of it as there had been witnesses so shaken up by the event that they had barely wanted to spill any information at all. It had finally been confirmed, though - Susannah had used nothing but her own hands and feet, a steel wire and the pure adrenaline that had to have been pumping through her veins in that moment, and she had come out standing.  
  
Bruised, yes, but barely scratched otherwise.  
  
She had no family, orphaned since the age ten, and when Angel offered her a permanent place of stay and - should she choose it - employment she had pounced on the offer immediately. She had lived at the hotel for nearly six months and, as far as Buffy knew, she had no plans of leaving.  
  
Buffy still couldn't tell what she thought of the other woman. She wanted to like her, but for some reason... It was as though there was a slight air of hostility coming off the other which the Slayer couldn't place. A part of the tension earlier had most definitely been provided by this girl. The question was: why?  
  
"I'd never do anything to hurt anyone under this roof," Buffy stated as she came out of her musings and Susannah smiled dismissively.  
  
"I didn't think that," she stated.  
  
"Yeah, you did," Buffy disagreed and the other's gaze wavered before it met hers firmly. "I don't blame you," Buffy continued. "I've had a bumpy past with some of the people here, and I'm the first to admit it." Susannah's eyes grew unnoticeably, then she seemed to relax again, listening to the Slayer finishing with: "I just want you to know that no matter what, they're my friends first as well."  
  
"I know," Susannah said, giving Buffy another smile and walking up to the door, opening it she stopped herself on her way out and looked back at the other. "The reason I'm a bit on the edge these days is just that I've heard so many stories from the others... about what's gone down whenever there's been trouble brewing. I just don't want anyone to have to be sacrificed this time."  
  
Buffy stared at the door as Susannah disappeared through it and then closed it with another careful click. The sound of that click seemed to echo through the room for an eternity and finally Buffy closed her eyes.  
  
The numbing ache within her, caused by the memories Susannah's words had stirred, was making it difficult to breathe.  
  
In one week, Buffy thought.  
  
In one week it would be one year since everything changed; since everything was given to her and yet everything was taken away.  
  
In one week it would be one year since she watched the sun rise over the heap of rubble which was all that was left of her home town.  
  
In one week it would be one year since she had to make yet another sacrifice in the name of the world.  
  
No, she corrected herself, sinking down on the edge of the bed. I didn't really make that sacrifice, did I?  
  
But the loss had been hers to reap. And sometimes it felt as though it had been hers alone. Sometimes she wished she had stayed, just refused to leave and stayed with him...  
  
Sometimes.  
  
***  
  
Angel looked up when Cordelia rejoined him downstairs in his office. She seemed weary of something and he raised his eyebrows slightly, in question. She sighed, stopping before him and then shaking her head.  
  
"I can't believe that in all this time he didn't let you tell her," she said and he straightened his back.  
  
"Look, I couldn't tell him what to do, okay? He didn't want me to, I had to respect that," he replied.  
  
"But now... she's gonna have the shock of her life," Cordelia pointed out and Angel looked away from her before he came around his desk and leaned against it.  
  
"So is he," he stated and her eyes widened.  
  
"You couldn't get a hold of him?" she asked and he shook his head.  
  
"He's not answering his cell."  
  
"It's that stupid library! Reception is at zero one step through the doors and... I'm going there," she interrupted herself, about to turn and make good on her statement when his hand grabbed her arm and gently stopped her.  
  
"I know you care about him, Cor," he said. "But let him finish his research. We all need him to, and if he finds out that Buffy's here... You and I both know what sort of distraction it'll be for him to see her again."  
  
"I just... don't think it's fair," she grumbled, looking up at him and he smiled a little, letting his hand loosen its grip and then slide down her arm carefully before he stepped away from her.  
  
Cordelia drew a small breath as she observed his back when he began to look through some of the files he had been working on before she entered the room.  
  
"Angel... You do realize what this means, don't you?" she asked carefully and his hands slowed their movements before he turned his head to her again.  
  
"Yeah," he then answered.  
  
"The prophecy..."  
  
"Cordelia," he interrupted. "I said 'yeah'. Now, I'm not gonna let a book dictate the future for me, neither should you."  
  
"But..." she tried, only he gave her a look which cut her off and she sighed.  
  
"Prophecies tend to get screwed up, especially when you know about them. My God, haven't you learned anything over these years?" he wondered and getting the smile he had been looking for from her he smiled back, reassuringly. "Buffy's here," he said. "It'll be all right now."  
  
"I still wanna go to the library," she muttered and his smile widened.  
  
"They say there's a first time for everything," he then quipped and she gave him a dark look before she laughed.  
  
He looked at her for a moment, his eyes sparkling good humor before he stripped it off and replaced it with a stern expression that she knew all too well.  
  
"All right, fine," she sighed. "I hereby solemnly swear that I won't go to the place where the books live."  
  
"These are the last few hours he has left to study those books in peace, Cor," Angel replied to her mock and she crossed her arms over her chest, disliking but defeated. "And it's safe to say it's also the last few hours of peace WE have left," he added and she smirked at that.  
  
"Coward," she taunted and he smiled back, not responding to the slander as he merely turned his eyes on the papers again.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey, y'all! Thanks a lot for the feedback! Very nice!  
  
Okay, so I admit that I'm at a loss here. I have only a slight clue as to what happened on Angel during its season four and now, this season, I have no idea. I wanted to write this as a story line of its own anyways so I hope you won't flame me if it doesn't coincide with the show all the way. I just want to be able to develop it and since Angel has such a deliberate line in the story I'm spinning it off a little bit. Just a few short questions to anyone who would fancy answering them, okay?  
  
*How many eps have been aired of S5 of Angel (this season)?  
  
*Is James Marsters in the picture yet and how was he introduced if he is.  
  
*What members of the cast are still on the show?  
  
I know Cordelia has been in a coma and as you can see I effectively brought her out of it.  
  
*Did Gunn bite the dust yet? Maybe they decided he shouldn't...  
  
*What happened with the whole W&H setting them all up to work for them thing?  
  
Okay, so again, picture this being at the end of this season and so pretty much anything can have happened. And also, if the story lines totally deter from each other I hope, as with any piece of fiction, you are willing to overlook it.  
  
There, that's what I had to say and ask.  
  
Special thanks to skyz (hey!!!) :), Shan-suedluvsbitch (Good to see you again!) :), wolf116 (hey, you!) ;), demona (hello) :), Jessica (hi!) :), Ape18 (hey, been a while! :), Sue (hi, there!) :), Hannah (hello, hello!) :), darklover (wazzap?!) ;) and Captain (Very nice to see ya again!) :).  
  
Really hope you liked this part as well!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	3. Third

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Third-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-10  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"'As the year closes there will be a tremor felt in the earth and it will cause the clock to turn and four times four will open the eyes of that which is blind. And as it once again sees, all those in its sight shall be doomed forever to walk in its shadow and it shall reign in an era of terror and death. And the heavens will cry tears of blood and they shall rain down upon he who is damned and he shall drink them and they shall cleanse him for his final task. And only one other...'" Wesley stopped his reciting from the parchment in his hand, putting it down on the table and Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"'And only one other' what?" she asked.  
  
"That's the thing," Angel replied in the other man's stead. "The prophecy was allegedly torn in two pieces about three-hundred years ago. One piece being sent to France - that's the piece we have here; and the other being traded to China - that being the piece no one knows where it is," he added with a sigh.  
  
"And you have no idea what this thing is, that's supposed to be waking up?" she asked and he shook his head. "Okay... Well, then where did it come from? It had to be born from somewhere, right? If we can find the place of its origin, maybe we can find a way of stopping it."  
  
"The prophecy was made by a man known in the demon world as Alliande, it was written down over three-THOUSAND years ago... In English the word 'Alliande' stands for Teller or Foreseer," Wesley stated. "He is estimated to have documented over one hundred prophecies during his life, which wasn't a very long one. In human history he's regretfully unheard of. We have found no traces of him anywhere."  
  
"And since the demonic world is situated in estrangement with the mortal world there is no telling of where Alliande was when he foretold this, or where this blind monster is originating from," Fred cut in with a rather shy smile, though Buffy couldn't return it.  
  
These news were even worse than she had been expecting. They had reached a dead end without even beginning.  
  
"Okay, so in other words you don't know where it's supposed to take place, you don't know what Big Bad you're dealing with, you don't know who the text is referring to as 'the damned'..."  
  
"Well," Wesley cut in and she paused, waiting for him to elaborate; which he did, all be it hesitantly. "Given the contents of the text and that the parchment was at a very special place at Wolfram and Hart, as well as what you have told us of your dreams... It seems quite obvious that..."  
  
He trailed off and she began to feel a stir of discomfort at the nape of her neck right before Angel spoke up and confirmed her suspicion by saying:  
  
"It's clear that the prophecy refers to me. We found it among my files at Wolfram and Hart and I know that their analysts must've spent many good hours on it before they had it categorized."  
  
"You're not a 'category'," Buffy snapped and he blinked before his gaze softened.  
  
"All we know about what's up ahead is that we're supposed to be there for it, otherwise we wouldn't have been offered the prophecy in the first place," he said and she shook her head a little, glaring at her hands, which were holding each other in a tight grip on the table.  
  
"Couldn't they just make them illegal?" she muttered. "The knowing-too-much- of-the-future deal in this whole lifestyle we're living is just a major stress factor, you know?"  
  
She looked up and met his eyes with her own, and he smiled.  
  
"Yeah, I know," he then assured.  
  
"It's not the future yet," Cordelia cut in. "And we won't let it be. We're still searching the books on any sort of animal or demon fitting the description. We might still find something, there are a lotta books out there."  
  
"Don't get me wrong," Buffy said as she stood. "I respect a good book as much as the next person. But not all answers can be found in them."  
  
"Oh, we've combed the streets for information, too," Gunn stated. "And with a fine-toothed comb, at that; but none of our sources has given us anything worth knowing and after a few weeks of a whole lotta nothing we called it quits. Headed back to the library."  
  
"Perfect," Buffy grumbled, side-stepping her chair adding: "The research department was always my strong suit."  
  
Angel smiled at that, as did Cordelia, and Buffy returned their smiles wearily. She was tired. She had gotten nearly an hour's worth of sleep before, but it hadn't been enough. Jet-lag was taking it out on her big time and she felt exhausted. Looking at her wrist-watch she determined it was close to two o'clock in the morning back in good old England.  
  
"I know it's still early," she said, suppressing a yawn at the thought of her bed just up the stairs. "But I could definitely use a couple of hours more sleep in me if we're gonna go through all this 'til it makes sense. I hope you don't mind...?"  
  
"'Course not," Cordelia assured. "We'll order pizza in an hour-and-a-half or so and then I'll come up and wake you when it's delivered."  
  
"Okay," Buffy nodded, having a look around at the assembled group in the room and smiling as she added: "It's good to finally meet all of you. Too bad it's under these circumstances."  
  
Susannah held her gaze for a moment and was about to say something when Buffy saw Cordelia place a hand on the other's arm, obviously stopping her and Buffy furrowed her brow as she turned around and left the room.  
  
Something was going on! It was driving her crazy not knowing why everybody was looking at each other so meaningfully at times, and why there seemed to be words unsaid that refused to be spoken. Or wouldn't be permitted to be spoken, more like it.  
  
Getting upstairs and climbing into bed she pushed any further thought out of her head and sunk down against the soft pillow, easing her way into sleep and her last few hours of what even resembled peace.  
  
***  
  
Almost three hours later Buffy rose from her chair at the table in the small room where they earlier had held their conference. Now that table was littered with pizza boxes, half-eaten pizza slices on plates and crumpled up paper-towels. The people around it all looked rather drowsy and were having quiet conversations in two's or three's.  
  
Buffy left the room, walking through the foyer and not stopping until she reached the open door of Angel's office. She stepped through it and smiled as he looked up from the paper work he was doing.  
  
"A lot of that, huh?" she asked with a nod to the desk and he smirked.  
  
"Running a business, you know," he shrugged and she chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest as she entered the room.  
  
"Angel Investigations," she then said, as though tasting the two words. "I like the ring of it," she admitted and he smiled at that.  
  
"So do I," he nodded, getting to his feet and abandoning his project for coming around the desk and facing her. "Buffy... there's something I should tell you. I'm just not sure...how..."  
  
She looked quizzical and he braced himself, about to continue when the sound of the front door being thrown open and then steps down the stairs stopped him. What made Buffy's eyes fill with wonderment and slowly building shock was neither of these sounds, but that of a voice  
  
to her swallowed by fire  
  
that yelled:  
  
"Angel!"  
  
Her eyes were growing painfully wide as she stared at the namesake. He looked apologetic and hesitant.  
  
She didn't believe it.  
  
It was impossible.  
  
"I didn't find anything in that book of Venus that you suggested," the voice now said and she could hear his feet approaching, halting as hands ruffled through loose paper before the feet continued on their path and then the voice again: "But I DID find a diary that has belonged to Aphrodite and I'm telling you, that girl had some really twisted..." Buffy turned her head to the voice as the owner came to stopping short in the doorway. "...fantasies," he then filled in; staring at the last person he ever would have expected to see.  
  
She stared back. Stared at his face, at the form of him that was beginning to blur and yet kept its persistency in being there with all its familiarity, stared at his mouth, his left eyebrow - which was missing its trademark scar... stared into his eyes.  
  
It was a wave of pain and memories and happiness and memories and weakness and memories and memories and memories that came crashing over her as she took in the blue jeans he was in, the blue sweater... the casual manner of how he was there, when he shouldn't be. He couldn't be. How could he be there?  
  
The image of him burning stung her eyes and she closed them, shaking her head slowly and taking a steadying breath. This wasn't real. She was hallucinating again.  
  
Stop, Buffy... Stop, she told herself, knowing that the hurt from having to make him disappear again would as always be great; but that it in the end was better than having him and yet never not.  
  
Only, when she opened her eyes again he was still there, taking her in with seemingly as much shock as she was him.  
  
And then a new emotion began to fill her with gray and hard stone that weighed out everything else and she turned a hardened gaze at Angel as she asked:  
  
"What is this - some kind of a sick joke?"  
  
He shook his head with a deeply regretful look on his face which did absolutely nothing to ease the heaviness of the lump inside of her. She would have hit him, if she had felt she had the energy for such an outburst; but her rage was simmering, laced with confusion, and simply not yet reaching the boiling point which would make it impossible to contain.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
Oh, God... was all she could think as she turned her head sharply to look back at the other man, who had just said her name.  
  
His voice... His voice saying her name like that... It was too much, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't stand up. She couldn't be in there, in that room, cornered by a vampire and a ghost. Her head was spinning and she felt as though she had just been slapped in the face by that simple word. One that should be the most well-known word in all the world to her.  
  
Perhaps that was the problem. She had heard that voice whisper that word so many times in her dreams that...  
  
Oh, God.  
  
She put her hands up as some sort of shield, as some sort of sign for both of them to not say anything, to not do anything to try and prevent her as she took the steps up to the door and without looking at the one blocking her way she slipped out to his left and then proceeded across the foyer and up the stairs.  
  
"That went well," Angel sighed and Spike stared at him with such a lack of words that he felt as though he had lost his tongue in the literal sense.  
  
And then they hit him.  
  
"What the bleeding hell?!" he exclaimed and Angel looked up, his exterior calm as he faced the anticipated storm. "What is she doing here?" Spike added.  
  
"I sent for her," Angel replied simply.  
  
"You 'sent' for her?" Spike asked, disbelieving.  
  
"I sent her a letter," Angel stated and Spike's eyebrows rose.  
  
"A letter?"  
  
"Yes, you remember those - the tool of communication so popular back in the day," Angel answered dryly.  
  
"You can mock me all you bloody want..." Spike began, Angel cutting him off with a brief smile which made the already burning insides of the other grow one degree hotter.  
  
"It's funny," the dark-haired said, "how you slip so easily into that old accent whenever you get angry."  
  
"Well, how many MORTALS don't bloody curse when they're pissed off?" Spike shot, aggravated.  
  
"Fine," Angel nodded. "You deal with it anyway you wish."  
  
"'DEAL with IT anyway I WISH'?!" Spike mimicked, staring at the other.  
  
"Yes, she's here to help."  
  
"To 'help'."  
  
"You know, this whole showing how shocked you are by repeating everything I say is all good - but we don't seem to be getting anywhere," Angel remarked.  
  
"I'll show you 'getting somewhere'!" Spike growled, stalking up to the other and doing what Buffy had not as he hit him hard over the chin.  
  
As Angel turned his head back to the bleached blonde the latter grabbed the hand which had just performed the task with a slight grimace of pain on his face and the vampire smiled again.  
  
"William, William," he then said in a rather patient tone, adding: "Still finding it so hard to remember you're human?"  
  
Spike met his eyes with one growing venomous before he got out between clenched jaws:  
  
"She shouldn't 've found out like that. You should've bloody told me she was coming!"  
  
"I didn't know 'til she arrived," Angel defended. "I'm sorry," he added. "Truly. I didn't want her to find out like that either... but I knew she wouldn't believe me if I just told her."  
  
"Had to be the regular gentleman then, eh, Angie?" Spike asked with a huff. "Had to wait 'til the right moment? Bloody lotta good it did you. Or her."  
  
He turned, shaking his head and then left the room the same way his Slayer had just a few minutes earlier. As he crossed the foyer he avoided the stairs and headed for the large glass doors leading out into the small yard and un-kept garden. All he could think was: she was there.  
  
She was there.  
  
He could hardly believe it was true, that she was just a staircase and a closed door away from him. It felt surreal, his mind couldn't process it. It felt like forever since he had seen her last... But it really wasn't. It was just a few piled up moments of tension ago. When she stared at him in a way he had trouble processing... He didn't know what he had seen in her eyes.  
  
But somehow it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered now but the need to tell her everything...  
  
And... she was there.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Awesome that you're liking it so far! Thanks a lot for sending me a shout out, it is very appreciated!  
  
Special thanks to those who answered my questions at the end of the last chapter! It was very helpful! I couldn't find a date on the WB site for when the first episode was going to air of S5 and so I just thought it best to proceed as though it already have, I'm very glad that it hasn't yet, actually. :)  
  
Warm thanks to maribel, Pin1, msu (for both!), skybound, wolf116, Rachel9, Shan, skyz, demona, kathypg, Captain and Fifi!  
  
It's more than great reading all your wonderful comments! I love it that this is something you can agree with 'cause I'm so frigging worried about what Joss has got planned for us. Or rather, for Spike and Angel and Buffy... IF SMG decides she has the time and want to actually finish the whole thing! Okay, so enough of that. You gave me really great information, but again, I just might go my very own way with this depending on what fits the story-line I have in mind for myself! Oh, speaking of which, Susannah is my own character, yeah. ;)  
  
Okay, really hope you liked this chapter as well and if anything was... unclear, don't hesitate to ask me about it.  
  
*hugs all* :)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	4. Fourth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Fourth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-11  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
She was pacing and she couldn't stop. Emotions that she had been ignoring or refusing to feel too strongly or forced deep, deep down within her were all rising to the surface. Whatever it was that had just happened, she had NOT seen him standing before her, he had NOT been real.  
  
And yet, as she had slipped out through that doorway... her arm had brushed against his and...  
  
Oh, good God.  
  
She felt like praying for strength, she truly did, because she felt about ready to snap. There was an ache of tension over her shoulders and up her neck, there was something strained residing in the middle of her throat and she couldn't focus her thoughts - they just kept raging through her head as they pleased.  
  
With Spike. Spike. And more of Spike.  
  
Times when she had wanted to kill him, when she truly had wanted to kill him. Times of absolute tenderness that she simply hadn't seen as they happened. Times of pleasure and pain in a strange combination that seemed to have been the essence of their relationship as they pushed and pulled each other either that way or another. Times of need and want and letting go and picking the thread back up and then clipping it in the middle leaving only two ends of a nothing that she hadn't been expecting. Times of hate. Times of friendship. Times of...  
  
"Are you upset?" Angel's voice interrupted her and she swirled around toward the doorway, glaring at him as the overcoming feeling immediately became fury with his deceit, with how he was so controlled while she was completely falling apart.  
  
He entered the room rather hesitantly, burying his hands in his pockets as he stopped a few feet away from her.  
  
"Who IS that?" she demanded. "Or WHAT is it?!"  
  
Angel observed her in silence for another few seconds, and then he replied:  
  
"He was brought back, Buffy."  
  
"I don't know whether to laugh or cry," she murmured, crossing her arms over her chest and suddenly becoming overwhelmed with a need to do the latter. Something miserable was mixing with the remaining rubble of stone inside, something infinitely sad. Despite this her voice carried the trace of sarcasm she had intended for the sentence, and she huffed to underline it. "Or scream at you," she filled in. "Or... It can't be true," she then said, turning from him and slowly walking up to the window.  
  
She stopped by it and gazed down at the excuse for a garden it overlooked, and there was a twitch in the fragile seam holding her heart in one piece as she rested her gaze on the back of the one who made it break in the first place.  
  
"It can't be Spike down there," she added to her previous sentence as she put a hand up and gently moved the curtain slightly to the side, giving herself a better view.  
  
"William," Angel said and she blinked, letting the curtain fall back in place as she turned back to him with a questioning expression on her face. "We don't call him 'Spike' anymore," he elaborated and she stared at him for a moment before she shook her head at him.  
  
"This is way too much for me to deal with right now," she stated, then her eyes grew slightly as something hit her and she added: "Was THIS why you wanted me to come to L.A.?"  
  
"No," he answered firmly. "We have a very serious situation on our hands here and I needed your expert opinion on..."  
  
"Enough," she cut him off. "Fine. So then - how long?" she asked, taking a step forward as her eyes grew rather cold. "How long have you been lying to me? How long has he been 'back'?"  
  
"Alive," Angel filled in and Buffy cocked an eyebrow. "Buffy," he said, wiping the look off her face as he finished: "Spike's human."  
  
It was as though she turned into a photograph before his eyes as she kept her gaze in his without blinking, without moving one single muscle. She stared at him for so long that the moment was growing surreal before she suddenly broke eye contact and turned back to the window with one single word.  
  
"No."  
  
Angel watched her, then couldn't simply hold his tongue.  
  
"Yes," he said and she didn't look at him as she once more brought the curtain to the side and looked down at the man below.  
  
"No," she persisted. "I'd have known! I'd have..." she trailed off, tears welling up in her eyes and she closed them as she finished her sentence with a silent: "...felt it."  
  
"Buffy," Angel said gently.  
  
"You have no idea..." she mumbled, opening her eyes and again resting them on the well-known, strong and beloved form beneath the window. "You have no idea what I've been through. Wondering what would've happened if things had been different... Wishing - praying - for just another day, or hour, or minute with him."  
  
"You never mentioned it," Angel remarked. "You never spoke of him once in all your letters."  
  
She turned to him, cheeks stained with salt and her eyes filled with a very real and raw pain.  
  
"Because I was TRYING to move on! Because everything already...!" She trailed off, shaking her head. "I can't do this! I can't be all right with this! How the hell could you NOT tell me?!"  
  
"He wouldn't let me," Angel answered evenly. "I couldn't go against his wishes, Buffy."  
  
"You couldn't? Go against his wishes? And so I've spent the passed year...?!"  
  
Once again she cut the sentence short as she dried her cheeks with agitated movements and started up her pacing again.  
  
"Buffy, please," he tried to calm her, but she merely shook her head for a second time.  
  
"No... No, Angel. I don't know how to... I can't even begin to... I mean, where do I start?!"  
  
Angel stepped up to her and took a careful hold on her upper arms, stopping her movements and making her look into his eyes as he answered her question soothingly, saying:  
  
"You start by talking with him."  
  
Her expression softened slightly as her gaze grew frail.  
  
"I don't know if I can face him," she whispered, but Angel merely tightened his grip and said:  
  
"Yes, you can. You have to. You want to."  
  
"Why didn't he want me to come...?" she practically whimpered and Angel let his arms encircle her as she bent her neck to rest her forehead against his chest.  
  
He held her to him comfortingly.  
  
"I don't know," he then mumbled. "You'll have to ask him."  
  
***  
  
Spike tilted his head back, taking in the stars above and wanting to will some sense into his messed up brain. It was fruitless. He wanted to run up to her, run straight into her room and...  
  
And look at her.  
  
Touch her face.  
  
Touch those blonde locks of hers, see if they were as soft as he remembered them.  
  
Hold her to him.  
  
Rest his forehead to hers and tell her that he had missed a lot in the lifetime he had been dead, but nothing even compared to how much he had longed for her the few months he had been between Heaven and Hell.  
  
"Will?"  
  
"Leave me alone, Cor," he said, not looking at her.  
  
Since there was no protest and no more sound he concluded that she had done what he asked. He found himself in between decisions of wanting to go somewhere else than this place since it was torture not being able to see her - he couldn't, his courage was failing him; and the need to stay put and at least be in the vicinity of her, per chance he would find himself before her simply because of that.  
  
After a moment he walked over to a tattered stone bench and took a seat, looking at his hands as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.  
  
It was a strange feeling; even though his supernatural senses were gone he knew instinctively when she stepped through the double doors leading out from the foyer and into the rather chilly evening air.  
  
His heart began to pick up its pace as he could hear her tentative steps when she approached him.  
  
Buffy's heart wasn't exactly keeping a normal rhythm either. Coming to a stop beside him she felt her throat growing dry and she was almost trembling. She wanted so much to reach out and touch him, have confirmation that he wasn't some loose entity; that he was of substance, of flesh and bone...  
  
Human.  
  
She swallowed, feeling a wave of affection course through her as she realized she had been granted her wish. He was there. Was she going to merely eye him in wonder? Or tell him all that she had never gotten to before he was taken from her?  
  
Where would she begin?  
  
She slowly sat down on the other end of the bench, glancing at him as he seemingly refused to look at her.  
  
He had no idea how much he was hurting her.  
  
Why hadn't he sent for her? Why hadn't he wanted her to come?  
  
She bit the inside of her lip as she drew a small breath. Then spoke the first words that came to mind.  
  
"How long were you gone?" she asked, voice low and he stirred, though he still did not turn his head to her.  
  
She wanted to rest her eyes in his. Just for a few short seconds. She wanted to read what he was feeling in his gaze because the darkness she was in concerning his emotions was unbearable.  
  
"A while," he then answered her question quietly and the sound of his voice sent a delicate web of shivers over her shoulders, causing her to square them and turn her head fully to take in his profile.  
  
The fact of the matter was beginning to sink in. He sat there, next to her, as real as the bench which hosted them. A part of her had known what a larger part of her had not been able to acknowledge, that this moment would be just this sweet once it arrived, because that smaller part of her had known that it would appear sooner or later, that he was not completely gone.  
  
"How long was it for you?" he then asked and she let a small smile grace her lips as she knew he remembered.  
  
"Longer," she murmured, fighting the tears threatening an encore, having them as a glittering layer over her eyes instead. She hesitated, swallowing to clear her tight throat before she asked: "Were you happy?"  
  
He turned his head to her at that and as he looked at her she felt her tears run over to slip carefully down her cheeks.  
  
"Buffy, I..." he tried, trailing off as he felt his mouth cramp with everything there was to say to her. "I was happy," he then stated gently. "For a short while I was happy... But it didn't last because of the deal of the amulet, and saving the world, and plundering and murdering in it for so long... I had to give penance and so the Powers stuck me in limbo while they gave Angel the mission to save me... or let me perish. And then... Sorry, too much info," he murmured and she merely stared at him before she blinked and smiled another small smile through her tears:  
  
"No," she said. "No... not too much. Just... I can't believe that... And I..."  
  
She trailed off and he tilted his head slightly to one side which made her close her eyes and let out a sob. Burying her face in her hands she felt how his fingers slid over her shoulder and she was about to move into the embrace she knew was waiting for her when Susannah's voice made her turn her head sharply to the door and Spike seemingly retracted.  
  
"You need to come, the both of you," she said. "Hurry. It's important."  
  
Buffy sniffled, staring at the young woman as the latter turned around and disappeared back inside, but not without first giving Spike a rather long look and a terrible flutter of comprehension began to persistently beat its wings against the nape of the Slayer's neck.  
  
She looked back at Spike who met her gaze and everything melted away as she felt a sudden gush of happiness move through her.  
  
Then he rose and she did as well.  
  
"I guess we should..." he said with a gesture to the door and she nodded, drying her cheeks for the second time that night.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed and he gave her the first smile she had seen from him, waiting for her to take the lead.  
  
She did, but with slight reluctance as this took him out of her line of sight, and she couldn't get enough of the view of him. The mere thought of having to part with him in just a few hours for even further hours of boring and lonely sleep felt like a waste.  
  
They entered the foyer and Buffy met Cordelia's searching gaze as she watched them take the few steps down to the main floor of the room. The Slayer had to smirk. The other had changed, but perhaps in not all aspects after all.  
  
Then Buffy moved her eyes to Susannah, who had a rather dark look on her face. Her jaw line was tight and her gaze was centered on Spike, who was still to the right of- and walking behind Buffy.  
  
Are they lovers? was the question creeping into Buffy's mind as she stopped by Angel, and Spike did as well, though she got the feeling he was keeping a slight distance between himself and her.  
  
She had so much to ask him. There was so much she had to tell him. But as Angel began to speak she came to the understanding that there wouldn't be much time to spend alone in confiding conversation with the bleached blonde.  
  
"Something has happened," Angel stated, looking around at all of them with a serenity that assured they would listen carefully. "The first part of the prophecy seems to have been set in motion."  
  
"The first part?" Buffy cut in. "What? The 'rain of blood' thing-y?"  
  
"No," Angel replied. "The part YOU heard was the third part, the last part."  
  
"Why didn't you read me ALL the parts?" she asked indignantly and he seemed to pause before he exchanged a look with Cordelia, then answered:  
  
"Because the first part had to do with you, and Wes told me you shouldn't know about it 'til..."  
  
"It walked up and bit me on the ass?" she filled in as he trailed off and when she out of the corner of her eye caught Spike smirking she smiled as well, glancing over at him and feeling her heart beat one snap faster.  
  
"Well, not literally," Angel answered.  
  
"Just pretty much?" she ventured and he smiled a little.  
  
"It might help us," he said and her eyebrows rose at that. "It tells of the Bringer of Light... which we interpreted to be you."  
  
"And correct you were, obviously," she nodded, though he ignored her input that time and simply went on with his disclosure.  
  
"'On the seventh day there shall be a light to shine for those who are lost and it shall bring forth the second apocalypse...'"  
  
"Second?" Buffy huffed.  
  
"'And as the stars align with the god of fire there shall be no sound heard but the beating of one heart and that heart shall be true and pure and it shall know its purpose as the third day subdues to darkness.'"  
  
"And for us not so apt to talk like a three-thousand year old piece of paper that means...?" Buffy pushed, but this time it was Wesley who answered her, and he seemed to not pick up on the humor at all as he said:  
  
"We believe the seventh day, the third day and so on and so forth stand for a countdown. We believe the text tell us that we have one week from today until all hell breaks loose."  
  
"How can you be so sure?" Buffy wondered and Angel placed his hands on her shoulders and made her turn around before he gently ushered her back to the doors she had just walked through.  
  
He pointed to the sky and she looked where his finger guided her. There, in a perfect row, stood four stars; the top one shining the strongest and its followers dimming slightly though they marked themselves clearly on the velvet backdrop.  
  
"Amazing," she breathed.  
  
"It's started," Angel said. "You coming here proves our theory to be right, at least most of it... What we really need to find out now is what exactly it is that's supposed to happen in a week."  
  
Buffy nodded as Angel left her side and walked back down the steps. She turned around to look at the people gathered in the room, stopping last on Spike and as he moved his head to meet her gaze she felt a surge of soft panic.  
  
"Seven days," she grumbled silently.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I'm so, so happy that you're enjoying this fic! Gosh, it's so great reading your feedback! Thanks so much, all of you, for making my day!  
  
Special and warm thanks to Winters1 (Susannah? With Spike? What?) ;P, Vanessa (Bon jour, or something like it! Nice to have you back! Trés bien! I've been wondering what happened to you, chicka! Hey... weren't you about to have a baby?! Okay, very glad you're liking this!) :), learyl (What is up? :) Hey, I'm glad to have you back and even happier you like COMING back. Hope this chapter is accepted!) :), Night (heeey, you! Can I just say aw, and also *smile* to that and god, I have to stop indulging in stories like this! Soon all I'll know how to write will be Buffy fiction! Oh, don't worry, I'm not serious. My goodness, would I complain?! *smirk* Very glad you're filled with anticipation and I hope I can double that happiness, girl!) ;), Caitlin (Hey, great to see ya! And thanks for three lovely reviews. On 1: I bow my head. Thank you so much! On 2: *smiles wide* No, Giles didn't know that Spike was back. That part about Susannah was very fun to read... All will of course be revealed in due time. Oh, and the Angel down load is okay to skip, I have already gotten some great and helpful info, don't worry! ;) On 3: Oh, so happy you liked my take on that! The First Meeting. Okay, hope this update was soon enough and again, all giddy with happiness myself that you're enoying it!) ;), Rachel9 (yeah, what IS it with the number in your name. Oh, right, you can't have the same name as anyone else, right. *shakes head* Well, I knew it was you. ;) And I am happy that you like it!!!) wolf116 (oh, okay. I'd have loved it if they just hired her for the last six months of the show! But guess a girl can't have everything. ;) *note the slight sarcasm in tone of writing* I HOPE that's how Joss wants to do it! I mean, what is this I hear about FRED being a possible love interest for Spike? FRED?! No. That's just plain wrong! *shudders* Okay, hope you liked this chapter as well!) :), Tobert (Hi! Oh, that's really great to read! Thanks a lot! So, did this chapter live up to the standards?) ;), Mel (Hehe, naw, me neither, a cocky Angel is not too much fun. ;) Thanks, girl!) :), Eileen (why yes! Quick enough?) :), Captain (Oh, well, I'm flattered by that! ;) Oh, and thanks for that comment, because I do believe most of it WILL be my way. :) Oh, the Spike hug - nicest thing I've ever heard! :) I'll send one right back at ya for even mentioning it!) :), Brin Londo5 (hey! Well, I shalt do what I can to grant your wish. I do want to be kind!) ;) and Shan (thanks and well, here it was!) ;).  
  
Grrreat to hear from y'all. Hope to get more of it, of course! *wink*  
  
Also, do hope you liked this chapter!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	5. Fifth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Fifth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-12  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
He noticed her stolen glances, he noticed how she seemed to want to talk with him, and he also saw the hesitation, which in the last moment had made her back off again more times than one. He wanted to talk with her, too. But a week until the end of the world seemed to be getting a bit in the way.  
  
It was two and a half hours after Angel had delivered the ominous message and in that time they had all been sitting around the table in the small room used for research and regular brainstorming. The first hour spent talking and discussing and going over notes and theories, filling the Slayer in even further on the blanks which had been left at the other meeting.  
  
Every time he looked up and caught her gaze in his there seemed to be a momentary pause in everything and he had to catch his breath.  
  
His breath.  
  
It was so strange to look at her and not have the sound of her heart beat in his ears, or the scent of her blood running through her veins in his nostrils. It was even weirder how the thirst for her was unchanged. He looked at her and saw everything he had ever wanted, would ever want on this earth.  
  
He had been brought into human form in a state of pure disorientation. He hadn't even been certain that he wanted it. He had been so reminded of Buffy's words as she had returned from the grave that he had cried long and hard sobs over how much he craved her there.  
  
Everything was so harsh. So bright. So violent.  
  
And in the end she had always stood right by him. She had been a support and a power source as the memory of her kept him standing when he felt as though he was about to crack in two. She was this without even having to be there and after reading some of her letters to Angel he realized he had no right to once more be a hurricane in the fragile life she had obviously built for herself. He couldn't come crashing in the way he always had before, disrupting her existence.  
  
He had told Angel to not under any circumstances tell her that he was alive.  
  
And Angel had honored that request to the extreme, not even telling her when she bloody showed up at his sodding doorstep!  
  
Spike rose from the chair he had been seated in, feeling the need to move or the constant whirl of thoughts in his head just might take over completely, leaving his soul without a home and nothing left of him but an empty shell.  
  
He turned and was about to leave the room when Susannah's voice stopped him as she asked:  
  
"Where you going?"  
  
"For a walk," he answered her and as she was about to rise he made small gesture with one hand for her not to. "Alone, love," he added and she looked clearly disappointed before she smiled a little that she understood.  
  
Buffy watched him leave with widening eyes.  
  
She wanted to call out to him, make him stop and stay. The moment he disappeared from sight she felt a gnawing worry start up. Where was he going? What if he didn't come back! What if something happened to him? What if he just disappeared and she'd have to spend a lifetime knowing that she could have saved him?  
  
She stood so quickly that her chair tipped over, balancing gracefully on two legs before slamming into the floor with a loud bang.  
  
Fred jumped slightly at the sound, looking up from the book she was devouring; as did the rest, turning their eyes on the rather flustered Slayer. She smiled disarmingly, bending down and putting the chair back on all fours before she said:  
  
"Excuse me for just a second, I... thought I heard a noise."  
  
"I'll come with you," Angel offered and she shook her head.  
  
"No, no, that's fine. I think I still remember how it's done. Sneak down hallway, peek around corner, if there is bad there, kick bad over the head," she then stated and Angel gave her an appraising look before he smiled.  
  
"Right," he nodded and she returned the smile with a hint of relief before she headed to the door. "Just don't forget that the bad might get a concussion now, WAS it to actually GET kicked in the head," Angel stopped her by saying and she turned her head back to him with a not so amused expression, which merely had him smirking. "Just a small advice," he excused himself and she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
"And it's well taken, but I really DID hear a noise," she stated and he nodded.  
  
"Of course, I'd never call you a liar, Buffy! And the noise... it came from upstairs, right?"  
  
"Yes," she replied quickly and he smiled again.  
  
"Okay, good. Just so I know where I have you. Oh, and don't worry, Will is perfectly able to take care of himself. I mean, since he was 'going for a walk' I assume he won't be anywhere near the 'noise'. But, just so YOU know that there won't be any problem in case the bad should venture out into the streets," Angel then informed casually and Buffy's eyebrows rose before she put on an innocent expression.  
  
"Good. Good to know," she stated, pausing for a second longer before she merely turned and swiftly left the room.  
  
"What IS the story with those two, anyways?" Gunn inquired and Angel gave a small shrug before he answered:  
  
"All I know is that it's not quite finished yet."  
  
He wasn't able to resist glancing at Cordelia once the sentence was finished, and when she met his gaze he smiled a little before looking away again.  
  
***  
  
It wasn't until she had hurried two blocks in search of him that she remembered she couldn't reach out her senses for him in the way she could before. There would be no tingle, no sign of where he might be...  
  
She stopped, looking the ways she had to choose from, and then set out a new course as she got herself moving again.  
  
She wasn't sure how long she had been half-running through the streets, but suddenly the sound of waves hit her ears and the smell of salt in the air became even clearer as she rounded the corner of a large building and was greeted by the stretching view of black, billowing ocean.  
  
She smiled to herself, kicking off her shoes and picking them up in one hand as she walked onto the beach. The sand was cold beneath the soles of her feet, but she loved the feeling. She couldn't think of anything as relaxing as the soft song of the sea.  
  
Then she turned her head and corrected herself, because to her right stood the one person on the whole planet that she would ever think of as home... and the tranquility she felt just by resting her eyes on him made her feel light as a feather.  
  
She had found him.  
  
Without any paranormality she had found him and she knew that she always would.  
  
She collected herself and slowly approached him, stopping by his side and then facing the view in the same manner he was.  
  
"I was looking for you," she said.  
  
"Didn't hear me then?" he wondered.  
  
"The 'alone' part being what you're referring to?" she asked back and he nodded slightly before answering:  
  
"Yeah, that's it."  
  
"Oh, I heard you... But you weren't talking to ME, were you?" she then inquired and he turned his head to her as she did the same. "Of course, you always did call me 'love' a lot, perhaps I should've thought it was directed to me as well? Or all of the ladies in the room? I sincerely hope you don't go around calling the men that nick."  
  
He merely observed her and she swallowed, her nerves beginning to fail her as she looked up at him.  
  
"No, I wasn't talking to you," he then said, facing the ocean once more and she wanted more than ever to wrap her arms around him tightly, have all of him against her body and just feel with every fiber how he was close.  
  
"Want me to leave?" she asked and he was silent for a short while before he shook his head. "If you say: 'It's a free country', I'm seriously gonna hit you," she stated and finally he smirked.  
  
She smiled as well.  
  
"How's the bit?" he asked and she felt a surprisingly fast refill of her tears rise to her eyes at the mention of Dawn.  
  
"She's good. She's doing really well in school and - what do you know - she likes it. I guess you Brit's know how to hook them when they're young," she answered and he laughed, the sound taking her so off guard that she simply stared at him.  
  
"It's all a matter of bait," he then said, looking at her with such a familiar twinkle of tease in his azure blues that she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Hey, now," he mumbled, reaching up a hand and softly brushing at the liquid. "Not exactly the reaction I was looking for."  
  
"Spike..." she said, trailing off as she slipped one hand up to grace his, taking it in a tight grip.  
  
"Hurts," he said and she furrowed her brow. "HAND - hurts!" he elaborated and she let it go immediately.  
  
"I'm sorry!" she said with true agony in her tone as she saw how he gripped the presumably aching hand with his other. "God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"  
  
The sudden grin on his face made her give him a shove in the chest.  
  
"That wasn't funny!" she exclaimed, though she couldn't keep a wide smile off her lips.  
  
She was overcome by the sense that he had never left. He had never gone anywhere. She had seen him last the day before and the ease she felt with him now was a mere continuance of days and days of friendly banter.  
  
"Sorry," he now apologized, bringing her out of her musings. "I just can't stand to see you cry," he added and she grew serious again, remembering all the nights she had lay awake for hours as she tried to put a blank where his face was - never succeeding.  
  
Now that face turned solemn as well, and they looked at each other for a moment.  
  
"Where were you six months ago," she then murmured to his previous sentence and he frowned.  
  
"What?" he asked and as she realized he really hadn't heard her she shook her head dismissively, putting her arms up around herself as a rather bitter wind tore in over the shore. "You're cold," he said. "We should head back."  
  
"Yeah," she slowly agreed and they turned, starting to walk the way she had come.  
  
As they got off the sand and she stopped to put on her shoes he pulled his sweater over his head, a black T on underneath, and carefully placed it on her shoulders, making her look at him and she returned the trying smile he bore.  
  
"Thank you," she said, their fingers brushing lightly against each other as she reached up to keep the piece of clothing from sliding off.  
  
"You're welcome," he replied.  
  
The moment stretched, then ended and they once more started up their walk.  
  
After a minute of silence Buffy reached out one hand and cautiously slipped it in one of his. It seemed words were unnecessary after that and they continued on in an almost too comfortable silence.  
  
He didn't have a clue as to what she wanted, but the way he time and again caught her looking at him... In those forests of green seemed to be the search for answers, the quiet traces of suffering and something yet undefined.  
  
It was so funny - with all the things still pushing to be said, he felt more content just walking with her than he had for the entire extent of his time back. He wanted to tell her this, but had a stubborn thought telling him that in a way she already knew.  
  
They slowed their steps without realizing it as they neared the Hyperion, and then stopped completely a few steps before the entrance doors.  
  
"What do you think is gonna happen?" Buffy asked, turning her head to him with a rather curious, yet dreading, expression. "Who do you think is gonna die this time?"  
  
"Buffy..." he murmured, looking for words to stroke away her worry, but he seemingly just did the opposite as her eyes widened and then she burst out:  
  
"Me?! Well, I guess I should be used to it by now, shouldn't I?"  
  
He looked shocked, then regretful as he shook his head; about to voice his protest when he caught the sudden mischievous look in her eyes. And then she smirked, which caused him to mirror it.  
  
"That wasn't funny," he grumbled.  
  
She merely smiled sweetly and then the door to her right opened and Angel stepped through it. He looked from one to the other, at Spike's sweater still draped over Buffy's shoulders, and then at their hands, still entwined.  
  
"We're in for an early start tomorrow," he said meaningfully, turning back around and walking inside once more, leaving them alone again.  
  
This time there was a tremor of gentle tension in the air as they both grew very aware of how little they had spoken of anything, and of how they still had a lot to speak about.  
  
They slowly let the other's hand go and Buffy smiled, trying to lift the heavy atmosphere as she slid the sweater off her and reached it out to him.  
  
"We need to talk," he said, taking the sweater from her and she met his gaze.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed. "We do."  
  
They both hesitated, and then walked together up to the doors, opening the left one and stepping through it, Spike holding it open for her and she smiled her thanks. He returned it and when they entered the foyer the lights had been turned out and the stillness told of a home slowly filling with sleep.  
  
Buffy felt how tired she was, but she was still very reluctant to say good night.  
  
"You hungry?" he asked and she swallowed her much to willing yes, simply nodded. "Okay," he said, taking the steps and leading their way to the kitchen.  
  
She observed his back, watched him move as he walked in front of her, trying to ignore the small fire burning within her when she remembered how well he actually knew her body... and how well she knew his. It wasn't a consuming desire, it wasn't something that was impossible to ignore because most of all she wanted to feel him, have him with her... And he was. With her.  
  
He flipped the switch of the room they had been headed to, walking up to the refrigerator and opening it up. Beginning to look through its contents he was partially blocked out by the door, despite this she couldn't take her eyes off him and she sat on one of the barstools by the high table in the middle of the room still watching him.  
  
He finally dove out of the fridge with his hands full of various ingredients for...  
  
"Sandwich?" he asked, eyebrows raised and she had to smile at the completely boyish look on him, then she nodded.  
  
"Yes, please," she said and he smirked, obviously pleased as he kicked to door of the fridge closed and then put the ingredients down on the table.  
  
He was on the opposite side from her and she refrained from pouting only by mustering all her self-control. Then she casually slid off the chair and moved around to his side. All the while he was bringing out the bread from one of the cupboards and a knife from one of the drawers.  
  
She sat on a different stool, this one being on arms length from where he was starting up his creating. She watched the movements of his hands in silent fascination as he easily applied all the layers to the two sandwiches he was making.  
  
One side of her was frightened half the time that it would wake up and have its fears realized as it came to know that it was all a dream. Everything, from first blue eye to last bleached strand.  
  
But another side shook its head and claimed that fear was overrated. That reality was all that mattered. And that no dream, even her Slayer ones, had ever been this detailed, this filled with emotion.  
  
"There," he said, adding the finishing touches of the top halves of the sandwiches before he turned to her. "Dig in," he added, sliding the plate containing her food over to her.  
  
She looked down at it, then reached out to take it as he jumped up to sit on the stool next to her.  
  
He took his first bite, closed his eyes and thoroughly enjoyed it; this was evident. She found herself unapt to do anything but stare. He took a second bite, chewing intently, and then he opened his eyes to rest them in hers with a quizzical expression in them.  
  
"For someone saying she's hungry you don't eat much, do you? I'd hate to see what you do with the food when you're starving," he said and then smiled, making her laugh at herself before she once more grew serious, shaking her head as she replied:  
  
"It's just... You're..."  
  
"Yeah," he said, putting his two-bites-into sandwich down as he finished, "I am."  
  
She swallowed. Butterflies and splinters of ice in her veins and that close to overpowering rush and butterflies everywhere and...  
  
"Oh, thank God!" Susannah's voice was heard and Buffy felt a very hard fist of irritation in her chest at the sound of it, then she turned her head to the door; Spike did as well. "I'm so glad I'm not the only one up. Then again, you're usually down here at this hour, Will, aren't you?" the girl added in such a happy and knowing tone that it scratched the Slayer's ears.  
  
The brunette came into the room and un-bashfully walked up to the two, her eyes going to the food and a wider smile took its place on her mouth as she asked:  
  
"Showing her how to make the famous ten-layered?"  
  
Buffy got to her feet at that, as well as at the sight of Susannah's hand tenderly placing itself on Spike's arm. The Slayer had never felt more off- territory, though she seriously wanted to claw the other's hand away from him. Get it off her former...  
  
Former enemy, former ally, former lover, former nothing. She had NO right.  
  
"I'll save this," she said, making a gesture to the sandwich. "It looks fab, but I just realized it's almost one in the morning and if I eat that I'll really screw up my breakfast tomorrow and you know what they say: it IS the most important meal of the day." Spike was about to make an objection and so she hurriedly added: "Thanks, though. Really. I'm just tired. Flight and Apocalypse Now and, well, YOU and everything... I'm just gonna turn in and see you - both - in the morning. Okay?"  
  
He wanted to tell her no, it wasn't okay. They still had too much to say for her to 'turn in'. But with Susannah there he knew they couldn't talk anyway, and she was clearly beat. Therefore he answered:  
  
"'Course... Good night."  
  
She held his gaze for just one moment longer than necessary and then she smiled.  
  
"Good night, William," she said and he watched her leave the room with a softness around his heart that was sure to cushion any blow delivered to it for some time to come.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
It's great hearing what you think! Really! Please, keep it up! I'm happy so many has read this story so far, I hope it won't disappoint!  
  
Special thanks to wolf116 (Oh, God, I hope that too!!!) ;), Winters1 (*smirks widely*) :), Mel (*hehe* And about the "two" vamps, I like 'em both too. Just one of 'em a bit more when it comes to Buffy, y'know?) ;), Eileen (Great to read your thoughts!) :), Taelyn (Oh and ah, I'm GLAD! ;) Thanks a lot, girl! And I'll try...) :), skyz (*smiles* Doesn't seem like anyone's into Susannah... I can't understand why! Why?! Why?! *just kidding*) ;) and MissK (in da house! :) Why, thank you kindly and happy you like!).  
  
To all, thank you thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I LOVE reading what you think and if the story line is getting you thinking and wondering and guessing! That's the best part! Hope this chapter was fast enough! ;)  
  
And of course, that you liked it!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	6. Sixth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Sixth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-13  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Spike hung up the phone, looking over at Buffy with a rather huge smile on his face and she giggled, getting to her feet.  
  
"Didn't expect her to be so happy," he admitted and Buffy raised her eyebrows as she came up to stand before him.  
  
"Don't underestimate my sister," she then said, "she'll surprise you any day."  
  
He smirked at that.  
  
It was seven o'clock in the morning and Buffy looked ravishing in a pair of worn, gray pajama bottoms and a big pink sweater. Her hair was loosely put up in a ponytail, and he loved how it swayed whenever she turned, or even moved, her head. They had been talking with the old homeland for nearly half an hour, the receiver being passed around from an astounded Giles to a happy Willow - wanting to know all about the spell which brought him back, how it felt, how it was now - her inquiries turning into an endless stream, finally stopped by a whining and begging Dawn who started her conversation with a squeal of a joy she did nothing to quiet down.  
  
"Sleep well?" Spike now asked and it was Buffy's turn to smirk.  
  
She had noticed it too, that silence which kept ending up between them as their eyes seemed to always get stuck in the other's and they simply looked at each other; waiting for some sort of revelation, perhaps. Of where they were supposed to go from here.  
  
"You already asked me that," she now pointed out and he smiled, shaking his head a little at himself.  
  
"Right," he said, jumping down from the desk he had been seated on and she looked up at him, her hand brushing against his and she felt her heart skip a beat.  
  
He bit his lower lip, almost leaning into her to bury his nose by the side of her neck and breathe vanilla and moisturizer and that sweet shampoo she used. But she broke eye contact and walked passed him, making him take a small breath to shake himself out of the place that was her. Then he followed her into the foyer, where the others were gathered.  
  
Angel was talking with Cordelia and Wesley, and as the two blondes walked through the doorway they all looked their way with rather grim expressions on their faces.  
  
"Whoa, love fest in the room," Buffy grumbled and Spike chuckled.  
  
"Doesn't bode well, does it, Slayer?"  
  
She stopped, turning her head to him and he could see in her eyes the turmoil within her at the mention of her old nickname. He also remembered. All the times he had used it. She seemed to see it on him and her gaze grew warm right before Angel called her name.  
  
"Here goes," she sighed, giving the man at her side a meaningful eyebrow raise and he smiled again, watching her join the group of three.  
  
"It must feel so strange," Susannah said as she came up to his side.  
  
"What?" he asked, turning his head to her.  
  
"Well, haven't you noticed the way she acts around Angel?" she wondered and he furrowed his brow. "I think she's the only one to have a reason to be happy about this whole world-coming-to-a-close situation," she added. "It brought her back here, didn't it?" she finished at his very skeptical expression.  
  
"To Angel?" he asked and she nodded, a very sober expression on her face.  
  
"Trust me, hon, a girl never, NEVER forgets her first true love," she stated, nodding to the vampire and Slayer and Spike looked back at them just as Buffy smiled at something Angel was saying to her by leaning forward and placing his mouth next to her ear.  
  
Then she shook her head a little, giving him a small push on one arm.  
  
Spike swallowed hard.  
  
"She could've come back anytime," he murmured, looking to the side where there was nothing but air as Susannah had already left the spot vacant. "She could've," he repeated firmly, looking back at the two and feeling a stinging, weakening apprehension tear through him.  
  
What if all the small reasons he had for hoping she felt more was brought on by her happiness at having him be all right? What if all the very small signs he thought he kept seeing was brought on by his much too big need for them to be there, his want for them to exist? What if he was fooling himself into believing that she...  
  
Not a good idea to jump to conclusions.  
  
No, exactly, not in any aspect. He wasn't who she had once known, but he wasn't someone else either. Whatever was there he wasn't going to rush it. They could be friends, he knew they could. If Angel was who she wanted, then he would be happy for them.  
  
Sod that! He couldn't even imagine the hell it would be to have to see those two together!  
  
"You okay?" Fred brought him back to earth by asking and he looked at her, trying to not look too caught off guard. "You look a little pale..."  
  
"No, I'm good," he assured. "Just... wondering what the bloody crisis is this time," he added with a gesture to the small congregation still having their meeting.  
  
"Oh," Fred said. "Personally, I hope it ISN'T something 'bloody'," she added and he was about to open his mouth and explain that that hadn't been how he meant it when he came to the conclusion she was merely teasing him.  
  
"Witty," he muttered with a mock-sour expression and she smiled.  
  
"Actually they're discussing an outing tonight. They want Buffy to patrol, look for anything she might see as unusual. A fresh pair of eyes can be all it takes, according to Gunn," Fred stated and Spike gave her a look of ill- contained surprise before he thanked her for the information and stalked up to his former grandsire.  
  
"Hey," he said.  
  
"Hello," Angel gave a nod and Spike shook his head before grabbing the others arm, making him put all his attention on the former.  
  
"You planning on sending her out there by herself?" he asked and now he also had Buffy and Cordelia's eyes on him.  
  
"As a matter of fact..." Angel began, but Spike cut him off, letting his arm go harshly as he said:  
  
"You're crazy! Bloody hell, we don't know what's out there! It could be anything!"  
  
"Lack of credit not appreciated," Buffy chimed in, Spike ignoring her completely.  
  
"What - you gonna equip her with a stake, some holy water and then send her on her merry way?" he demanded, Angel getting an extremely serene look on his face before he replied:  
  
"Actually I had planned on blessing her with at least an axe."  
  
Spike's eyes widened at that.  
  
"Should I perhaps remind you of all the nasties I've slain, pretty much by myself and sometimes in a very huge lack of any kind of weapons?" Buffy asked. "The list is extensive."  
  
"An axe won't slice and dice a question mark, Angie!" Spike exclaimed.  
  
"Good grief, whatever happened to Peaches?" Angel replied sarcastically and Spike's eyes grew hard with impatience at the interruption in his tirade, then he continued it with:  
  
"She can't fight the un-known and it'd be bloody suicide sending her out there without back-up!"  
  
"Murder," Cordelia corrected. "It'd be murder."  
  
"You guys!" Buffy said. "I think I should at least have a say in the matter!"  
  
"'I can fend for myself' or 'I have the skill to pull it off' or 'I don't need your protection' will be sentences best stuffed back in that dusty compartment in the back of your throat," Spike stated and she frowned, crossing her arms over her chest in dislike.  
  
"I CAN fend for myself, Spike," she shot. "And I DO have the skill to pull 'it' off, I patrolled the streets of Sunnydale for SEVEN years! And I really don't need your protection, don't patronize me!"  
  
"I'm NOT patronizing you! You haven't been here the past few months! You don't know how long we've tried to figure this out, and we still have practically ZERO!" he retorted.  
  
"THAT'S why I wanna get out there, see if I can't help turn that zero into some other number - preferably one higher than just one or two! And EXCUSE me, by the way, for not BEING here while all the bookworm-y stuff went down, but SOMEONE forebode the asking of me to join in!" she barked and his jaw line grew set as he gave her a glare.  
  
"You're still too bloody stubborn for your own good!" he then yelled.  
  
"Yeah, well, YOU'RE still too damn much of a know-it-all!" she yelled back and there was three seconds of silence as they seemed about ready to go head-to-head on the matter.  
  
Then they both smiled, so suddenly it made Angel and Cordelia exchange a wondering look. Buffy giggled, shaking her head slowly, and Spike chuckled.  
  
"I'm not telling you what to do," he then said.  
  
"I know," she replied. "I know you're not."  
  
"I didn't mean to sound like I don't know you," he stated. "'Cause believe me, I remember every last facet of your strength, and..."  
  
"Spike," she interrupted with another smile. "I..." She trailed off and he smiled back. "I'm sorry," she said and his smile widened slightly.  
  
"Me too," he agreed.  
  
"Now THAT was intense," Cordelia said, looking from Buffy to Spike. "Do you usually fight like this, 'cause next time I wanna bring some popcorn."  
  
Spike gave her a look and she smiled brightly before she turned and left the three.  
  
"I was GOING to say," Angel now spoke up, "that as a matter of fact I was thinking about you showing her the sights. If you don't mind a late night out under town," he added and Spike cocked an eyebrow before he turned his eyes on Buffy again.  
  
"No, I think I can stomach it," he then replied and she gave him a slap on the chest before she said:  
  
"See. Don't you feel stupid now? Next time get all the facts BEFORE you pick a fight."  
  
His eyebrows rose high at that and then he asked:  
  
"And deprive this group of the first real speck of entertainment they've had in all the time I've known them?! Never!"  
  
She merely smirked.  
  
"So, what sights are you taking me to?" she then asked.  
  
"You'll see," he answered her, seemingly leaving the subject at that.  
  
***  
  
Six hours later Buffy rose and stretched.  
  
They had been gathered around the research table for the past four-and-a- half hours and she was less than the average stiff.  
  
"I think it's time for lunch," she said and the others were not late to fall in line with that idea.  
  
The seven of them left the stuffiness of the conference room for the ventilated air of the kitchen. The conversation quickly picking up as their brains got a rest from the strain of looking for clues unwilling to show.  
  
Buffy began to chow on her left-over sandwich from the night prior, looking over at Spike who was digging in on one freshly made, and she nodded her approval to the one she was tasting which made him smile at her.  
  
Susannah was sitting beside him, talking about something which he listened to with somewhat faked interest, or so Buffy thought. Or maybe it was just what she WANTED to think...  
  
She sighed, turning to Cordelia who was taking another bite of her salad.  
  
"So, what's the deal with Susannah anyway?" the former asked and Cordelia finished chewing as she looked up at her.  
  
Swallowing she then replied:  
  
"She works here, helps out, and in return gets food and housing." Buffy gave her a meaningful look at that and Cordelia smiled. "Of course, that's not the deal you're curious about," she said and Buffy shook her head.  
  
The Slayer hesitated, but couldn't keep the question back any longer.  
  
"Is she and Spike...? I mean, are they...?" she asked quietly and Cordelia raised her eyebrows before she seemed to realize the end part to the question, filling it in as well as answering when she said:  
  
"...together? No. Not at all. Though Susie seems to want him bad enough."  
  
Buffy cocked an eyebrow at that, looking over at the two.  
  
"They look so familiar with each other," she murmured, fighting to keep the jealousy out of her voice, but feeling rather certain that the other could hear it.  
  
"They're good friends," Cordelia admitted. "They've gotten close, you know? Living so close and everything you tend to."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed. "'Course. You tend to."  
  
But tonight I'll have him all to myself, she then thought and she had a small smile of contentment spread over her lips as she took a second bite on her sandwich. And little miss Interruption over there'll have no way of barging in on us then, will she? Nope. Zero-one to the Slayer. Yeah, I'm bad. And... I'm actually ready to get into a catfight over him.  
  
This thought was so amusing that she couldn't help but let out a laugh.  
  
***  
  
That evening she left the hotel with Spike at nine o'clock. Her most trusted weapon tucked at the small of her back and in a sheath behind her back rested a sleek sword. He carried the same choice of protection, though his sword was heavier.  
  
She glanced at him where he walked by her side, his concentration seemed to be at its peak as he kept his eyes faced forward. He reminded her of nights they had done exactly this... with the exception, of course, that she then had considered him a liability and a pain in her ass for insisting on following her every move.  
  
She smiled at the thought, turning her head forward again.  
  
Spike gave her a brief, side-ways glance as he noticed her take her gaze off him. Seeing her small smile he asked:  
  
"What?"  
  
It widened and she turned her head to him, making him mirror the movement.  
  
"Just... thinking," she replied and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"About?" he encouraged an elaboration and she smirked.  
  
"Wouldn't you just love to know?" she teased and he smiled as well.  
  
They grew quiet again, walking as such for a few minutes and Buffy having a stream of questions flowing through her head. There had been no time for them to talk about anything, and the fact that Susannah hovered as something of a shadow whenever there might have been a chance that the Slayer got to spend some time with him alone hadn't exactly improved the matter.  
  
"Susannah's nice," Buffy spoke up and Spike once again looked at her.  
  
"She's been there," he then nodded and at that Buffy stopped, he did the same.  
  
"WHY didn't you contact me?" she asked and he shook his head at her hurt expression.  
  
"I didn't think I should," he murmured.  
  
"HOW could you think that?!" she exclaimed.  
  
"It's a long story..."  
  
"I've got time," she cut him off.  
  
"It's not a story meant to be told in a back-alley..." he tried and she sighed.  
  
"What are we doing here anyway?" she then asked, looking around at the place he had taken her.  
  
"Well," he merely said, bending down and after a short second of struggling he got the lid off the tunnel leading down and into, what she assumed, the sewers.  
  
"Oh, now I get what Angel meant by 'a night UNDER town'," she said as Spike gestured for her to take the lead.  
  
He merely smirked, watching her as she climbed down and then not being late to follow.  
  
"Wonderful smell," Buffy stated as he jumped down from the ladder to land beside her. "What is this - Odor Number Five?" she quipped and his smile widened.  
  
"We'll take this way," he then said, pointing down the tunnel to her left and she nodded, starting up as he did.  
  
"So, what are the sights?" she asked.  
  
"Just some hang outs that Angel usually checks out if he needs information... They know me now, so it's pretty safe," he answered and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"'Pretty' safe?" she asked and he gave a small shrug with one shoulder.  
  
"When's anything completely safe?" he asked back and she merely gave a nod saying that was very true.  
  
"So, what do you think this prophecy is all about?" she asked.  
  
"Aside from the obvious 'destruction of all life' clause on the final page?" he wondered and she smiled at that. "I dunno," he admitted. "I've been scanning the books and I haven't been able to find anything on this blind demon about to wake..."  
  
"Hold it," she interrupted, stopping and he halted as well, looking around in search of the threat she seemed to have picked up the vibes from, realizing there was none when she looked up at him and he met her gaze as she asked: "Did you just say the words 'scanning' and 'books' in a sentence? Have YOU been sitting with your cute little nose tucked into actual bound pages containing rows and rows of letters forming words forming a picture in which YOU'VE sought to find the proper details, is this what you're telling me?"  
  
"Well, yeah. But I think you did a much better job at it," he replied and her face split in a grin.  
  
"You are a man of astonishments, Spike," she stated and he tilted his head slightly to one side before he said:  
  
"And you're the only one who's called me that name since I was brought back."  
  
Her face turned solemn, and she suddenly looked regretful. He smiled reassuringly, tentatively reaching up a hand and sliding it into her locks, through them and to her cheek. She leaned her head into his touch, then returned his smile.  
  
"Old habits die hard," she murmured and he chuckled, removing his hand and then nodding.  
  
"Your voice calling me that is the only one which won't send shivers of discomfort through me, reminding me of what it stands for," he then said and her gaze grew tender at this admission.  
  
"It's not that I can't see you as a 'William'," she assured and he smirked. "'Cause I can!" she added. "It's just... it's a lot to get used to and just being able to see you again is huge..."  
  
"It is?" he wondered and she gave him a look.  
  
"You know it is," she answered. "And changing your name on top of that... I mean, I guess it's more of a changing it BACK, since 'William' is your ACTUAL name, but I..."  
  
"Did you miss the part where I said it was okay?" he interrupted gently and she looked sheepish.  
  
"No," she then replied, voice slightly drifting and his smile broadened. "I just want you to know..."  
  
"I do," he said.  
  
They started walking again.  
  
"I heard about your traveling," he said after a few moments and she nodded. "That's good, that you got to do that... Where have you been?"  
  
"Everywhere," she mumbled.  
  
"Favorite city?" he asked and she smiled at how the topic of conversation had turned from heavy to light in the blink of an eye.  
  
"London," she then answered, looking at him in a way that made his throat dry up and his palms sweaty and his heart beat just a little bit faster. "I could live there," she added silently and he thought he sensed a second meaning to those words in her eyes, but a sound behind them made him drop any further musings into it as he turned around, Buffy doing so in the same moment and their hands going for their weapons.  
  
It was, however, quite a lot too late.  
  
From the shadows all around them stepped a group of demons, twelve in plain sight, but the Slayer got the feeling that there were more lurking in the darkness.  
  
"'And on the sixth day there shall be silence as the people arises in acknowledgement and trust'," Spike recited quietly, making Buffy look at him again.  
  
"Which means?" she asked, turning her eyes back on the attackers.  
  
"That we're in trouble," he grumbled. "Big and real bloody trouble."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey, y'all! Oh, wow. It's so much fun getting reviews and getting reviews from you is, of course, the best. ;) Thanks a lot for great feedback! This is what I breathe! (Apart from taking this story to the last chapter, naturally) ;)  
  
Special thanks to Captain (for the feedback on both four and five! So great that this keeps bringing the flavor of your taste! Also, *lol* to the wanting to like Susannah part. That was hilarious! Love it that I manage to get into your head!) :), wolf116 (OMG! You have got to be kidding me here! Yeah, they 'spred' the disease, then! Gosh, that's simply sick, isn't it?! Glad you still like!) :), thechosen1 (hope you enjoyed the rest of the chapters, my friend!) :), Winters1 (hehe, okay, good to know!) :P, Taelyn (Susannah is not a well-liked character and I cannot imagine why! ;) Sulfuric acid? Really? You are quite cruel, anyone ever tell you that? Love it that ya love it!) :), Hope (lot of requests for Susannah's death... :) And happy that this one rocks your jocks! *grin*) ;), Tobert (another plea for Susannah's demise! Oh, sorry, demand. *smirk* Great that you're liking it regardless!) :) and darklover (was this fast enough?!) ;).  
  
Okay, so I have some killer ideas for what to do with Susannah. She needs to either for away, very far away or have her hair fall out and toes fall off, have Spike punch a railroad spike through her head (though I believe it would be difficult to pull this off and stay true to current character) or I could just revert to the good old suggestions of using sulfuric acid or a hard, intense bitch slap. Well, you guys are wonderful for providing such nice tidbits. Is she really that awful? *smiles gleefully*  
  
You guys are awesome and you make me wanna get the chapters out there faster than fast just to see what you'll think of them so don't stop putting out your thoughts, okay? Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	7. Seventh

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Seventh-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-15  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"What do you suggest we do?" Buffy asked, the demons standing perfectly still with eyes observing the two mortals keenly.  
  
"The second we reach for our weapons they'll be on us," Spike murmured. "We'll have to be quick and merciless and then..."  
  
"Yeah?" she asked, feeling her heart beat elevate in her chest as the adrenaline began to pump through her veins.  
  
"Then we run like hell," he finished and they shared a glance, then she nodded. "On three," he said and she smiled a little.  
  
"Never thought that was used in real life," she said and he gave her a look before he grumbled:  
  
"Not a lot of demon face-offs going on in 'real life' either, now are there?"  
  
"Okay," she nodded, getting back into focus. "On three."  
  
"One," he said.  
  
"Two," she filled in, taking one last glance around at the threat she was about to face and then they both finished:  
  
"Three."  
  
Everything happened so incredibly rapid it was as though someone was fast- forwarding the next chain of events. Buffy reached for her sword at the same time as Spike did. She slid it out of its sheath when two of the demons quickly approached her. Spinning around she kicked one foot out and hit the right one in the stomach while she let the blade of her weapon sink through the ribcage of the other.  
  
Ducking when she heard the sound of a fist moving through air behind her she rolled on the ground and then got to her knees, grabbing the sword with both hands and ramming it into the heart of her assailant. It grabbed its chest with a spurt of blue blood from its mouth. She pulled the sword out as she quickly rose, hearing the sound of Spike fighting furiously to her right.  
  
She met the blow of a third demon, swinging her weapon and cutting its head off without much more ado, and then she jumped up and kicked another on the chin. Landing gracefully she drew a breath and spun around as she suddenly heard Spike let out a cry of pain.  
  
"No!" she screamed, running up to him as he sunk to his knees and then jabbing the sword to pierce the demon responsible through its throat.  
  
She looked around and noticed that a brawl had sometime during the fight started up between the demons themselves and at the moment more attention was directed to their own disagreements than to the two intruders.  
  
"Can you stand?" she asked and he looked up at her, then nodded, his face beginning to grow awfully pale and she felt a rush of panic pour through her nerves as she saw the blood coming out of his side.  
  
She encircled his waist, making him put one arm around her shoulders as she helped him to his feet. She got them moving, and though he could help she felt how the sting from his wound rippled through him at every step.  
  
"You can do it," was the words she kept repeating, listening for the sound of treading feet behind them as she took them back to the place for their descent.  
  
There were none, only silence.  
  
'And on the sixth day there shall be silence as the people arises...'  
  
What kind of prophecy WAS this?  
  
Reaching the ladder she made him lean against the wall as she bent down and took a look at the gash. It was deep and she straightened her back quickly, tearing the strap of the sheath, which hung over her shoulder, over her head before she let her hands go to her shirt. Ripping it open she tore it down the back and had it in two pieces. The first one she bundled up in a tight bunch and then she pressed it against the wound before she took the second half and put it around his waist, securing it by two tight notches.  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled and she nodded.  
  
"It's gonna be okay," she said. "I'm gonna have a regular, hysteric shout- out at Angel for putting you in this situation, but it's gonna be okay," she added, once again supporting the bleached blonde as she led him up to the ladder. "Now, climb."  
  
He put his hands on the steel-bars and looked up. His view was simmering and clouded, but he pulled himself up and did what her voice instructed.  
  
***  
  
"Angel!" Buffy yelled as she kicked the door of the Hyperion open and stumbled inside, holding a nearly unconscious Spike up by means of her own strength. "Angel, you wank!" she yelled and soon enough he came storming to see what all the noise was about.  
  
"What happened?" he asked, running up to her as she was carefully putting Spike down on the floor.  
  
"He became human, that's what happened!" she replied stiffly. "He needs to get to a hospital."  
  
"We can't," Angel shook his head.  
  
"What?!" she sputtered.  
  
"He has no records, Buffy," Angel answered her, making her absolutely loathe the matter-of-factly tone of his voice.  
  
Fred, Gunn and Cordelia came rushing down the stairs and Susannah came in through the doors leading to the garden, her face tightening as she was met by the disturbing sight at hand.  
  
"Oh, my God!" she said, coming up to the three ahead of the others, and getting to her knees beside the fallen. "I TOLD you!" she then yelled, glaring up at Angel. "I TOLD you this would happen!"  
  
Tears were quickly forming in her big, blue eyes and they kept the accusation in them for another long moment before she turned them back on Spike.  
  
"'He has no records'?!" Buffy demanded, disbelieving. "You think I'm actually gonna stand by and watch him die on those grounds?! I'd just as soon kill myself!"  
  
"Calm down!" Wesley cut in as he and the other two women joined the group. "I'll call Darren," he added with a look at Angel, and the latter nodded.  
  
"Who the hell's Darren?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Someone who can help," Angel replied coolly, then he nodded to Spike. "Let's bring him upstairs," he said.  
  
***  
  
"There were different demons there," Buffy stated two hours later.  
  
She was surrounded by Angel, Cordelia, Fred, Gunn and Susannah as they were all sitting by the research table.  
  
"Different species working together?" Wesley inquired and Buffy nodded.  
  
"The only time I've seen that happen was at the hands of a madman. Or... demon," she said. "And I have a feeling he'd have trouble rising from the grave," she added, then she furrowed her brow. "It has something do to with the countdown. Spike... I mean, William, said something about the sixth day..."  
  
"Of course!" Wesley nodded, rising and walking up to the shelf running along one wall on which books and heaps of paper, as well as notebooks, were gathered.  
  
He immediately got the one of the latter he had been aiming for, opening it up to the page where he had written down the translation as well as their own interpretations of the prophecy.  
  
"'...There shall be silence as the people arises in acknowledgement and trust," he nodded, reading the passage out loud as he once more faced the group. "You were right, Fred," he added and the girl looked up with a slightly surprised look on her face. "You thought the 'people' might be a reference to something other than the human race. Now it seems quite obvious that the prophecy points to a more demonic view of the text. They have risen together as their Elders must have told them of what is to come."  
  
Buffy frowned once more, not sure that she was following this train of thought.  
  
"It makes sense," Wesley continued. "A prophet documented in the underworld, going by a demonic name... Of course his prophecy will have major ties to the world from which he stemmed. If not all of the text was for his kin, if some of it truly was meant for the human world to know of, then why is there not one record of it anywhere?"  
  
"Not all prophecies were meant to be known," Fred cut in.  
  
"No," Wesley agreed. "But this one was."  
  
Buffy rose quietly, meeting the eyes of Susannah as the former was about to leave the room. Buffy smiled tryingly and the brunette returned it, all be it reluctantly. Then she nodded a little and Buffy knew that she would want to know how he was doing. Buffy returned the nod and then slipped out of the room.  
  
She walked up the stairs to the third floor, which hosted his bedroom.  
  
Darren Walker had proven to be a gem of an acquaintance. He was half demon and skilled in a vast variety of medicine and remedies. He had spent half an hour with the injured and concluded that he had stopped the blood-flow successfully, but that the bandages needed to be changed every five hours over the next twenty-four hours. Then he had given Spike a few drops of a potion which Darren explained would make up for the blood loss.  
  
Buffy paused outside the door of his room, placing her hand against the worn wood and wondering what had possessed him to go with her. Why had she let him?! She was such a fool. She had nearly forgotten that he could get hurt. And as a reminder he had. She didn't even want to stray in the outer boundaries of what would have happened if he had died. Again. God, she wouldn't have been able to take it.  
  
She slid her hand to the doorknob and turned it carefully, pushing the door to stand slightly ajar before she poked her head inside.  
  
His eyes were closed. He was sleeping.  
  
She was about to retract when his voice stopped her.  
  
"It's like someone dropped a box of bloody needles inside me."  
  
She smiled at the sound, opening the door and stepping through it, proceeding up to his side. She looked down at him for a moment before she slowly sat down next to him.  
  
"It must be the blood-back-in-body treatment," she replied, voice lowered. "The good thing is it'll have you back on your feet in no time."  
  
"Feels like I've been lying here forever," he murmured, opening his eyes and turning his head to look up at her.  
  
She slid her hand into his, and he held hers back.  
  
"Good rescue," he grumbled and she smiled. "Made me feel like less of a hero, but..." he added and she shook her head.  
  
"You'll always be my champion," she said, moving his hand cautiously to her lips and closing her eyes as she kissed it softly.  
  
He bit back the sudden lump in his throat at her gesture, at her words.  
  
She let their hands move to her lap as she opened her eyes again.  
  
"I was so scared," she then said, not able to hold back her tears. "It would've been my fault all over again!"  
  
"It was NEVER your fault," he shook his head, trying to sit up which only resulted in a mask of pain and he sighed, meeting her gaze and holding it.  
  
"What we're you thinking?!" she now asked. "You had no business coming with me tonight! And ME! God, how the hell could I forget that you could get dead in a fight these days?! I feel so SELFISH! I should've made you stay here, then nothing would've happened to you..."  
  
"Enough!" he stopped her. "Bloody hell, Buffy, you do think high of yourself. You think you - or anyone else - could've made me stay and just watch you go out there alone?"  
  
"Angel could've..."  
  
"Yeah, he could've. But he asked me 'cause he knows I can't just sit on my ass doing nothing, and 'cause he knows I can handle it. Usually. And 'cause he knew I'd rather have gone through fire than do the ass-sitting while you were out there - alone or no. So stop with the self-blame!" he finished and she blinked at her tears before she smiled a little through them.  
  
She hesitated, then let his hand go and carefully climbed up on the bed, placing herself along his side and he looked at her rather quizzical and with a hint of surprise before he opened his arms so that she could place her head on his chest.  
  
He gently put his arms around her and she slipped her right hand up his chest and to the crook of his neck, pressing herself closer as she nestled her face against his throat.  
  
He closed his eyes, holding her tighter and then he moved his head so that he could bury his nose against the top of her head, breathing her scent as casually as he could, but unable to stop himself.  
  
Buffy had closed her eyes as well, her mind filled with nothing but growing relaxation as she finally let her head rest from worries. He was all right, he was healing, and nothing bad would ever happen to him ever again. Not if she had any say in it.  
  
And finally his arms were around her, at last he was close. She had longed for this, ached for it.  
  
She was home.  
  
"How much do you remember?" she murmured, moving her head back so that she could look up at him. "I mean, from your era as a vamp," she added and he smirked.  
  
"Is that what you wanna call it?" he wondered and she smiled a small smile back before she waited for his real reply. "Well, it depends on which part of it you're talking about," he added.  
  
"I mean, from those last moments," she grumbled quietly. "Before you... died."  
  
He held her gaze for the longest time and she swallowed unnoticeably, feeling the tug to move her head forward and grace his lips with hers growing practically overwhelming.  
  
"I remember..." he said quietly, his fingers brushing her cheek again and she closed her eyes as she knew he was about to grant her what she craved.  
  
"You guys won't believe this!" Cordelia's voice shouted as she came up the stairs, continuing down the hallway.  
  
She sounded very excited, but Buffy's curiosity did nothing to prevent the very heavy disappointment as she pulled away from Spike and sat up. He looked at her for a moment, then he smiled and she returned it before turning her head to the door as the other woman burst through it with a wide smile on her face.  
  
Couldn't have waited just five more minutes? Buffy thought glumly. Soap ahoy, whenever things seem to be growing a few degrees warmer... whenever on the brink of some sort of break through... WAM! Here comes the cavalry to blow it off and bring those thoughts to close.  
  
She smiled to herself at that, shaking her head a little and meeting Cordelia's glittering eyes.  
  
"What's with you?" Buffy asked, her smile widening as Cordelia replied:  
  
"We're going to a ball! Can you believe it?! I haven't been out in ages! I have to get a new dress! Us girls can go out for a shopping spree tomorrow! God, this is gonna be SO much fun!"  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow slightly.  
  
"A ball?"  
  
"Well, we're going there to work, but it's still gonna be music and food and people and..."  
  
"Cordy, you do know you need to come up for air sometime, don't you?!" Buffy interrupted with a laugh, rising to her feet. "I have to go see what this is about," she then said, face turned to Spike and he nodded. "I'm betting Angel just might be a bit more coherent," she added and Spike chuckled at that, Buffy grabbing Cordelia's arm and pulling the latter with her as she exited the room.  
  
Spike closed his eyes as the two disappeared from view.  
  
His heart was still beating very hard in his chest.  
  
He had almost kissed her... and she hadn't seemed to have any complaints about it.  
  
He couldn't understand why he felt so unsure around her. He just didn't want to screw it up, not again. He was so scared of ruining the frail structure of their relationship... Well, the moment would present itself where it was time to choose a side of the road. All he really knew was that that side would always be the one she was walking... no matter what happened.  
  
But she had seemed ready to return his kiss, hadn't she?  
  
He was afraid, though. Afraid that whatever she was feeling WAS brought forth by his sudden return into her life, and nothing else...  
  
The answer was out there.  
  
He just needed to find it.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Aw, I really love that you like it and that you dislike Susannah, though those hints are rather subtle. I mean, she is a meddling bitch at times, but at other times rather mellow. That your dislike with her is so strong makes me smile wide! ;)  
  
Very warm thanks to Winters1 (*smirk* Warm thanks to Winters, thought that was pretty funny. But they are warm though!) ;), Ayavalla *hey* :), Night *evil laughter* ;), Taelyn (was Chris cute? And what with the sandbox?) :P, Rachel9 *BIG smile* :), wolf116 (mh, very true) ;), Mel *smiiiiile* :), Captain (Huge congrats on the publication and yes, please! Send it to me, k?!) :) and Christal (WOW, what a review! Xander will be mentioned in paragraph I promise, sit tight. And I agree about the Spike/Buffy love story thing, truly. And I hope you'll get my email 'cause I'll be sending it right after posting this.) :)  
  
Thank you ALL for all your great comments and I just LOVE to read what you're thinking, truly! It's inspiring me to sit down at my laptop so please keep it coming! Thank you for putting in the time!  
  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	8. Eighth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Eighth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-15  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"The Twilight Gathering is THE event in upper-class demon world," Cordelia stated, fluttering about the vampire and Slayer like some overly hype butterfly.  
  
Angel gave her a look to just take it down a few notches, but she didn't seem to notice.  
  
"She's right," he then said to Buffy. "There'll be a lot of people there with links to someone or something who just might know something useful, IF the people in question don't know anything themselves. We'll need to be prepared for some rough hours of hardcore digging."  
  
"And it's hosted?" Buffy asked and Cordelia made a small jump with excitement as she answered before Angel could even open his mouth:  
  
"By Gary Forte! At his amazing flat! It's huge, seriously. I saw pictures of it in Vanity Fair and it was like... three stories, white and black marble, pleather furniture - 'cause that's supposed to be so in right now or something - and oriental rugs as far as your eyes can..."  
  
"Cordelia, PLEASE," Angel stopped her and she swallowed the last words before she gave him an annoyed glare.  
  
"Could you let me be happy for two seconds?" she muttered, her mood level sinking ten notches in one single moment.  
  
"Hey," he said, making her meet his gaze. "I'm sorry, all right? Be happy, just... take it elsewhere."  
  
She shrugged, her smile growing on again and she turned her head in search for a willing victim; finding it in Susannah, rushing over to her flailing the hand which was holding a blue and black invitation.  
  
"You have a good hand with her," Buffy commended and Angel smirked at that, his eyes had followed the dark-haired as she left his side, but now he turned them back on the blonde still before him.  
  
"I try," he then replied, continuing: "About this ball... I think it might be a good idea if we went."  
  
"Duh!" she smiled, gesturing to Cordelia. "I think it's obvious now that she'll set this building on fire if you for some reason said we shouldn't."  
  
"No, that's not what I mean," he said hesitantly. "I mean that you and I should go. Together. As a couple."  
  
Cordelia, though six feet away, quieted down considerably at this revelation. Her head turning to Angel and her eyes looking rather shocked. Buffy had no way of not noticing this, though she didn't show it as her eyebrows rose with the very surprise she herself felt.  
  
"What?" she then asked.  
  
"Giles called me," Angel began to explain. "Seems he took that plea of yours this morning, for some of his expertise, very seriously and he managed to come up with - Gary Forte. Seems Mr. Forte is a Changer, he changes his appearance to suit his means."  
  
"A demon?" Buffy asked and Angel nodded.  
  
"He's built himself an empire to seduce the eye of the mortal world, but every coin has two sides and this one is pretty dark. He is obsessed with the future, anything and everything that has to do with what is to come... His hobby, of course, includes..."  
  
"Prophecies," Buffy filled in.  
  
"Yes. I think we might have to get ready to go further than simple asking around," Angel stated.  
  
"You mean we might need to break and enter, say, his study?" she asked and he merely had an expression on his face saying how right she was. "How convenient then, that this party is held at his flat... But I still don't understand why you'd wanna go with me."  
  
"It's hard to understand why anyone would like to escort you to a ball?" he wondered, a trace of tease in his voice and she smiled.  
  
"You know what I mean," she answered.  
  
"If we're going to get into that room without being detected we'll need to use every skill in the book," he said, voice sober. "Our senses will be our primary tool in order to get us passed eventual guards. There might even be traps, I have no idea and we don't have the time to figure it all out."  
  
"Wait, when is it?" she cut in.  
  
"Tomorrow night," he replied and her eyes grew.  
  
"Are you crazy?" she asked and he shook his head.  
  
"We can do it. We have to! We're running out of time, Buffy. We can't afford leaving any possible solution behind. I need you to do this with me, and if we arrive together it'll be less of a risk that anyone thinks any more of it if they see us walking down a hallway together," he now said.  
  
She really wished she had some argument to come with that would change his mind. Especially since she looked to the side just in time to see Susannah disappear up the stairs, the Slayer having a gut feeling to who's room the brunette was headed. But Buffy knew that Angel was right, and so she grumbled slightly before she answered him:  
  
"Of course I'll go with you."  
  
He smiled his thanks, turning his head and seeing Cordelia walk out through the doors of the garden.  
  
"Excuse me," he said and Buffy watched him go after her.  
  
It was almost strange to think of them together, but on the other hand their care for one another seemed close to palpable and Buffy knew they had been through a lot. It was inevitable that feelings arose, impossible to ignore no matter how hard they might be to interpret in the beginning.  
  
She turned her head and looked at the stairs. She wanted to go up there and stop whatever Susannah was saying to him. She knew that she had lost this round.  
  
She didn't know why she was still uncertain what he felt for her - he had almost kissed her before. At least she thought he had. Perhaps again it had all been in her head... She had to struggle with her insecurity all the time as of late. It was as though the closer she felt she got to him, the more nervous she was that it was all just one wrong move away from falling apart.  
  
And she couldn't let it, not again.  
  
***  
  
Spike turned his head when Susannah entered the room. He returned her smile and watched her pull up a chair to sit down next to the side of the bed. She reached out and took the same hand Buffy had held in hers just a few minutes earlier, in a gentle grip before she said.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey," he replied. "You okay?" he then asked and she shook her head slowly.  
  
"That's supposed to be my question, silly," she said and he smirked.  
  
"What - this? It's just a scratch. Promise," he assured and she looked at him with a warmth in her gaze not difficult to read before she sighed.  
  
"I thought you were done for. I was so angry with Angel," she said and Spike shook his head.  
  
"Don't be mad at him, 's not his fault, love."  
  
"I never thought he should train you, you know that. And now look where it brought you. God, I knew this was gonna happen," she grumbled and he squeezed her hand.  
  
"Then be upset with ME," he said. "Or better yet - don't be. I just can't be anyone else than who I am, and I refuse to sit back and watch everyone else do all the sodding work. Especially after the sort of life - or un- life - I lead. I'm not someone passive, pet. I need to be able to join in."  
  
"Even if it gets you killed?" she asked and he shook his head.  
  
"It hasn't so far," he disagreed. "And look at it from my point of view for a second. If Angel HADN'T trained me, I'd be dead for sure."  
  
She seemed to ease off at that, her face softening and then she smiled.  
  
"Fine, I won't complain anymore," she said and he returned her smile. "Did you hear about the big 'happening' or whatever tomorrow night?"  
  
"Tomorrow night?" he repeated. "Yeah, I think I saw this blur of a human come running in here to jump on the spot, mumbling and screeching about something like it," he then added and Susannah laughed.  
  
"Well, yeah. It's a ball. You know, you in a suit - me in a gown..." she then mumbled tryingly, looking just slightly embarrassed and he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to tell her that if he was going, there was only one woman he could even consider escorting.  
  
"It sounds nice," he nodded. "It's just..."  
  
"Angel asked Buffy," Susannah said as he trailed off in search for the right words and something dreadfully cold clasped his heart, growing colder still as Susannah added: "She accepted, naturally."  
  
Susannah could see his expression change, his complexion as well; she could see how he looked like she had just stabbed him a fresh wound in his side and she felt so bad for him. But she also knew that she could make it better, if he would just give her one chance.  
  
"I just thought that you might like to... go with me," she said, putting her other hand over his as well, having him look at her again.  
  
"Get all posh for you?" he asked, a real smile showing on his lips and her mind jubilated at the sight of it.  
  
Half the win was already hers, it seemed.  
  
"Yeah, and have me get beautiful for you," she then said and he smiled ever warmer at that before he squeezed her hand again.  
  
"You're always that to me," he stated and she looked at him for a moment, feeling her heart flutter with hope. "You have a good soul, it can't help but shine through," he added and the hope was slightly quenched at that rather friendly sentence.  
  
"Neither can yours," she said and he smiled again.  
  
"Thank you," he replied, voice soft and she wondered for the billionth time what kind of an idiot this Buffy was who hadn't loved him from the second she laid eyes on him.  
  
He would have been different back then, certainly, but could he really have been THAT different?  
  
"So..." Susannah said, getting to her feet. "It's a date, then?" she added and he looked up at her before he nodded once more.  
  
"That it is," he agreed and she left the room with a blossom of satisfaction in her chest.  
  
Perhaps all was not lost quite yet after all.  
  
***  
  
It was dark where she was. It was pitch black and when she suddenly stumbled she drew a sharp breath in fear of falling without ever stopping, afraid of being swallowed by the night. She was lost, though she knew she had headed out in search of something. If she could only find it...  
  
She stopped and listened as she thought she had heard a noise behind her.  
  
There was only silence.  
  
What was this place?  
  
It smelled of earth and rock and age.  
  
She carefully reached out a hand and soon it touched the rough surface of a stone wall.  
  
A cavern.  
  
Yes, she could smell water.  
  
She had the most overwhelming notion that she had been there before...  
  
Not much further. No, not much further now.  
  
She steadied herself and began to move forward again, listening to the rhythmic thumping of her pulse in her ears and the slight scratch of her feet as she placed them tentatively on the ground with each new step.  
  
The suddenness of light stinging her eyes made her freeze and raise one hand to shield her face from the unfamiliarity of it as her sight quickly adjusted. She squinted, lowering her arm again as she stared at the well in the cavern floor before her. The water in it glittered invitingly and she realized how incredibly thirsty she was.  
  
She must have been walking for hours.  
  
The light came from below the still surface and as she approached it a ray shot up and gently graced the ceiling. She furrowed her brow as she tilted her head back and looked at the spot on which it now rested. There was an "A" carved into the stone and around it glowed a white ring. It was as though the light imbedded itself into the carving of the latter, circling within its dents and crannies and making it shimmer.  
  
She sunk to her knees, her eyes once more going to the water and her throat drying up even further at the thought of letting the liquid slide over her tongue. She had a moment of hesitation, feeling like she shouldn't give in to the need, but failing to stop herself. Bending forward she plunged her hands deep beneath the surface, letting the coolness of the water envelope her fingers before she cupped her palms and brought both of them as a bowl to her lips.  
  
She drank greedily but deeply, her eyes closed and her mind filling with growing dizziness.  
  
She didn't know where the sudden urge came from, but it overpowered her completely and before she had a chance to truly react she had thrown the last of the liquid away from her with a yell of disgust and as she opened her eyes they grew wide with that very emotion.  
  
The well was glimmering red as the blood it now contained rippled from her movement. The coppery taste stuck to every single cell of her mouth and she stared in abhorrer as she scrambled backwards.  
  
The light had been extinguished, but an eerie residue seemed to linger against the walls and she could still see her surroundings as she got to her feet.  
  
She blinked and then raised her gaze to the ceiling again.  
  
The "A" was smudged in a very strange way and the ring had turned black.  
  
Suddenly the surface of the blood gave way for something. The darkened shape of something now bopped calmly on it and she eyed it in suspicion before it hit her. She recognized it and it wasn't a something at all - it was a someone.  
  
She was by the edge in the next instant, reaching out her arms and grabbing the shoulder which was all that was really showing. Pulling the body forcefully to her and dragging it up, the legs still in the thick liquid as she rolled it over and stared down at the pale face of someone gone forever.  
  
But he was there...  
  
Oh, God, let him be okay. Let him live.  
  
She was trembling as she bent over him and let her hands gently stroke his cheeks, his brow, his hair.  
  
Open your eyes. Look at me. Spike...  
  
He coughed and stirred slightly before he did as she pleaded and eased his eyes open. They looked at her in wonderment, disoriented for a second before he smiled and reached up one hand to slide it over her cheek.  
  
"Buffy," he whispered and she returned the smile as the tears that had been building ran over.  
  
"Spike," she said. "I have to tell you..."  
  
But he shook his head, cutting her short before he caught his breath as his gaze grew pained and he got out:  
  
"Watch out for the big, black bird."  
  
Then his eyes closed as his head lolled to the side and she could feel his body growing warmer. Her eyes widened as he began to glow and then he burst into flames in her arms, turning into nothing but soft dust slipping through her fingers.  
  
She bent her head and let the sobs rip through her.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey! Hope all is well, all is with me. ;) Didn't think I'd get to update because I was having major problems accessing the site, but as you can see they worked out so - yay! :)  
  
Special thanks to Winters1 (*smile* I am happy you're enjoying it in spite of Susannah, and well, all I can say is that I read your plea bright and clear, k?) ;) and wolf116 (woah, glad to in store so many thoughts about this chapter! :) Well, and other 'things' too of course. Hehe. It's so nice to read what parts you enjoyed, girl. It's always wonderful when you readers are detailed! Even if it's detail in one line it's wonderful! :) Thank you so much for sharing! And who wouldn't want Spike/James?! Some crazy person in diar need of hospitalization, I'd say! ;) Anyways, I'm happy you have something to agree on with your sister!) :).  
  
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as well!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	9. Ninth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Ninth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-16  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Buffy woke with a jerk, sitting up in bed with her heart hammering in her chest.  
  
Looking at the clock on her bedside table she saw that it was close to eight o'clock in the morning and just as she slid to the edge of the bed there was a knock on her door.  
  
"Be right down!" she called out, trying to steady her heart beat as she got to her feet on shaky legs.  
  
She needed to speak with Angel, straight away.  
  
"Just wanted to let you know that breakfast's ready," Cordelia said through the door and Buffy opened it, rushing through it and making the other take a surprised step back. "You look terrible," Cordelia stated, following the Slayer who merely gave her a look over her shoulder.  
  
Angel turned his head their way when they entered the kitchen, and at the expression on Buffy's face he dropped what he was doing and met her halfway.  
  
"What's happened?" he asked and she shook her head.  
  
"Nothing. Well, I mean, something's happened, but..." She trailed off, trying to make a less mess of the jumbled memories of pictures and words from what she had just dreamed. "Nothing's happened that'll need us armed and ready... I think," she then said, now having the rest of the assembled group's attention directed on her as well.  
  
She noticed Spike was missing, making a mental note to make him breakfast in bed - if he was in fact still in it.  
  
"Okay," she now said, "how do I say this...? Remember my dreams that I've been having?" Angel nodded. "Well, the one I had last night... it changed. It had a different warning in it. I told you I'd had this dream for a couple of months now, right? Right. And that Sp-... William spoke in it for the first time just a few nights ago. He said it was 'upon us'... Not so positive. Okay, last night he told me to 'watch out for the big, black bird'," she stated, rather hopefully as she finished: "Does that say anything to you?"  
  
Angel shook his head and Buffy's face clouded slightly.  
  
"But that doesn't have to mean that it's not important!" he tried to reassure her.  
  
"Right," she sighed. "Just another piece to fit into the puzzle," she added gloomily. "There's something else too..." she then said silently, grabbing his arm and pulling him aside before she finished: "I don't know why - but something's just telling me that the letter A in my dream isn't referring to you... Look, the whole point of my Slayer dreams is to grant me warnings... I usually know at least something to go on and often I really have to trust my instincts in order to interpret the signs and this just doesn't scream 'Angel' to me. I can't explain it. It's just... Well, you're the one person I actually know who START with an A," she said and once again he nodded, listening with obvious interest; she continued: "So, why didn't I link the dream to you two months ago? Why didn't I fly here instead of back to England? That's the two-thousand dollar question and I happen to have the answer: because it's referring to someone else."  
  
Angel frowned at that.  
  
"But..." he began, not finding anymore words to add to the sentence as this information sunk in and she nodded.  
  
"Exactly," she agreed.  
  
"You don't wanna tell the others?" he asked.  
  
"You can, if you want to. I didn't mean it to seem like it was for your ears only, I just..." she replied, then smiled a little.  
  
"Wanted a heads on reaction?" he wondered and her smile widened.  
  
"Yeah, and it worked perfectly with mine, so I think you should fill the others in... I mean, the more brains working out the problem, the quicker it might get solved, right?" she replied and he returned her smile, giving a nod that he agreed. "Is Spike up?" she asked casually, Angel's smile broadening just a tad.  
  
"Yeah, actually he is." There went breakfast in bed. "He's out in the garden," he answered and she smiled a little coyly before she hesitated, and when he merely smiled back she turned and left the room.  
  
She came to a slow stop in the doorway leading out from the foyer and into the spot where Spike currently was. Leaning against the frame she watched him as he leisurely strolled about the rows of rose bushes and wildflowers. They seemed to be growing pretty much by their own accord, but stood in pretty contrast to the gray stone building which surrounded them.  
  
He carried a notebook in one hand and a pen in the other, from time to time jotting something down and then sinking back into whatever thoughts occupied his mind. He looked very determined, very concentrated and extremely sexy.  
  
She smiled at the thought.  
  
Three years ago he would already have been pouncing at her by now. He would have sensed her coming through the foyer... He would have been ready with an everlasting smirk and a cocky raise of one eyebrow. He would have asked her what the bloody hell she was staring at like that, and then he would have made no secret of how much he was enjoying it. The leverage he had over her back in those days... It sure had been a few intense months they had shared.  
  
And following those months came a chaotic year where he had turned his existence on end for her sake... And she had slowly, but surely, had to understand what she felt for him. How much she felt for him. And then he had died.  
  
She swallowed, breaking the chain of thoughts and stepping out onto the small platform which lead to the steps taking her down to him. She took the latter and approached him as he was just scribbling another row down on the paper in his hand.  
  
She came to stop almost right beside him and he smiled a small smile, not looking at her, as he said:  
  
"Morning."  
  
"Morning," she agreed. "Been up long?"  
  
"Long enough," he replied with a shrug, turning around and being one fraction of a second away from stepping into the part of the garden illuminated by the rays of morning sun.  
  
"Spike!" she said, stopping him by grabbing his arm and pulling him back into the shade.  
  
Then she realized what she had done and she let his arm go with an apology written all across her features.  
  
"I'm sorry," she stammered, shaking her head. "I just..."  
  
He was, however, smirking widely, eyeing her in obvious amusement as he waited for her to continue and finally she gave it up and pretty much glared at him.  
  
"It's not THAT funny," she muttered and he laughed.  
  
"Yeah, it is," he disagreed. "Do you have any idea how long it took me to not pause every time I was about to take that step into the sun right after I was turned human?"  
  
She smiled at that.  
  
"What're you writing?" she asked and he shrugged, closing the notebook and then tucking it in one of his back-pockets before he answered:  
  
"Nothing important."  
  
She didn't believe him for a second, but didn't want to push it. He reached out and slid his hand in hers before giving her a look and before she had time to react he pulled her with him into the warmth of the sun. She giggled as he twirled her around and then they slowed to a stop, facing each other.  
  
"Wow," he mumbled and she raised her eyebrows quizzically as he moved one hand up to gently grace the corner of her left eye.  
  
His fingertips brushed over her cheek and she closed her eyes, sliding her hands up his chest and stepping into him before she wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight embrace which he returned, pressing her to him.  
  
"Buffy!" Fred called and Buffy sighed, turning her head to the woman though she kept it resting against Spike's shoulder.  
  
"Yes?" she then asked.  
  
"We're heading out, it's a one hour drive to the good stores," the other replied, looking rather remorseful as she knew she must have interrupted something.  
  
"I haven't eaten breakfast," Buffy stated. "I haven't dressed!" she added and Fred smiled.  
  
"Okay, then, you have half an hour, make the most of it," she said before turning and walking back inside.  
  
Buffy grumbled.  
  
"Shopping for clothes is supposed to be FUN!" she muttered and Spike smiled at her as she pulled back and looked up at him with her trademark pout on. "It's not supposed to feel like an obligation," she added.  
  
His smile suddenly minimized, and then he said:  
  
"Well, just think of Angel."  
  
Her eyebrows rose at that.  
  
"Angel?" she asked and Spike nodded a little.  
  
"Yeah, you wanna go get all pretty for him, don't you?" he wondered and she stared at him.  
  
"Spike, that's not at all..."  
  
"You're not ready?" Susannah's voice cut her off and Buffy resisted a glare as she turned her head to the woman. "Come on, chop-chop!" the girl hurried her on, coming down the steps as the two blondes reluctantly let go of each other.  
  
"When I get back..." Buffy said and Spike smiled, still she could tell of a trace of sadness in his eyes and she cursed herself for not explaining the deal with Angel last night.  
  
"Go get dressed," Susannah encouraged and Buffy couldn't mask her growing impatience with the woman any longer, giving her a look which she hoped told the latter to butt the hell out before the Slayer turned and walked in through the glass doors. "We're all waiting for YOU!" Susannah called after her.  
  
"Be careful," Spike said with the hint of a smirk on his mouth as he walked passed Susannah as well. "You don't wanna piss her off."  
  
"I think I can take her," Susannah replied, watching him go and squaring her shoulders before she followed. "I'm pretty sure I could," she added firmly, though out of hearing range of him.  
  
***  
  
Spike looked at the picture in the book before him, then bent forward to reach another book, pulling the second to him he compared the picture in the latter with that of the former and frowned. Getting to his feet he walked from his place by the research table and over to the shelf containing material and notes. Looking for a moment he then found the notepad he wanted, flipping it open he began to read what he had written in it nearly three months earlier.  
  
His eyes grew slightly.  
  
"Angel!" he yelled. "Angel! Come here!"  
  
The vampire in question soon appeared in the doorway with a wondering expression and the bleached blonde waved at him to come and see what he had found.  
  
"I was thinking this might have ties to Greece and creatures which figurate in their mythology," he said and Angel nodded, urging him to go on; which Spike did, saying: "Now, I went down that road a few months back and then left it when I couldn't find a single lead... Back then it was the stars part of the prophecy, and how they have aligned and WILL align with 'the god of fire' that got me thinking of Greek astronomy et cetera. And just now it hit me what I must've overlooked before! Egypt!"  
  
Angel straightened his posture slightly at this, getting a gleam in his eyes which Spike recognized and the latter nodded eagerly before walking around to his place and pointing to the books lying belly-up there.  
  
"The god of fire could be a reference to Aton, the ancient Egyptian sun- god," Spike stated triumphantly. "I can't believe I didn't connect the dots before, but I guess it was too bloody obvious," he added as Angel came around to look at the pictures in the two bands showing drawings of worshippers before two human forms and in the sky there was a large golden sun looking as though set afire. "There's a lot more to this," Spike added. "And I think I actually may have enough to support this theory. I may have found our monster."  
  
"My boy, I think you've struck gold," Angel commended, smiling widely. "You need to give me the details."  
  
"Take a seat," Spike replied, nodding to a chair. "It's a bit complicated."  
  
Angel did as he asked, sitting down and Spike did as well, thinking for a moment before he began.  
  
"About three-thousand-five-hundred years ago there lived a king and queen in Egypt set to change the course of history for their country. The pharaoh had always been forced to share his power with a group of individuals seen with as much reverie as he himself was - these were the high priests of the cult of Amon, keepers of Egypt's most important god said to dwell in the deepest corridor of the temple of Karnak, over which the cult of Amon guarded. The pharaoh, as well as his wife, wanted to break the priest's source of power and so they created their own religion - through the sun- god Aton. Where Amon was cloaked in darkness, Aton shone brightly...  
  
The Amon priests saw the temples built for Aton as sacrilege, and to thwart the uprising conspiracy to murder the king the royal couple fled the ancient capitol of Thebes to build for themselves a new city - Amarna. The Egyptian people had no choice but to follow their leader and Amarna quickly grew... But the pharaoh and his queen had darker intents than merely letting the subject of Amon lie. They started a revolution, plundering the temple of Karnak for funds and beginning an uprooting of the religion of Amon. These were bad times for Egypt... The country was thrust into a crisis of faith as gods known throughout the ages were declared a lie, while nothing of substance seemed to be offered in their stead.  
  
Aton made the king and queen into deities themselves as the only way of worship was to bow down before them in order to have the prayers of the people passed on to the god. And see here..." Spike stopped his story, turning a few pages of the book closest to him before showing a picture of an old stone carving. "This is not a person in awe," he said, "this is a person groveling. Everything seemed to have taken a rather disturbing turn, wouldn't you say? Well, a chain of events lead up to the final demise of the worship of Aton. The first of these was a plague haunting the city of Amarna. The rest is mostly speculation, but the fact is that the cult of the sun-god was laid to rest nearly two decades after it had been born."  
  
Angel cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Quite a tale," he commented. "The pharaoh of course being Echnaton?" he then asked and Spike nodded. "And the queen..."  
  
"Nefertiti," Spike filled in.  
  
"Why do I get the feeling there is more to the story?" Angel inquired and Spike smirked.  
  
"'Cause this version is the HUMAN one," he then replied simply.  
  
***  
  
"Wait, wait, wait," Buffy said, six hours later and Spike stopped his telling. "This Anton guy..." she added and he smirked.  
  
"Aton," he corrected. "And that's 'god'."  
  
She merely rolled her eyes at him before continuing:  
  
"Okay, this Aton GOD is really a demon?" she asked and Spike nodded.  
  
"According to one of the oldest - and dustiest - history books yours truly could dig up in the matter of two hours, Aton, or Satoch, infiltrated the course of power - power being the main thing that makes this demon tick - through Nefertiti. He possessed her and through her he also got to the king, poisoning both of their minds with visions of power... And he got the chaos he wanted."  
  
"But you said that the religion died out..."  
  
"Yeah, it did," he nodded. "According to the book of Toob, which is the one I've focused on, the plague that swept in over Amarna was sent there by the priests of Amon. Amon, you see, was a powerful demon as well. He is christened Aatoch by the author of the book of Toob, and is supposed to be the opposite of Satoch. Where Satoch craves mayhem, Aatoch prefers order to things. Actually Aatoch is supposedly one of the few demons who seek out peace. The text says that he prefers to lay latent and that the fact of him being stooped into the image of a god was mere coincidence as the first high priest stumbled across his place of rest at a moment when Aatoch was in a state of... wake."  
  
Buffy smiled a little, then said:  
  
"This is growing into a history lesson. Sorry I didn't bring an apple, teacher sir."  
  
He gave her a look at that, and her smile widened.  
  
"I suppose, though," Susannah spoke up and Spike slowly let Buffy's eyes go for turning his own on the other girl, "that Satoch wasn't going to be defeated that easily?" she finished.  
  
"You're, unfortunately, very right," Spike replied. "After the plague, which killed a lot of Satoch's - or rather Aton's - followers, there seem to be a question mark left. No one really knows what happened, only that Satoch lost his power and that it's probable that Aatoch had something to do with it. Some think that Nefertiti outlived her husband and after he had died she ruled in his stead, that the king documented as Achnaton's successor is actually his queen taking another name... However, Nefertiti died as well, and with her the last trace of Satoch."  
  
"And all this was over three-thousand years ago, right?" Gunn asked, his face rather incredulous.  
  
"Yes," Wesley replied. "But it is of little matter, of course. Satoch and Aatoch existed three-thousand years ago, and they most certainly exist today. If a man has a vision for two days after Satoch was defeated or for a decade later or for two millennia later... It is of little consequence, wouldn't you agree?"  
  
"Yeah," Gunn replied. "I guess I would."  
  
"Okay, so WHAT is it that you've figured out, exactly?" Buffy asked, having Spike's eyes in hers again. "I mean... Aton is the god of fire? What does that mean, then?"  
  
"That Satoch is what is about to wake," Spike answered her. "He was, and this is according to legend and not history, blinded by the sun on the morning of his very birth... So, too much seem to fit for us to discard this as what we've been looking for."  
  
"You found our Big Bad?" she asked and he smirked before giving a small bow.  
  
"Tonight I want to look for the missing piece of our prophecy," Angel stated. "That's what Buffy and myself will be engaged in. The battle plan is simple - there is none. We'll have to go on feeling on this one, people."  
  
"Ready, set, steal?" Buffy asked as she rose and the rest followed her lead.  
  
"No, no, that's a dirty word," Gunn replied. "We 'borrow'."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Facts of Egyptian history based on facts taken from a (and don't mock the cliché here) Discovery channel episode following Joann Fletcher's work on the missing mummy of Nefertiti. All deep thoughts on the queen's fate reserved to Ms. Fletcher. And I hope me borrowing it will not end me up in court! *tremble*  
  
All further deep thoughts than that which lay within the scientific realm are products of yours truly. Satoch and Aatoch being produced by these thoughts. ;) Just to clearify, if it is needed.  
  
People, people! I thank you all dearly for a stash of great fun feedback!  
  
Very warm thanks to Winters1 (*lol* You're deperate enough to bribe me?! Okay, so I'm glad you're thinking of this as good work, anyways. Hope you liked this chapter! And... sorry.) :), wol116 (*smirks* How did you know? Oh, and don't worry about the plot, girl, I've got the whole thing actually already worked out in my head - I just need to get the scramble of words down on paper! :) It IS great to have you guessing, though, and it's so much fun reading what you're thinking! Of course, if you're even close - I'll never tell.) ;), Hope (thank ya and I SO feel accomplished! *smile*) ;), Taelyn (*smiles wide* I know, it IS hard to get used to William, isn't it? It's just so... not Spike, somehow. *smirk* Glad ya liked the kissing thing... ;) And you like Chrises then? Heh-heh. I am, as always, obliged that you enjoy my work. Hope this chapter was no exception!) :), Captain (I'll head for my email right now. I don't check it that often 'cause our computer is SO damn slow you wouldn't believe it! I'm so glad you're still liking this story! Thanks for sharing!) :), MissK (Oh, why, I take that as a very nice compliment! And I hoooped this was fast enough!) ;), skybound (*smiles over the Susannah and the hate thing* :) And she WILL not be so much an enigma throughout, I promise! And I will aim for one chapter a day, my friend! And what was this about a hurricane? That's totally cool, though perhaps not from your perspective, I suppose...) ;), Tobert (*wide smile* Susannah is one disliked chick! Heh-heh. But it is fun that you're liking this!) :) and Jam (So glad you're enjoying and about the Susannah bit - it's nice to read another point of view on her. I totally respect that, it's really cool to read your thoughts on the whole scenario. Thanks for the share!!!) :)  
  
I know this chapter was bursting with new information and I really hope you guys didn't think it was difficult to digest it all. Any questions please don't hesitate to ask me, okay? Not that I think you're idiots or anything! It's just easy to get blinded by facts when you know all of them in your head, and then when you wanna make them clear to others they might not be. Clear, I mean. Okay, any messed up brains - let me try to straighten them out. And EW, gross thought. ;)  
  
HOPE you enjoyed the chapter!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	10. Tenth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Tenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-16  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"Willow!" Buffy said as the Wicca finally picked up her phone.  
  
"Buffy?" the other asked, voice coarse. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"  
  
"Oh, my God - I totally forgot the time difference thing! If I say I'm sorry you'll forgive me right?" she asked, not waiting for a reply as she continued: "Okay, super important question!"  
  
"'Super important'?" Willow repeated, the sarcasm going by unnoticed by the other as she merely went on:  
  
"Do you think pink is my color? Really? 'Cause I bought this dress and now I'm having reservations." She could hear Willow pull herself up in bed, the former beginning to grow impatient with the time it took the redhead to form a reply. "Well?!" she finally burst out.  
  
"Woah, what are you on?" Willow asked with a huff. "Just let me get my head back on, you know how I unscrew it and detach it from my neck before going to bed!" she added and Buffy began to clench and unclench her left hand.  
  
"Right now I am treading dangerously close to crawling out of my skin and I wanna have someone else tell me if I made the right decision in buying the dress or not! It's not much I'm asking!" she exclaimed.  
  
"Jeez," Willow grumbled. "No, it's not much you're asking except it's THREE- O'CLOCK-IN-THE-MORNING!"  
  
"Did I not say I was sorry? Please, please, please, help me," the Slayer begged and Willow muttered something before she sighed and said:  
  
"I'd say pink is a great color for you, depending on what the dress looks like."  
  
"It's a gown."  
  
"A gown? Where are you going in a gown?"  
  
"It's this social event thing-y and... Well, the skirt is long and with a lot of fabric and it's really this Cinderella sort of clash with Sleeping Beauty and it's... pretty, I think," Buffy said.  
  
"Great, you'll be pretty in pink, then," Willow stated, making Buffy practically gulp.  
  
"Oh, God," she said.  
  
"What now?" Willow asked.  
  
"Well... do you think that'll be my label for the evening? Pretty?"  
  
"I...dunno."  
  
"'Cause that's not what I was going for."  
  
"Who were you going for?"  
  
"Spike - I want him to..." she cut herself off as she realized what Willow had just done and when she could hear the suppressed giggle of the redhead Buffy frowned. "Funny," she muttered.  
  
"Couldn't resist," Willow apologized.  
  
"Well, it's just that there's this other... woman," Buffy grumbled.  
  
"For SPIKE?!" Willow sputtered, though Buffy didn't hear the clear laughter in her voice as she continued:  
  
"Her name's Susannah. SUSANNAH! It sounds so... plain. Like, William and Susannah. It doesn't sound right, does it?" she asked, again merely rambling on before Willow could properly reply. "You know, he never really liked my name."  
  
"What?" Willow was able to put in and Buffy nodded, stepping into the dress as she secured the receiver between her shoulder and ear and then pulled the former up; as the zipper was situated in her side at least that was no big deal.  
  
"Well, he didn't," Buffy said. "When we were getting married he told me so," she added.  
  
"Marri-...? Buffy! That's four years ago! And you were under a spell! MY spell!" Willow disagreed.  
  
"No, you didn't hear him. He was all 'oh-and-Buffy'll-give-it-that-touch-of- classic-elegance', or something not far from it. He doesn't like my name," the Slayer stated firmly. "He probably thinks 'Susannah' is NORMAL and... nice."  
  
"Buffy," Willow said, voice reprimanding.  
  
"At least I do like the way he says it," the blonde sighed. "Okay, I have to finish getting ready! Thanks, Will! You've been a great help! Good night."  
  
"Good night," Willow agreed and Buffy hung up the phone.  
  
Then she turned and looked at herself in the tall mirror. She didn't want to be overly critical, but she felt a small nervous flutter in her stomach when she thought of Spike. What if he didn't like the dress she had chosen? What if he wasn't how she thought he was...?  
  
She had gone for a good girl's sex appeal... which might have seemed a little screwed up, but she hadn't been able to make up her mind if she should go for something she was absolutely convinced Spike would have loved way back when; or if she should go for something a sensitive man would be able to fall for. William was sensitive.  
  
But he wasn't two separate persons, he was him and so she had thought that something in between might be just right. Hopefully.  
  
She twirled, keeping her eyes on the mirror, and then tried a smile. She was pretty satisfied.  
  
The color of the dress was a pale pink. It had a straight cut in the front and a deep cut in the back - which was the sex appeal. She thought. What if he didn't?  
  
Get. A. Grip.  
  
She nodded her consent to that. She definitely had to get a grip. She wasn't even attending the stupid ball with him. But, by all that was good, she wanted to outshine that nitwit Susannah!  
  
No, Buffy, don't think like that. Susannah is nice enough.  
  
Yeah, she was nice enough, she just wasn't gone enough. She was always there! During the day she had been the one who had taken the longest time choosing a gown. Sure, Buffy hadn't been the first either - but toward the fifth hour Buffy had thought that Susannah was doing nothing but stalling. It was as though the other didn't want them to return to the hotel too early, and Buffy recalled how Susannah had heard Buffy tell Spike that she wanted to speak with him when she got back.  
  
Susannah didn't PLAN it! the voice of reason spoke up and she sighed. You're being paranoid.  
  
What if he likes her more than he likes me? What if this whole change of body and this whole experience has just made him move on? she shot before she smiled as she shook her head at herself. He almost kissed me, she then reminded herself. Would he have done that if he...?  
  
Yeah, she cut herself short. But the next moment he was asking the NITWIT out on a date!  
  
She probably exaggerated the whole you going with Angel thing!  
  
And we're back to Susannah and her master plotting, she grumbled. Let it go.  
  
She nodded a little to herself again and turned from the mirror as she straightened out the billowing skirt of her gown.  
  
It was a very beautiful creation she had gotten her hands on. Now she could only wish that he would think the same, and that it suited its owner...  
  
She swallowed, feeling a slight tremble at the thought of facing him, then wised up and went to get her pocketbook. He had seen her dressed up before, after all. It would be fine, no matter.  
  
Still, she took a small breath before she ventured out into the hallway.  
  
"You look incredible!" Cordelia said and Buffy turned her head to her as the dark-haired came toward her down the hall.  
  
"So do you," Buffy replied, and she truly meant it.  
  
The dark blue dress which Cordelia had chosen did nothing to hide her amazing figure, it fit her perfectly. The former seer beamed at that, then she gave a small shrug.  
  
"Thanks," she said.  
  
"I take it Angel... explained," Buffy asked and Cordelia looked a bit tentative before she wondered:  
  
"Explained what?"  
  
"Oh, don't try it, girlfriend," Buffy shook her head. "I've seen how you look at him. And... how he looks at you."  
  
Cordelia's eyes grew questioning, a spot of hope in them that Buffy couldn't miss and the Slayer smiled to underline that she was serious in her statement. Cordelia returned the smile and was about to say something when Angel joined them, making her seemingly change the words into:  
  
"Is Wesley ready yet?" and merely giving the vampire a brief glance before she looked passed his shoulder. "I'm gonna go see if he needs help with his tie," she added, walking passed the vampire who seemed to want to tell her how wonderful she looked, not getting the chance as she made herself scarce and Buffy couldn't help but smirk.  
  
"She's crazy about you, of course," she then said teasingly and Angel met her gaze before he smiled as well.  
  
There were steps down the stairs and Buffy turned around. After another two seconds Spike appeared and she felt her heart slow painfully in her chest as she stared at the black suit and crisp white shirt he was in, a black bow-tie around his neck. He looked fantastic. No, better than that.  
  
She felt s surge of contentment at the look in his eyes as they rested on her. His jaw dropped slightly and she could have sworn she saw a trace of a blush on his cheeks. He was staring.  
  
Spike couldn't help but. She looked goddess-like; striking, with her mane of blonde cascading over her shoulders and down her back. Her beauty never ceased to catch him off guard. He suddenly remembered he had to breathe and drew a slow breath, his eyes still fixed in hers and as he noticed the small yet pleased smile on her lips he smirked.  
  
She herself did seem to be enjoying what she was seeing, didn't she?  
  
Neither of them reacted to the fourth party joining their group, nor did they for the following fifteen seconds. But then that party cleared her throat and they blinked, both turning their head to her.  
  
"Sannah," Spike greeted with a smile. "You look astonishing," he added, and she returned his smile.  
  
She had chosen an emerald green dress which had a late twenties feel to it, the skirt had a slit from her right foot and all the way up to a mere two inches below her right hip and it had a low cut in front as well as back. She did look astonishing.  
  
However, Buffy's mind was put at least a little at ease as Spike's blues found hers again.  
  
Susannah slipped one hand in his as she too noticed his focus going back to the other woman, but though he held it back his eyes didn't leave Buffy and Susannah's heart sank to settle heavily below her ribs.  
  
"Well, shall we?" Angel asked and Buffy nodded, making as to take a step forward to put her hand on Spike's arm, but then she realized that wasn't her place and she turned her eyes out of Spike's and to the vampire with a slightly apologetic smile.  
  
He returned it with ease as she slid her hand to lay on the arm he had hooked for her, and then he led her toward the stairs. She could hear Spike and Susannah following, but she tried not to think of them together. She wanted to make Angel understand that she wasn't appalled by the fact of him taking her.  
  
"You look very handsome," she said and he smiled.  
  
"And you look as breathtaking as always," he assured, making her smile widely.  
  
"Cute," she then said as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "I take it the pun was intended? You not needing to breathe and all," she added and he gave her a reproachful look before he stated:  
  
"You know if I had one to take away you'd be the one to pull it off."  
  
She smirked at that, giving his arm a squeeze before releasing it, turning to the other couple and noticing the third and fourth just coming down the stairs.  
  
Fred looked as the three other ladies; wearing a white, sleeveless gown she was quite the sight.  
  
"And we're hoping to not cause a stir," Wesley said as the eight of them stood assembled in the foyer, everybody looking wondering and he smiled. "You lovely women will be like a breeze of fresh air; impossible to ignore, impossible to not miss once it's gone."  
  
"Didn't know you were such a sweet-talker, Wes," Cordelia teased, his smile merely widening.  
  
As they all headed for the door the anticipation intensified. Whatever they were about to meet-and-greet they needed to be on their guard; all of them. This night might make them, or break them. They might end up with answers, or more questions.  
  
Buffy felt ready for anything as she slipped into the backseat of Susannah's car, Spike volunteering to drive as the owner of the vehicle was in disabling high heels. The Slayer listened attentively to the conversation between the two and tried to slip into a role fitting a high societee, trying to relax as she felt a comforting pat on one hand from Angel.  
  
She granted him a half smile before she turned her eyes back to look out the window.  
  
Ready for anything at all, she thought as the sound of Spike's low laugh reached her ears. Almost, she added to herself.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, you guys SO light up my life!  
  
Special and warm thanks to Winters1 (Glad you enjoyed the Spuffy cuddling!) :), wolf116 (thanks for the email and keep on guessing, okay? I always wanna know!) ;), MissK (why, thank you, I'm glad you like the plot. And also happy that you like this - me, replying. And, I have quite a few more elses up my sleeve.) ;), Tobert (hahah - mild retardation for Susannah? You don't want me to go easy on her at all!) :), learyl (*smiles* I loved the "disrespect of Susannah for the intricate history and amazing journey of Buffy and Spike" comment! And, I agree! ;) Great that you're enjoying the story line!) :), Mel (Great comments, girl! Real nice that you like the Egyptian deal and also fun to read that you liked the "Angie" bit.) :) and Captain (Lovely that you're enjoying the Spuffy moments, and sorry about them not being enough. :( :). Also, theories huh? Theories are good.) :)  
  
All of you, thank you! So glad you're still with me on this!  
  
And, as always, hope you liked this chapter as well!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	11. Eleventh

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Eleventh-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-17  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
The flat of Gary Forte was everything Cordelia had claimed it would be, and more. It was decked out in silver for the party and everywhere were candles burning, giving the ten rooms throughout which the Twilight Gathering was held a mystic and aged air. With the contents of beautiful people dressed up in beautiful creations it seemed to be the perfect backdrop.  
  
Gary Forte himself stood at the door, greeting all his guests by name and he gave Angel a handshake and a nod as though they had known each other since the age of toddler. Angel returned it, keeping a strictly professional exterior, and then the group spread out as they all began to mingle.  
  
There was truly a mixture in the crowd; and though it seemed to consist largely of the demonic part of society, there were a selected few of the human part as well. Buffy soon concluded that these must be very close and personal friends of Forte's; otherwise he clearly wouldn't have let them join in an event as exclusive as this one was.  
  
How Angel had come across his invitations, not only for himself but for all of them, he had explained by one single word and then left it at that: contacts.  
  
Now Buffy moved from his right side to his left, sipping her champagne and smiling at what she thought was a Datrot demon, which smirked back.  
  
"So far I count seven," she said out of the corner of her mouth to Angel, referring to their largest obstacle of heavy looking men on just as heavy guard-duty.  
  
Angel nodded.  
  
"Most of them located around the stairs to the second floor," he agreed very quietly as well and she gave him a look.  
  
"Then that's where we're headed," she said, putting her glass down on a nearby table and then smiling at him as he put his arm around her waist and escorted her further into the room.  
  
There were five smaller rooms being used purely for conversation and card- playing, one of these being an amazing library which Buffy was sure would make even Giles' eyes grow rather round. Wesley had tried to hide how he himself was impressed by the extensive collection, but he did a poor job of it and Cordelia mocked him relentlessly.  
  
One larger room was proprietor of a long, wide mahogany table loaded with all sorts of foods for the jumble of party-goers. It seemed Forte had deterred, however, from serving food which was alive and Buffy had to admit she was rather grateful.  
  
Two rooms were no smaller than halls and they were both illuminated by great, glittering chandeliers. The first held a live orchestra of twelve tux-clad musicians who at least looked human, joined by a very pretty female singer. People were flowing in an endless twirling mass about the dark wooden floor and the mirrors, hung on eggshell painted walls, reflected most of them.  
  
In the second room tables were set out, used for dining at as the food was not permitted in any of the other rooms.  
  
"Mr. McLaughlin," a voice stopped the Slayer and vampire in their tracks, the latter turning around to meet the deep brown eyes of Gary Forte. "I beg of you, a moment of your time," the man added and Angel nodded, giving Buffy a look which told her to stay put and she gave a small nod in return just before he left.  
  
She swallowed, feeling goose-bumps spread up her arms at the thought of their plan failing even before it had started.  
  
"Did I tell you?" Spike's voice suddenly said right next to her ear and she turned her head sharply to the side, her nose practically touching his and she drew a breath before she smiled a little, his face pulling back an inch or so.  
  
"Tell me what?" she wondered and he smiled back before replying:  
  
"That you look stunningly beautiful."  
  
Her smile broadened at that, then she looked away with a timidity in her posture that he didn't think he had witnessed on her before.  
  
"You didn't think I failed to notice, did you?" he asked, voice soft and she looked back at him, her gaze warm and intimate as she slowly shook her head.  
  
God, she was almost shaking and her knees were much too weak and... He had completely surprised her. This not feeling a tingle whenever he was a hundred feet away really did take some getting used to.  
  
"I-I mean, I might've... thought that," she answered his previous question and he smiled a little. "Where's Susannah?" she then asked, squaring her shoulders and trying not to look too much as though she was fighting to get back in control.  
  
"She's dancing," he replied.  
  
"Oh," she said, looking out over the dance floor in seeming search of the other lady when his fingers brushed against hers and they reacted without her even thinking as they met his and then entwined their hands.  
  
"Want to?" he wondered and she turned her head back to him, quizzical to anything but the feel of him there. "Dance," he elaborated as an explanation and she smiled a little, her cheeks suddenly burning as she averted her gaze again.  
  
"Okay," she then mumbled. "Yeah, we could... do that... I guess," she added and he put one index finger under her chin, making her look up at him again.  
  
"Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" he asked and she smiled again, resting her eyes firmly in his this time as she answered:  
  
"Yes."  
  
The orchestra was just starting a new song and Buffy closed her eyes as he took her in his arms and gently began to lead her with the others across the floor. She rested her head against his shoulder, his left hand still gripping her right in a tender hold and she was smiling though barely aware of it.  
  
The words of the song that the young woman began to sing worked as a soft lullaby for her mind, and she let them soak through it as she floated with him in a sphere out of reach to any other.  
  
~  
  
Laugh and cry, live and die  
  
Life is a dream  
  
we are dreaming  
  
Day by day, I find my way  
  
Look for the soul,  
  
and the meaning  
  
Then you look at me, and I always see  
  
What I have been searching for  
  
I'm lost as can be  
  
Then you look at me  
  
And I am not lost anymore  
  
~  
  
Spike moved their hands so that he could put the back of her right over the place of his heart as he kept their fingers intertwined and she moved her head to look up at him. He met her gaze.  
  
~  
  
People run, sun to sun  
  
Caught in their lives  
  
ever flowing  
  
Once begun life goes till it's gone  
  
We have to go  
  
where it's going  
  
Then you look at me, and I always see  
  
What I have been searching for  
  
I'm lost as can be  
  
Then you look at me  
  
And I am not lost anymore  
  
~  
  
"I talked with Cordelia before," he said quietly. "She told me... about Angel and why..."  
  
He trailed off.  
  
"I tried to tell you," Buffy grumbled and he tilted his head a little to one side before he asked:  
  
"Why?"  
  
She stared at him for a moment, then said:  
  
"I just... I thought you should know. I just wanted you to know that I... But then Susannah..."  
  
"She didn't mention... not that it was her place but... She knows that she's a friend, a close and good friend and..."  
  
Buffy smiled a little at the awkwardness, why was it so hard to produce the right words? To let him know what she wanted him to know...?  
  
"Buffy," he mumbled and she rested her gaze in his as his left hand let her right go before moving to the side of her face and she closed her eyes before opening them again almost immediately and he had the shadow of a smile on his lips; she mirrored it.  
  
~  
  
And you say you see  
  
When you look at me  
  
The reason you love life so  
  
Though lost I have been  
  
I've found love again  
  
And life just keeps on running  
  
And life just keeps on running  
  
You look at me  
  
and life comes from  
  
you  
  
From you  
  
~  
  
Say it, her mind whispered, just say it.  
  
Then a hand grabbed her right arm and practically ripped her away from him and her throat was about to voice a protest when Angel pulled her close and hissed:  
  
"I just spent four minutes with the man we're trying to fool out of any suspicion and I told him that you were as much my girlfriend as he had presumed since otherwise I was pretty sure he was going to make a move on you and keep you in his company for the remainder of this evening. I tell you this only 'cause because of it, it might not be such a good idea for you to look quite so friendly with another man."  
  
She swallowed, looking over his shoulder at Spike who now had Susannah in his arms.  
  
Buffy felt like crying over the moment that had just been lost, but then she slapped herself out of it. They were there to work; she couldn't get hung up on this now.  
  
"I didn't realize," she muttered as a response to Angel, having Spike turn his gaze in hers once more and she gave him a meaningful look as she made a discrete movement with one hand as though stabbing Angel in the back.  
  
Spike smiled widely at that and she returned it.  
  
Keeping it on as it was - as they say - show time.  
  
***  
  
Buffy looked down the abandoned hallway, and then at Angel. The sound of the bash going on below them didn't reach the second floor but for a muffled current of noise. It was stillness which met the two intruders as they became one with it and moved down the corridor.  
  
Getting passed the security-guards had taken them nearly fifteen minutes of patient wait for the right moment. Then Buffy had charmed the one standing right at the foot of the stairs - the latter sealed off by a thick and black velvet rope. It hadn't taken much of her cunning to lure him aside as she kept on asking personal questions with her eyes telling him she wanted to learn even more of him. Then she had simply asked him to wait while she went to get them both something to drink, all the while slipping up the stairs with Angel. The guard was obviously muscles-for-hire-excluding-the- brain. This type was, of course, easier to deal with if you wanted less-of- a-mess in the questions department, but still more-of-the-gore in the... rest of the departments.  
  
The Slayer and vampire were still in a hurry, though, as they didn't want to overstay their welcome and the longer it took them to find anything of value, the longer they obviously put themselves at risk. Gary Forte had a brain, and a good set of eyes. Soon those two were apt to begin processing the guests and if any were missing...  
  
"Here," Angel stopped her as she was about to walk passed a door standing slightly ajar to her left.  
  
She reached out a hand and pushed the door to slide open, then she turned her eyes on Angel and he nodded before they entered the room.  
  
It was large, oval shaped and covered in dark wood panels, dark wood bookcases stocked with volumes of books looking truly antique stood along the walls on both sides and before the two beings, with the backdrop of three large French windows, stood a charismatic piece of furniture - a big desk in the same dark wood as the rest of the room.  
  
Drapes of deep green hung on both sides of the window as well as between every bookcase, and the group of armchairs and sofas standing in the middle of the room were dressed in the same color velvet.  
  
The room breathed wealth.  
  
"Say what you will, but he has got good taste," Buffy stated, Angel giving her a glance before they split up and took one side of the room each.  
  
Buffy beginning with the right hand side bookcases as Angel started on the left. They worked methodically and quickly, scanning the backs of the bands. After ten minutes they still had nothing, both of them having worked through three of five cases, and Buffy felt how her heart was beating hard in her chest.  
  
"There's nothing," she mumbled.  
  
"Don't give up," he replied and she clenched her jaws together as she nodded and kept going.  
  
After another minute she was about to move to the next bookcase when she found herself pausing before the green drape covering the wall separating the third case from the fourth. She hesitated, then reached out a hand and carefully moved the cloth aside.  
  
"Angel," she breathed and he turned his head to her, his eyes widening.  
  
Then he did as she had, removing the drape on his side from what it covered and revealing what Buffy had just found as well - in the wall, behind a glass-door, was another set of shelves containing artifacts so clearly magical that there was no need for any puzzlement. This was what they had been searching for; they were one step closer.  
  
Buffy quickly looked over the items before her, but she found nothing of interest and moved to the next drape. Behind this one were only three items - a pair of scissors looking as though made out of gold, a slim bottle not higher than three inches made of copper with intricate carvings covering it and a fan with a painting which continuously changed its pattern.  
  
As this drape was the last in line she let it fall back in place and hurried back to the first one. This contained a collection of close to thirty books in different shapes and sizes and she leaned a little closer to the glass as one of them caught her attention.  
  
"Angel," she said. "Come here... I think I've found something."  
  
He moved across the room and came to join her at her side, bending forward as well, gazing through the glass at what she was pointing to and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"See, there," she said, "it looks like it's been torn from something."  
  
"Interesting," he nodded, reaching into one of his pockets and bringing out the smallest camera she had ever seen.  
  
It was practically flat and the length of his palm.  
  
"Spy much?" she asked and he smirked.  
  
"It was a gift from a friend," he replied, beginning to take pictures and the camera giving off a small buzzing sound, making Buffy smile.  
  
"What sort of friend?" she asked and he gave her a look before straightening his back.  
  
"I think we've gotten what we came here for," he said.  
  
"You think that actually is the missing part of the prophecy?" she asked and he shook the camera meaningfully before answering:  
  
"Only one way to find out."  
  
"Well, I'm glad we didn't get to the point of 'borrowing' anything," she said as he put the cam back in his pocket and they headed for the door. "I'm pretty sure there would've been pain to pay if we tried to break through that glass," she added and he nodded.  
  
He had felt it too, a light touch of electricity around it. It had been hot- wired against thieves for sure.  
  
"Me too. Now let's get out of here," he said and she nodded as she followed him through the doorway.  
  
As she rounded the frame she put her hand up and let it trace it, her fingers sliding over a rough spot in the wood which made her pause and glance back at it. A carving the size of a dime was etched into the matter right by her fingertips and she blinked, taking a closer look and almost wanting to ask Angel if she could borrow his spy-equipment when he hissed at her to hurry up and she quickly followed him down the hall and back to the stairs.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Joy, joy! Feedback is definitively the best part of my day!  
  
Wa-ha-harm thanks to Taelyn (*smirks* And OMG, I'm so totally lost that I didn't get you were talking about hurricane Isabel! I hope all is as well as it can be with you! And I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 11 as well! :) Really glad you liked the Buffy/Willow conversation!) :), maribel (hey, cool that you approve! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, girl!) ;), Caikes (Oh no, hope the tenth will work now! And so pleased you like the others!) :), Winters1 (Get rid of Susannah?! *smirk*) ;), Mel (Oh, I love the new title, though I'm not taking all the credit because half of it is for my muse! Naw, but really, aw! and thank you! :) Thanks for sharing, girl! Happy you liked!) :), wolf116 (oh, poor Susie! ;) So annoying that ff.net is acting up, but hope it's sorted out! And grrreat that you like it!) ;), MissK (Awesome! Thank you! Here it was! *smile*) :), Captain (Oh, nice. And happy b-day a bit late. And yummy Spike! You lucky duck! Break me off a piece of that! ;) And very, very nice indeed to read that you enjoyed the last chapter! And hey, of course there's dancing! You know me by now! Romance, romance, romance.) :)  
  
Hope all of you guys liked this chapter as well!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	12. Twelfth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twelfth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-17  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Spike observed Buffy and Angel swiftly disappear up the stairs. He smirked; the lack of a plan seemed to be working to their advantage. He removed himself from the doorway in which he had been standing and walked into the great hall where Susannah had just curtsied after yet another dance ended. She was quite the bell, and he was happy for her. She seemed to be enjoying herself.  
  
She looked up and their eyes met, having her smile widely before she walked to meet him by the side of the dance floor.  
  
Spike drew a small breath, knowing that he had to speak with her, but finding it difficult because he also knew that what he was going to say to her would hurt her. Her obvious devotion for him was even clearer now, and had been so ever since Buffy walked back into his life two short days ago... That was why he needed to do this.  
  
"Hi," she said as she stopped before him and he returned her smile.  
  
"Hi," he replied. "Feet okay?" he added and she laughed.  
  
"No!" she stated. "But it's a pain of good, not bad."  
  
He nodded, then gestured toward the smaller rooms beyond and asked:  
  
"Still... want to sit?"  
  
She smiled another smile, then nodded and slipped one hand over the arm he held out to her. He led her through the hall and further through three rooms before he seemed to find one which met his requirements and there he escorted her up to a deep couch. She sat down with a rather questioning look up at him, and he braced himself before he took a seat next to her.  
  
"It's nice, don't you think?" she asked. "The music and the food and the people... It's good to get out for a while. Pretend that we don't know what we know about everything, you know?"  
  
"Yeah," he agreed slowly.  
  
"And to get dressed up... I haven't danced like this in so long! It's wonderful! You know, I believe you owe me at least three more of those before we leave," she stated and he smiled a little.  
  
"I'm sorry," he then mumbled and she swallowed, looking away from him as he reached out and took one of her hands. "I'm sorry if I led you to believe... I shouldn't have asked you to go with me, Sannah. I don't know if I was fair."  
  
She shook her head with a weak smile on.  
  
"What's fair?" she then asked silently.  
  
"I love her," he stated and at that she directed her gaze in his again.  
  
"I know," she replied, her voice slightly unsteady.  
  
"And I know you do," he said gently. "I never hid her from you... did I? I never tried to deny how big a part of me she is."  
  
Susannah squeezed his hand at that.  
  
"No," she grumbled. "You didn't."  
  
"I didn't mean to lead you on. If I ever did that then..."  
  
"You definitely never did that," she stopped him, smiling again. "I just hoped, maybe... that you'd eventually move on. That she was just a fantasy that you'd someday realize you had to give up... Then she, naturally, had to come here - making her... reality."  
  
"Susannah, you're one of my closest friends right now, and I want you to know that I care for you," he tried but her rather pale smile stopped him from going further on the subject.  
  
"Will, please... no pity-speech, okay?" she asked, taking her hand out of his, though she then granted him a brighter smile. "I think I know when to bow down with dignity and this is my cue. I mean... how could I even for a second think that I could compete against her, right?"  
  
"You are a beautiful young woman!" he said with conviction and she giggled.  
  
"Okay, you've assured you care for me, you've called me the obligatory beautiful - now all that's left is 'we can still BE friends'," she stated and he gave her a look which made her smile again. "Buffy is Buffy," she said. "I know what she's meant to you, Will. What she still means to you. And if you think that she's feeling what you're feeling then who am I to stand in the way? If she really feels the same, then I'm truly happy for you," she finished.  
  
He smiled at that.  
  
"I don't know what she feels," he then replied.  
  
"You will," she said, rising to her feet and he did as well.  
  
"Are you sure that you're...?" he began and she turned her head to him with a look saying he should let it rest, which he did.  
  
She hooked her arm with his again and he felt a little bit calmer that she wasn't merely putting on a brave-face as they headed back to the great hall and joined the rest of the couples on the dance floor.  
  
He hoped Buffy and Angel were doing a good night's work upstairs. All they needed was one more good clue and they might be able to establish a location...  
  
Buffy... he truly wondered what she was feeling. If he was to go on pure instinct... but he couldn't. Too many questions still lacked an answer. And tonight he'd get to ask them. He could barely wait until they got back to the hotel. He wanted to be alone with her... that's all he wanted. To talk with her. There was so much he wanted to say, even if she didn't feel what he did at least now she believed in him. He knew she did.  
  
***  
  
Five minutes after Spike and Susannah re-entered the great hall, Buffy and Angel snuck back down the stairs of the second floor and by a diversion created by Angel they managed to get back into the mass of guests undetected.  
  
Buffy could finally breathe easily and she felt a great wave of both relief and pleasure fill her when she thought of the big step they might have been able to take in order to stop the elusiveness of the prophecy.  
  
"Everything all right?" Fred asked as Buffy came up to her where she stood by the dance floor, watching Gunn twirling a young vampiress in his arms.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy answered the question. "I just think it was a little too easy... and I really wanna get out of here right now before something goes wrong," she added and Fred's eyes widened slightly. "Don't worry," Buffy calmed. "I don't think it's too serious... I just think we should be out of here within the hour."  
  
Fred smiled at that, then nodded.  
  
"Of course, if you say so," she stated.  
  
Buffy looked at her, then out on the dancing Gunn.  
  
"Are you okay with that?" she asked and Fred turned her head to the Slayer with a questioning expression. "I mean, your guy - demons - the whole closeness scenario..." she elaborated and Fred shrugged.  
  
"I know he loves me," she then replied. "But if you're referring to the being-close-to-demons part, one thing I've learned is never judge a book by its cover. Fangs and horns can be really misleading... Sometimes they're really NOT, of course," she added and Buffy smiled at that. "But other times... you just have to look beyond them, you know?"  
  
Buffy looked across the room, having her gaze lock with Angel's and then Spike's, who was at the vampire's side.  
  
"I do know," she agreed.  
  
***  
  
The ride in the car home was silent.  
  
Buffy kept finding herself looking to her right and resting her gaze on Spike's profile. She truly wanted to get to talking with him. She felt ready now, to tell him everything that was on her mind in one sweep and then let him react to it freely. Tell him how afraid she was of having to let go of him again, how deep her fear of losing him again went.  
  
She needed him to know all of it so that there were no more questions as to what she felt for him. So that there was no more insecurity from which he might need soothing. And she wanted to begin to make up for all the time they had lost.  
  
This beautiful being had been in her life for so long without being able to show her his true self, and then he had been snatched from her when he finally got to do just that. Now she wanted to show him how he moved her, touched her and kept her. She wanted to tell him the words that kept weighing her mind... And he wanted to hear them, she knew he did.  
  
They pulled up outside the Hyperion and Gunn soon followed.  
  
"What an evening," Cordelia sighed happily as the gang stepped through the front doors of the hotel.  
  
It was two hours since Angel and Buffy obtained the new bit of hopefully helpful information, the drive through the city taking almost an hour.  
  
"It was quite extraordinary," Wesley now said to Cordelia's statement and there were murmurs of agreement from the rest as well.  
  
"I'll develop these," Angel said, bringing out the camera and walking down the steps. "It shouldn't take long."  
  
"I'll make some coffee," Cordelia said and Fred nodded.  
  
"I'll come with you," she offered and they hooked arms as they proceeded the same way Angel had just gone.  
  
The rest walked down the steps as well, facing each other on the floor of the foyer.  
  
Susannah was leaning her head against Spike's shoulder, looking exhausted but pleased as his arm was around her waist. Buffy looked at them for a moment, then turned away. She was tired as well, but they had some more work ahead of them and so there seemed little use to head upstairs and get ready for a bed that would have to wait for probably another few hours.  
  
Wesley excused himself, walking into the research room and after a moment Gunn followed.  
  
Buffy let the moment stretch for as long as it could, but sooner than later she felt compelled to turn and face the other two. Looking straight into Susannah's eyes she tried to make the woman understand that what she was doing was far from working. She couldn't act as an obstacle. All she did was delay... delay... Buffy met the blue eyes of Spike instead and felt a smile easily form on her mouth. There was something close to an understanding there now... Whenever she looked at him she felt as though he knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling.  
  
They had barely spoken two words to each other in private since their dance, but it was as though they didn't need to. And that was what had her smiling now...  
  
Suddenly Susannah jerked, straightening herself up as she blinked and looked around the room.  
  
"Did you hear that?" she asked and Spike turned his head to her, quizzical.  
  
"Hear what?" he wondered as she took a step away from him, her eyes still darting from one spot to the next and the expression in them growing close to terrified.  
  
"That!" she exclaimed. "That... voice. It's whispering."  
  
Buffy exchanged a look with Spike, both of them now worried and Susannah took another few steps forward before she swirled around to face them, her eyes wide now as she looked up at the ceiling.  
  
"Oh, my God..." she exhaled before she put her hands before her ears, closing her eyes tightly as though trying to shut out a loud noise before there was a tremble going through her and she fell in a heap to the floor.  
  
"Susannah!" Spike exclaimed; running up to her and getting to his knees beside her as he checked her pulse, Buffy joining him and then calling for Wesley and Gunn to get out there. "She's burning up!" Spike yelled to Wesley. "Get me some ice, or water, or... something!"  
  
Wesley needed no more encouragement as he turned and sprinted out to the kitchen. Spike lifted Susannah in his arms and walked toward the stairs, Buffy and Gunn following tight on his heels.  
  
"One of you stay down here and tell Wesley where we are," Spike instructed and Gunn placed a hand on one of Buffy's shoulders, saying:  
  
"I'll stay."  
  
She nodded, thankful, before she continued up the stairs with Spike.  
  
Half an hour later Darren stepped out of Susannah's bedroom, being met by Spike, Angel and Cordelia while Buffy kept to the background.  
  
"What's wrong?" Angel inquired.  
  
"Is it serious?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Will she be okay?" Spike demanded and Darren put his hands up to have them quiet down.  
  
"I'm at a complete loss as to what is the matter with her, but her condition is stable and as far as I can tell she'll be just fine - with a little rest," he then answered them. "She has never suffered a seizure like this before?" he asked Angel and the vampire shook his head.  
  
"Not as far as I know," he replied and Darren nodded.  
  
"Can we see her?" Angel wondered and Darren gave another nod.  
  
"I'm a phone call away," he then said and Angel shook his hand.  
  
"I appreciate that," Angel said and Darren smiled before taking the coat Buffy handed him and heading for the stairs.  
  
"I don't understand..." Cordelia mumbled. "What happened?"  
  
Spike looked at her, a tight anxiousness in the lines of his face as he answered:  
  
"There's only one who can tell us."  
  
He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it before stepping inside. Angel hesitated, then he followed. Cordelia watched the door close before turning to Buffy.  
  
"She seemed all right before," the former said and Buffy nodded.  
  
"Don't worry," she then replied. "I'm sure Darren's right and after a good night's sleep she'll be right as rain."  
  
Cordelia smiled a little at the expression and though Buffy desperately wanted to join the two males and listen to whatever Susannah may have to disclose, she discarded that emotion and walked with the Cordy down to join the rest of the crew in the kitchen.  
  
She would get to hear whatever was said, she knew she would. So, for the time being, silent lay her curiosity - because it had to.  
  
***  
  
"Sannah," Spike said gently, leaning over her and her eyes fluttered open, meeting his.  
  
A fleeing smile graced her lips and then it faded as she suddenly looked anguished, her gaze burdened and regretful.  
  
"It whispered his name," she murmured and Spike frowned, sinking down on the bedside next to her and stroking her brow tenderly before asking:  
  
"What whispered his name?"  
  
"The voice," she answered him, tears welling up in her eyes. "It scared me so bad..."  
  
Spike glanced over at Angel, who was standing a few feet away, listening closely.  
  
"There's nothing to be scared of, love," Spike said now, eyes back in Susannah's.  
  
"Yes, there is," she disagreed. "I have a lot to be afraid of... I'm not safe..."  
  
"Shh," he hushed softly. "Of course you are," he then added, trying a smile but this time there was no response from her but that of her tears slowly sliding down her cheeks.  
  
"Don't you see?" she whispered. "It's the... prophecy."  
  
Spike frowned at that, then shook his head slightly which she stopped by nodding.  
  
"It can't be..." he murmured.  
  
"I heard the name," Susannah stated, her eyes widening as though the thought had brought the sound back to her ears and then she closed them, sinking down into her pillow and Spike rose to his feet, turning to Angel with a miserable look on his face.  
  
"What does this mean?" the vampire asked and Spike shook his head in defeat.  
  
"I have no idea," he grumbled as he thought of the part of the prophecy Susannah must have been referring to.  
  
'And on the fifth day a great echo shall roll across the plain and valley, reminding those who forgot.'  
  
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So glad for all the positive reviews I got on the last chapter! Thanks a lot, you guys, for taking the time!  
  
Special and warm thanks to Rachel (Ugh, Isabel! Great that you enjoyed!) :), wolf116 (Wow, Susannah is ranking high on the dislike scale with you, huh? *smile* What did you think of THIS chapter then?) ;), shelly (Thanks a lot! Really happy to read that!) :), Keleven (So happy to see your name up there! Really nice to read that you're liking this! *glad!*) :), Winters (You know, speaking Spiketalk that would mean you actually LIKE Angel. The stupid hair thing, I mean. *smiles very widely* I'll throw you another piece of bate to try and keep you that way, then! Hope you approved!) ;), maribel (nice to hear, chicka! Or...read. ;) Thanks!) :), Ayavalla (Wonderful that you think!) :), thechosen (Well, I hope - wherever it is - that you'll like it! And that you'll keep liking it! Thanks for both reviews!) ;), MissK (Great to read that you actually like the interruptions. I was almost, almost worried that they were too much of an obstacle for you all - though I have to admit I just LOVE writing them! ;) Thanks, girl!) :), Captain (Oh, well then - happy birthday a day late! :) *smiles that you liked the Angel-stab* Oh! The Spike-cake... mh-mh-mh-mh- mh! I can not find words for my gratitude!) :), Caitlin (hehe, nah - read fanfiction instead! MUCH better! ;) Nope, the timing was off for our beloved master vamp... so sad that I had to use him like that, but hey, he won't bite - right? :) Oh, and ouch about the tree through a window! Thanks a lot for all your thoughts on the chapter, makes me really happy!!!) :), caikes27 (Oh, I'm glad it finally worked! Wow, wonder what's up with that then?! And great that you think that!) :)  
  
To all, I would not be if not for you!  
  
I recently learned that I have been nominated with TRAppED for an Eternal Devotion Award. I am SO happy and would LOVE to know who nominated me! So, if you read this - huge thank you! - and please, write me a small little note or something at the end of a review or... an email or... telepathy? No, but really, I'd love to know, so pretty please, let me! :) *am glad, glad*  
  
And also forgot to write at the A/N of last chapter that the lyric of the song, of course, belonged to the song "When You Look At Me", performed by Celine Dion, writtin by James Horner and Will Jennings and taken off of the album All The Way... - A Decade Of Song.  
  
Okay, I hope that you liked this chapter as well!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	13. Thirteenth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Thirteenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-25  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Buffy looked up when Spike entered the kitchen; as he came up and stopped by her she asked:  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"She's... a bit shook up," he answered, then addressed the whole assembly as he added: "Angel says we might as well turn in. He'll have the pictures developed in the morning."  
  
The others nodded to that, beginning to clean up after themselves as they kept the conversation low. The sound of cutlery and silverware being put into the dishwasher was the only other sound as Buffy glanced at Spike. He looked so weary that she grew hesitant whether she should approach the subject of what Susannah had had to disclose, or if she would do best at letting it lie. Finally she merely said:  
  
"I guess we should postpone our... talk. It feels a little bit weird, with everything else going on, you know?"  
  
Only he looked at her as though, no, he didn't know at all and she felt the slight need to bite her tongue off, though she suppressed it and merely smiled a little tryingly. He returned it, as tentatively as hers formed, and then he nodded.  
  
"You're right," he stated. "When Susannah's better..."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed quietly.  
  
"Not that she's... I mean, she's rattled - but she's not..." he practically mumbled before he shook his head and met her gaze again. "But you're right."  
  
Buffy observed him for a few seconds and then her smile broadened slightly.  
  
"Well, good night, then," she said and he struggled not to let his eyes grow too longing as she started passed him, heading for the door. She glanced over her shoulder at him as she reached the doorway and then paused as she couldn't resist adding: "It truly was a lovely dance."  
  
"The whole event?" he stopped her and her smile grew even further as he finished: "Or ours?"  
  
Her eyes told him all the answer he could ever want on the subject before she disappeared from view and he felt the need to catch his breath. Leaning back against the counter behind him he smiled to himself.  
  
She still had the power to make his knees weak with one long glance.  
  
Good to know.  
  
***  
  
For two hours Buffy had been trying to fall asleep. Actually she had been struggling to fall asleep. Fighting a battle against the all too clear thoughts of him and of his eyes and lips and touch... Of how he proved that something so close could still be so far away. She could almost feel him with her, next to her... and yet those short moments leading to his door seemed infinitely distant and out of the question.  
  
She turned herself over on her back for the thousandth time and opened her eyes in growing fury with herself, glaring up into the darkness and the shadow which was the ceiling and wishing that the color of night wasn't blue. That it wasn't such a strong reminder of times shared with him.  
  
Just as she decided to shut her eyes again a soft noise outside her door made them open once more and she felt a searing want to sit up and yell at whoever - or whatever - was outside to stop being such a thoughtless dumb- ass skulking around in the middle of the night making her even more wide awake than she already was.  
  
She didn't, though she did sit up and her Slayer side took over as her eyes caught the shape of the doorknob, and it began to slowly turn. She slid soundlessly off the bed and sneaked up to the door, taking a silent breath she then reached out, grabbed the knob and twisted it with a flick of her wrist before yanking the door open.  
  
"Jesus!" Spike exclaimed. "What the bleeding hell are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?!" he added and she stared at him wide-eyed before she started to laugh.  
  
"You should've..." she finally breathed between fits as she took a step backward and held one hand to her side. "You should've... seen... your face!"  
  
He gave her a look and when her merriness still refused to retract he grumbled:  
  
"Stop it," though the corners of his mouth were beginning to curl as well.  
  
"I'm sorry," she collected herself, squaring her shoulders as she met his gaze; her own still sparkling with humor and his smile grew at the sight of it. "I'm not used to being the one jumping out and scaring YOU."  
  
"Ah, but I never scared you," he retorted and she giggled.  
  
"So, you admit that I just did," she shot and he smirked.  
  
"The 'almost gave me a heart attack' comment already gave me away," he remarked and she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Right," she then agreed; her smile still on and for a few seconds they merely eyed each other before he snapped out of it and asked:  
  
"Having trouble sleeping?"  
  
"Why do you think that?" she asked back, an innocently uncomprehending look on her face.  
  
"I don't think even a Slayer wakes up for a simple creak in a floorboard," he replied and she took a step closer as she said:  
  
"Then you think very wrong. My God, did all those years teach you nothing?"  
  
He smirked again.  
  
"So... having trouble sleeping?" he repeated his question and she smiled a genuine smile at that before she shrugged.  
  
"Not more than usual," she answered. "A good hour of tossing and another one of turning and I'll be ready for that run around the block," she added. "After that I usually like to stare."  
  
"Big fan of the staring myself," he nodded.  
  
"Wall or ceiling?" she wondered and his smile grew back on before he replied.  
  
"Ceiling."  
  
She nodded, her face mock-serious as she leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"All-time favorite," she agreed, looking at him before asking: "So, why'd you come here?"  
  
"Well, it just so happens that your room is between parts and... other parts of this building," he replied and she furrowed her brow, then a light was lit in her eyes and she smiled widely at that comment.  
  
"I remember that," she said. "I can't believe I actually... remember that," she then close to murmured as his eyes grew prodding and she swallowed. "Okay, so I've tossed - AND turned, and I've had time to do the regular stare... I haven't taken on the run yet, but I was thinking..."  
  
She trailed off and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yes?" he then urged.  
  
"Well, since we're up anyways... and neither of us has anything better to do... perhaps we could...?"  
  
"Out with it, I don't have ALL night," he said and she gave him a look which had him smirking.  
  
"Talk?" she finished and the warmth of his smile made her feel her cheeks gently begin to burn, making her avert her gaze and turn around to go and get her robe. "Let's do it in your room," she said to cover this new state up. "It's bigger."  
  
When she turned around, tying the waistband of the piece of clothing and meeting his eyes she shook her head at him.  
  
"What?" he asked as she came up to the doorway and when she gave him a push in the chest as she walked passed him he repeated the inquiry.  
  
"I know what you were thinking," she stated and he stared at her, offended; which made her stop and turn back to him with an extremely meaningful expression on her face and he smiled again.  
  
"Spike would've turned that sentence into meaning something like that," he said. "William... he might not."  
  
"Oh, please, don't get me started on the whole who's who, what's what, Spike, really! I mean, it's confusing enough as it is!" she stated, beginning to walk down the hall toward the stairs and he followed her, feeling light as a feather with contentment.  
  
"Are you gonna get philosophical on me, love?" he asked and she shook her head.  
  
"That's not what I mean... And it's beside the point anyway. I can still SEE what you're thinking, you know?" she stated and his smile merely broadened.  
  
"And what was that?" he wondered, taking the stairs by her side and the question making her open her mouth to reply as she turned her gaze in his before she paused and suddenly looked extremely self-conscious.  
  
"It's so strange that I don't even know your last name," she said and he smirked as she pushed the door to his room open and he followed her through it as she added: "Don't you think that's strange?"  
  
"Well, you never asked me, did you?" he asked back and she stopped in the middle of the floor, turning to face him.  
  
"What's your last name, Will?" she wondered and he tilted his head a little to one side before he replied:  
  
"Kingsley."  
  
***  
  
"And then what?" he asked, smiling widely at the anecdote Buffy was at the end of and she laughed, shaking her head.  
  
"I'm not sure I should tell you," she murmured and he gave her a look which said that she'd better and she giggled, meeting his gaze before she complied and said: "Giles got it by its tail, right? And Willow's holding onto it for dear life by the horns... and with their help I was able to do it. And to be honest it was the strangest, bordering on disgusting and still liberating experience I've ever had. Well, remember I had been battling with it for like two hours or something."  
  
"In a barn," he filled in and she smiled widely.  
  
"I KNEW I shouldn't have told you!" she then muttered, giving him a push with one leg where he lie on the bed, facing her, and he smirked.  
  
"No, no, I can see how milking a cow for the first time would be close to religious; as far as experiences go," he then stated seriously.  
  
"Shut up!" she exclaimed and his smirk merely broadened before he asked:  
  
"And going to 'Jo-Jo's Live Kettle Farm' was whose idea again?"  
  
"Look, Dawn thought we needed to do something... normal," she answered. "And at the time..."  
  
".dressing up as a milking-maid with ringlets and a checkered apron just seemed like the 'normal' thing to you?" he filled in and she laughed again, hiding her face in her hands and growling in mock-agitation with his teasing.  
  
They had been talking for nearly half an hour. At first it had been trying and tentative, but soon the questions began to push forth and with them came honest answers and reappearing curiosity with each other, with what had been happening to them both. Buffy had felt as though she had been in a vacuum at times the past year, but now, retelling the tale of what she had spent her time with, it dawned on her that she had actually been doing something with it. She had seen places she had dreamed of since she was a child.  
  
Glancing at Spike she wondered, as always, what he was thinking in that moment. His eyes glittering with mirth as they met hers and she smiled back, gentle shivers down her spine as she felt that balloon of happiness swell even further inside her. It was just a matter of time before it burst, and then what?  
  
"So, I know Dawn's in school," he said and she nodded, pulling out of her musings.  
  
"She is. She studies on her own accord now, even... She wants to become a lawyer, can you believe that? She says she's going to open the first law practice that handles both human and demon related cases... I mean, she knows there are such firms out there, but she hates how corrupted they are. They don't need to win their cases, they can just live on their bribes," Buffy stated, then smiled a little. "At least according to my sister."  
  
"Well," Spike replied. "I always knew she'd change the world. One way or another."  
  
Buffy's eyes turned tender in a way he had never seen them before and he stared into them before he swallowed and she seemed to see the change on him as she averted her gaze and began to pluck with a wrinkle in the sheet she was lying on.  
  
"You always had that," she then mumbled, looking into his eyes again as she added: "faith."  
  
He smiled at that.  
  
"That crazy bird? I don't think anyone's ever had her," he then said and Buffy furrowed her brow before she blinked.  
  
"Oh yeah, I've been wondering about that. Where is Faith?" she asked and Spike shrugged.  
  
"She left about a month ago on some assignment she wouldn't breathe two words about. Angel business. She takes that really serious, you know," he answered. "I'm pretty sure old Peaches knows exactly where she is, but I haven't heard a word from her since she went away..."  
  
"I'm glad," Buffy said and he raised his eyebrows. "No! Not that she hasn't... I mean, I'm glad that she's okay. She didn't want to come with to England... I lost touch with her after we left America. When Angel mentioned she was here, I guess I just let it slide," she added, the last sentence coming out laced with guilt.  
  
"She spoke well of you," Spike said and Buffy met his gaze again. "She admires you, I think. And, weird as it may sound, you're the closest thing to family that she's got. In a way..."  
  
"Oh, God, don't say it," Buffy grumbled, though she smiled and he returned it.  
  
"You're like the sis she never had," he finished and Buffy huffed.  
  
"I thought of her," she then admitted. "Often. But for a while everything reminding me of Sunnydale just pained and... I guess that while was enough. I should've written her."  
  
"Don't worry about it, love," he reassured.  
  
"Okay," she smiled and he smiled back, the moment once more stretching before Buffy shook her head a little and sat up.  
  
She kept getting lost in the past as well as the present. Memories dancing with the fact of him being there, so near.  
  
Spike observed her profile. The few candles he had lit cast shadow and light in a jumble up the walls and across her face. She had always looked beautiful in the soft glow of fire.  
  
"And Red?" he asked, breaking the silence.  
  
Buffy didn't look at him this time, merely pulled one leg up to rest her chin against the knee and then she answered:  
  
"She lives about an hour from Giles... She's a member of the coven that helped her after she went all world-destruction-y. And she helps others now, with the same problems she had from using too much magic. I think she's happy... She's not seeing anyone new, but she seems to be content with that... for now. And she's powerful, of course. She's been on some journeys of her own, helping to prevent catastrophes of major proportions... She's strong," the Slayer finished and Spike eyed her for a moment or so, watching how she once again seemed to retract into deeper reflection on her own words.  
  
He wondered what she was thinking.  
  
"And Xander?" he then urged her to continue, the sound of her voice was so sweet that he didn't want to be forced to give it up quite yet.  
  
"He's doing well," she nodded, turning her head to meet his gaze. "He's in New York, working as a manager at a construction company... He got the job in spite of his handicap and I'm proud of him. He's made a life for himself there. The last time we spoke - a week ago, I think it is now - he had actually just met a girl. It's a huge step for him... I think that in his heart of hearts he hasn't gotten over Anya yet. Or the fact that he didn't get to say good-bye."  
  
She trailed off, her gaze growing aggrieved and then she scooted off the bed and stood. Spike observed her walking about the room. It was one of the larger suites of the hotel, though it wasn't in any condition to even compare to what it must have looked like in its glory days; it was still comfortable.  
  
The large bed stood in the middle of the room against the wall opposite the door. There was an old desk by the three high windows to the left and an old-fashioned closet with one door hanging slightly askew off its hinges. The floor was bare; he liked the cool feel of the wooden boards. And the last piece of furniture was the one Buffy last came across on her stroll, and by which she also stopped: a heavy-looking chest-of-drawers which stood to the right of the bed, a few feet away from it. On top of it ruled a collection of drawings contained in pretty, wooden frames. Buffy stared at one of them before she reached out a hand and touched the picture of it.  
  
"Did you...?" she mumbled, pausing before finishing: "Did you make these?"  
  
"Yes," he answered simply and she pulled her hand back as though she had been doing something wrong, turning her eyes in his.  
  
"They're beautiful," she then said, looking back at the drawing of her younger sister. "I mean, I knew you could draw... but this," she added and he frowned, questioning. She smiled as she once more looked back at him and saw the expression. "Don't you remember?" she asked, coming back up to him and sitting down next to him as he sat up as well. "Chains. Crypt. Drusilla... Shrine," she then added with a meaningful look and his eyes suddenly widened with enlightenment when he realized where she had seen his display of talent before.  
  
She kept the smile on, but he couldn't return it.  
  
"All the things I did," he grumbled, looking away from her and down at his hands. "I tried to make it better, make it good... and all I did was hurt you."  
  
She shook her head a little, moving one hand to slide it into his and locking their fingers together.  
  
"That's not true," she said and he glanced up at her.  
  
"Sometimes I wish I could undo it," he confessed and her eyes widened before her grip tightened and she said:  
  
"Don't ever wish that."  
  
He reached up a hand and gently touched her cheek, making her close her eyes briefly before she met his again.  
  
"Buffy," he said silently and she smiled a small smile before she let her gaze grace his lips.  
  
She wanted so badly to lean forward and... Her heart skipped a beat and she bit the inside of her cheek hard before she snapped out of it. He opened himself to her and she couldn't focus on anything better than how much she had missed his kisses? Who did she think she was? He sat there, vulnerable and as true as ever, and she tainted that in this way?!  
  
She clenched her jaws together and felt like kicking herself before she took her gaze out of his again.  
  
His hand had already left her cheek, but now he had a small frown on as he noticed how a flash of shame moved across her features, and then it dispersed. However, she stubbornly kept her eyes on a spot somewhere in front of her feet and he had to keep himself from making her look back up at him.  
  
"And what about you?" he asked gently, receiving a short glance from her before she looked away once more.  
  
"What about me?" she asked back and the hand of his still holding hers gave it a little squeeze, having her finally move her head to rest her eyes in his again.  
  
"I know you've milked cows and lived in England for a while and then that you've traveled," he replied, having a small smile draw itself on her lips and he felt pleased at seeing it there. "But," he then continued, "I don't know what you've really wanted... What the sights you've seen has given you. What you've dreamed. What you've felt..."  
  
"You wanna know what I've felt?" she interrupted so suddenly that he was rather surprised, her voice drenched in tears and she fought the quiver they produced back before she pulled her hand out of his and stood for a second time.  
  
He looked up at her as she walked over to the chest-of-drawers and halted by it with her back still to him and her shoulders slouched. Then she straightened her posture and grew close to rigid. Again he wondered what thoughts were running around inside her mind.  
  
"Wanna know what I've dreamed?" she grumbled, turning partially to him and he blinked as the very real tears now in her eyes glimmered in the sustained light of the candles standing on the bedside table.  
  
"I didn't mean to upset you, Buffy," he said honestly and a weak smile escaped her before she shook her head.  
  
"I know, you never mean to..." she mumbled, then turned her head to the row of drawings and tried to stroke away the obstacle before her sight with one hand, succeeding at least to satisfaction as she then reached it out and straightened the positioning of the one she had disturbed earlier.  
  
Taking all of the portrays in, there was the same pang she had felt before as she saw not even a trace of one of herself among them.  
  
There was one of Angel and Cordelia, one of Fred and Gunn and Wesley, one of Faith, the one of Dawn, even one of a being Buffy didn't recognize - he closely resembled a devil, with two small horns in his forehead, and an absolutely incredible depicting of Susannah... but none of the Slayer.  
  
Buffy swallowed hard, not ready to break into pieces before him as she wondered if he had even thought of her at all. What if he had tried to move on? What if he had managed to do just that? What if he had expected to never see her again and her showing up now simply threw that plan into a bag for the time being and brought back old behavior of warmth and feelings and smiles...?  
  
Okay, she was freaking out over nothing. She needed to take a breath and calm down.  
  
She drew that breath shakily, steadying herself and taking a final brush to clear away the wetness of her face before she turned back to him.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said. "There's just so much..."  
  
She trailed off and his eyes grew soft as he smiled a little. She returned it, then slowly approached him again. Taking her seat she sighed.  
  
"I thought about you," she stated, looking up and holding his gaze firmly. "All the time I thought about you. Wherever I was... I wondered if you'd been there. Whatever I saw I wondered if you'd seen it. And every night... I dreamed of you. I saw that cave, I saw the look in your eyes, I felt your hand in mine, and I tried... to change it. So that you lived."  
  
He stared at her, and then her face fell apart and she couldn't hold the sobs down anymore. He didn't hesitate before he reached out and pulled her to him. Her arms wrapped around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck and he held her tight.  
  
"I wanted you to live," she said, one of her hands sliding into his hair as she pressed herself closer to him and he tried to straighten out all the pieces of information that poured at him from all sides.  
  
His nerves telling him that she was so very close, his hands taking in the smooth skin of her back since they had slid inside her opened robe, his nose enthralled with a trace of vanilla still lingering on the skin of her throat and his mind repeating the words she had just spoken.  
  
Perhaps he had never doubted the fact that she had wanted him to survive... but hearing her say it...  
  
He closed his eyes.  
  
"Shh," he soothed carefully. "Buffy..."  
  
She pulled back, her cheeks streaked with her tears and her eyes locking in his. His heart stopped for that long moment, and that was the only thing he was absolutely sure of.  
  
"Spike," she close to whispered before she smiled barely noticeably.  
  
She didn't think anymore, she let her emotions rule her and the wish for him had been the stronger one for such a long time that it was a natural leader. God, how she had missed him.  
  
The tip of her nose touched his, and then she scraped it tenderly along the side of his before she closed her eyes. Her heart was beating a million miles per hour and she felt a tremble go through her as she carefully moved her head; everything was slow motion and then her lips brushed against his.  
  
His hands were at the small of her back and at the light touch his grip on her hardened again. She took this as encouragement and kissed him almost cautiously on the mouth.  
  
The first caress after so, so long... it was pure heaven and she felt a fear tear through her at the thought of him pulling away, ending it before it even started.  
  
But then his lips met hers on his accord and she smiled a little at the feel before she returned it. They both seemed to pause for just a second, and then they parted their lips at the same time, their embrace getting their chests flush against the other as their tongues found each other. Spike slid one hand down her thigh and took a hold under the knee to move her legs and cross them over his, making her practically sit on his lap and the nearness that much easier to access.  
  
The kiss was deep and lazy, it was an exploration of territory still familiar and yet so delightfully new. The play was gentle and yet every new turn carried a slight note of pending passion that had been sleeping for so long, resting somewhere beneath the surface for the appropriate time to rise and bat its wings once more.  
  
Buffy felt it whenever there was some shift in his body against hers, her own responding immediately to the insinuation of what may come of flesh against flesh...  
  
We can't... she tried to tell herself. It's too soon...  
  
But he was kissing her the way he always had. There was a demand behind it. A call she couldn't ignore or pretend wasn't there because every particle of her returned it. Craved it. She needed him so much. She had fantasized of him too many times for her to count while she was alone in her bed, struggling with another night of sleepless hours... And now he was there, feeling too good to be true. And everything that had been thrown out of course was coming back into how they had first started out.  
  
"Spike..." she murmured, kissing him back when he wouldn't let her end it and then trying to pull away from him as she took a breath. "Spike," she repeated and he opened his eyes to look at her, questioning. "We can't..." she mumbled, though her gaze was veiled with a different conviction and he licked his lips before he joined them with hers again.  
  
Her taste was full like red wine and sweet as honey and he had never had it slip over his tongue the way it was now. Everything he was feeling was enhanced, was heightened by live flesh and blood and heart beat. A heart that right then was beating heavily within his chest and he was aching with something he hadn't felt in a long time. The desire for her was so unmasked and unchanged that it filled him without him having any chance at a defense and he couldn't help but relish in it.  
  
"No," she breathed, finally breaking free and pulling away to get to her feet on much too weak legs as she looked at him. "This is a bad idea, and bad timing, and... bad all together."  
  
"Wasn't that always part of the thrill?" he shot and she held his gaze, her face growing very serious before she nodded.  
  
"Yes," she then said. "It was."  
  
He frowned slightly, growing questioning as to what underlying meaning he could read into that statement before she added:  
  
"I should go... Good night."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Good night," she cut him short as she walked up to the door, giving him a small smile before she opened it and disappeared through it.  
  
He threw himself back on the bed and closed his eyes.  
  
Wow.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
FINALLY I get to update! Okay, so my stupid floppy crashed on me last week and I had to re-write this chapter! It's all good though, it actually turned out for the better. :) and then last night, of course, the site wouldn't let me enter! Grr. But now, at last, I can get this out there! Yay!  
  
Very warm thanks to wolf116 (it really is absolutely fab that I get you thinking! Glad you liked!) ;), Keleven (Glad you liked, but well, what did you think of THIS chapter then?) :), Winters1 (*smiles* I'm glad you enjoyed!) :), Taelyn (*grin* It's good that I can put feelings in you, no matter from where they stem! ;) Oh, okay, so you've softened up to her then? I'll keep the acid outta there.) ;), Mel (Happy you liked that, and thanks for the congrats, and hope you liked this too!) :), darklover (thank you! Hope you still think!) :), Rachel9 (Well, it's really nice to read that about waht you think of Susannah and such. Thanks! And thanks for the congrats!) :), maribel (glad to read that!) :), skyz (That's more than great to read! Fun that you're "tolerating" Angie! ;) Awesome that you're enjoying this, girl! Thank you!) :), Tobert (happy you like!) :), Captain (Now, you loving the story is just incredibly great, but on top of that offering me another slice of Spike?! Wow.) ;), tkeeke (that's more than lovely to read! I'm flattered! Thank you, so glad that you like!) :) and skybound (heh-heh about the Susannah comments. And ouch to the Hurricane Isabel comment! Ugh! Take care!) :)  
  
To all - thank you!!!  
  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it got to be a little bit longer than most others but it just craved the attention and I had to give it to it so... I hope you're happy with it! ;)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	14. Fourteenth

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What Is To Be  
  
-Fourteenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-29  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Spike opened his eyes again, stretching out further on the bed in order to reach the handle of the bedside table drawer. He pulled it out and proceeded to slide his hand inside it, shuffling the contents around for a short while before his fingers were able to grasp the frame of the one picture Buffy had been searching so in vain for.  
  
He pulled it out and brought it so that he could rest his eyes on her beautiful face. How he had drawn her was how he had always wanted to see her - happy. Aglow. He had never been able to instill that emotion in her. All she had ever connected to him was death. In one way or another all their moments, even those spent in resemblance to harmony, had been laced with pain and confusion and underlying doubt in what was right between them ultimately being wrong.  
  
Now he let his fingertips grace the picture of her.  
  
She was laughing, smiling at someone to the side of the frame. It was funny how his hand had made her that way without his mind really having anything to do with it. He hadn't felt as though he had the right to make her do anything - even if that 'anything' was nothing more than having her look directly in his eyes out of a stupid drawing.  
  
"I never had you," he mumbled. "And yet I managed to lose you."  
  
Her kiss.  
  
It had been... mind-blowing, world-altering, earth-shattering...  
  
Did she understand what she did to him? What her doing what she did to him meant to him? And she had stopped herself. She had stopped them. Why? From what she had said just before she left his room he had almost gotten the sense that she...  
  
What was he doing? Why was he lying there trying to figure out what her motive was? What kind of a moron was that labeling him as?  
  
He needed to speak with her.  
  
Right now.  
  
Sitting up he unceremoniously threw the drawing to the side, scooted to the edge and quickly got off the bed, walking up to the door and through it.  
  
He'd tell her everything. How he'd missed her. How he'd thought of her, just as she had him... He'd tell her everything.  
  
Buffy slowed as she reached the door of her bedroom, stopping completely on the threshold.  
  
His scent was still all around her. His touch lingered on her skin, and his kiss... She had finally felt like she had reached that place where she was supposed to be. No more need to search, no more need to journey far and wide. In every corner of the world she had kept a look-out for the spot that sang of him and the only one that did was right where he was. Right where she had been a minute or so ago...  
  
And she had pulled out of it.  
  
Terrified.  
  
She was terrified that it would be a mistake to rush into a behavioral pattern which caused their destruction last time.  
  
As this thought churned through her head, however, she suddenly smiled widely. It sounded more than ridiculous. Behavioral pattern? Yes, they did sleep together, and she used him relentlessly, and he let her willingly. And in the end the situation had broken in two and so had they. But now? Kissing him now was like breathing fresh air for the first time. Him close to her was a state of rejoice, because she had so firmly told herself it would never happen again.  
  
What was she doing? Why was she repeating her mistake? Why was she retracting when she should be pushing forward with everything in her? She had been granted a second chance, was she truly so foolish that she wouldn't take it?  
  
I don't want to rush, she thought meekly. I can't rush this!  
  
So don't! the voice of reason countered. But don't have him think that you don't care about him. Go to him right now and ask him all the questions you still have unanswered. And tell him, Buffy. Tell him.  
  
At that she swirled around and hurried back down the hallway.  
  
Spike felt exhilarated and scared and ready and as he took the corner of the stairs he bumped into someone harshly, fingers splaying against his abs as he came to a short halt and then looked down; into eyes of green and he was entangled in them as he stared at her.  
  
Her hands against his bare stomach and her head tilted back, painted in a weak beam of moonlight falling through the hallway, she looked irresistible and a small look of wonder placed itself upon his face as it slowly became clear to him that she had been on her way back - to him.  
  
Buffy's heart was hammering, making it difficult to breathe easily, but she couldn't notice anything but that expression in his eyes. The way he was observing her now was how he always had. His gaze seeing through all her walls of protection, through all her layers of falsehoods, through that brick-wall of strength and right into her.  
  
Just her.  
  
And it had always been enough.  
  
Her fingers slid over his chest, over taut muscles and warm skin and then she stepped close to him, tilting her head back further and feeling his hands glide over her hips before pushing her to him and she smiled a little.  
  
Wetting her lips she felt the anticipation grow within her. His torso was heaving gently against the thin fabric of her short nightgown, he was so real the feeling in her chest nearly pained her as she wanted to write how much she loved him in her gaze so that he could read it, have it imbed itself within him.  
  
And then he leaned forward and joined their lips and he kissed her deeply, greedily, starved for her blessing caress and she kept a low moan down as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back heatedly. He turned them both around so that he could lean her against the wall behind her, fitting his body against hers and her tongue grew even more demanding at the movement. Her hands in his hair and sliding over the muscles of his strong arms and over the softness of his back and trying to take it all in.  
  
Too fast, too fast, moving rapidly into overdrive and how could she resist him? How could she possibly have this second in time give way for childish need of practicality? She was in love with him, she had mourned him, and now an embrace lost to her over two years ago was finally being set back in motion. How could she stop the wheels of time from turning when they had brought her back to him? When they had so clearly meant for her to find her way back to him?  
  
This wasn't too fast, it had been too long!  
  
Together they began to make their way along the wall to the stairs. Still locked together they struggled up them, kissing and smiling and Buffy stifling her giggles whenever they stumbled. Reaching his door Buffy ended the kiss and stepped away from him before she walked backwards through the doorway, one of her hands taking one of his and pulling him with her.  
  
He got close to her the next moment, getting his arms around her again and she smiled widely before they resumed the kiss and she closed her eyes as his tongue cautiously played with hers. The fervor was rising once again and he took a step forward, tripping her and they tumbled to the floor with a loud thud.  
  
Buffy began to laugh as the kiss was broken and Spike did as well, before he hushed her and she smiled.  
  
"It's YOUR fault," she then whispered and he returned her smile.  
  
She sat up as he pulled himself back to sit on his knees and then he stood, taking her outstretched hands and helping her to her feet. She looked up at him and he met her gaze for a moment before they attacked each other again, their mouths crashing together and the kiss deepening as they started to get the tangle which was them over to the bed, shuffling the way they suspected it to be.  
  
Spike's fingers slid down her sides and then grabbed the fabric of the piece of clothing she was wearing and her eyes opened to meet his just before he pulled it up and over her head. She swallowed, her gaze not leaving his as he simply threw the nightgown aside and then had her against him again.  
  
Her nipples were stiff against his burning skin and he felt the ache for her intensify as her hands caressed his chest and slipped down to the knot holding up the pajama bottoms he was in. Then she smirked a little and he could do nothing but mirror it as she pulled the knot open and put her hands on either hip, making the hems of the bottoms slip over his skin and then tumble to lie around his ankles.  
  
Her eyes were warm now, and she reached up one hand to slide it tenderly over his cheek before her smirk turned into a smile and he drew a small breath before he leaned forward and kissed her softly on the mouth.  
  
Then he slid his hands down her back, over her buttocks making her mouth fall slightly agape and her eyes glaze over, and then he grabbed her thighs and made her let out a cry of surprise as he had her fall backward while he followed, landing on top of her as she hit the mattress of the bed and she suppressed her giggles with effort as she buried her face against his shoulder.  
  
And then those giggles were pushed aside for an intake of breath as his mouth closed around her left nipple and she moaned her pleasure as she claimed fistfuls of his bleached curls.  
  
She felt weak and rigid at the same time, her whole being filled with expectation as his lips and tongue trailed up to the side of her throat and further to her chin, kissing it before his mouth found hers again and she met his tongue with her own as he moved to fit himself between her legs.  
  
They were both breathing heavily and he stopped the kiss, putting his forehead to hers and opening his eyes as she did the same. Then he moved his hips forward, slowly filling her and her eyes widened slightly. Once he was buried inside of her he lay still and she stared up at him as sweat began to break across her forehead, her lips practically brushing his as his face was so close.  
  
Her breathing was becoming erratic now, her hands clasping his shoulders.  
  
He bit his lower lip, moving his hips one fraction of an inch and having her gasp silently.  
  
Then he let his mouth join with hers again, gently, deepening the kiss with care and having her tremble beneath him. They began to move together as though their bodies understood each other's language to perfection and she met his slow thrusts as low groans of building ecstasy kept escaping her.  
  
The sensations within him were somehow stronger than before. The bliss coursing through him was intensified by live nerves and flesh and heart. A heart that was beating heavily inside his bosom and nerves that were tingling and aching and receiving her as her fingers slid over them. It was indescribable, the close to euphoria instilled in him as he was brought closer and closer to the peak, knowing that she was climbing it with him, hearing her low testament to what he was able to do to her... Making love.  
  
He smiled at the thought, his lips still locked with hers, and then his eyes shot open and they met hers as the wave of pleasure came crashing over him. He was holding his breath, looking at her as the meaning of his life was a bright spot somewhere before his sight and the feel of her sweat streaked body weighed down with his own was the center of his entire universe. His love for her a pulsating light-bulb in the middle of his heart, shining up the last shadowed corner of his being and clearing up any confusion he might have had as to why he had been brought back.  
  
Buffy kept her eyes in his as she watched the stricken expression in them. He looked as though what he was feeling was something he had never felt before, and it surprised her, because all the times she had been in his bed, all the times she had been in the very position she was in now, she had never seen him look like that.  
  
She drew a small breath as she let the aftermath of the climax settle itself in her loins, spreading its relaxation with the blood pumping through her and she closed her eyes again as his lips met hers in a gentle kiss.  
  
They were still holding onto each other. Were still one tight mass of body parts thrown together, neither one knowing where one started and the other one ended.  
  
They didn't speak.  
  
They didn't need to.  
  
Because in the next moment their eyes once more met; and they both smiled.  
  
***  
  
"Tell me something you've never told anyone," she mumbled sleepily, two hours later.  
  
She was secured in his arms, her head resting comfortably against his chest. She was filled with nothing but contentment. Her body tired in a very good way, the best way.  
  
"Something I've never told anyone?" he asked, sounding thoughtful at the same time as wondering and she smiled a little. "Like a secret?" he added and she nodded.  
  
"A deep one," she requested and he smiled as well, pressing her a little tighter to him before he furrowed his brow slightly.  
  
What could he tell her? Something that wouldn't ruin the frail calm of this moment? Something that wouldn't dredge up dark memories...  
  
"I was more nervous about tonight than you could even imagine," he finally murmured and she moved her head to look up at him, questioningly.  
  
"Nervous?" she asked. "Why?"  
  
"Well, to be honest... Bloody-..." he stopped himself in the muttered profanity and then rolled his eyes at her expression beginning to get much too curious and she seemed to grow more awake by the second. "Before I was turned I'd never... As a human I had never..."  
  
For a second longer she looked oblivious as to where he was trying to take his sentences, and then her eyes widened with comprehension.  
  
"YOU were a VIRGIN!" she exclaimed and his eyes grew as well.  
  
"Would you keep it the sod down?!" he grumbled between clenched jaws just before she burst into a fit of giggles, resting her forehead against his chest. "If you don't stop that..." he threatened and she forced herself to quiet down, raising her head again and being completely unable to hold back her wide smile.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, not sounding as though she meant it even the slightest.  
  
"Why's this such a shock?" he asked and she merely kept the smile on, making him add: "So, I was a romantic."  
  
"Romantic? How old were you when you were turned anyways? Twenty-...seven?" she inquired and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Twenty-five," he then corrected. "But, does AGE have anything to do with it?" he asked and she shook her head.  
  
"No, it doesn't. Except... I just find it a little bit hard to believe that you'd never... I mean, jeez, you're so..." She was blushing now, his gaze growing much too teasing at her stammering and she produced a smile for cover before she finished: "You're just so at home... in bed."  
  
He laughed at that, then rested his eyes in hers again with the blue in his glittering and she smirked.  
  
"I still remember my time as a vamp, you know," he pointed out with a meaningful glint in his gaze and she raised her eyebrows before she smiled once more, breaking eye-contact as her cheeks began to burn again and she felt slightly agitated at how she kept failing in hiding it from him.  
  
"But still," she mumbled as his words finally sunk in and she looked back at him. "That means that in a way... I'm your... first. Doesn't it?" He nodded a little and she stared at him for a long while before she gently pulled herself up and put her lips to his, taking in his lower one and letting it go only for the upper one before she ended the kiss softly. "Thank you," she said, "for choosing me."  
  
He held her gaze, observing her closely for a minute, and then he smiled tentatively.  
  
"You're welcome," he replied and she returned the smile, letting one hand slide through his blonde curls as she watched his face, caught in the shape of his jaw, his nose, his mouth, and that striking color of blue out of which his eyes were born.  
  
"I hope it was everything you thought it would be," she then said in a mock- dramatic tone and he smirked.  
  
"It far exceeded..." he began his mock-dramatic reply and then he trailed off, once again just looking at her, and then he said: "It was different... Incredibly... different. ...Incredible. And you look..." The words wouldn't flow as he got lost in the fine curves of her face.  
  
Buffy felt how she grew self-conscious under the tenderness of his gaze, but she couldn't get her eyes out of his and finally she merely smiled tryingly.  
  
"What?" she nearly whispered and he smiled as well, sliding one hand's fingertips along her cheek before he shook his head a little.  
  
"Everything," he then murmured and her smile widened slightly as his hands grabbed her upper-arms and pulled her closer before kissing her deeply, her response being unmistakable.  
  
When they finally moved apart again Buffy giggled, shaking her head at his quizzical gaze and then saying:  
  
"You're too good to be true."  
  
He smiled as well, then kissed the tip of her nose and she sank down to place her head back on his chest, feeling how tired she actually was.  
  
"Tell me something YOU'VE never told anyone," he said, voice low and grumbled with sleep as well.  
  
She thought for a few moments, then said:  
  
"When I first found out who I was... well, AM... and what was expected of me... I've never felt so scared and lost and alone and strong and sure all at the same time. And for so many years I wanted a way out of it, I truly did. It screwed everything up. School, friends, my family. But when all the other slayers were just all of a sudden... there; I don't know... I guess I felt a little like a piece of me was lost, forever. And I couldn't ever get it back. It's liberating to not be alone anymore, and I wouldn't want to go back to how it was... But sometimes I miss Sunnydale. I miss patrolling, and Giles busting my ass, and the house. God, I really miss that house. I miss the Bronze and all the familiar places... It's just a hole in the ground now, you know? Just a buncha memories."  
  
She stopped talking at that and he felt a sudden sorrow at hearing her words as they brought back those memories much too vividly.  
  
"Yeah," he then agreed, "that town saw one too many showdowns." He paused, then added: "I miss the sign."  
  
"What?" she asked, furrowing her brow.  
  
"The 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign. I'll never crash into it again," he sighed and she moved her head to look up at him, meeting his eyes and then laughing with him, as he did. "Don't worry," he then said. "There'll be new streets to walk, another city to be conquered by you, to be home... You'll create new memories. Better ones."  
  
She smiled again at that, looking at him for another second before putting her cheek against his chest once more.  
  
"I'm convinced you're right," she said, slipping one hand across his torso and keeping her smile on to herself.  
  
Shivers hurried over her shoulders as he let one hand slide through her locks and she closed her eyes as he kept the movement up, repeating it gently.  
  
"If you don't stop that I'll fall asleep," she warned.  
  
"Good," he simply replied. "Sleep tight, love."  
  
She smiled for the hundredth time and cuddled closer to him.  
  
Yup, she thought. Creating better ones right now... with you.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
So, some more of the Spuffy lovin'. :)  
  
Special and warm thanks to Winters1 *big smile!*, maribel :), Hot4Spike (Aw, come on, have I been doing such a poor job at making Buffy out as someone deeply in love?) :( ;), MissK *bows head* :), Keleven *heh-heh* :), Mel (thank you! And hope you enjoyed this then!) :), Captain (Great to read all your wonderful comments! :) And a Spike-bot PLUS ma very own cake? You're beginning to spoil me now!) :), Night *lol* :))), Tobert *awww and well...* ;) and darklover *smile!*  
  
Huge thanks to all! Your feed back is always the perk of this whole set-up!  
  
Hope you enjooooyed this chapter as well! :)  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	15. Fifteenth

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What Is To Be  
  
-Fifteenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-09-30  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
She had reached the first goal for the evening and sunk down on her knees in the dirt and grind covering the edge of the seemingly endless hole. The ground in which it was located was nothing but a wasteland of dark-gray rubble and debris, soot and stone. The sky was clouded over and it looked as though a large storm was threatening to unleash its wrath upon her.  
  
She had not even one thought to spare for it.  
  
She brought out the rope which was to bring her down into the darkness, securing it around a thick metal pole sticking out of the ground before she threw the remaining rope down the gape of where she was headed. Bracing herself she then turned around and slowly began to make her way over the ledge and further downwards.  
  
After what felt like an eternity being surrounded by nothing but black her feet finally touched down on what felt like solid rock and she let the rope go as she took a step back and turned around. Reaching into one of the back pockets of her black outfit she brought out a flare and lit it, bringing it over her head as she took her first in depth look at the Hellmouth.  
  
Slowly the flare was being extinguished and she could feel a chill around her hand once it died completely. She realized instinctively that she needn't bother to even try lighting another one. This place was not kind to brightness, smothering it so sufficiently... Nothing good dwelled here, only dark magic and simmering evil. It went straight to the bone and she felt as if it crawled up her back and further up her neck as though it was actually a being.  
  
Swallowing she carefully began to take step upon step upon step forward, moving toward something which she knew she had to find, but wasn't certain of how to locate. She knew she had to go on pure feeling, believing that her heart would lead her through the shadows.  
  
Closing her eyes she let her senses reach out and cautiously she made her way towards the unknown second goal.  
  
It was so dark.  
  
Her voyage seemed to go on forever though she focused her thoughts away from that fact with determination as she knew every single step also brought her closer. And before she knew it there it was, a distinct scent in the still air - of water.  
  
She nearly stumbled, but steadied herself and had the most overwhelming feel of déjà vu before she let it go and drew a small breath. Opening her eyes again she thought the high walls around her were stretched over with the farthest reaches of a light source stemming from up ahead and she felt a surge of conviction run through her as she understood that she was very close now.  
  
The sound of a silent scratch against the rocks she had so far put behind her made her stiffen slightly before she whipped her head around, gazing through shadow, but her Slayer sight not revealing any movements. She listened for a few more moments, but when nothing more was heard she turned back to face forward and once more got herself going.  
  
Reaching out a hand she put it against the harsh cave wall and traced it in order to help her keep her course, moving ever nearer and feeling her heart beat harder for every step forward.  
  
After ten paces she rounded a corner and her eyes were hit by such a bright light that she had to shield them with one hand. However, they adjusted quickly enough and she slowly lowered her hand again as her gaze landed on the origin of the illumination: a well in the cavern floor.  
  
For a second she was terribly convinced she had seen it before, and then she shook it off as she glanced about at her surroundings.  
  
There was the sound of the ocean somewhere in the background, she realized. And the cavern was smaller than she had pictured it while approaching it. She had thought it would be grand, since it obviously was important, though she still wasn't sure exactly why. But this place wasn't any greater than fitting her old house within its trap.  
  
Turning her eyes back on the well she frowned.  
  
What was it with it? It tempted her with its clearness, yet it frightened her in some elusive way. Sickened her to the verge of not being able to move from her current position. There was something dark surrounding it. Some evil at play about it which wasn't strong enough to persuade her supernatural senses of the gentle disguise it had chosen for itself.  
  
As she watched the mirror-like surface of the water her throat began to signal how much in need it was of tasting what lay beneath. How it craved the coolness of it slipping over its dusty-dry confinement and she swallowed. The hesitation she felt at approaching the spot finally gave way for this building thirst and she started up to it once the decision had been made.  
  
As she got closer a ray of light suddenly shot up from the former source and it hit the cavern ceiling gently, she furrowed her brow as she tilted her head back and looked at the spot on which it now rested. There was an "A" carved into the stone and around it glowed a white ring. It was as though the light imbedded itself into the carving of the latter, circling within its dents and crannies and making it shimmer.  
  
The notion of having seen all this before was taking over once more, and for a moment she thought she was about to be able to grasp it, but it still managed to escape her and she looked up at the "A" again before she turned her gaze back on the well, sinking to her knees by the edge and watching the surface for another moment, thinking she could see a drop of red swirling just beneath it before simply cupping her hands and then plunging them into the wetness.  
  
She brought them deep down, closing her eyes as she pulled them up again, carrying the fluid with them and to her lips. She drank, greedily but deeply. Repeating the movement as she had finished the contents of the first trip. Her body was being revived, the water sliding through it, into her veins, being picked up by her nerves, her dried lungs, her beating heart. It coursed through her, joining her pulse. She was growing lightheaded.  
  
She finished the second handful and once more dipped her arms down before having her hands by her mouth for a third time.  
  
Then there was a whisper right by her ear, it was Dawn's voice and it said:  
  
"It's poison to you."  
  
As the last word of that sentence slid through her mind, before she had a chance to react, she had thrown the last of the liquid away from her with an unprovoked yell of disgust and as she opened her eyes they widened with that very same emotion.  
  
The surface of the well rippled from her movement as the drops she had held in her palms splashed into it, only now it was a deep red. Only now - it was blood.  
  
The coppery taste of it stuck to every single taste-bud of her mouth and she stared in abhorrer as she scrambled backwards.  
  
The light had been extinguished by the thickness of the new contents, but an eerie residue seemed to linger against the walls and she could still see her surroundings as she got to her feet. Looking down at her hands she noticed they were clean.  
  
Tilting her head back she frowned, this time deeply, as she caught the change the "A" had gone through as it was blackened, smudged, and how the black ring formed an ominous prison around it.  
  
Suddenly there was a disturbance in the well and something floated to the surface, making her take her eyes off the confusing sign above to what now showed bopping calmly in the sticky waves. She eyed it in suspicion before it hit her. She recognized it and it wasn't a something at all - it was a someone.  
  
She was by the edge in the next instant, reaching out her arms and grabbing the shoulder which was all that was really showing. Pulling the body forcefully to her and dragging it up, the legs still in the thick liquid as she rolled it over and stared down at the pale face of someone gone forever.  
  
Oh, God, let him be okay. Let him live.  
  
She was trembling as she bent over him and let her hands gently stroke his cheeks, his brow, his hair - realizing that he was clean as well, the blood had simply dripped off of him and now he lay there in alabaster splendor.  
  
Please. Open your eyes. Look at me. Spike...  
  
He coughed and stirred slightly before he did as she pleaded and eased his eyes open. They looked at her in wonderment, disoriented for a second before he smiled and reached up one hand to slide it over her cheek.  
  
"Buffy," he whispered and she returned the smile as the tears that had been building ran over.  
  
"Spike," she said. "There's so much... I want to say..."  
  
But he shook his head, cutting her short before he caught his breath as his gaze grew pained.  
  
The tender smile that had been on her lips now retracted as she looked at him with the questions rising within her.  
  
"What's wrong?" she whispered, feeling how his body began to grow warmer against her, beneath her fingers.  
  
"I will always..." he mumbled, then a brief smile touched his lips before his brow furrowed with agony and his eyes closed, his head lolling to the side and his muscles going limp.  
  
"Spike?" she tried, putting one hand by his right cheek and moving his face so that she could look at it, search it for a clue as to what had just happened. "Spike?" she repeated, her tone close to begging him for a response.  
  
There was none.  
  
A tear slid down her nose and clung to the tip for just a second before letting go, hitting his cheek as she bent forward and kissed him softly on the mouth.  
  
"I need you," she whispered, putting her forehead to his and having a quiet sob rip through her.  
  
Then he was slowly pulled out of her arms and she raised her head as she watched him being almost carefully suspended in the air. She stared, her mouth dropping agape at the sight, and then he was slammed into the hard wall behind him and she let out a cry of objection as she got to her knees, ready to fight whatever element of hell or earth doing something so disrespectful, something so horribly wrong.  
  
But she couldn't move, and he slid down the wall to the ground, still lifeless.  
  
Dead.  
  
She was weeping in stillness now, the defeat filling her with a hopelessness she had never experienced before.  
  
"Spike..."  
  
His name coming out in such a hushed voice it barely sounded and then she sat back, still on her knees, her hands in her lap as she bent her head in grief and desperation.  
  
There was a flash of fire from where he had come to reside and she knew he was gone.  
  
Her heart was breaking in such a way that it made it impossible for her to breathe. Her soul was crying and thrashing within her, shaking her emotions up even more and she chewed on the inside of her cheek as she tried to keep herself from getting up and ramming her head into one of the cavern walls.  
  
And then there was the careful touch of hands on her head, sliding through her hair before someone got down before her and the hands moved to her shoulders and then to either side of her face as his voice said:  
  
"Why are you crying?"  
  
She drew a breath in surprise and looked up sharply, meeting the blueness of his eyes that were smiling at her through concern.  
  
"You... died," she then replied to his question, her own eyes wide with growing shock. "You died!" she added and he blinked, then tilted his head a little to one side before he pulled her to him in a tight embrace and she held him back with the happiness beginning to spread throughout her.  
  
"I had to," he said, voice low next to her ear. "I had to die..."  
  
"William..." she mumbled and he pulled away to look at her.  
  
She smiled, reaching up one hand and touching the spot of his left eyebrow which had preciously carried a trademark scar. Now it was gone.  
  
"William," she said again and he returned her smile tentatively before he put one hand by hers and brought it down to his lips, kissing her palm gently before he got to his feet.  
  
She looked up, tilting her head back and then following him with her eyes as he walked toward the passageway through which she had arrived.  
  
"Remember what I said?" he asked and she felt at a loss for a short while before she was hit by what he was referring to, and she nodded. "It's watching you," he added, turning away and about to begin to walk again when he paused, turning partially to her and then smiling a small smile again, reaching out a hand to her.  
  
She looked at it, then back in his eyes and she smiled widely as she quickly rose to her feet and walked up to him. Sliding her hand in his they softly eyed each other and in the next moment - she woke up.  
  
With an intake of breath she was torn from the dream and her eyes opened as she stared up at the ceiling.  
  
She turned on her side and her arm rested directly on Spike's chest, gently heaving with sleep-drenched breaths and she smiled to herself as she watched him in the stillness of the room.  
  
How could anyone be that beautiful? How could she have spent so much time hating those features?  
  
She held back a soft laugh at the thought, remembering just to what lengths he had gone in order to INSURE that he instilled nothing but fear and despise in her.  
  
The man she loved with all her heart.  
  
What a story they had.  
  
How far had they not come since their first encounter in that darkened alley behind the Bronze? How much had not happened between them? It was amazing to even think of it.  
  
She let the thoughts run freely as she relaxed her head in one hand, observing him intently.  
  
She stayed that way for a long time, not wanting to move or make him stir. Wanting to remember the moment forever, burn it into her memory banks. That peaceful sleep her lover was in, that peaceful sound of his soft breathing, that true contentment she felt at simply lying there, next to him, close to him, watching over him.  
  
It wasn't until an hour and a half later that she came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep; and the light falling in through the window was a sufficient tattletale on time and told her that it was morning.  
  
She placed gentle kisses up his cheek before she smiled and carefully pulled away from him. Grabbing her nightgown and robe she pulled both on and then sneaked up to the door, glancing back at him and once again smiling before she slipped out into the hallway.  
  
She was hungry and so she headed for the kitchen. Entering it she was greeted by Fred who just poured hot water into a mug before retrieving the teabag she had already gotten for herself. Buffy joined her, leaning against the kitchen counter. Fred took a cautious sip of her tea as she casually observed the Slayer.  
  
The latter had a smile on; in fact, she hadn't taken it off since she first walked through the doorway. She looked... sublimely happy and Fred had to smile a little with her. The blonde seemed oblivious to the very accurate interpretation of her state; actually she seemed quite lost to any impressions of what was going on around her.  
  
Then she suddenly drew a breath, straightened her posture and walked over to the fridge. As she was still wearing the smile Fred had to laugh silently, making the other turn her head to her questioningly.  
  
"You look like a woman in love," Fred merely pointed out meaningfully, making Buffy's cheek flush slightly as the other left the room and walked out into the foyer.  
  
"Surprise," the Slayer then murmured and giggled to herself.  
  
***  
  
Spike woke slowly, blinking at the daylight falling in across the bed and then smiling to himself before he stretched and rolled onto his side, turning his head to where he expected his love to be. Only, she wasn't. The bed was empty but for him and he blinked as a chill went through him.  
  
It made him remember nothing of the night prior, made him remember nothing but all the mornings he had awoken to nothing but an abandoned place next to him; reminding him that forever he was to be nothing else but a cheap fuck to her. An easy lay. A quick escape out of the pain and loss and confusion she so obviously felt facing the so bleak everyday.  
  
He sat up straight.  
  
Throwing the sheet aside he got to his feet, about to walk right out the door when he realized he was very much naked. Turning back he grabbed his pajama bottoms off the floor and pulled them on rather harshly.  
  
There was a twirl of emotions in his chest, the primary one being a crude panic at this whole scenario as it had taken place too many times before. With a clawing apprehension inside of him he rushed downstairs.  
  
***  
  
"She's humming," Cordelia murmured to Fred as the two watched the Slayer who had been wandering around the foyer seemingly aimlessly for nearly twenty minutes, touching a detail in one wall here or sliding her hand along the reception counter there.  
  
She still wore the smile, her face growing into a look of dreamy thoughts once and again as she paused for a moment or two, her smile then widening just a tad or so before she got herself moving again.  
  
Lost in thought of making love to him, having him make love to her, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and holding him close as he held her. Nothing could compare to him, no one could ever come close. And he was hers... She had seen it in his eyes last night. No matter what words fell from his lips she knew now that his eyes would never lie to her, they couldn't hide anything from her because she knew them far too well for them to be able to. He had loved her then, and he loved her still. And she felt exhilarated, uplifted by this feeling of being loved by the one person on this earth that she needed to love her.  
  
And now, yes, she was humming; no matter how unaware of it she was.  
  
She hadn't felt this good since... She could barely remember since when.  
  
And nothing could ruin it for her.  
  
"So this is how it's gonna be?!" his voice suddenly bellowed and her eyes grew wide as she twirled around to face him coming down the stairs.  
  
Her smile faded at the look of fury on his face.  
  
"What?" she then asked, incredulous, thinking that he must be joking.  
  
He approached her, stopping a few feet away from her and she stared at him as she determined that he truly was not.  
  
"You'll come to me when you want to? Make me scratch your little itch and then you're gone?!" he exclaimed and now her jaw dropped in astonishment. "I CAN'T live like that!" he added and she blinked before she furrowed her brow.  
  
"Exactly what the hell are you saying?" she then demanded and his eyebrows rose.  
  
"I know this dance, love," he replied. "I was there when we bloody invented it! This old game of push-and-pull, who-wants-what, end-before-it-begins... Bloody hell, did you ever stop to think?!" he asked, voice still loud and Buffy felt a cold stab in her side, trailing up to her heart as she began to understand where he was going with this; and at the realization her eyes grew hard, the shock at this question mixing with a growing fury with him.  
  
With his near-sighted, dumb-ass conclusions.  
  
"I guess I didn't," she said coldly and he drew a breath, his chest heaving already from his anger and she clenched her jaws together with agitation.  
  
"You forget I could feel now, pet?" he asked, the dripping sarcasm in his voice making her meet his gaze with one harsh before she voiced what was pushing to be screamed at him.  
  
"Are you seriously standing there saying this to me?!" she burst out.  
  
"Yeah," he nodded.  
  
"What the hell gave you the right?!"  
  
"I know you," he replied and her eyes grew before she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Really?" she asked and he smirked in the way he always had and always would before he put his hands out to the sides and said:  
  
"You're all about instant gratification, aren't you, love?"  
  
She stared at him, speechless.  
  
Then she moved her arm before she could stop herself and her palm met his cheek in a brutal slap. His head moved to the side and his upper body followed before he twisted thirty degrees and lost his balance, going down on his knees.  
  
"How can you even THINK that of me?!" she screamed, her eyes glazed over with sudden tears.  
  
But his hunched form, his slumped shoulders and his bent neck as he sat with his back to her made her feel a pang of sadness.  
  
"God, how I must've hurt you," she said, voice low and then she tentatively got down on the floor next to him.  
  
She carefully moved her hands up over his arms, to his jaw line, making him look at her as she blinked at her tears. His cheek was burning red and she frowned at the sight, the guilt coming over her like billowing smoke. His eyes did tell her of his pain, of his fear; of this blinding, paralyzing scare that she had just given him.  
  
"You have to trust that I won't hurt you anymore," she mumbled, putting her forehead softly against his as her fingers carefully caressed the place they had just slammed into. "I won't..."  
  
His arms slipped around her and he pulled her to him, making her let out a small sigh of relief as she buried her face against his shoulder.  
  
"Can't you tell how much I love you?" she whispered in his ear and his hold tightened, making the smile reattach itself on her lips, the relief now filling every part of her with the speed of sound. "I love you," she repeated and he pressed her to him, his nose against the side of her throat.  
  
He could have faced anything at that particular moment. Any demon sent from any corner of the underworld would have been no match for him. He felt invincible. The same way he had felt the first and only time she had ever spoken those words to him before.  
  
"I love you too," he said, kissing her collarbone before he raised his head and rested his gaze in hers.  
  
"I missed you so much," she practically sobbed, her lips meeting his as he nodded.  
  
"I missed you too," he said, kissing her back.  
  
"Why didn't you send for me?" she asked, pulling back and her tears welling over the edges of her eyes as she looked at him. "How could you not send for me? It's what's killing me! You were there for me through some of the hardest times of my life, and you wouldn't let me be there for you!"  
  
"No, that's not... It wasn't that I didn't WANT to let you know... I just wanted, for once, to not ruin anything for you," he tried to explain, her eyebrows rising.  
  
"Ruin?!" she exclaimed, letting him go as she got to her feet and he followed her movement. "You didn't believe what I told you in that godforsaken cave three-hundred-and-twenty years ago? You didn't think I meant every single word?!"  
  
"I lived on those words! But I didn't bleeding well know if you..."  
  
He trailed off and she shook her head.  
  
"That's bull-shit!" she stated. "You were scared! You thought that I didn't mean them enough to have them STILL mean something. You thought that all you'd get from me was a letter of welcome-back, didn't you?"  
  
"No," he shook his head.  
  
"Yes, you did!"  
  
"No, that was what I was AFRAID of, okay?!" he yelled. "Okay! So I WAS scared. I was bloody terrified, but not of you not feeling it then... but yeah, of you not feeling it now! Happy?!"  
  
"But... why?" she asked and he looked away from her before he once again turned his eyes in hers.  
  
"If someone handed you the moon," he answered, "would you keep it for yourself, or have it hung back up in the sky to shine for everyone to see?" She looked uncomprehending and so he elaborated with: "Angel told me about you, what you were doing. You had made a life for yourself, as far as I could tell. I didn't want to disrupt it for you, I've done that so many times before... And yeah, I was scared that if I got in touch with you, you'd write that you were happy I was okay, but that you were too busy to come straight away or that you'd pop by as soon as you had another reason taking you back here or... Well, down those lines it went. I couldn't be selfish, Buffy. You were made to shine."  
  
"I haven't been shining like some frickin' star in the sky ever since you left!" she shot. "I've been miserable and alone and all I wanted was to see you again, talk with you..."  
  
"I'm sorry," he said, his face displaying the truth of that sentence perfectly as he took a step toward her and she didn't hesitate before she took those dividing them, having his arms around her again as she hugged him hard. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."  
  
"I know," she assured. "I know you didn't. I'm sorry too."  
  
They pulled apart slightly again, looking at each other for something close to an eternity before she smiled a little. He smiled back and then he leaned forward, his lips meeting hers before they deepened the kiss softly  
  
Cordelia and Fred, inconspicuous and still eager audience to the scene, shared a wide smile at the obvious finale just as Angel came out from his office and at the sight which met him he paused, looking over at the two ladies before he asked:  
  
"What'd I miss?"  
  
"A fight," Cordelia answered him.  
  
"That's the making up," Fred added and Angel glanced at the two blondes before he smiled a little as well.  
  
"I need to find someone to argue with," he muttered, giving Cordelia a discrete look before he smirked and walked out to the kitchen.  
  
Buffy's arms had slid up around Spike's neck and now she smiled as they ended the kiss and once more faced each other. He gently kissed her forehead and then nudged the tip of her nose with his own. Her smile persisted as she kissed him on the lips before wrapping her arms around him and pulling herself close to him in a hard hug.  
  
"Let's never fight again," she whispered in his ear and to that he laughed.  
  
"What fun is there in that?" he replied and she giggled, relaxing into him and feeling a deeply rooted ease fill her as she understood that the final step was taken and now... now there was the future.  
  
And, before then, the end-of-the-world thing to deal with, of course.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Sooooo happy that you guys liked the previous chapter! :)  
  
Big, warm thanks to Alyssa (*lol*)! :), Captain (Why, thank you! :) Oh, and don't drag me down with you, girl! BAD! I live off of hope and a determined belief in Joss! He has come through for the best before, I pray this time will be no different! *pout*) :), Winters1 (I'm happy you think so!!!) :), maribel (here was some more...) ;), Rachel9 (Okay, so here were the I love you's... Approved?) :), Taelyn (Oh, no need to apologize, glad you're here now. :) heh-heh, I'm glad you liked the kiss! Oh, I hope chapter 14 set your mind at ease. ;) And I thought it so sad that Anya died like that, too!) :), MissK (aww, *smiles* thank you!) :), Tobert (Indeed happy you liked it! And yup, the I love you's arrived... you liked?) :), SinisterChic Heather Martin (Nice! I'm glad that you're into it!!! And thanks for the "Egyptian legend" comment. That meant a lot!) :) and Keleven (*smile* Very, very, really great to read that! Hope this chapter passed the green light as well!) :)  
  
As always I thank thee for thine support! Truly wouldn't be here without ya!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	16. Sixteenth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Sixteenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-10-03  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Buffy reached over to grab another of the ten or so books placed out - all opened - on the research table of the conference room. As she did the movement she had to lean partially over Spike and his left arm slid around her waist as she was about to straighten herself up again, making her stop her movement half way with her lips dangerously close to his as she looked up at him. She smiled, he returned it. Then she moved her head forward and kissed him softly, ending it the same way before returning to her former position and looking at the book she had gotten.  
  
"Wow," she said, flipping it shut and reading the title with a frown on before she turned her head to him, adding: "This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever."  
  
He smirked at that, glancing at the title as well and then saying:  
  
"It's in Latin."  
  
"I KNOW it's in Latin," she huffed, putting the book down.  
  
"You... speak Latin?" he inquired and she gave him a friendly glare at the skepticism in his voice, then replied:  
  
"No. Well, unless you count 'Et tu, mon Bruté' and I only know THAT 'cause of my liking of English men," she finished with a coy smile and girlish flutter of her eyelashes at him, making his smirk widen before he cleared his throat and stated:  
  
"Points for Shakespearian love, love, but actually that sentence is in French... So it doesn't count."  
  
She stared at him for a moment as though she was about to offer an objection, and then she seemingly thought better of it and a pout settled on her lips instead.  
  
"I'm useless," she muttered and he laughed.  
  
"With a stake you're unstoppable," he said and she looked at him glumly, waiting for the good part and he smiled. "And with a dictionary and the right, subtle help to give you a few pointers I'm sure you'd be just as unstoppable in world-of-never-read-for-fun-books," he assured, grabbing the volume at one corner and waving it meaningfully before he rose to his feet and walked up to the shelf still terribly weighed with the Investigations' extensive collection of notes and leather-bands of information.  
  
Buffy watched him for a moment before she rose as well, coming up to him and making him stop his hand from following the row of bonded book-backs as he searched for the right one. He met her gaze as her fingers locked with his and she said:  
  
"I really hope YOU'RE that 'right, subtle help', 'cause I know I can use the pointers."  
  
He smiled.  
  
"I think you should start with reading between the lines," he mumbled as she stepped closer to him, her free hand sliding over his abs and to his side before traveling to his back.  
  
"Between the lines?" she asked and he nodded, wetting his lips as hers drew closer.  
  
"Many texts have well-hidden messages in them... you just need to spot them," he said and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Lesson the first?" she asked and he paused before he smiled at her input, making him remember.  
  
"Here it endeth," he grumbled as her lips now brushed against his and they parted, ready to taste her when Angel stuck his head through the doorway, saying:  
  
"Get a room."  
  
Spike bit his jaws together in irritation.  
  
"We're IN a room," he shot and Angel smirked.  
  
"Another room, then," he replied, clearing his throat before he added: "Susannah's just woken up. She's in the kitchen... I just thought I should let you guys know... you know."  
  
Buffy looked at her watch, and as it showed it was close to ten she was surprised at the realization that they'd actually been looking through the books for nearly two hours, searching for more information on the history of Satoch and Aatoch and its ties to the prophecy. So far they had managed to find a whole lot of differently and eloquently written versions of the exact same things they already knew.  
  
With all the glances-pretending-not-to-be-glances and touches-pretending-to- be-innocent-casual-brush-ups that had been going on between them during that time, they really hadn't been able to clear that much reading. Exactly as they had both planned it. Well, they had gone through enough material to come to the conclusion that there wasn't enough for any of it to bring forth any original clues.  
  
All Buffy wished right then, however, was to have a few more rows of facts to go over. Remembering the slight panic and real anxiety and very heavy jealousy she herself had felt at the very thought of Spike being in love with another woman... She didn't exactly feel up to facing Susannah in the midst of her own delirious love-buzz as she knew that HER heart was safe. Breaking the brunette's felt like something so completely out of the equation.  
  
There was a history between the ex-vampire and his new found confidant of which the Slayer knew nothing. She merely got that they had become close, close enough for Susannah to develop feelings. And Spike, he cared for her a lot - Buffy could tell that easily. She supposed it might have been simpler to turn to a stranger for support, than to his former grandsire who would only remind him of what he used to be and what he was so heavy burdened by guilt from, or to people he knew would remind him of Sunnydale - and her - when he was trying to let that go...  
  
Angel had already pulled his head out of the doorway, and Buffy realized she was under the scrutiny of Spike's probing gaze as he watched her face.  
  
"Sorry," she said with a smile. "Guess I zoned out for a moment..."  
  
He still didn't say anything and she rested her eyes in his as her expression began to grow questioning.  
  
"I have to speak with her," he finally stated and she wasn't surprised by it in the least.  
  
"Of course," she said, snaking her arms around his waist and stepping into him as he held her back. "Of course," she repeated and he smiled a little.  
  
"This agreeing with me is pretty nice," he then smirked and her smile widened.  
  
"This being near you agrees with ME," she mumbled, giving him a quick kiss on the lips as she stood on her toes, and then adding: "Now go. Talk. I just want her to know, to be okay... Think she'll be okay?"  
  
Spike thought for a second before he answered:  
  
"She said she'd be happy for me... I hope she meant it."  
  
***  
  
Susannah turned her head to him when he leaned against the frame of her door, five minutes later.  
  
She had brought her breakfast with her upstairs, still feeling slightly queasy if she walked around for too long she thought it would be best to squander the morning in bed. Her limbs ached for motion after all the hours they had already spent in stillness, but her head began to let her feel a soft throb in each temple after only a few minutes on her feet and so she didn't want to push it.  
  
When her eyes now met his, her first thought was that he was there to ask her how she felt, and whether or not she would be strong enough to attend the morning meeting. She knew Angel was eager to fill the others in on what she had told him and Spike last night, but she was also aware that he wouldn't disclose the information before she could sit amongst them, and she felt grateful for that.  
  
But then the look on Spike's face made her suddenly understand exactly why he was there.  
  
She swallowed and forced a smile, her heart beat slowing and her flesh feeling as though it was lifting off her bones as shivers of discomfort and undeniable disappointment rolled across it.  
  
"I..." he began, but she shook her head and made him stop.  
  
"Please, let's not," she grumbled with another half-hearted smile, fighting back the tears and wanting him to just leave. "So, she loves you then?"  
  
He hesitated as he could see the pained expression in her eyes, but then he nodded.  
  
"She does," he confirmed.  
  
"All is finally right with the world," she said, trying to keep her voice from growing strained as she added: "Could you do me a favor and tell Angel I will be down for the meeting?"  
  
"Sannah..." he tried, but she put one hand up, breaking eye-contact as she looked away from him and he took the hint, leaving her alone.  
  
***  
  
"I feel so bad..." Buffy grumbled, curled up on Spike's lap, one hand playing with a few bleached strands in his neck and her forehead leaned partially against his. "I wish there was something I could do," she added and Spike moved his head to look at her.  
  
"There isn't," he said honestly. "And I'm not gonna spend my first day with you worrying about me wanting to be close to you upsetting someone else. I bloody refuse to."  
  
She held his gaze for a few moments and then leaned forward to kiss him softly.  
  
"I bloody refuse to, too," she agreed and he smirked.  
  
"Okay," Angel's voice was heard as he walked through the foyer, "everybody in the conference room!"  
  
Since this room was the one the Slayer and her mortal found themselves in they exchanged a look and then Buffy slid off his lap to sit on a chair next to him instead. They wouldn't hide their feelings, but they didn't have any reason to rub it in.  
  
Angel entered through the doorway and as he took his seat the others began to trot in as well. Susannah followed Cordelia and Buffy met the formers gaze tentatively. Susannah didn't keep her eyes in the blonde's for long before she glanced at Spike. Then she focused her attention on Angel as she sat down as well, across the table from Gunn who was now sitting next to Buffy. Wesley was the last to join the ensemble and once he had chosen a chair for himself a hushed silence of anticipation fell over all of them.  
  
"Last night," Angel spoke up, bringing forward a plastic folder and throwing it onto the table as he continued with: "Buffy and I were able to get these. Go ahead, look them over," he encouraged, finishing: "Wesley has already spent a good couple of hours with them. What do you think?"  
  
Wesley looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he replied:  
  
"I'm afraid to say it."  
  
This sentence made him the center of focus straight away and Cordelia, who had opened the folder and was looking over the first three pictures which she had spread out before her on the table, looked up questioningly.  
  
"I don't believe this is our prophecy," Wesley finally confessed and the silence this time grew thick with doubt. "In fact, I am quite certain it is not."  
  
Buffy blinked, turning her head back to Angel who looked as taken aback by this as the rest of the assembly.  
  
"But... it seemed to fit," Buffy then said, eyes back on Wesley who nodded.  
  
"It did," he agreed. "But in comparison there are details which do not, and I'm afraid they are too large to overlook, or even bypass. The language is the same, but the text you two photographed is clearly written down later than our prophecy is; perhaps even a good century or so. It isn't the missing part. I'm sorry. For all our sake, I'm sorry."  
  
"There's more, though," Angel now intercepted. "As all know last night something else happened. Susannah... Well, I'm not exactly sure how to put this... so, I won't. William?"  
  
Spike gave a crooked smile, then nodded as he got to his feet. The hand holding one of Buffy's giving it a squeeze before he let it go, his eyes going to Susannah, who seemed reluctant in meeting them.  
  
He wished he didn't have to hurt her. He wished love wasn't so much about pain, and causing it to other people unintentionally. But that was a side to life of which he had no control, and wishing it away wouldn't make it disappear. He had to let it go, it was out of his hands.  
  
"'And on the fifth day a great echo shall roll across the plain and valley, reminding those who forgot,'" he said. "It's the third piece of the first part of our prophecy... The two previous pieces were clarified when Buffy arrived and when we got confirmation of 'the people' being a reference to the demon aspect of the world. And now the third... was brought into a more real light when it happened to Susannah last night."  
  
Buffy frowned, looking at Susannah and having the thoughts of how she was dealing with everything being replaced by the push to know more of the details. To get to the depth with this whole thing once and for all. This prophecy's elusiveness had been bugging the Slayer long enough now; she was ready to discover something useful for a change. Therefore she asked:  
  
"When you said you heard a voice... could you place it?"  
  
Susannah turned her eyes in Buffy's and for the first time that morning she truly looked at her before she answered, saying:  
  
"No, I couldn't. But I felt like I knew it..."  
  
She trailed off, exchanging a look with Spike this time and he seemed as though quietly urging her on, making her draw a small breath before she addressed all of them as she picked the thread up again.  
  
"It whispered the name of the forgotten god," she said. "It was the echo referred to in the text... It repeated 'Satoch' over and over and I..." She shook her head a little, clearly uncomfortable. "It grew louder and louder 'til finally I couldn't take it anymore and I... collapsed, as I guess you all noticed."  
  
She looked around at them, and when she didn't seem apt to add anything more Buffy felt compelled to ask:  
  
"What about the whole 'reminding those who forgot', then? Did you forget? What did you forget? The god? How could you have?"  
  
"I don't know," Susannah cut in with a defeated look on her face. "I'm really sorry, okay? But I don't know."  
  
"But you're linked to it," Buffy said, incredulous. "To the prophecy."  
  
"Not necessarily," Angel chimed in. "Nothing's for certain yet."  
  
"God, nothing ever is, is it?" Buffy asked, not sure why her emotions were suddenly getting the better of her, but unable to hold them down as she rose to her feet. "Excuse me," she said, sidestepping her way around her chair before exiting the room.  
  
Four days left until what? What was going to thrash itself upon them this time? Why couldn't they get one tiny lead that actually made sense? Why was a part of her so eager to blame it all on that young woman in there? Why did she feel as though Susannah knew Spike better than she did?  
  
She stopped halfway through the garden, out into which her legs had seemingly taken her on their own accord; putting her arms up and around herself as she closed her eyes.  
  
She knew the answer to that last question, and she understood that it was the real reason for her upset.  
  
She felt like that because Susannah, in a way, did know him better. Susannah had spent hours talking, getting to know William. Falling head over heels for him, naturally. Poor girl.  
  
Buffy opened her eyes again and walked over to the stone bench on which she had sat that very first evening of revelation, sat next to him. Now she sat down on the spot she had been in then, and drew a breath.  
  
She hadn't thought it would feel this weird, but every nuance of Spike's interaction with Susannah was a whipping reminder of how he had spent the past six months with this woman. Six months where Buffy had been in torment and loss... But she couldn't dwell on that! She had him back now, and he loved her. He loved her still!  
  
And some things Susannah would never know; would never be forced to accept. The history which had spurred the birth of Buffy's love for him would be something Susannah would never even be able to imagine. He was a part of the Slayer now, of her whole youth and growth into who she was... Nothing could compromise that, or the significance of it. It had been a slow, painful, emotional ride, but without it they wouldn't have gotten to where they now were.  
  
And she did know him. She just needed to learn more of him...  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
She looked up at the sound of Susannah's voice and beat back the need to mumble "Think of the devil" before she smiled a little as a welcome for the other to join her. Susannah did, though it was hesitant as she stepped through the glass doors and approached the Slayer.  
  
"I just wanted to see if you were all right," the former said as she came to as stop by the bench.  
  
"I am," Buffy assured. "Quite dandy, in fact... It's just all this trouble we've gone through so far. Spike getting hurt and then the whole 'sneaking' at the party giving us nothing and you... Sorry," she stopped herself, "didn't mean to treat you like some other scrabble piece."  
  
"I understand," Susannah replied with a shrug. "I wanna see this resolved as much as you do, maybe even more. We've been on this since I came here, you know?" she reminded before pausing, then adding: "And... scrabble?"  
  
Buffy smirked.  
  
"Yeah - form a word, win the game... I've used up the supply of puzzle analogies handed out, I think," she answered and Susannah smiled as well.  
  
"You must've seen this whole thing play out about a million times before though, right?" she then asked, slowly taking a seat on the other side of the bench. "The end-of-the-world concept, I mean."  
  
"Not a million," Buffy shook her head. "Just six or seven."  
  
"Oh," Susannah said.  
  
They grew quiet and Buffy wondered what she should say. Or should not. Finally Susannah broke through the stillness as she stated:  
  
"You're a really lucky woman."  
  
Buffy swallowed, then nodded a little.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Do you?" Susannah asked, making the other turn her head and look at her. "Really? Because that man in there, there's nothing he wouldn't do for you. That sort of love is so rare... you have to take care of it. Promise me you will."  
  
"I'll promise myself," Buffy replied simply. "Because I love him too."  
  
"But for such a long time you didn't."  
  
"That's true," Buffy said. "But for a long time he didn't give me good reason to. I can't possibly even begin to explain it to you, but trust me on this - he hasn't always been like you see him now. He used to be so hard... he seemed so untouchable back then. You know what they say - that the first impression lasts? I just couldn't believe him. For so many years I didn't believe in him. And now I'm ready to begin making up for the things I did... that harmed him. I think the past is what makes us who we are, and so I can't ever hold his past against him. I love him for everything he is, Susannah. And believe me, I know exactly how lucky I am to have him loving me back."  
  
Susannah looked at her for a long minute and then she nodded.  
  
"Fine then," she said, getting to her feet.  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow slightly, wondering exactly what that meant as the other suddenly had seemed so drained of that force of life always so evident on her.  
  
"I'm sorry if..." Buffy began, but Susannah huffed and thus cut her off mid- sentence.  
  
"Spare me," she said, her eyes suddenly cold before they flashed back into an expression of pure kindness as a smile spread on her lips. "Sorry, I'm still tired. From last night, I mean. Just a bit on the having-a-bad-mood- day side, I guess. And there are other factors in play on that account, I suppose," she added with a sigh. "I'm going upstairs for a while, I think. Get some sleep before lunch. Be a doll and tell Angel for me, would you? I hate to make him worry."  
  
Buffy nodded and watched the other walk out of the garden and back into the hotel.  
  
There was a slight frown on the Slayer's face as she rose as well, heading back into the foyer and stopping in a moment's tentativeness before she proceeded up to the doorway of the conference room. Everybody else were still gathered, still discussing what they had so far and still turning it as they tried to view it from different angles.  
  
"You okay?" Spike asked to her left and she turned her head to him with a smile before she came up to sit next to him.  
  
"Yeah, I'm good. I was just wondering something," she then replied and he raised his eyebrows. "Well, how much do you know about Susannah, exactly?"  
  
"How do you mean 'exactly'?" he asked back and she didn't know how to put this delicately enough for him not to get defensive and so she spoke slowly, hoping the words would come out of her mouth in an orderly fashion.  
  
"Well... where was she born? Where is she from? What are her parent's names? How old is she?"  
  
Spike furrowed his brow.  
  
"You don't really think she has anything to do with all this, do you?" he then wondered and she shrugged.  
  
"Can you give me straight answers for all those questions?" she inquired, squirming away from what he had wanted to know as she hadn't the proper reply yet.  
  
"She's an orphan," he then said simply.  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"That's it?" she asked. "That's the answer to all of them?"  
  
"Well... she's twenty-one," he then stated and she gave him a look. "Buffy," he merely responded, almost with reprimand and she crossed her arms over her chest, beginning to feel a slight annoyance. "She's bloody HELPED us during the entire time she's been here!" he now said and as his voice had grown just one volume louder the rest of the conversation in the room came to a stop as everybody's heads turned their way. "I know her, Buffy, she couldn't hurt a fly!"  
  
"And yet," Buffy retorted, "she managed to kill a Jade with her bare hands."  
  
Spike had no comeback for that as he had to let the sentence get duly noted; realizing with a chill that Buffy was right.  
  
"But that could have been caused by anything..." he grumbled, not even able to convince himself and as Buffy cocked an eyebrow he shook his head. "Adrenaline?" he tried and she smiled, condescendingly, though he could see the small warmth behind it and knew she meant nothing by it.  
  
"Does anyone know anything about this girl?" she now asked, turning her gaze to Angel.  
  
"Everything she told me panned out, Buffy," he replied. "You thought I didn't check her out before I opened my up my doors to her?"  
  
"No," Buffy said. "I didn't. So, then - share."  
  
"Her mother and father died when she was ten in a plane crash... She lived with her aunt for a year and then she stayed with a foster family for four years before she left. She wouldn't say why and I got the feeling they hadn't treated her in the best way... She's been on her own ever since."  
  
Buffy got a thoughtful look on her face as she put the information in the appropriate placing in her head and then something clicked, making her eyes widen slightly.  
  
"What about the bottle?" she asked and Angel looked questioning. "You told me that the night she got here she was mumbling about a bottle," she elaborated and Angel nodded.  
  
"Yes, and we did some research on it while she was pretty out of it, but when she came to she had no idea why she had been talking about it and we had to let it go... since we had absolutely nothing else to go on. She said it was okay, though. Thought it couldn't have been important if she couldn't remember anything about it," he finished and Buffy frowned.  
  
"Isn't that a bit odd?" she asked and Angel looked wondering.  
  
"Why? She was a truly distraught being when she got here, confused for over a month of who she actually was and where she came from... She was in bad shape and we were up to our necks in the research of the prophecy..." he trailed off as he could see the Slayer wheels of Buffy's brain working feverishly. "What?" he asked and she put on an innocent look as she replied:  
  
"I didn't say anything."  
  
"We could all hear you thinking, love," Spike teased and she smiled a little at him before she lifted one shoulder in a dismissive gesture.  
  
"There's a dog buried here," she merely stated.  
  
"Should we dig it up?" Susannah's voice sounded from the doorway and Buffy sat herself up straight as she turned her head that way, rather surprised. "Or is it best to let sleeping dogs lie?" the former added as she stepped into the room.  
  
Her face was pale and her skin glistened with a light coating of perspiration. She looked ill, her eyes glazed over, but her posture was composed and her impression full of strength. Buffy stared at her as the latter slowly walked passed her to continue around the table, once more speaking up.  
  
"I believe I have a right to be part of this discussion; after all, it seems it largely concerns me, doesn't it?" Her eyes in Buffy's as the last two words were spoken, her gaze hard and Buffy felt every nerve in her suddenly put on alert. "I think it's actually bad manners to talk about someone behind their back," Susannah now added, having completed one lap around the table as she stopped before the Slayer, the expression in her eyes now baring a challenge Buffy wasn't sure she could decipher.  
  
"I didn't mean for it to seem..." she began, but Susannah let out a flat laugh, shaking her head.  
  
"It doesn't 'seem'," she then replied, the sarcasm in her voice difficult to miss. "It IS precisely that. Talking behind my back, spreading little lies... Thinking you know me, when you don't."  
  
"No, I don't," Buffy agreed, her own eyes now meeting the challenge dead on and not faltering for one second. "That's the issue here, isn't it?" she added and Susannah smirked ironically.  
  
"Well, I know all about you," she then stated, voice lowered. "I know how you thrive on misinterpreting others intentions, all the while covering up your own mistakes and cowardly inhibitions. How you love to stab others in the back..."  
  
"Susannah," Spike cut in, his tone sharp and she turned her eyes at him with a look that said he should stay the hell out of it, before turning her gaze in Buffy's once more.  
  
"You think you're better than me," Susannah said and Buffy narrowed her eyes before rising to her feet to face the other.  
  
Susannah was nearly one head taller than the blonde, and yet Buffy's presence easily broke away to tower over the younger woman's.  
  
"I do not," the Slayer disagreed and Susannah smiled gently.  
  
"You think you're above me," she then stated with clear conviction.  
  
"No, I..." Buffy began, but before she could react she was suddenly flying across the room, hitting the wall with such force that she lost her breath and slipped to the floor as she lost her sense of balance completely.  
  
The hand of Susannah's which had preformed the deed was still outstretched before her until she slowly lowered her arm and let it rest along her side. Spike had risen to his feet and now he took a step towards her, but at the dark look still in her eyes he stopped himself.  
  
"She isn't worthy," Susannah said.  
  
And then Buffy's foot connected with her stomach and the brunette flew through the doorway, landing with a hard thud on the floor and rolling two times before she stopped, her eyes closed as Buffy came after her, but they opened before the Slayer reached her side and she moved onto her stomach, quickly getting to her feet to once again face the other.  
  
"You can't win this," Buffy said and Susannah smiled again, though this time it was laced with a self-confident wickedness which Buffy had never witnessed on the latter before.  
  
"But I can," she replied, her voice growing into one not even resembling her own as it became darker and she added: "And I will."  
  
Buffy stared at her relentlessly, ready for the other to just move one muscle. Susannah held her gaze steadily for a stretch of two minutes wrapped in growing shock as the others stood cramped in the doorway bearing witness to the scene.  
  
"The jealousy rips her in two," Susannah then spoke, still with the deep voice in her throat and her eyes flashed in fiery red as she moved forward, exclaiming: "Deep down she wishes you dead!"  
  
Buffy blocked the punch, about to be delivered, with one arm and then moved the other to grab Susannah's throat. But Susannah was too fast, averting the movement with her own free hand and then delivering a skull-to-skull blow, making Buffy see stars as she stumbled backward. Susannah spun around and her foot hit its goal of the Slayer's chin, making the latter tumble heavily to the floor.  
  
"I always knew I could take you," Susannah stated, not yet free of the other voice, before she smiled.  
  
But Buffy kicked out one leg and swiped the others legs out from under her. Susannah gave a cry of surprise before the sound of the back of her head connecting harshly with the hard floor hit like a thunderclap against all their ears.  
  
Unconscious she lay completely still and Buffy rolled onto her back with a huff.  
  
"'I always knew I could take you'," she then mimicked, irritated. "Made you think twice, didn't I?" she added as she sat up and glared at the lifeless body of the other.  
  
Then she turned her head to the assembled audience and raised her eyebrow meaningfully as she said:  
  
"Something tells me we should definitely get some shovels - 'cause here's one dog in dire need of digging up."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Right now I am floating on small little blue clouds (because that is my favorite color) (and no, James and his eyes were not the ones who provoked this, it's been with me since I was two years old and got to pick which color I wanted my Nan to use when she knitted me a sweater, thank you very much). Right now there has been some sadness in my life and I want to thank all of you for all your wonderful, funfilled, humorous, detailed or not detailed, always present reviews because they get me so high up there and without them - no little blue clouds to keep me from dropping like the bag of flesh and bones that I am!  
  
Well, the delay with this chapter has been mainly caused by a havoc in our computer. Our Internet is out, and then I mean out, and has been so for nearly over a week now. It bites monkey's ass, me knowest this, but there's nothing I can do about it, unfortunately. (Poor thing has to keep biting monkey's ass 'til we can get some kind of repair man to fix the problem). And now most of you clever little minds are going - wait, isn't this chapter just posted? And why, yes, it IS! But I'm at my dad's office (whoopdidoo) and so there's the explanation. We shall fix the Net problem pronto, though! Or at least a.s.a.p. I can only pray that it was worth the wait and that you're not too disappointed in me. There, that is said.  
  
Special and straight-out-of-Spike's-tight-pants-hot thanks to samson (I'm happy!) :), Winters1 (glad to read that you like that it has a plot! And certainly that you're liking it!) :), maribel (*lol* I actually agree!) ;), Keleven (NICE! Just, ugh, don't shine it in my eyes like that! *smile* Just kidding, shine it anywhere you like, I love the sight of it! And PLEASE no! PLEASE no more spoilers, even if they're loosely based! Pretty, pretty! Great that you're enjoying this, though!) :), SinisterChic (cool you approve!) :), darklover (wonderful, hope this was as good then!) :), Captain (Oh, I wish I could see the eps! But don't tell me, okay? I'm just not ready for all of that yet. I'll go in a read about it in due time. :) I'm glad you're reaction was positive, anyways!) :), Xionin (Wow, I wasn't sure anyone still wanted me to update In the Dead, but I'm glad you told me! :) I am struggling with my muse on that one though, she's mad at me for leaving her hanging around with nothing to do for so long! I WILL get her back in gear, just need to butter her up a little, k? And in all that metaphoric mumbo-jumbo was a small hint at me not finding it easy-easy to jump right back into that story. More about that a few paragraphs down, though. AND I am SO glad you enjoyed THIS fic! Thank you! Nice to see your name up there!) :), Night (More than fabullous to read that. I'm so happy you think that well of me!) :), Mel (Firstly, SO nice that you reviewed both. On 14th: *smirk* I believe I would have too! And thank you for the heavy flattery! :) And what do you think of Susannah now? Hee hee. On 15th: dream telling? Should I put that on my list? ;) I luv those happy chappies too!) ;), Amidalasky Snape (Sound like a character right out of Harry Potter! ;) Cool. OH! The 320 thing-y was just Buffy exaggerating a teensy- weensy. Sorry, didn't mean for it to come off as she meant it! Great you liked it!) :), Rachel9 (Ohhhhh, I'm so happy you enjoyed it and thanks for writing your enthusiasm down for me! *smiles extra wide* So great!) :), Caitlin (So nice to read that you enjoyed chapter 14! And hey, computer trouble seem to be going around right now. Oh gosh, maybe I got it from YOU! *smirk* Nah, but it sucks when it happens. Oh, sorry, I mean 'bites'. ;) It's so cool to read what chapters you've liked the most. Glad to read that 15 was one of those, and I hoooope this one was filled with some spice!) ;) and wolf116 (Firstly, so nice that you reviewed all three! :) On 13th: Thank you kindly! *lol* After reading your kiss comment I had to go back and read that part myself, just to refresh my memory and what the hell WAS she thinking?! *smirk* And being Spike's slave - now, don't get me into these strange and cruel thoughts of pleasurable torment because I have just gotten out of a longterm obsession! *snicker* On 14th: I am more than pleased that you liked it! And yeah, let's have Buffy a bit more sensible here, don't you agree? *smile* On 15th: I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm so, so glad! I can't tell you how glad I am that you're liking it still, as it is, as it forms, as it gets put down on paper...sorta. ;) And I LOVE it how I make you thiiiink! It's the best part. How about THIS chapter. Did it make you think? *smiles with mild evil*) ;)  
  
All of you, your comments sustain me, your words are my air and constant inspiration! As a writer I could go on and on with prose on how much you guys have me addicted to this love for you, but I shall not. Moving on. ;)  
  
To In the Dead of the Night readers - I know there are at least a few of you out there - (Xio...) :) I am so sorry that it's gone over a week passed the deadline I so firmly set for myself. But I have been struggling to get back into it and I haven't had time to read through it and THIS story is just screaming at me to finish it and so I must! I will tend to my sleeping baby as soon as I possibly feel the tug to, but I cannot force it. In fact, I refuse to. I know what hazardous results forcing words out of you can have. (I have notebooks and I feel sorry for them.)  
  
Also, there has been mild implications to spoilirish contents in the reviews, and God knows I love to hear your thoughts, but just not on Angel. I don't want any spoilers what so ever, I am already scared out of my wits as it is. I can't stand to know any more than I know now - which is a pretty little Nada sitting on my lap - and so PLEASE, don't tell me, don't hint at telling me, don't mention it! I actually don't want to know what is happening on the show either, no matter how much based in reality it is as is has actually aired. I'm just not 'ready' or what you will. Thank you for your kindness.  
  
I LOVE YOU! Thank you. good night!  
  
a.m.l, a. 


	17. Seventeenth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Seventeenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-10-09  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"I can't believe it," Cordelia stated for about the hundredth time.  
  
"You can't; I can't; none of us can," Spike replied with a sigh, glancing at Buffy who had a look cut in stone on her features.  
  
He recognized it well and he knew exactly how attentive her instincts were at that very moment. Her acute sense of when to take precaution and when to let it rip was so clearly active that it had a small smirk occur on his lips. The Slayer was truly cleverly designed, her make-up tasteful in a way which made it near impossible for an outsider to spot it whenever she needed to apply it. But he was an insider, and he knew her.  
  
Now she turned her head as Angel came down the stairs. He had carried Susannah up them and to her room as she had still been out cold five minutes after Buffy had knocked her to the floor; Gunn and Fred had followed.  
  
"She come to yet?" Buffy asked as Angel joined her and the others in the middle of the foyer.  
  
"No," he answered her. "Gunn's watching her," he added and Buffy nodded.  
  
"Wonderful. I hope he's good and armed," she muttered, making Angel raise his eyebrows and she cracked her neck a little, massaging it with one hand with a meaningful expression on her face which seemed to be enough of a reply.  
  
"What was going on with her eyes?" Cordelia now inquired. "And her voice?! It was like something out of 'The Exorcist' and frankly - I never enjoyed that movie."  
  
"It's not exactly a movie you're meant to 'enjoy'," Spike pointed out and she gave him a look to stuff it before she turned her eyes on Angel for the anticipated explanation.  
  
"Actually," Wesley was the one who offered it, "you might not be too far off... She acted quite possessed... wouldn't you agree?"  
  
"Yes, yes, quite," Spike concurred with his best posh accent and Angel smirked before he grew serious again.  
  
"This whole situation could easily spin out of control," he said.  
  
"By George, I think he's got it," Buffy chimed in. "Trouble is it's already spinning - and picking up pace. Fast."  
  
"Buffy," he began to try and protest, but she gave him a look which made him drop the attempt.  
  
"She's strong," Buffy stated; her voice solemn and her face even more so. "Possessed or not... right now she's a threat. Somehow we need to restrain her until we can figure this whole thing out. Either how to exorcise her demons or how to... well, we'll get it straight somehow. And I wasn't kidding about arming ourselves, either. I hope Gunn and Fred are keeping their eye on the job," she finished and Angel gave her a reassuring nod that they most certainly were.  
  
"What can we do then?" Cordelia asked. "I suppose the best option is to talk with Susie, right? I mean, at least that's what the priests did in the movie... Should we take some holy water with us to splash at her... just in case?"  
  
"Do you always look to cinema for answers in cases like these?" Spike wondered sarcastically. "I mean, you do realize 'The Exorcist' was inspired by situations not even in comparison to some that you've lived through, right?"  
  
She glared at him, then looked away from him as she replied in an exaggeratedly patient tone:  
  
"Arming ourselves seem to implicate we're in need of protection - and as long as I've been 'living through situations' a bottle of holy water can get you real far. YOU should be an expert on this particular form of weapon, now shouldn't you? I'm sure you've taken a few stings during your whole big-bad themed years."  
  
Spike smirked. Good comeback.  
  
"Watch that tongue of yours, Cor," he said. "Soon holy water just might scorch it."  
  
"I take that as a compliment," she smiled and he laughed.  
  
Buffy had been listening to the exchange and she turned to Angel as part of the conversation had reminded her of something.  
  
"The research of the bottle Susannah spoke of?" she asked and the vampire nodded.  
  
"We barely started. And there are too many in the spell books alone. When Susannah couldn't give us anything specific to go on we had to let it go," he replied and Buffy frowned, crossing her arms over her chest as she grew thoughtful.  
  
She had the strongest feeling that she should be connecting one dot to the picture herself, but she couldn't seem to be able to find it. And the more she looked for it, the more shrouded in shadows it became, of course.  
  
Bottle. Bottle. Bottle...  
  
Suddenly her face lit up as it hit her.  
  
The image of a small bottle made of copper, carvings slithering their way around it in a complex pattern.  
  
"Forte," she said and Angel raised his eyebrows questioningly. "I saw a bottle at the night of the ball..."  
  
"It could've been anything," he tried but she shook her head.  
  
"Trust me," she stated. "It wasn't. But, when Susannah wakes up we'll ask her more questions. Believe me, I'm up for getting some answers. And Cordelia," she added, making the other look at her. "The magical world of film is one of the best resources I had fighting vamps in the early years, I'd never underestimate it. You were right - we need to talk with her to find out what's going on. Hopefully her demon will be as big a blabber mouth as the Devil was."  
  
***  
  
Fred had closed the curtains of Susannah's bedroom and it lay in a dim light spread by the lamp of the bedside table. As Buffy stepped through the door and looked at Gunn he shook his head a little as a sign that there had been nothing eventful to talk about. Buffy gave a nod and turned her eyes on the young woman lying underneath blankets and sheets in the bed. Her face was almost grayish and her lips were dry.  
  
Buffy swallowed.  
  
Something was more than terribly wrong here.  
  
"Would you give me a minute?" she then asked and Fred stared at her for a moment before she replied:  
  
"She's still pretty out of it. I'm not sure..."  
  
"Please," Buffy interrupted and Fred seemed to retract slightly before she nodded, having Gunn's hand slip into hers before they walked up to the door.  
  
"Hey," Gunn said, pausing in the doorway and Buffy turned her head to him as he finished: "Be careful with her... Most of her might still be in there..."  
  
He trailed off and Buffy gave another nod before she turned back toward the bed.  
  
She heard the sound of the door sliding shut and she felt herself be put on alert as she took one step closer to the other's resting place.  
  
"Susannah?" she tried. "Susannah...?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
Perhaps she shouldn't have been the one to take this upon herself. Perhaps she had been foolish in thinking it the safest way to go, since she had no real personal ties to the girl... The girl, after all, also had no personal ties to her and so getting her to wake, getting her to open, might be too large a task. William should have been the one to take a seat on the side of the bed... he could have made Susannah open her eyes faster than Buffy could say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious".  
  
The Slayer still had the foreign voice taking on Susannah's vocal cords ringing in her ears. The fury and disgust behind them had been what got to her the most.  
  
'The jealousy rips her in two.'  
  
'Deep down she wishes you dead.'  
  
Buffy couldn't help but be saddened by that. She had come to respect Susannah for the obvious love she held for not only William, but for the rest of the gang as well. All were her friends, the closest ones she had, or so Buffy recalled her saying on the night of the Slayer's arrival.  
  
"And what now?" Buffy murmured as she had reached the edge of the bed and tentatively took a seat. "What's the plan, Susie?"  
  
"William?" Susannah whispered practically inaudibly and Buffy rose as her heart began to hammer in her chest. "Will?"  
  
"Spike!" Buffy called, turning and running up to the door. "Spike, come here! Hurry!"  
  
The sound of feet on the stairs and then how it shifted as they swiftly came down the hallway followed the Slayer's yell and Spike entered the room as Buffy once more sat down on the bedside, taking Susannah's hand in a firm grip.  
  
"He's here," Buffy said. "Come on, open your eyes."  
  
Spike stopped beside her, hesitating only a moment before he leaned forward and carefully stroked a few strands of sweat-soaked hair out of Susannah's forehead.  
  
"Hey," he grumbled, ignoring the lump in his throat at how frail she looked. "Time to wake up," he added and her head moved slightly as she stirred and then her eyes struggled into slits, her gaze locking in his.  
  
"What... happened?" she asked, voice cracking and she swallowed with effort. "What...?" she repeated, trailing off as she turned her eyes in Buffy's and her own slowly grew as she tried to pull herself up a little. "I dreamed about you," she said, voice lowered and the slight shock on her face made Buffy want to cringe with discomfort, still not at all sure what to trust and what not to. "We fought," Susannah now embellished her previous statement. "I..." she added, reaching up her hand to touch the back of her head and when her fingers graced the bump there she had a mask of pain on for a few seconds before she seemed to be hit by realization and she slowly finished: "I hit my head."  
  
"Not before YOU hit MINE," Buffy then replied lightly, but Susannah's eyes now filled with tears as she turned them on Spike.  
  
"Tell me... Oh, God, please, tell me I didn't," she begged, her fingers grasping Buffy's hand tightly and the Slayer had no defense against the wave of sympathy coursing through her in that moment.  
  
Susannah truly looked heart-broken.  
  
She kept an act up for six months, Buffy reminded herself. What's to say she isn't acting now?  
  
"It's okay," Spike soothed, sinking down on his knees beside the bed, his arms on the bedside and one hand reaching up to gently touch Susannah's cheek. "It's all right."  
  
She closed her eyes, her tears running over as she shook her head slowly.  
  
"I told you," she then mumbled, opening her eyes again, her gaze filled with agony. "I told you I wasn't safe."  
  
Spike clenched his jaws together, in complete disbelief that this harmless creature could have anything to do with anything horrible. He knew her!  
  
"Tell me," he said, voice soft, "about what's going on. Sannah, you have to tell us everything."  
  
"I'm scared," she whispered. "He might... wake up again."  
  
"Who?" Buffy asked, her attention back in full.  
  
"Him," Susannah merely replied, her gaze now so frightened that Spike signaled to Buffy not to push it any further.  
  
"He won't," he then assured the other with a smile. "And even if he did, I wouldn't let him make even one single hair on your head crooked. You believe that, right?"  
  
She nodded again, returning his smile weakly before her eyes darted around the room and her breathing became a little bit faster. The hand of Buffy's still holding the other's registered how hard it was trembling and the Slayer understood that they didn't have much time before Susannah either went back into a state of unconsciousness or simply cracked right before their eyes.  
  
"We need to know about the bottle," Buffy then said, keeping her tone as friendly and patient as she possibly could.  
  
"The bottle..." Susannah repeated, then she nodded.  
  
"Why did you want Angel to find it?" Buffy asked and Susannah swallowed hard, her grip tightening again and Buffy placed her other hand over the two already locked together. "Take it slow," she then encouraged. "Easy," she added.  
  
"Find it," Susannah said; the words seemingly difficult to get out and her tears beginning to well up once more from the strain of it. "It's the only way."  
  
"Only way to what?" Buffy inquired.  
  
Susannah's eyes widened and the Slayer helplessly witnessed as the fear was beginning to take over completely.  
  
"Do you know where it is?" Spike now asked and Susannah nodded twitchily. "Where?" he demanded.  
  
"Behind... glass," she answered, voice now so strained with both held down sobs as well as the strengthening dread that it was more of a whisper. "With the... music."  
  
"Susannah...?" Buffy tried, but the other seemed to fight for air and then she sunk back against her pillows.  
  
Spike reached up and checked her pulse, then relaxed a little, turning his head to Buffy.  
  
"She's asleep," he said.  
  
Buffy moved her hands out of the hold of the other's and then she rose.  
  
"You okay?" she asked as she could see how shaken he was.  
  
"As long as we get that bottle," he grumbled and Buffy followed him as he headed for the door.  
  
"It's at Forte's," she said as he closed the door behind them, and when they started down the hallway he looked at her questioningly.  
  
"How can you be sure?" he asked.  
  
"Because the bottle I saw there is behind glass," she replied simply, taking the lead down the stairs; he followed.  
  
"With what? The enchanted harp and a set of maracas?" he wondered.  
  
"Don't be stupid," she shot and he gave her a mock-shocked look which made her smile in spite of herself before she added: "'The music' is Forte."  
  
"Didn't know you took so kindly to him," Spike muttered and she gave him a friendly push to stop with the pouting already before she clarified her statement with:  
  
"You're an educated man, aren't you? You didn't take music? Don't you know what Forte means?"  
  
He suddenly smirked.  
  
"Now, that's my girl," he commended her quick brains and she smiled.  
  
"Yeah, it is," she then agreed and his smirk widened as he put an arm around her waist and pulled her to him just as they reached the last steps of the stairs and looked out on the foyer.  
  
The others seemed to have moved back into the conference room and Buffy exchanged a look with Spike, who nodded. Still close together they walked down the final set of steps and headed for said room.  
  
***  
  
"It's done," Angel said as he walked into the kitchen, having Spike and Buffy both turn their heads to him, stopping their conversation.  
  
It was two hours later; lunch had come and gone and a thick blanket of growing impatience was stretching out over the Hyperion as all its inhabitants could do nothing but wait. Angel came up to the table at which his former kin and the Slayer was sitting, stopping by them as he looked down at the latter.  
  
"Are you really sure about this?" he asked and she nodded. "Okay, fine. Into the lion's den we trot," he sighed, taking a seat next to Spike, opposite Buffy, on one of the high chairs.  
  
For the past hour Angel had been on the phone, climbing the ladder of importance at Forte Incorporated; slowly but steadily he had been connected from one person to another as he tried to gain access to Forte's personal assistant. And for the last ten minutes of his work he had finally reached her. She had been forthcoming after a short wait on his part - during which he was convinced she had called her boss to ask of his approval - and she had set up a meeting for the vampire, Buffy and Spike the following morning.  
  
"Something's bothering me," Angel now said. "I think Forte knows were coming."  
  
"I know," Buffy immediately replied, as though she had just thought the very same thing and both men rested their eyes on her questioningly. "Getting the info last night was way too easy. What - you didn't feel it? The energy in that place wasn't all brought on by hormones dancing around thanks to large quantities of alcohol, you know."  
  
"I did feel it," Angel nodded.  
  
"Then we should assume, for some reason, we weren't unexpected. He must have known that what we found would be worthless to us. I've been thinking this over and over ever since Susannah said what she did... Forte knows more about this than we thought from the beginning. He must. So, what do we deduce? That nothing's unexpected anymore. We go in there prepared for anything. Forte is a demon, remember? I think - now that the phone's available - I'll go call Giles. Maybe he has some strings left to pull on this... Can't hurt us if he has the energy to ask a few more questions on our behalf."  
  
Angel took a moment before he raised his eyebrows slightly and Buffy realized how tired he looked.  
  
"Do that," he then said. "Please. Anything that's in our favor..." he added and she reached across the table to give his arm a squeeze before she rose, walking passed Spike and stopping to place a hand gently on his cheek as he looked up at her.  
  
He smiled, turning his head to kiss her palm and she bent down to brush her lips against his before she left the room.  
  
The two still in it sat quiet for a while. Spike looking at his thumbs, which he was twirling slowly around each other. Angel lost in thought.  
  
"What do you think?" he finally asked, his words placing themselves in the air between them in wait for a reply.  
  
"Is the world going to end?" Spike offered that reply as another question and Angel didn't respond, having that be a simple affirmative. "No," the former then stated simply.  
  
"When you're in love everything seems possible," Angel muttered, though there was an ease behind his words which made Spike turn his head to him with the most overwhelming notion that the vampire wasn't merely referring to the bleached blonde. "Doesn't it?" Angel then added.  
  
Spike suddenly smirked.  
  
"Yeah," he agreed. "It does... So, have you finally found the guts to spell it out to the poor woman?" he added and Angel smirked as well.  
  
"In due time, brother," he then replied as he got off the chair, giving one of Spike's shoulders a pat.  
  
"Be careful, though," Spike advised. "Time has this nasty tendency to run out. One way or another."  
  
***  
  
"Okay. Miss you too. Take care. Bye."  
  
Buffy hung up the phone and turned around to lean against the desk as Spike stopped in the doorway of the office, which she was currently in. He rested one shoulder casually against the doorpost and she smiled a little.  
  
"Aren't we the sight for soar eyes?" she mumbled and he left his position for approaching her.  
  
"How are you doing?" he asked and she sighed as he stepped into her, slipping his arms around her as she moved her hands up his chest.  
  
"Not quite sure yet," she then replied, looking up at him with an expression in her eyes that had him smile before he leaned forward and kissed her softly.  
  
As he pulled away she glanced up at him with a mock-coy look now on her features.  
  
"Didn't help?" he asked and the corners of her mouth curled as she shook her head slowly.  
  
As he once again joined their lips she parted hers and she had a twirl of flutters in her stomach as he pulled her tight against him, responding to the caresses of her tongue with his own. She wrapped her arms around his neck and felt the throb he always instilled in her start up as his hands slid down her back and to her hips, further to her buttocks, lifting her up to sit on the desk and her thighs parted so that he could fit himself between them.  
  
He moved his mouth from hers and down the side of her neck, her deliberate breathing heavy in his left ear and he stopped his kisses for biting his lower lip as he buried his face against her throat.  
  
"Tell me what you feel right now," he murmured and she felt another surge of desire at the husky sound of his voice.  
  
"Hot..." she mumbled; taking his earlobe between her teeth and making him wince slightly as his grip on her hips grew tighter. "Wet," she added in a whisper and his intake of breath was all she needed to make a small smile occur on her mouth. "Needy," she grumbled as she pulled back and found his lips again. "Aching..." she got out in between newborn kisses and he merely nodded as he pulled her even closer to him. "Shaking..." she murmured, stopping the kiss as she leaned back and made him look at her, holding his gaze as she finished: "Complete."  
  
He smiled at that and she returned it.  
  
"Wanna...?" she then asked and he smirked as he nodded and she got to her feet, grabbing his hand as they headed out of the room and toward the stairs.  
  
***  
  
"I talked to Dawn," Buffy said an hour later, her head resting on Spike's chest and one hands fingertips leisurely drawing patterns across the smooth skin and muscles of his torso.  
  
Spike had his eyes closed, the tingles Buffy's caresses kept sending through him having him in quiet rapture and he let himself get absorbed by the emotion. At her words he got himself to slowly reply, scared that words from his mouth might mess up the sensation of her. They didn't, however, and he relaxed even further.  
  
"What did you say?" he asked.  
  
"That I love her, and miss her... and that I'll see her soon," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow, eyes still closed.  
  
"You didn't tell her?" he wondered and he could feel her cheek slide against his skin as she shook her head a little. "Why?"  
  
"Because there's nothing to do about it... you know? If this time's it, then I won't get to see her again... I couldn't tell her that. Besides... I think she already knew, in a way. She didn't say anything either, and we tried not to sound like it might be one of the last times we ever spoke... but somewhere in the back were this feeling that she got how serious this is, and like she was saying that no matter what... she believes in me... No need to freak, you know?"  
  
The arm of his that was around her shoulders gave a short squeeze before he replied:  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Buffy smiled a little, moving her head to look at him before she pulled herself up and had her face by his as she said:  
  
"Let's not leave this room. Ever."  
  
"What would we do in this room forever?" he asked as if he didn't already know the answer and she gave him a look to accommodate that.  
  
He smirked, seemingly pleased with her reaction, and she pushed him gently in the side with one arm.  
  
"I mean it," she then said. "I could stay here for the rest of my life and be pretty content with that," she added and his smirk broadened.  
  
"Color me flattered," he murmured and she smiled as well, joining their lips in a deep kiss before she moved away enough to rest her forehead against his, her eyes closed.  
  
"This feeling, right now, it's the best I've ever known," she said and he let her words wrap around him as he closed his eyes as well.  
  
"Me too," he then agreed silently.  
  
She opened her eyes again, pulled her head slightly back and as he opened his eyes as well she rested her gaze in his for a long time before she smiled a small smile, and he returned it.  
  
"I've been thinking about something," she said and he raised his eyebrows slightly. "Well, your name... I think I should call you William. I just have to get used to it. I mean, it's always been there, I've always known that was your name, so it shouldn't be hard or anything."  
  
He watched her face for a moment, then smiled widely and she looked wondering.  
  
"It's just gonna be a little bit weird having you call me 'Will'..." he confessed and she smirked.  
  
"William," she then said, observing him in the manner he just had her and then she nodded a little. "William... I love you."  
  
He felt as though he would explode with sudden pride, drawing a breath before he pulled her closer, having her mouth by his again and proceeding with kissing her, this time with raw and real passion and her arms slid up to either side of his face as she retaliated with her tongue, moving so that she could straddle him.  
  
***  
  
Susannah opened her eyes slowly.  
  
The room was shadowed and she blinked, trying to focus her disoriented mind but failing miserably. Everything went in grays and she couldn't make her thoughts out. And there was a presence within her which was impossible to ignore.  
  
Suddenly the claw holding her heart in an iron grip once more tightened and she took in a mouthful of air before she clenched her jaws together against the pain.  
  
"Please," she then whispered, her eyes darting around at her surroundings. "Don't hurt them..."  
  
The voice which answered her slipped through her brain like a serpent and she knew, in that moment, that she was lost.  
  
Unless...  
  
As she began to grow dizzy and her eyes fluttered shut once more, she said a silent prayer for strength as she knew there was but one hope left, and toward it she turned with her entire soul as she drifted back into the blackness.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Wow. Thanks for wonderful feed back! As always so great to hear from you in the positive way that is you manner! :)  
  
Sorry that this chapter, again, is late. I tried posting it last night, but then I couldn't access the site. And no, we still have no Internet at home. *grumble* I will try my best to get the next chapter up there at least a bit quicker though. Thanks for your patience! ;)  
  
Warm, warm thank you's to wolf116 (Oh really? Figured it out, have you? Well, it'll be fun to see if you actually have. And THANK YOU for not putting all your thoughts on it in the review. I'm like you, I really dislike that because I do believe it kinda spoils the sport of thinking for themselves for the rest of the readers. Oh, and nope, no Angel airing over here. But right now I'm keeping a low profile on the Angel front anyways. I get the jitters just thinking about the show and what might happen on it and so I pray you, please, do not tell me anything, k? I'm not 'ready' yet... Glad you like this, though!) :), Caitlin (*smiles* As always great comments from you, girl. Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter! I will be expecting my Spike-clones...mh, any day now, right?) ;P, maribel (nice to hear! Hope you still think so!) :), Winters1 (Yeah, again, sorry about the lateness on the posting but between working full time and trying to match my schedule with that of the having-a-car one and thus getting to the office isn't always the easiest thing, so do forgive me, okay? ...:) Glad you liked and hey, what does the code say about slashing possible Innocents before giving them a fair chance to come through? That's right - naughty, naughty.) ;), Hot4Spike (hey! So great you enjoy! And hey, a kiss at the Hyperion is not a kiss at the Hyperion without having the bore stumbe in and ruining the action!) ;), Mel (hey you! Yup, Mel P.I. here you come! ;) Happy you liked!!! And I am feeling happier, though am still locked out of the Net! Grr-Argh!) :), skyz (ugha, don't I know exactly what you mean with 12h shifts! *shudder* Ah, laptops - the greatest invention of modern society! And ARGH! I want to see Angel, but still I don't want to hear anything about it so thanks for not going overboard with info! :) No, I haven't seen it. They don't air it here!!! But please, don't tell me. I really don't want to know anything about it right now. I crawl outta my skin just thinking about it... nervous jitters and all. *shiver* Okay, SO glad you're enjoying this story!) :), Captain (Yep, your theories were correct! And yeah, I am really fighting to just stay out of the spoiler swamp, it's too icky for me right now. And I'm just so not ready, or what you will, to face the whole Angel thing yet. So thank you for understanding. And it's really nice to read that you're liking how I'm writing this story. I just wanna keep you coming back for more, 'cause if I failed in that - what use would there be?!) :), Keleven (I'll take that promise seriously!) ;), Hope (Happy happy that you love them!!! Very, very awesome to read!) :), Adrianna (So cool to have a new name up there and even cooler that you're liking it. :) Oh, and thanks for all the helpful info! I had no idea how to spell it except for the help of the Swedish translation strip of text - they have that here, you know - at the bottom of the screen and so I simply used that. But now I can correct it, and shall as soon as I can. Don't have the blueprints for those chapters with me, unfortunately. Well, next time! I am fascinated with Egyptian history myself, but I'm afraid I'm not very educated in it so I guess I couldn't actually hold up an in depth discussion about it, but thanks for the tips on the lit! And don't apologize, it's great! So happy that you like it, truly! And on 16th: that is always the best compliment to get, you know! That I make you feel something, anything! *happy here* And Susannah, yes...) :) and SC Heather (*smirk* me too. You're welcome, and I hope you forgive the tardiness.) :)  
  
Always, always so glad to hear from you all. You always have such great comments and you know that's the best part. But I will stress once again, as in the last chapter, that I wish to know nothing of Angel. And I don't merely mean spoilers, I mean of the series. I can't watch it where I am and right now I go into melt-down mode whenever I think of how what Joss does or doesn't do with the story line will affect me! *shudders and shivers* I'm really not at a place right now where I wanna dig into that whole mess so please, tell me all your thoughts on everything - except the show. I know it may sound silly, but it's just how I feel right now. There may come a day when I'll be begging for information but as of now I try not to jump to any conclusions, not to read anything into anything at all, and to succeed in the best way possible I just don't want to have even a particle to do with what's happening. Granted I am linked to the whole thing through this story - but that's very different. I'm writing my own ending here. Terrified of what Joss have cooked up in reality! Ugha! Okay, thank you again and AGAIN, please, no mention of what's going on, okay?  
  
I so hope you liked this chapter!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	18. Eigteenth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Eighteenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-10-15  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Buffy sat on the side of the bed, buttoning up her shirt as she rested her eyes on his half-clad form. He was still dressing, seemingly unaware of being watched, and she somehow found that immensely sexy. She bit her lower lip as she finished the last of her buttons, fighting the urge to rip the shirt open again and jump his bones. Smiling a little to herself she got to her feet and walked up to him.  
  
He just pulled a white T over his head and when her hands slid over his shoulders as he pulled it down he turned around to face her. She stepped into him, tilting her head back as he slipped his arms around her and bent forward to join their lips.  
  
"Mmhh," she sighed once they broke it. "I don't know what I like best: you without your clothes, in all that... amazing splendor..." He smiled and she did as well before she slowly added: "Or you WITH clothes, leaving the splendor to be hinted and imagined and..."  
  
She trailed off and he drew a small breath as he looked into her eyes, her yearnings much too clear as they swiveled in the green.  
  
"Thought we agreed it was time to reluctantly join the rest of the world..." he mumbled and she smiled a little again.  
  
"Yeah?" she then said slowly, wanting him to elaborate.  
  
"So, do you know what hearing you say that does to me?" he grumbled and she smirked.  
  
"I have a pretty good idea," she teased, her growing anticipation for him to act on it becoming clear and he leaned forward again, brushing his lips against hers and she couldn't control a small moan as his hands slid up under her shirt to caress the arch of her back.  
  
There was a hard knock on the door and she sighed.  
  
"We'll be right down!" she called.  
  
"Just wanted to know if you guys are hungry," Wes replied and the Slayer and her mortal shared a glance before they both smiled.  
  
"Starving," they replied with one voice.  
  
"Okay, we're ordering from a China restaurant down the block... anything special you'd like?" Wes now asked and the two blondes interrupted the deep kiss they had once more engaged themselves in.  
  
"No," Spike answered. "Nothing."  
  
"Except maybe dumplings!" Buffy added. "And some of those shrimp thingy- s... And a large order of bamboo and rice."  
  
"And 'starving' it obviously is," Wesley muttered as he turned and walked down the hallway.  
  
Spike smiled and Buffy returned it before giving him a quick kiss on the mouth, and then stepping out of his embrace. He seemed in lack of enthusiasm over this move, but she gave him another bright smile and he literally looked as though he was melting. She had a swirl of warmth within her at the expression in his eyes and then she was in his arms again, holding him in a hard hug and he held her back.  
  
"What's this for?" he asked quietly and she kissed the side of his throat before she answered:  
  
"For loving me."  
  
He closed his eyes at that, for the thousandth time questioning the reality of these moments creating themselves and centering around her.  
  
Buffy had meant what she said earlier - she could have stayed in that room forever and ever. She knew with certainty that she could live at a beach collecting seashells for the rest of her life, as long as he was there with her.  
  
"We need to get downstairs," she grumbled and he nodded, still savoring her scent as she pulled away for the second time.  
  
She smiled once more, running her hands down his chest before she turned away from him and walked up to the bed, beginning to straighten out the sheets. She walked around the bed, tucking them under the mattress when her fingers hit something which had slipped in between the foot of the bed and that end of the mattress. She furrowed her brow, glancing up at Spike who had pulled on a white shirt and was buttoning it the way she had hers just a few minutes ago. She reached down further, grasped the edge of the thing and brought it up. Resting her gaze at the back of a frame she stared at it for a moment before she then blinked and turned it over. Her heart skipped a beat and then a wide smile spread over her lips as she looked up and once again rested her eyes on Spike.  
  
He just finished the last button and turned his head to her, meeting her gaze with his own and growing quizzical at the incredibly adoring expression in them. Then he noticed what she was clutching and a sheepish look crossed his face as he grew self-conscious.  
  
"Why was this wedged in there?" Buffy asked with a gesture to the place she had found it.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"You didn't want me to see it?" she asked, merely seeming curious and he felt how he was blushing for maybe the third time in his life.  
  
A smile was still playing on her lips and she raised her eyebrows in wait for his answer.  
  
"I keep it on top of that, most of the time," it finally came as he pointed to the bedside table. "But then, when you came here, I moved it to the drawer. I... I guess I didn't want you to get the willies or anything... I took it out last night after you left just to look at you. Eh, it. And then..."  
  
He trailed off and her smile broadened as she approached him.  
  
"You know, last night I wigged out 'cause you DIDN'T have one of me," she confided and he smirked a little. "But this..." she then said, looking at the drawing of herself again. "This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you," she mumbled, stepping into him and snuggling closer and he smiled a little as well, stroking one hand through her locks.  
  
"You that surprised I actually had one of you?" he asked and she laughed softly, moving her head back to look up at him as she shook it slowly.  
  
"Just happy," she admonished gently.  
  
He kissed her on the forehead and then sighed.  
  
"We should head down," he said and she nodded, still holding onto the frame and he cocked an eyebrow. "You wanna take that with you?" he asked and she smiled.  
  
"Would you mind?" she asked and at that he smirked, hearing the tease in her voice.  
  
She turned and walked around the bed, placing the frame carefully on the place he had said was where it normally resided, making sure it stood straight before she joined him in the doorway.  
  
***  
  
"What DO we know?" Cordelia asked, an hour later, all of the gang - with the exception of Susannah - were gathered at the research table, the conference room filled with a sticky warmth from the body heat not circling. "What's the plan?" she added, her eyes going to Buffy.  
  
"The plan is that Angel, Sp-... I mean, William and I are going to see Forte tomorrow, and try to get some answers out of him," she replied. "I know it's probably risky, and I know it's not the best chance we have, but as of now it's our only one. And regarding the whole what-we-actually- know... The Big Bad is some ancient demon thing-y which supposedly desires a 'second' apocalypse in four days."  
  
"Right," Cordelia gave a nod. "I knew that."  
  
"Unfortunately it's not much to know, is it?" Buffy commented and Cordelia gave a small smile in recognition before turning her head to Angel as he spoke up.  
  
"We have some hope put across seas. Has Giles called back yet?"  
  
Buffy shook her head.  
  
"I'm not expecting him to 'til later tonight. He said he'd call whether he had useful information or not. I think it'll be around eight," she stated.  
  
"Okay, good. And it's not true that we have no more to go on, we have the prophecy," Angel remarked and Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah, all half of it," she then murmured. "Sorry," she added, "but it's true. We have no idea what all the parts even mean until they hit us head on. Literally. What's supposed to happen today, for example?" she asked and Angel, about to place an objection when he seemed to have to admit the truth of what she was saying, stopped himself from speaking.  
  
"'And there shall be fire and water dancing as one on the fourth day's mid hour'," Spike instead was the one who answered her question and she turned her head to him where he sat next to her.  
  
"Okay, and this non-cryptic message of course means...?" she asked, having the silence be the only thing that met her and she held her hands out in a meaningful gesture as she added: "See?"  
  
The quiet persisted as they all grew thoughtful, and then Cordelia turned to Gunn and Fred, asking:  
  
"How's Susie doing?"  
  
"No change," Gunn said. "She's been sleeping..."  
  
"Restlessly," Fred chimed in.  
  
"...for the past few hours," Gunn finished. "It doesn't bode very well, does it?"  
  
"No," Wesley sighed, "it doesn't. I've been trying to find something out about this bottle mystery, now that it seems it is actually of some importance. The facts on bottles figuring in both myth as well as history is too extensive a research area; it is difficult to find the right place to search. I have been targeting those with ties to Egypt, and still the list goes on and on... Perhaps some of you wouldn't mind helping me with this later this afternoon?"  
  
"Of course not," Cordelia said with an encouraging smile. "We're all up for putting in the man hours."  
  
"Or wo-man," Buffy nodded, the mood lightening up slightly with that as there were more smiles among the assembled.  
  
"Man OR woman is naturally as welcome," Wesley replied and Buffy smiled as well.  
  
***  
  
"Okay," Cordelia said, four hours later, holding up her hands as she had closed her eyes and making every last tired head raise to turn to her.  
  
She opened her eyes, then closed them again demonstratively before she said:  
  
"When I blink I actually see heaps and heaps of these distasteful little things!"  
  
Angel smirked, leaning back on his chair as he observed her. The others seemed to take the interruption in their research as a good enough excuse for an actual break and Fred and Gunn rose as one, saying they would go upstairs and check on Susannah. Buffy splayed her upper body over the book she had been ogling in well-hidden blindness - as all the letters were beginning to melt together and all the pictures were one blob of black. Spike slipped one hand over her back and she groaned approvingly.  
  
"Come here," he said, making her sit up and turn her back to him before he started gently massaging her strained shoulders.  
  
She closed her eyes in pure delight as his used fingers worked her muscles.  
  
"Oh... God," she moaned when he hit a soar spot and Wesley rose with a clearing of his throat, casually leaving the room as well which had Cordelia finally keep her eyes open long enough to exchange a humorous look with Angel.  
  
He raised his eyebrows and nodded to the doorway in a silent question, which she answered with a smile and a getting-to-her-feet. He mirrored her movement and then followed her out of the room and into the foyer where she turned to him with her smile broadening before it died and he looked at her questioningly.  
  
"I see them," she said and he frowned, not following. "Those icky little things with their caps or corks or no tops at all and their funny-shapes or tear shapes or square or triangle or..."  
  
"Hungry?" he cut her off and she focused her gaze in his again before she smiled another one of those incredible smiles of hers.  
  
"I could eat," she answered and he offered her an arm, which had her looking at him for an extra long second before she slid her hand into the cranny of it. "Are you offering to dim my hunger, kind sir?" she then asked and for another moment he stared at her, lost in the various scenarios he could attach to that simple sentence, and then he smirked.  
  
"I'll wine and dine thee, milady, until thou knowest not to whom thine pleasure is owned," he offered, his voice melodic and she felt a small tingle at the top of her spine as she listened to it.  
  
"I bet you said that to all the ladies," she then countered with a raise of her eyebrows before she slipped her hand away from his arm and walked ahead of him into the kitchen. "All of those you found you had a... sweet tooth for, anyway," she added as she walked up to the refrigerator. Angel had followed her, and now he stopped a few feet behind her as she cut off his forthcoming reply with: "Or maybe only those who you wanted in your bed?"  
  
At this he suddenly smiled.  
  
"You so sure I want you in my bed?" he asked and knew that he had her in quite the tight corner.  
  
Cordelia felt her heart nearly stop. Her back was to him and thankful for the fact that he wouldn't be able to read her reaction immediately on her features she swallowed and quickly collected herself as she said:  
  
"I was speaking hypothetically. And it was more an inquiry than a question."  
  
"So, you're asking me... what?" Angel retorted and she grabbed a carton of milk before turning around to face him.  
  
"Well..." she said, realizing that she had merely secured her place in the corner by giving that explanation. Looking feverishly for some way out of this predicament she finally added: "If it helped... talking to them when you were trying to... to seduce them?"  
  
He took a step closer and she nearly leaned into the still open fridge, then he wondered:  
  
"So to you I was just now trying to seduce you?"  
  
There was nothing she could do to stop this, she knew it, and with the knowledge came the only way out. Escape through denial and then further with changing of the subject. So, she merely glared at him before she took a step closer as well, standing right before him as she reached one arm out and pushed the door to the fridge shut.  
  
"Milk?" she asked.  
  
Now he smiled crookedly, watching her much too closely and she rolled her eyes at him before turning from him in favor of the counter. Putting the carton down she reached up and opened one of the cabinets, bringing two tall glasses out and feeling how she breathed a small sigh of relief when he moved away from her nearest vicinity, crossing the room.  
  
She was out of the corner.  
  
Then she suddenly thought of something... What if he had been trying to tell her something? What if he had WANTED her to think that he had been trying to seduce her? Had he been? Why? Why would he? It wasn't like they were flirting all the time. Okay, so they were friendly. That was true. Sure. But... HE didn't feel anything else, did he? Anything more. Buffy had joked last night, had said that it was obvious how they looked at each other. She had seemed serious enough, but Cordelia still doubted that she was right. So much time had elapsed since she and Angel had... Well, almost had...  
  
"How can I bring you back down?" his voice interrupted her thoughts and she jerked before she turned to face him.  
  
"Huh?" she asked.  
  
"You seemed like you were floating a long way up," he elaborated and she smiled dismissively.  
  
"Just checking on those stars up there," she said with a shrug. "They seem to still be aligning prettily enough. 'The god of fire'... What do you suppose that means? Akhenaton? So, they're supposed to align with him? Right?" she asked, taking the glasses of milk and handing one to him.  
  
He took it with a slightly wondering look and she stopped her questions as she looked quizzical as well.  
  
"Why are we drinking this?" he asked.  
  
"'Cause even though you promised to 'wine and dine' me I think we should stay off the alcohol wagon," she replied firmly. "With Susannah acting the way she is and the hours of page-turning we still have up ahead of us I think it might be the most mature conclusion."  
  
He smiled again, this time it was gentler and she returned it tentatively.  
  
"Now," she then said, "to the 'dining'?"  
  
He laughed, nodding as he took a sip of his milk before putting it aside and walking up to the fridge.  
  
"Let's see what we can find fit for a lady," he murmured and she gave him a playful slap on the back. "What?" he demanded, turning partially back to her. "You sure are one heck of a topic changer."  
  
She giggled, taking a mouthful of milk and making a slight face before she put it on the counter, thinking how nice it would have been with perhaps a bottle of bubbly champagne... Pushing the thought away she replied mock- coyly:  
  
"One of my many attributes."  
  
He smirked, looking back at the contents of what was hopefully a good dinner and trying to pick the ingredients he might need.  
  
"You know," he said. "I never was much for the... food aspect of things. I'm not so sure I'm the right man for this."  
  
Cordelia smiled widely, coming up to stand next to him and gazing at the interior of the fridge as well.  
  
"If you give it your best effort," she said, "I promise I'll make a really good show of loving it."  
  
He looked at her, then pushed her gently with one shoulder and she swayed slightly to the side before she pushed him back.  
  
"Deal," he agreed.  
  
***  
  
"What time is it?" Angel asked and Cordelia glanced at the clock on the wall.  
  
"Almost ten past seven," she answered him and he frowned deeply, looking into the frying pan.  
  
"I've been doing this for twenty minutes," he said. "It's not supposed to look so... raw, is it?"  
  
She leaned forward, then suppressed her smile to a twitching of the sides of her mouth as she shook her head in concurrence.  
  
"Did you do the thing with the thing?" she asked and he looked lost. "The turning of the knob?" she translated and he checked, just to be sure, before he nodded.  
  
She looked at it, then looked closer before she blinked and straightened her back. Crossing her arms over her chest she said:  
  
"You turned the wrong knob."  
  
"The wrong knob?" he repeated, an actual question mark seemingly painting itself across his features and she felt a small wash of sympathy pour through her at the sight of it.  
  
"Here," she said, stepping up to his side and taking a soft hold on his left wrist, guiding it toward the stove and holding it over one of the empty hot plates. "Hot," she added meaningfully and he turned his head to her as she looked up at him, making her grow aware of how very much pressed against his side she stood with the front of her body.  
  
She looked into those eyes of his for an eternity. He moved his hand away from the plate, his fingers brushing against hers and she felt her mouth slowly grow dry.  
  
Then the smell of something burning hit their nostrils.  
  
"The bread," Cordelia stated simply and the next instant he had torn himself away from her as he rushed to open the oven.  
  
Now she couldn't keep her giggles down as he brought out the burnt lump which would have been a probably tasteful piece of Paine Riche. Defeated he put it aside, tuning the knob of the stove to zero as well before he turned to her.  
  
"The best laugh comes to those who laugh last," he stated meaningfully and her merriness was taken aback as she squinted. "I gave it my best effort," he pointed out, "now it's your turn to make a good show of 'loving' it."  
  
"That?!" she exclaimed, pointing to the blackened imitation of a rock lying behind his back and he nodded seriously. "I'll smile at it, pet it, talk baby-talk to it. I'll carry it around for the rest of the evening in a blanket - but you can't make me eat it!"  
  
He looked as though he was willing to test that theory and she seemed apt to voice another hard protest right before he broke into a smile.  
  
"You didn't REALLY think I'd make you, did you?" he asked and she shrugged.  
  
"One thing about you is nothing is ever for certain," she replied.  
  
"Really?" he wondered and she nodded.  
  
"Just when I think I've got most of what is you figured out... you surprise me," she stated and he eyed her for a few seconds before he reached out a hand to her.  
  
"Dance?"  
  
All though he had turned on the radio before, on one of the stations playing really old goodies, this move was unexpected. She looked at his hand as though it was something foreign and he wiggled his fingers.  
  
"Come on, I won't twist your arm," he said and she cocked an eyebrow before she tentatively slipped one hand in his.  
  
He led her out from behind the long table and to the more open floor of the room before he faced her and placed his left hand on her waist, pulling her carefully to him. They stood still for a moment, his gaze caught in hers, and then she smiled again, seemingly self-conscious. They slowly began to move to the music, her eyes leaving his as she looked away and struggled to keep her heart from pacing too hard in her chest.  
  
He would feel it.  
  
He would hear it.  
  
"I'm sorry I wasn't able to give you a wonderful dinner," he murmured and she shook her head that it didn't matter.  
  
"Points for effort, as said," she replied, voice low as well and she closed her eyes when his hand traveled from her waist to the small of her back.  
  
For the extent of one song they moved like this, in stillness. At ease with each others company. Enjoying it. One of Cordelia's temples coming to rest against his jaw line. Neither one of them ready for the short few minutees to actually end.  
  
But they did. And others picked up where they left off as Cordelia pulled back a little to look up at him. Their movements slowing and stopping as they observed each other. Finally Angel slowly leaned forward, Cordelia closing her eyes in quiet acceptance of the kiss she knew he was about to give, but then something ripped through her and she stiffened, opening her eyes again and she could see that he was staring at her.  
  
"What's happening?" he asked as her right hand gripped his left tightly.  
  
"I... don't know," she mumbled, then furrowed her brow as she could suddenly see her own breath drifting like smoke from her mouth.  
  
The second after she began to shiver with a frost that seemed to spread from the center of her chest and through her veins. She could see his eyes widening and soon she came to understand why as his body suddenly burned against hers, even through her clothes, and with a cry of growing pain she pushed him away from her; making herself fall backward in the process and she hit the floor with a low thud.  
  
"Angel?" she breathed when he tore at his shirt, tearing it open he then fought to get it off him and finally succeeded. "Angel!" she tried to yell, but her voice didn't carry and she clasped one hand by her throat as the shivers she was under began to take over completely.  
  
He went down on his knees, beads of perspiration forming on his torso and he was fighting for air as his gaze met hers. He seemed to whisper her name before he fell to the side and she couldn't hold her head up any longer, the chills succeeding in overpowering her and she swam into an ocean of dark.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Whatever happened with our hero and heroine? Whatever WILL happen from this point on? Stay tuned! Same channel, same computer screen! ;)  
  
Special thanks to Adrianna *big smile!* :), wolf116 *heh-heh, we'll see* ;), ayavalla *happy!* :), maribel *nice of you* ;), Winters *aw, good to read* :), Captain *lol and goodie* ;), Keleven *smiles widely at that* :), Rachel9 *sucks, don't I know it. And glad you liked* :), SC Heather *SO very cool to read!* :), Coquine *It's really great to hear from you anyhow, anyway! So happy that you're liking it!* :), fictionfreak2 *thanks so, so, so much! Really neat that you're liking it!*  
  
Sorry this was a short reply thing-y, but I'm way stressed and I still wanted to give you shout outs and I hope the good thing is getting them... Well, anyways, thanks for as always GREAT comments! I love reading your feed back! (As stated on numerous occations!) ;)  
  
Still no net at home, no. But I'm working on it! Okay, this is it for now and hey, so hope you liked this chapter as well.  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
  
PS. I thought I posted this chapter a WEEK ago!!! Obviously I did not. I have no idea why it didn't take to the site and I apologize for it being so terribly late!!! And no, STILL no net at home but it's because they're installing broadband and it's some hassle around it and, well, no boring details but you get my drift, right? I will be back as soon as I can and right now I'm going through some very stressful times so I hope you will forgive me, again, that the updates are so sporadic! I am thinking of you and working my best to make it the best for you guys! A.M.L. 


	19. Nineteenth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Nineteenth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-10-22  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"...figure out what to do."  
  
"...called Darren."  
  
"Good. Guess we'll have to wait and..."  
  
The voices were distant, as though they were echoes of a dream just about to be forgotten. Only the burning sensation right beneath his skin told him that this was no slumber he was waking from, and he remembered with pointed clarity what had happened to render him unconscious. He eased his eyes open with difficulty, his gaze landing on Buffy who stood to his left; her arms crossed over her chest and her face pale with worry. And then it went to Fred, who was fidgeting where she stood and seemed to be wearing her nerves on the outside of her body.  
  
"I'm..." he tried to soothe them both, but his voice broke and he drew a raspy breath.  
  
Then he paused.  
  
I don't need to breathe, he thought as Buffy and Fred turned to him with growing eyes.  
  
He hesitated as he could still feel how his lungs were taking in air without his brain having anything to do with it. It seemed as though he had always done it, as though it was such a familiar thing that he didn't need to think that he should be doing it. But... he hadn't breathed for over two- and-a-half centuries. And so, in the next moment, he decided to stop. And he did. And nothing happened. He wasn't very surprised, he had, after all, not felt a pulse anywhere on him... Still.  
  
"...you okay?!" Buffy finished and he squinted up at her, feeling bad that he seemed to have missed her whole tirade of fret and anxiety, and still slightly relieved over the fact.  
  
His head was so heavy. He was so tired.  
  
"Water..." he finally murmured as his mouth was incredibly dry.  
  
Buffy nodded, but it was Fred who turned to the bedside table and grabbed the glass which stood there. She held it to his lips and though he slobbered some, most of it got into his mouth. It was heaven being able to fully move his tongue again, as it before had felt like a motionless stick of some kind. He gave the young woman a grateful look and then furrowed his brow.  
  
"Cor...?" he asked and Buffy looked tentative as she unfolded her arms and avoided eye-contact for a short while, seemingly searching for the right words.  
  
A wave of cold assumptions ran through him and he felt the overwhelming urge to get the hell off the bed to go search for her.  
  
"She's pretty annoyed," Buffy then said and Angel frowned questioningly, having the gnawing in his chest be completely wiped out. "You'll see," Buffy then added, leaning forward and touching his forehead.  
  
She pulled her hand away the next second, a small expression of surprised pain on her features and he furrowed his brow for a second time.  
  
"He's burning up," she then said quietly to Fred, who got a look of sympathy mixed in with her apprehension.  
  
"Darren should be here real soon," Fred assured and Buffy nodded before she gave Angel a smile and then left the room.  
  
***  
  
"I can't stand this! I'm a California girl, for God's sake! I'm not properly trained for this! I'm gonna go crazy!"  
  
Cordelia threw the blankets off her shoulders as she paced the foyer, half an hour later. She had had five of the former wrapped around her, but since the chill she was under obviously was based within her they had done her no good. She hated the feeling of freezing: her teeth cluttering together, her whole body shaking, her lips blue and her skin white.  
  
"And if you make an attempt at breathing even an insinuation that this is mere payback for the stone-cold ice-queen I dubbed myself in high school I swear to God!" she then added, her breath still visible at every word; the sentence spoken at the look of badly hidden amusement on Buffy's face.  
  
"Not even thinking it!" the latter assured. "Well, of course, now that YOU mentioned it..." she added and Cordelia stopped her harsh steps for a moment in favor of giving the Slayer a dark glare.  
  
"If looks could kill..." Spike murmured out of one corner of his mouth and Buffy smiled.  
  
"I'm sorry, okay?" she then said and Cordelia replied by taking up her pacing again. "Darren'll analyze whatever it was he got from examining you and then we'll have a cure," Buffy added cheerfully.  
  
"Yeah, right, 'cause Darren's a genius and he'll just have the answer straight away, I won't have to endure this for more than a couple of hours, I won't face the end of the world a giant frickin' popsicle!" Cordelia growled, though it seemed mostly to herself.  
  
Buffy made a face of well-so-much-for-the-supportive-approach and Spike slid one hand in one of hers comfortingly. She smiled at the gesture, leaning closer to him before giving him a long kiss on the lips.  
  
"None of us would let that happen," Wesley now ensured Cordelia in light of her previous statement and she was about to respond when a voice from the stairs did it for her with:  
  
"Depends on which flavor you are."  
  
Cordelia spun around, her face lighting up considerably at the site of the vampire and the thunder cloud she had persistently brought forth to hover above her dissolved the next moment.  
  
Happy days are here again, Buffy thought as she rested her head on Spike's shoulder, then she smiled to herself.  
  
"Angel," Cordelia said, meeting the other as he carefully took the steps of the stairs. "You okay?"  
  
"As okay as the word goes," he muttered, then returned her smile. "How about you?"  
  
"I'm... strawberry," she stated and he laughed.  
  
"I'm tempted," he then said and she smiled a little before they remembered they weren't alone.  
  
"So... what happened?" she asked and they both grew serious, as did the rest of the assembled as they waited for his reply.  
  
"I'm not sure... it was like I could feel the demon, and it was clawing me from the inside, and it was screaming at me..." he mumbled, trailing off.  
  
"What did it scream?" she wondered and he met her gaze again.  
  
"I couldn't understand the words," he answered silently.  
  
Cordelia observed the sweat still lingering as a coating all over his skin.  
  
"You still warm?" she asked and he nodded a little.  
  
"Can't seem to keep my mouth from growing dry as a desert either," he muttered. "I haven't swallowed this much water since I was sent to the bottom of the ocean," he added and she smiled a small smile at that, her eyes still concerned.  
  
Then she shivered and put her arms around her.  
  
"You still cold?" he inquired and it she gave him a meaningful look, having him smile a little as he remembered the comment with which he had entered the room.  
  
Then he cautiously reached up one hand and touched her cheek. She clenched her jaws together, the hurt which spread through her skin were like fine threads of electricity. When he moved his palm to grace the spot she pushed his arm away and took a step back as she shook her head.  
  
"I can't," she said, her eyes welling up with sudden tears as the pain he had instilled within her flesh grew, then it began to retract.  
  
As it did, she blinked at the salty liquid and it slowly slipped down her left cheek, toward the spot he had just touched; only there was a small crackling noise as the water froze directly on her skin and her eyes widened.  
  
"What's happening to me?" she asked.  
  
None of them had an answer.  
  
***  
  
Buffy stood outside, in the middle of the garden, gazing up at the four aligning stars and feeling how time was beginning to slip away from them. Forte had to be a good lead, he had to have the bottle which they were looking for, it had to be of some use to them or...  
  
"You worried about them?" Spike's voice asked behind her and she didn't bother turning around, knowing that his arms would soon slip around her.  
  
She was right, the next moment they did, and she leaned her head back to rest it against him.  
  
"Angel and Cordy?" she asked and she could feel how he nodded. "Yeah," she admitted. "But most of everything I'm scared this is just another one of those insolvable puzzles. We already have so many."  
  
"Tomorrow we might get some answers," he offered and she smiled.  
  
"Who died and made you the optimist?" she then asked and he laughed softly.  
  
"My demon?" he suggested and she laughed as well, turning around in his arms before putting her own around his neck.  
  
"William, darling," she said and he smiled as well.  
  
"Yes, sweetheart?" he then wondered and she eyed him for a few seconds, then she pulled herself closer and kissed him deeply.  
  
They gently ended it and both now wore smiles of contentment as they once again looked at each other.  
  
"It'll be all right," he assured and she held his gaze for a long time, knowing that within them she could find a power source unlike any other from which she would always be able to draw strength.  
  
"It doesn't matter," she mumbled, "as long as I'm beside you whatever happens."  
  
His grip on her tightened.  
  
"What happened to make you a pessimist?" he then demanded and she looked up at him, her smile dying and he knew the answer before she even gave it. "Listen to me," he murmured. "We'll survive this, all of us - and then we'll go back to England and you'll see your sis again, Red, even the bloody poof. Understand?"  
  
The smile was reborn.  
  
"You'd do that?" she asked. "You'd come with me to England?"  
  
He looked quizzical.  
  
"Weren't you the one who said you could live there?" he asked back and she stared at him before she laughed out loud, wrapping her arms around him tightly.  
  
"I wasn't sure you'd wanna... I mean, you've made a life for yourself here and..."  
  
"Shh," he hushed, holding her to him and smiling with her. "Never heard the old saying 'Home is where the heart is'? Home is where you are, Buffy. It's always been. The fact that you're actually living in MY homeland is merely the icing on the cake... I get to be where you are, love... that's all that matters."  
  
She pulled back to have her eyes rest in his and then she smiled, her heart beating with the overwhelming joy she felt at knowing that she had found him - that one person almost everyone is eventually looking for to feel whole. She would never have to feel alone again.  
  
"I feel the exact same way," she stated and his gaze grew soft before they shared another kiss.  
  
"Wanna go to bed?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"No wasting time with you, is there?" she shot and he smirked, having one arm around her waist as they turned and walked in through the glass doors.  
  
"We don't have much time to waste," he retorted.  
  
"What happened to Mr. Optimist-Guy?!" she exclaimed in mock-sadness. "Bring him back, please."  
  
"Fine then," he said. "We have all the time in the world so why not make the most of every last second?"  
  
"God, I love you," she sighed, smiling, and he smiled back, bending down to grant her a kiss as they walked.  
  
"I'll never tire of hearing that," he said.  
  
"Not ever?" she asked and he shook his head. "Not even when we're both old and crippled and have to use wheel-chairs to get around?" she added and once again he shook his head. "Not even when my teeth are falling out and my hair is thin and gray and I'm not even in resemblance to what I look like today?" she inquired and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"You were beautiful when you were born, you'll be even more beautiful when you've lived an entire life time," he stated.  
  
"And you promise you'll always say things like that whenever I'm having a do-you-really-love-me phase?" she wondered and he chuckled.  
  
"Always," he assured.  
  
"And you won't ever tire of me?" she asked as they began to walk up the stairs.  
  
"No," he stated.  
  
"How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Will YOU ever tire of ME?" he retorted and she blinked, then smiled sheepishly.  
  
"No. And you don't have to REPEAT my question for me to get the point, okay? We're stuck with each other," she finished and he smirked.  
  
"Yeah, we are," he nodded.  
  
"You know, moving onto something else. I was just thinking about this, and it IS a pretty silly expression - 'Home is where the heart is'. Know why?" she asked.  
  
"I'm sure you'll tell me," he stated.  
  
"Well, you can't LIVE without your heart, right? So naturally you'll have to reside wherever it is, don't you?"  
  
"If you take it literally, but I think they do mean it in the 'love' heart kind," Spike remarked and she nodded.  
  
"Yeah, but still, if you DID take it literally," she said.  
  
"Yeah, well, still... If you take it literally then it's even truer, isn't it?" he inquired, taking the last step of the stairs and heading down the hallway to his room. "So there really is no purpose in analyzing it, is there?"  
  
She reflected on that for a moment, then she shrugged.  
  
"Guess not," she muttered, then looked up at him with another smile. "I bet you ten bucks I'll be in bed before you are."  
  
"Clothes on...?" he asked and she cocked an eyebrow. "You're..." he started his acceptance, but before he had finished she had already bolted for the door. "...a cheater!" he yelled after her, and then he followed, a wide smile quickly spreading on his lips.  
  
***  
  
"What did Giles say?" Spike asked, nearly three hours later.  
  
They were lying face to face, their legs crossing each other and their arms around the other, their noses merely inches apart.  
  
"That he'll keep looking," she now answered him. "He's good with the books, but not a super-worm or anything. It takes some time for him to dig through them as well," she added and received a crooked smirk from Spike at that.  
  
"Buffy..." he then said and she nodded as she could sense hesitation on his part. "Do you want kids?"  
  
She stared at him, taken off guard by this sudden question. Still, she had to admit she had thought about it. She had thought about a lot of things ever since she first realized that he was straight through human.  
  
"Yes," she finally answered him. "I do."  
  
"How many?" he wondered and she smiled a little, not wanting her replies to come too quickly for some reason; as though she had spent hours contemplating them.  
  
"Two," she then said. "Maybe three..."  
  
"Boys or girls?"  
  
"If we have two - I'd like one boy and one girl. If we have three - I'd like two girls," she stated and he smiled a small smile. "What?" she asked and he reached up a hand to slide it down her face and along her jaw line, then he answered:  
  
"It's just pretty nice to hear you put a 'we' in that scenario," he murmured and she felt how she was blushing, though it was in larger part due to happiness.  
  
"Yeah," she said, her voice painted with laughter as she grew self- conscious. "What about you, then?" she added, suddenly afraid that he might not want children at all.  
  
"Five," he put her worries at ease with, the reply so certain that she gaped. "But I'll be willing to cut down on it if you don't want more than three," he calmed as her eyes had grown larger.  
  
"No, no," she shook her head, giggling. "I'm sorry, it's not the number... It's just... you sound so sure of it."  
  
"I never hand any brothers or sisters," he said. "I've always wanted a large family."  
  
"Five it is," she mumbled and he was about to protest when she moved forward and kissed him gently. "It sounds... perfect."  
  
He smiled a little, nudging the tip of his nose against hers and she kissed him again before pulling back.  
  
"Will," she mumbled. "How old are you?"  
  
He smiled widely at that, then replied:  
  
"Twenty-five. Almost twenty-six."  
  
She smiled as well. It sounded absurd. And yet...  
  
"Almost?" she asked. "When's your birthday?"  
  
"In three days," he replied after a short moment's second thought.  
  
"In three...?" she trailed off.  
  
In three days.  
  
Then it would be exactly one year since he died...  
  
"That's a bit strange," she grumbled and he smiled once more, shaking his head.  
  
"Is it?" he then wondered and she met his gaze before she smiled back.  
  
"Perhaps not," she replied, moving one hand to let her fingers brush down his cheek. "This year'll be different," she promised quietly and he let one hand place itself over hers as he held her gaze.  
  
"It already is," he mumbled just as silently.  
  
***  
  
Buffy listened to Spike's slow breathing. When she was convinced he was asleep she slipped out of bed soundlessly, pulling on a sweater and her jeans before she glanced at him. A smile stole across her mouth and then she turned toward the door. Sneaking up to it she twisted the knob carefully and then pulled it open.  
  
The hallway lay in darkness and she slid out through the slit between door and doorframe before she continued on her way as she stealthily made it to the stairs. Cautiously stepping down them she reached the second floor and peeked around the corner before she moved down that hallway as well.  
  
There was no sound apart from her feet gently placing themselves on the carpeted floor and she stopped before the locked door of Susannah's bedroom without interruptions. They had all decided it should be sufficient if they merely kept her contained through imprisoning her, since she had barely woken up again after her talk with Buffy and Spike, and then she had merely stayed awake for a minute or so.  
  
Now Buffy reached into her pocket and brought out the key to the door. She slid it into the lock and turned it, keeping her movements deliberate and slow.  
  
Turning the knob she pushed the door open and poked her head inside.  
  
Susannah was outlined in the bed as a mass of black. The Slayer could hear her breaths and knew she was sound asleep.  
  
Good.  
  
Moving again Buffy slipped inside, not bothering to push the door closed before she carefully began to make her way through the room. She checked the drawers of the large desk first. There were only notes of no interest, a few books and cd's. It seemed Susannah kept no journal, which was a bummer. Buffy kept up her pace, looking through the high chest-of-drawers - nothing but clothes - as well as the large closet - nothing but clothes and shoes. Next she turned to the bookcase, going through it methodically. Books, books, books.  
  
Sighing to herself she turned around and noticed a square shaped bag tucking out from underneath the bed, just beneath the place where Susannah's back rested.  
  
Buffy swallowed.  
  
A risk, but one she was willing to take. If Susannah woke up...  
  
I'll make up an excuse, the Slayer thought. I just wanted to check and see if everything was okay...  
  
It seemed like it took an hour to get to the side of the bed and gently kneel down on the floor in order to be able to reach the bag. But it was done, and Buffy pulled the bag to her as she stood again. Moving away took merely a few seconds and she felt her hands trembling as she unzipped the bag with one quick movement.  
  
Susannah stirred and Buffy had her heart catch in her throat for the amount of time it took the other to once again begin to breathe deeply.  
  
Opening the bag Buffy reached into it and began to run her fingers over the various items.  
  
Lip-stick, pocket mirror, the back of a book, a planner... Clasping the last one she brought it out of the bag and put the latter down as she eyed the thick notebook in her hand. Biting the inside of her cheek she got the rubber ribbon - securing the intestines of paper from pouring out - off and opened the book at the middle, where a paper-clip was fastened.  
  
Never before could she remember a time where her night vision had been so welcomed.  
  
Scanning the page before her she found, however, nothing of real interest. After a few minutes of searching and coming up with nothing she decided she didn't have the time. Picking the bag up again she put the ribbon back in place and restored the planner to its original resting place. Then she began looking for some other neighbor of it which might prove more useful and when her hand slid over something made of leather her eyes widened with excitement.  
  
A wallet.  
  
Bringing it out she repeated the procedure of putting the bag down at her feet and then she opened the thing in her hands, beginning to look through the various compartments. There were a few dollars, a few cents and pennies, but nothing else in the money compartments.  
  
Flipping open the slits holding credit-cards and such her eyes grew further as they landed on the small plastic pockets which were kept there. In them were pictures... Old ones, it seemed. Of Susannah and her parents, no doubt. They looked so happy. Buffy felt a twirl of sudden empathy with the girl as she remembered how hard it had been on herself to lose her mother.  
  
Pulling the picture out of the small plastic pocket which held it she looked closer at the faces. It was Susannah, for certain.  
  
Buffy was about to put it back when a gut feeling of intuition made her turn it over.  
  
She stared at what met her sight and then she turned her head to the still sleeping young woman in the bed.  
  
"Oh, my God," the Slayer whispered.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
This time I really want to apologize for how incredibly late this chapter is. I have been forced (ugh) to battle a really bad cold for the past week and haven't had a chance to post this! I also know why we (still!) haven't got the Internet at home, they ARE installing a broadband in my community and up until now there's been negotiations here and there about whatever and so they've been putting the job off for months! Grr. Anyways, now we know that it WILL be installed by the end of November and so I am so happy! However, this does mean a few more weeks of going to where I am now - my little dad's office. ;)  
  
Anyways, the cold made it not so easy for me to leave the house, as I hope y'all can understand! :)  
  
Lots of wonderiffic reviews waiting for me, though. Pick-me-upper after my sickness, thanks you guys! So sorry for leaving you hanging like that!  
  
Warm thank yous to wolf116 (so happy you did, girl! Liked it, I mean. And I love keeping you guessing!) ;), Rachel9 (that is so great to read! Glad that you like the C/A moments as well! *smile!*) :), Winters1 (so sorry for the late update this time! Happy you enjoyed it though! Really! Hope it's the same with this chappy!) :), maribel (here was some more, and thank you - things are a bit better!) :), Mel (great with reviews on both chapters, you know I appreciate that. On 7: Glad, glad, glad that you are! ;) On 18: Glad you liked the picture-finding. ;) I welcome the empathy, girl! And sorry for leaving ya hanging so long on this!) ;), darklover (*sheepish* AM sorry for this being so late, and do hope you liked this as well.) :), SC Heather (REALLY glad you liked the chapter, and very sorry for not having posted until now! Hope this was to your taste!) :), Adrianna (Thanks for the spot of encouragement, I do need it! I'm sure they will get better, but then you couldn't answer the when part for me! *sob* ;) And AOUUU that sausage hurts my strained nerves! Don't beat me too senseless, will you? I still have some more writing to do! ;P I do apologize for the lateness, but I didn't foresee getting sick! And the worst kind of sick too. Ugha! Well, I hope this chapter was to satisfaction and that you stick to that promise of your beating not inhibiting my ability to lead a normal and happy life!) ;), Captain (I really like writing the Spuffiness! :P I'm glad you liked it!!! Niiiice! :) And *smooch* right back for your kind and understanding nature!) :), Caitlin (Sorry to hear that you've been going through some bad times! Believe you me, I have front-row seats to that myself right now. It sucks! But you made ME smile right back with that comment of yours and I'm so happy to help!!! I'm so glad you enjoy the sotry still!) :) and Ladyluck523 (I'm happy you're enjoying it, girl! Your review was for chapter seven, though... Just checking so that you know that there were more chapters after this, since you asked for a quick update! *trying to save face since this update was so late!*) ;).  
  
Thanks everybody, ever so! You are the best!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	20. Twentieth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twentieth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-10-22  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Cordelia sighed, looking at the ceiling and feeling drained of any emotion but that of helplessness.  
  
Oh, and of course - cold. It was as though her very blood was running slower through her veins and even though she was sleepy the emotion eluded claiming her. Finally she moved her covers aside and got off the bed. Thinking she heard a sound outside the door she paused with her hand on the knob, but then there was only silence and so she proceeded with caution; opening it and stepping out into the hallway. It lay deserted.  
  
She made her way to Angel's door and noticed that it stood ajar. She hesitated, then couldn't help herself and pushed it open with one hand. She bit her lower lip as her nerves presented themselves as still keen and unfrozen when she softly took a few steps into the room.  
  
"You awake?" she whispered and at first he didn't respond, then he slowly turned his head to her as his eyes opened and she smiled a little tryingly. "Can I come in?" she asked and he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"You already are in," he commented, voice as low as hers and she smiled coyly.  
  
"Right," she said.  
  
"You could come a bit closer, though," he offered and she smiled again.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed, still growing tentative before she took the paces left up to the side of the bed.  
  
"And... sit?" he asked when she still hesitated and she seemed to grow flustered before she smiled for a third time, this time a bit brighter as she did take a seat.  
  
"Are you freaking? 'Cause I think I might be, a little... and I think you're the only one who can actually understand why," she finally said and he smiled at that.  
  
"Yeah, I'm a bit freaked," he admitted. "But I'm pretty sure it'll be all right."  
  
"But... the prophecy," she grumbled and he nodded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"The fire, the water... dancing. We danced and now you're burning and I'm like ice!" she said, her tone telling how close to the edge she actually was and he reached out a hand, pausing it before he actually touched her and she felt a small sorrow near her heart as she remembered the kiss they had almost shared.  
  
"Buffy was right," he now replied, "when she said that we keep getting surprised by things we should be expecting."  
  
"We were supposed to be expecting THIS?" she asked as he moved his hand away and he shook his head.  
  
"No, but something. Look at everything that's already happened..."  
  
"Yeah, but why did it have to happen right then?" she pouted quietly and he observed her for a moment before he smiled.  
  
"It was a pretty nice dance, wasn't it?" he wondered and she met his gaze before she mirrored his smile.  
  
"It was," she agreed.  
  
They grew silent, neither sure of what to say, of what to read into the other's body language.  
  
"Can't sleep?" he then asked and she shook her head a little.  
  
He moved to the side, getting one of the two pillows out from under his head and placing it beside him.  
  
"There's room," he said and she blinked, not fully comprehending. "I won't have to touch you."  
  
She licked her lips, thinking the offer over and then she smiled a small smile of gratefulness as she slowly moved herself so that she could lie down on the empty spot next to him. He sat up and grabbed one of the blankets at the foot of the bed, unfolding it and spreading it over her before he lay back down and she felt sudden anger - at the stupid way the heat in him scorched the cold in her. If it hadn't been for that...  
  
"Thank you," she mumbled and then his hand slid to hers as hers was under the fabric of the blanket and his was on top of it.  
  
She closed her eyes.  
  
"No need," he replied, voice soft as her hand held his back.  
  
***  
  
It was seven o'clock when Buffy woke everybody up. She had gotten herself back to Spike's bedroom after she had made her discovery the previous night, and she had forced herself to get some sleep. Knowing that they all needed every hour they could get of precious rest as they were under such strain during their waking hours. For the first time in nearly two and a half months had she not dreamt anything, but slept five hours straight. It had done her good and she had risen revived.  
  
She had taken a shower before dressing, kissing Spike on the forehead before she left the room in favor of the bottom floor and its kitchen. She made breakfast, trying to get all the thoughts in her head to stop their buzzing, and then she had headed back upstairs.  
  
Now she had just finished the waking of all of the rest. She had asked no questions of why Cordelia was in Angel's bed, she had merely made it clear that she wanted them on their feet in less than fifteen minutes. She stayed away from Susannah's room for the time being as she took the last set of stairs and walked in to the room she herself had woken up in, to get Spike up and going. She did so by bracing herself before running across the floor, jumping up on the bed and then beginning to bounce on it as she sing- songed:  
  
"Wake-y, wake-y! Wake-y, wake-y!"  
  
He didn't seem to react, and then he suddenly reached up and grabbed her, tripping her so that she fell on top of him and she giggled before he got her close and joined their lips.  
  
"Crazy bird," he murmured with his mouth still to hers and she smiled, kissing him again.  
  
"It's seven-o-ten," she said. "Time to get up, my good man."  
  
Moving out of his embrace she scooted to the edge of the bed and he rolled over on his stomach, observing her back before she twisted her upper body and gave him a glance.  
  
"You're not up," she pointed out and he smirked.  
  
"I'm getting there," he muttered.  
  
"I've made you the tastiest breakfast you've ever had in your entire life and it's just waiting for you downstairs and know what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's getting cold."  
  
He smiled again, trying to grab her when she got to her feet and she turned around with a playful expression in her eyes.  
  
"I have something important to tell everybody," she then said.  
  
"What now?" he sighed and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"You assume it's bad, just like that?"  
  
"Buffy," he merely replied and she smiled again.  
  
"Okay, fine. But it does have something good that comes with it. So get your lazy butt outta bed, lover. I wanna see you in the kitchen faster than you can think..." ending the sentence by blowing him a kiss she exited the room and he grumbled before rolling onto his back and sitting up, growing curious against his better judgment of what it was she had to tell.  
  
Also finding himself alone without her presence in the room he hurried in getting ready, merely pulling on a pair of sweats and a dark-green T before taking the stairs and joining the other struggling-to-get-out-of-the-last- stage-of-sleep around the high table in the kitchen.  
  
Cordelia looked slightly more chipper, though she seemed to be as chilled as ever. Angel, also, still looked overheated, though he too wore the hint of a smile which carried good tidings.  
  
Everybody feasted, pleasantly surprised by the food already placed out for their enjoyment, and Buffy smiled and nodded as she heard their thanks.  
  
"So," Angel was the one who spoke up, "we're all waiting for the reason. You haven't officially called a meeting, Buffy... but we know it has to have been something important for you to get us up so early."  
  
"I.e. I always sleep late?" she asked.  
  
"Not at all," he assured. "I know you don't ALWAYS. But... seriously, if given the choice?"  
  
She rolled her eyes at him, then smiled a little as she got to her feet.  
  
"Okay, I won't drag it out. More than's necessary... Angel, William... would you two come with me, please. I'd ask all of you, but I don't wanna have Susannah feel like I'm completely cornering her."  
  
"I understand," Cordelia replied a little too quickly and Buffy furrowed her brow questioningly. "Well, most of us know what an... uncomfortable feeling it is to be... cornered," Cordelia elaborated stuttering and Buffy returned her trying smile before motioning for Angel and Spike to follow her out of the room; which they did.  
  
They headed up the stairs under silence, though Buffy could feel their gazes resting on her back and she knew that they wanted to ask her what was up. They would soon find out.  
  
She brought out the key to Susannah's room, which she had borrowed from Gunn the night prior under the motivation that she wanted to check up on the young woman. Buffy turned the knob and pushed the door open as she stepped through it. Angel and Spike followed and watched her as she continued, this time without any hesitation, up to the bed. She had replaced the bag where she had found it the night before.  
  
"What are you doing?" Spike now whispered as she unceremoniously picked it up and opened it.  
  
"You'll see," she replied. "Angel, would you please wake her?" she added and Angel cocked an eyebrow before he complied and approached the bed.  
  
"What the hell's going on?" Spike demanded, voice still lowered and she gave him a look to be patient.  
  
Susannah stirred as Angel gently shook her shoulder and then she slowly opened her eyes, squinting up at the vampire before she jerked, her eyes widening as she blinked and tried to get sleep away from her.  
  
"What time is it?" she asked, then she noticed the other two present and she pulled herself up a little. "Is something wrong? Oh, God... did I do something else?"  
  
"I don't..." Angel began, looking apologetic. "I'm not the one with the answer to that," he then added and turned to Buffy, who had put the bag down on the floor and held the wallet in her hands.  
  
Susannah's eyes grew even wider and Buffy smiled as soothingly as she could before she held the item up and Susannah frowned, growing clearly quizzical.  
  
"What about it?" she then asked. "Did I throw it at you...? Beat you with it?"  
  
"No," Buffy replied, opening it up and letting her fingers pull the picture she had discovered merely a few hours earlier out, holding it up instead and Susannah raised her eyebrows.  
  
"That's me, yes. And my mother and father," she said and Buffy nodded. "How did you know I had it there? Have you been going through my things?" the former added with a frown.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I think that privacy is something of the past tense where we're concerned," Buffy remarked. "I AM sorry," she added at the now raised eyebrows of the two men as well. "But I knew that you guys wouldn't be too keen on the idea; and Susannah - I don't trust you enough right now to just ask you if I can have a look at your stuff. That's the truth."  
  
"Fine. Can't object to it now, can I?" Susannah asked. "I'm not sure what you thought you'd find, though."  
  
"I didn't think I'd find anything at all," Buffy assured. "Except maybe a clue of some sort. A helpful hint at what links you to everything that's happening..."  
  
"And that picture gave you that; is that what you're saying?" Susannah wondered, skeptically, and at that Buffy nodded slowly.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me," she then began asking. "on that first day I came here and told you all about my dream, why didn't you tell me that your first name isn't Susannah at all? And if the reason was that you weren't sure of what to make of me - why didn't you tell Angel? Or Will?"  
  
"Because I didn't think it mattered," Susannah answered, almost pleadingly. "I've never used my first name, I don't relate to it and most of the time I don't even remember that it's there. I just..."  
  
She trailed off as she seemed to come to the understanding that she was speaking words that couldn't redeem the mistake she had evidently made.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Spike asked and Buffy reached the picture out to him.  
  
He took it and when she gestured for him to turn it over, he did. He blinked, then read the line which was written on the back.  
  
"'With love from mom to Aria'," he recited, looking up at Susannah who had an expression of quiet guilt on her features.  
  
"I didn't think it mattered," she repeated meekly. "I didn't even think of it - period. I'm not even so certain that it is significant to anything of what's happening. It's a family name. We never used it because of that. You know? Mom used her second name, it was natural that I would too. She and dad always called me Suse... Look, my point is - I didn't plan on not telling you and..." pausing she seemed to suddenly be hit by a realization and she frowned slightly as she finished: "Buffy, you don't actually believe I'M part of your dream, do you?"  
  
"It's a Slayer dream," Buffy replied simply. "It's meant as a warning and it was obviously warning me that you'd be in trouble."  
  
"I'm so sorry for not getting with the program," Susannah replied. "Really. I never could have imagined..."  
  
"It's okay," Buffy assured. "I mean, it's cool; as long as you're not apposed to us doing some more close-ups on you... And there might be questions that'll need answering."  
  
Susannah nodded, then looked at her hands in her lap for a few moments before she murmured:  
  
"A part of me wishes I'd never come here. I feel so bad that I'm causing you all this trouble."  
  
"The prophecy got here before you did," Angel reminded. "We'd be stuck in the middle of all this whether you were here or not, and honestly I'd rather have you with us than out there alone."  
  
"I can never repay you..." she said and he shook his head.  
  
"Don't even go there," he stated and she smiled a little.  
  
"We have a meeting to see Forte at half past ten," Buffy now spoke and Susannah turned her eyes back in hers. "The bottle... Do you know what it looks like?"  
  
"I only know its small enough to fit in your hand," she answered. "And its got some sort of pattern on it..."  
  
"How do you know?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I've seen it. In my dreams. This demon... it fears it," Susannah answered, her voice now close to a whisper and she seemed to begin to grow anxious.  
  
"What does it feel like?" Buffy inquired.  
  
"What do you mean?" Susannah asked back and Buffy smiled a little.  
  
"The demon. Does it hurt you? Do you know how it came to be within you? Does it speak to you? Has it got a name?" she then wondered, stopping when she glanced at Spike and he shook his head a little for her not to push so hard. "Sorry," she grumbled, her gaze back in Susannah's and the latter gave a small smile that it was all right.  
  
"It hurts me when it takes over and then when it pulls back," she answered.  
  
"Takes over?"  
  
"I've had... blackouts. They were a lot worse before I came here. They started about a year ago and the longest one I had lasted for nearly three hours... The last one I had, before they stopped for a really long time, was on the night I came here and I thought... foolishly enough... that they had gone away. That I wasn't going crazy. That the voice... in my head... wasn't..."  
  
Her eyes filled with tears and she closed them, drawing a breath; her hands now tightly knotted together in her lap and she moved them twitchily.  
  
"Then - yesterday - I suddenly suffered one again..."  
  
"And you can't remember anything from when you're in these... blackouts?"  
  
"Fragments. Flashes of memories I don't recall being part in creating," Susannah replied to the Slayer's question.  
  
"And when did you - or do you - hear this voice you spoke of?"  
  
"It doesn't exactly announce itself first... It's just... there," Susannah mumbled, her tears now slipping down her cheeks and she opened her eyes, looking up at Buffy once more. "Whenever," the former added. "When I least expect it. When this thing in me thinks..." She had almost raised her voice and she cut herself off, clearly frightened, before she finished in a lower tone: "When it thinks I'll be the most vulnerable."  
  
"And how does it mix into your dreams?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I'm not sure of how... Maybe I reach another state of consciousness while I'm sleeping and somehow I'm able to read the demon's thoughts... It sounds a bit out there, but..."  
  
"No," Buffy shook her head. "It doesn't," she added with reassurance. "Tell me about what you see."  
  
"Just images and emotions attached to them. Horrible things... Death. Tortures. So much blood... It's awful," Susannah murmured.  
  
Buffy paused for a moment, unsure of whether to pursue more answers or if that was enough.  
  
"One final thing," she said. "This bottle... Have you any idea of what it'll do?"  
  
"It has to save me," Susannah replied quietly. "It has to... I can feel how the demon's taking me over a little bit more each time it wakes. I'm afraid that soon... there won't be anything of me left."  
  
"That won't happen," Spike stated and Susannah turned her eyes in his with a weak smile.  
  
"I have a feeling it's not really something you can promise," she said and though he returned her smile, his was also sad.  
  
"We'll come in and see you again after the meeting," Buffy now said, announcing that it was time for them to leave.  
  
Susannah nodded to Buffy's words and then they all said their good-byes for the time being.  
  
"Be careful," Susannah stopped Buffy by saying as the latter was heading out through the door. "The name of Forte makes the demon in me very uncomfortable... and I'm actually not convinced it's on the good-front for us," she added and Buffy raised her eyebrows before she gave a nod, proceeding through the doorway where the other two had just gone.  
  
***  
  
"This whole scenario is so frickin' out of wack I don't even want to get too much into it," Cordelia grumbled, sniffling slightly before she began to stir her dash of milk into her steaming tea. "Might actually lose my mind," she added, widening her eyes at the last three words and Buffy smiled a little.  
  
It was close to nine o'clock and she had finished retelling what they had learned from Susannah fifteen minutes earlier.  
  
Gunn had headed back upstairs. Fred had soon followed. They had promised to keep an eye on Susannah as she might slip back into another deep sleep and they didn't know if that might be nothing but a preface for the demon.  
  
"You look..." Buffy now began, but at Cordelia's warning look she stopped the sentence before it had a chance to develop and at the quick quietness of her, Cordelia smiled.  
  
"I know I'm no miss America right now, okay? Don't need it to be pointed out to me," she then muttered in mock-annoyance, having Buffy smile as well.  
  
"That wasn't what I was going to say," she replied. "I just wanted to ask if you're feeling all right, 'cause you look a bit ill?"  
  
"It's the damn chill," Cordelia grumbled, bringing the mug to her lips and blowing softly on the contents before taking a careful sip. "Mh - hot," she said, then elaborated on her previous statement with: "It's giving me a cold! Can you believe it?!"  
  
Buffy smirked.  
  
"Other than that, then?" she wondered, grabbing her cup of coffee and following Cordelia to take a seat at the table. "How are you?"  
  
"I... don't really know. I mean... How did you... do it?" Buffy frowned, wondering. "Well, I mean... being... Well, LIKING someone... when he's..."  
  
"Older than you?" Buffy asked with another smile and Cordelia smiled back at that.  
  
"Among other things," she murmured and Buffy laughed.  
  
"Good question," she nodded. "I tried not to. But... love is the one force that can't ever be oppressed, you know? It gets into places where it shouldn't be... It's quite... extraordinary, don't you think?"  
  
"You're thinking of Spike now, aren't you?" Cordelia wondered and Buffy had another kind of smile settle on her lips; a dreamy smile which confirmed the affirmative answer to Cordelia's question.  
  
"Well, the first was about Angel. I really did try not to fall in love with him... not to be in love with him... But I couldn't stop it. Nor could I stop how I ended up falling in love with Spike... I can't explain any of it. You just love that person for who he is, and everything else pans out. The age difference isn't that big of a deal when you can talk about everything almost as if you'd been born on the same day... And the immortal bit, Cordy - if you love him then that's not an obstacle for you. Either of you. Angel is one of the best men I've ever known. He has his darker sides, that's true, but his love is one of the greatest things I could ever wish for another person. You have it. I'm sure you know that you do."  
  
Cordelia stared at her, the formers cheeks turning just a slightly deeper shade of red before she smiled a little, looking into her mug for a moment and trying to digest that very bold statement.  
  
"What makes you so certain?" she finally asked and Buffy smiled widely.  
  
"The two of you make it so obvious it's impossible for everyone else to not notice what you two pretend to be too blind NOT to have noticed..."  
  
"And you're not weirded out about this? I mean, I have to admit it felt really weird to me when you first came here... Seeing you with William... I mean, I know you've moved on. And I... What am I trying to say?" she sighed, shaking her head a little and Buffy smiled again.  
  
"I'm happy you found each other," she stated, honestly. "I think that was what you were trying to ask. And you really don't need my blessing."  
  
Cordelia smirked at that.  
  
"True," she then agreed and Buffy's smile broadened.  
  
"It may sound cliché-y and everything, but believe me - when the time's right everything 'll just fall into place," she assured and Cordelia sighed.  
  
"Yeah, right. The perfect time was yesterday and the prophecy managed to screw it up," she grumbled, making Buffy's eyes grow slightly with interest.  
  
"Do spill," she urged when Spike leaned in through the doorway saying:  
  
"Time to roll, sweetheart."  
  
Buffy turned her head his way, but he had already disappeared and she rolled her eyes as she got to her feet.  
  
"Hold the thought, 'kay?" she asked Cordelia, who nodded; smiling.  
  
Reaching out a hand as Buffy was turning away the dark-haired stopped the blonde and the latter looked back at her.  
  
"Thanks," Cordelia said. "For... understanding. You're the only one who can, I think, and... I dunno. I miss that sometimes. Having someone to really talk with, you know?"  
  
"What about Faith?" Buffy asked. "I thought you two got along pretty well."  
  
"It's not the same," Cordelia answered. "You and I, we..."  
  
Buffy smiled as the other trailed off.  
  
"Thanks," she then said and Cordelia mirrored her expression before Buffy turned and left the room.  
  
Cordelia brought the mug to her lips again, taking a mouthful of the now cooler liquid and she realized that it was her hands which were making it lose temperature so quickly as they were wrapped around the porcelain. Grumbling she let it go and pushed it slightly away from her.  
  
Then she smiled again.  
  
Thinking of Angel.  
  
If only they could beat the prophecy at its own game, stop the countdown today and restore everything to normal. With Forte might be answers.  
  
No, with Forte there HAD to be answers.  
  
"There has to," she mumbled, reaching out for the mug again and drawing a sharp breath as it cracked when the contents of it turned straight through into ice.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey all! I shouldn't have feared that you would all be angry with me and to demonstrate this animosity had all decided not to write me one single line! ;) I was really happy to read all the, as always, terrific reviews and I'm so, so glad that you liked the chapter!!!  
  
Special thanks to wolf116, Winters1, maribel, wickedxunique (glad you enjoy), Tobert, Xio, Rachel9, darklover, ali (so great to read you like!), blackeyedgurl and Night! Greatly appreciated!!! Thank you all!  
  
I'm so sorry to have to make this so incredibly short, but I'm again at my dad's office, only he's having lunch and will soon need his computer back. (usually I come here when the office is closed) :) Just wanted to get this chapter out there!  
  
I hope you liked it!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	21. TwentyFirst

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What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-First-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-10-30  
  
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Forte Incorporated's headquarter building shot up out of the asphalt of downtown Los Angeles as though it had manifested itself through some wonder of nature; bringing together steel and wire, bolts and mirrored glass as if wanting to create the eighth world wonder. It stretched nearly ninety stories into the sky and was one of the top ten highest structures in the world. It was also one of the more beautiful ones as the architect had used not only his sense of space and mathematics as he drew up the blue prints, but also his love of timeless attributes which had lived through the ages ever since the first brick was placed upon the second.  
  
Magnificent the building glittered in the sunlight reflected off of thousands of windows and Buffy kept herself from gaping only by her own willpower.  
  
The lobby was large and friendly. More like that of a hotel than that of a major international cooperation. It went in a lush peach color and the deep leather armchairs and sofas were colored a darkening burgundy. Low chatter of the people inhabiting them was mixed with soft tunes of music. Classical.  
  
At a large wooden counter to the left of the entrance stood a pretty, middle-aged woman and when the three visitors entered she raised her head; a pleasant smile taking its rightful place on her mouth as she greeted them.  
  
"How may I help you?" she asked politely and Buffy returned her smile before she replied:  
  
"We have an appointment with Mr. Forte."  
  
"Okay..." the woman said, looking down onto what obviously was a list and then she turned her eyes on the blonde again as she asked: "Half past ten?" Buffy nodded. The woman smiled warmly once again and then pointed to her left, making the other three take notice of the four old-fashioned elevators located there. "Take the one furthest to the right up to the ninety-first floor," she said and Buffy thanked her before she headed toward the coppery doors of the contraption.  
  
It had an outer door of metal bars which she had to grab and pull aside before they could step into the actual elevator. She couldn't help but feel skeptical.  
  
"Are we gonna go up ninety stories in THIS?" she grumbled to Spike as he stepped in after her.  
  
He smirked and she rolled her eyes at him.  
  
Angel followed them and he let the outer door slide back in place, gazing out into the lobby through the bars and feeling just a bit insecure himself.  
  
"It seems a bit..." he began and then his eyes fell on the single button to indicate which floor they wanted to go to. "Wasn't there ninety-one floors?" he asked and Buffy looked where he was, then raised her eyebrows before she replied:  
  
"That button IS for the ninety-first floor."  
  
"Where are all the rest of them?" Angel muttered, feeling how the unease he had first suffered now began to find a path to intensity within him.  
  
"Maybe Forte doesn't want us to stray from the course," Spike offered. "Perhaps he's scared we'll take a personal sight-seeing of his grand empire."  
  
"I have a feeling Gary Forte isn't scared of anything," Buffy stated, trying to keep the flutters she was feeling somewhere not far from her gut at bay as she took a small step forward and reached out her index finger to press the button.  
  
She hesitated for one more second, and then she let her index finger grace it.  
  
It lighted up when she touched it and for a moment nothing seemed to be happening. Then two brass doors slipped shut before them, blocking out the lobby right before there was the sense of quickly moving upwards.  
  
"That wasn't so bad," Buffy said with a small smile.  
  
"It's not done yet," Angel gritted and Buffy's smile widened slightly.  
  
"YOU'RE not scared, are you, Angie?" she asked and he gave her a dark look which had her stifle a giggle before she turned her eyes in Spike's.  
  
He smiled as well, then moved one hand into hers and she squeezed his.  
  
There was the very slight notion of slowing down and then the doors opened again, the outer door this time being pulled back by the hand of someone they couldn't see - as the someone took a step to stand to the right of the elevator. They looked at each other, then proceeded forward cautiously. Turning their heads to the mystery man they saw that it obviously was an employee of Forte's. He was wearing a dark-green outfit so typical of what bell-boys used to be decked out in, that it seemed impossible that he was anything BUT an employee.  
  
"Thank you," Buffy said and he gave a quick nod before letting the handle of the door go, having it slide shut before the other doors closed as well.  
  
There, it seemed, went their only means of escape.  
  
The hallway which they were in was not longer than five or six yards, but it was just as wide and on the walls to both their left and their right hung incredibly beautiful artwork. Buffy didn't have much of the artsy personality, but even she recognized some of the paintings; and she had the feeling that who they were dealing with being a man of real power strengthen further within her.  
  
At the end of the hall was two high, oak doors; both looking as though they literally weighed a ton. Buffy tilted her head back to have a better look at the incredible craftsmanship which had carved a pretty pattern to frame the different settings of the doors.  
  
Then they were both suddenly opened and before them appeared none other than the man himself, wearing a sunny smile and looking from one to the next before he said:  
  
"You look as though you weren't expecting to see ME here."  
  
Buffy felt a little foolish and so she immediately returned his smile as she shook her head a little.  
  
"Our apologies," she replied. "You've just made it so that there's a lot to take in, merely from the ride up here," she added and he smiled.  
  
"Yes, how did you like my elevator? I had it specially designed, of course. On paper - this floor doesn't even exist. Actually... to everyone who does not have any need to know of it - it really doesn't," he answered and she furrowed her brow slightly, which had him laughing before making a gesture for them to step passed him and into his office.  
  
However, it wasn't an office. Not of the likes Buffy had ever seen, anyway.  
  
It was as large as one entire floor of the building. No walls to create any sort of rooms, simply an incredibly vast landscape of gentle white tones, as it was the only color in any of the furniture. They looked very comfortable and much too inviting; groups of armchairs and sofas stood placed about the room and the light of day flooded half of it as the only walls were made of the mirrored glass windows making up the façade of Forte Incorporated. The floor was softened by a thick white carpet.  
  
"Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, tea, water... a cup of blood, perhaps?" Forte now asked, the last being directed at Angel who shook his head no.  
  
Buffy took a step forward, her eyes going to where she was putting her feet and she halted, staring at what was depicted in the fabric of the carpet before her.  
  
There was a silvery diamond as backdrop, and in front of it was a large, black bird about to spread its wings.  
  
"It is a Seonix," Forte said right next to her and she blinked, unable to look away from the animal. "Distant relative of the Phoenix. Where the Phoenix is golden, the Seonix is black as night. Where the Phoenix dies and rises again in a never ending cycle, the Seonix struggles for all eternity to reach the evening sky and the last star which lights it... You may think it a sad story," he added and she turned her gaze in his, a gentle smile now on his lips as he finished: "but really, should the Seonix ever reach that star, then he would of course die."  
  
"Why?" she wondered and his smile broadened ever so slightly.  
  
"Because what would he have to live for if the meaning of his quest was to be fulfilled? We all battle every day, Ms. Summers, in a world which is ripe with deceit and greed. Truly you can see if the stars which keep us struggling were to ever be fully reached, we would have nothing left to fight for?"  
  
She thought about this for a moment and then she merely gave him a small smile back.  
  
"That is why the Seonix is the crest of my life's work. To remind me," he now stated.  
  
Buffy nodded, turning her head to Angel and Spike who had both begun to wander off into the white jungle of the room; Angel naturally keeping to the shadowed part of it.  
  
'Look out for the big, black bird.'  
  
'It's watching you.'  
  
Spike's voice clear in her mind and she followed Forte with her eyes as he walked in the steps of Angel, going up to one of the large windows to have a look at the breathtaking view of the city below and beyond. She knew she needed to be on alert, no matter how friendly the man... demon... may seem.  
  
She joined Spike as he sauntered around amongst the furniture. Every group was of a new style; though all of them went in ivory, cream and pearl.  
  
"Pretty, isn't it?" Buffy asked and Spike smiled his agreement.  
  
"Quite the opposite to his flat," he then remarked and she nodded.  
  
"Well, he IS a Changer... maybe with that there comes a hint of being schizo? Every new personality craves its own space," she murmured and Spike smirked.  
  
"Do you have any idea of what you're gonna ask him?" he then wondered and she was about to answer him when Forte and Angel joined them.  
  
"Shall we?" Forte asked, holding a hand out to the group of extravagant seventeenth century furniture to which they were standing closest.  
  
They all had a seat; Angel on one of the chairs, forte in an odd armchair and Buffy and Spike beside each other on the sofa.  
  
"Now, what is it that I can do for you?" Forte asked and it was in that moment that Buffy understood that neither Angel nor Spike would take the lead on this, that it was her show completely; and she really didn't know what to say next.  
  
"I think you know," she finally stated, collecting herself as she met the gaze of Forte.  
  
He didn't respond at first, merely eyed her for a few long moments. His smile had been replaced by cool professionalism and an almost sharp self- assurance. He was truly a handsome man, fitting but too well with the atmosphere of success and intelligence which surrounded him.  
  
"You have questions," he finally replied matter-of-factly and she didn't move one muscle in her face as she observed him back. "Why don't you ask them, Ms. Summers?"  
  
"Because I'm not convinced I should just yet," she replied without any hesitation and a smile placed itself on his mouth again.  
  
"'Khalom tikit davar, athom dirit maray'," he said. "It's an old saying," he explained at the questioning looks he was receiving. "Roughly it translates 'Those who show no fear shall prosper in the garden of danger'."  
  
"Which is supposed to mean...?" she asked and Forte smiled a little wider.  
  
"A garden of nothing but danger bears not only fruit of nectar but also fruit of poison, wouldn't you say? What's important is to have the knowledge of which is which."  
  
"Or the guts to follow your intuition," Buffy cut in and Forte nodded to that.  
  
"For certain... I believe you possess both," he commented and she raised her eyebrows slightly. "You entered the study of my flat two nights ago... in search of something which you couldn't take with you."  
  
Buffy stared at him. He was speaking of the bottle, she knew he was. She could either be honest with him, or lie to him and hope he didn't see right through it. She didn't want to risk the latter, though the former option seemed just as unsettling. Being honest with a being whose intentions she had not even the slightest clue of wasn't exactly something that appealed to her.  
  
"We didn't know of the item that you're talking about until yesterday," she now stated, feeling like there really was no turning back and so she continued: "We heard that you have a love for what's to come in the future... Prophecies seem to be a slight hobby of yours."  
  
"I have read a few," he agreed and she gave a trying smile at that before she said:  
  
"You also own a few. We came here looking for..." Angel cleared his throat and stopped her mid-sentence, giving her a questioning look saying are-you- really-going-this-far? She gave him a meaningful look back and then she finished: "We have a problem. A prophecy which is torn in two... We came here looking for the completing part."  
  
Forte cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"And what item was I talking of?" he inquired, making her pause as she suddenly felt insecure.  
  
"Well, I thought..." she began, then shook her head. "Never mind. What I wanted to ask you, Mr. Forte..."  
  
"Gary, please," he interrupted.  
  
"Gary," she repeated his request. "What I wanted to ask you was if you have any idea where the second part could be?"  
  
Forte leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he grew thoughtful.  
  
"This prophecy... It isn't the Coming, is it?"  
  
Buffy turned her head to Angel, who looked slightly stunned.  
  
"Well, we have our... suspicions," he then answered the question and Forte's eyes grew round.  
  
"Are you positive?" he wondered.  
  
"There's no way of telling without the second part," Angel lied coolly. "And it's gone missing."  
  
"If it IS the Coming you are dealing with, then that second part has been missing for hundreds of years. There's no telling of where it may be," Forte stated.  
  
"So you have no idea?" Buffy asked, glancing at Angel who looked calmer than a rock.  
  
"No," Forte replied.  
  
"Oh," she said.  
  
Forte watched her face for a few moments and then he stood.  
  
"I'm sorry I could be of no more help," he apologized. "But I am a man with a rather tight schedule and I'm afraid it beckons me now. So, it was nice seeing you all again and I hope you find what you seek."  
  
Buffy rose as well, and not late to follow her movement were the other two. When she reached out to shake Forte's hand she felt compelled to say:  
  
"There was something else." They let go and he looked as though awaiting her continuance on the statement. She swallowed. "We have a... friend. She's not well. You may have the antidote to her... disease."  
  
Forte cocked an eyebrow to that.  
  
"Disease?" he then wondered.  
  
"She's possessed."  
  
"Possessed?" he repeated thoughtfully, his eyes wandering to Angel for a moment and then they were back in Buffy's as he added: "I practice no form of exorcism, I doubt I would have the antidote..."  
  
"It's in the form of a bottle," Buffy interrupted. "And... Well, I know you have it. I saw it among your collectables in the study."  
  
"'Collectables'?" Forte now laughed. "What a delightful choice of words."  
  
Buffy smiled, not able to hide the irony in her voice as she answered:  
  
"Glad you like it."  
  
Forte returned her smile, and even though his was a touch warmer she didn't appreciate the appraising look that came with it.  
  
"I have a few bottles in my 'collection'," he then admonished. "Rare treasures of which I am tremendously fond."  
  
"She will die," Spike spoke up and Forte turned his eyes on him with a slight cocking of one eyebrow.  
  
"Death is a natural part of life," the demon then replied and Spike frowned dislikingly.  
  
"Please," Buffy said, having Forte's gaze back in hers. "You're her last hope. She's described the bottle to us, I've seen it at your flat... Please, help us."  
  
Forte observed her for a long moment.  
  
"I get the feeling, Ms. Summers, that you're not used to asking politely... There's a small strain at the back of your vocal cords which points to a need of self-control... If you lost it, what would you do, I wonder? Break down my door in search of what you're so inclined to beg for? Take down my guards one by one, override security, kick me over the head and then simply take what it is you need - IF I don't comply, of course?" Buffy stared at him and his face slowly split into a knowing smile. "That is precisely what you would do, isn't it? That is the extent of how far you will go for another. For someone in need. For someone not as strong as you. Well, I applaud that. However, I smell violence running through your veins. Some warped need of destruction in the name of doing good. Killing is part of you, isn't it? Murders, slaughters... Your hands covered in blood..."  
  
As Buffy's arm moved to deliver the blow, his hand caught it, stopping it mid-strike and she clenched her jaws together. She hadn't even realized she was feeling an itch to hit him.  
  
"Yes," Forte nodded, lowering her arm. "But all of it is the blood of evil. Never that of the innocent. You are the protector... This is what makes me trust you. And this is why I'll help you."  
  
***  
  
Twenty minutes later they entered Forte's study. He didn't hesitate for a second as he strode up to the curtain covered glass which held the bottle Buffy kept referring to. Bringing the curtain aside and placing it behind a wooden hook he proceeded to bring out a set of keys. The locks were barely visible in the wood to the right of the glass.  
  
Angel, Spike and Buffy formed a semicircle behind him, watching him work with hands used to the task. Buffy felt her heart take a small leap as she fixed her gaze on the bottle. Forte twisted the key in the last lock and was about to open the glass door when he stopped himself and turned his head to the other three.  
  
"I am going to need this back," he said with a small smile and the others returned it in the same fashion, Buffy nodding her acknowledgement.  
  
He opened the door, mumbling a few words which had Angel and Buffy exchange a look - there had been more than mere electricity guarding Forte's more prized possessions after all. Then the latter reached in and brought the small bottle out of its safekeeping.  
  
He held it up, clearly admiring it, before he turned to Buffy.  
  
"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked and she glanced at the bottle, her gaze getting caught in the way light gently seemed to stroke along its etchings.  
  
"Yes," she mumbled and Forte reached out his hands to her.  
  
She blinked herself out of the momentary hypnosis and then took the bottle carefully, clasping it in a tight grip as she felt a wash of relief come over her.  
  
"Thank you," she said and Forte nodded, smiling again.  
  
"I want something in return," he then stated and Buffy raised her eyebrows a little, some of the anxiousness willingly pouring itself back into her spine.  
  
"Naturally," Angel was the one to reply and Forte smirked.  
  
"I want to read the prophecy you're dealing with. It seems utterly... fascinating. Was it to be the Coming I could assure you it is the one item for which I have searched my entire existence... I would so very much like to have a look at it," he finished and Angel looked at Spike, who gave a small shrug as conscent.  
  
"Here," Angel said, taking out a card and handing it to the other. "Come here tomorrow, around noon. We'll show you what we have found so far."  
  
Forte looked at the card, then up at the vampire.  
  
"'Investigations'? Are you a private detective?" Angel gave a look which confirmed the answer to be positive and Forte smiled. "Aren't we the LXG?"  
  
Buffy smirked at that, and then Forte escorted them back down the stairs, showing them to the front door.  
  
"We'll see you tomorrow then?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Tomorrow," Forte agreed.  
  
They said their good-byes and the three headed for the elevator. Buffy pressed the button and they all tilted their heads slightly back to watch the number of the floor on which it currently was. It seemed to be approaching quickly enough. After a few seconds of silence Spike muttered:  
  
"Too easy."  
  
"Hush," Buffy merely replied; slipping the hand not holding their borrowing into his.  
  
The elevator arrived with a lacking of sound as the doors effortlessly slid open and the three stepped inside. Buffy once again being the one to push the button and the doors slid shut with as little noise as before. The descent began with a soft jerk.  
  
"I'm only saying there's something about that man that gives me the willies," Spike now stated.  
  
"We have what we came for, let's just leave it at that for the time being. I'm sure we'll have to deal with that other stuff tomorrow, anyways," Buffy replied, looking up at him and having a sudden smile on her face before she stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"What now?" he asked, though a smile was placing itself on his lips as well.  
  
"You're adorable when you worry, know that?" she asked back and he laughed softly.  
  
"I thought you wanted me all a pillar-of-strength-and-power," he shot and her smile widened.  
  
"You're always my pillar-of-strength, honey," she assured, then had a naughty glint in her eyes as she added: "And you're sexy as hell when you bring on that power."  
  
"Vampire still on the premises," Angel murmured casually. "The very tight, enclosed premises."  
  
Buffy and Spike both smirked, turning to him.  
  
"Sorry," they then apologized in unison and he had to return their rather sheepish smiles.  
  
***  
  
Cordelia's coughs reached the vamp's sensitive ears the moment they stepped inside the Hyperion and he looked up the stairs before turning to Buffy, about to explain where he was going and seeing that she had heard it too. She gave a nod and he turned, going up the stairs and continuing down the hallway to Cordelia's room.  
  
The door was open and he stepped inside without bothering to knock.  
  
"Cordy," he mumbled at the sight of her curled up form lying on her bed, countless blankets wrapped around her and white, fluffy, scrunged-up paper towels in a sea about her.  
  
"Angel," she sniffled. "You shouldn't come near me, you'll catch your death of cold."  
  
He smiled, approaching the bed and sitting down beside her.  
  
"Glad to see you haven't lost that sense of humor," he said gently and she smiled before coughing again.  
  
She was shivering, even with all the covers she had on her, and he felt a surge of sympathy.  
  
"I'm sorry," he murmured and she drew a breath, clearing her throat before frowning and looking at him again.  
  
"It's not your fault," she replied.  
  
"I feel responsible," he admitted and she shook her head.  
  
"Don't. Let me do the wallowing, 'kay?"  
  
"Cordelia..."  
  
"Did you get it?" she asked, interrupting him and he rested his gaze in hers for a short while before he nodded.  
  
"We got it."  
  
"You don't seem too happy about it," she pointed out.  
  
"I'm not sure it's anything to be happy about. We don't know anything about Forte, we don't know if this bottle holds any kind of antidote or if it just might as well end up killing Susannah. We still don't know anything at all about what the hell is going on and in two days..."  
  
"Hey," Cordelia once again cut him off, struggling herself into a seated position. "Focus on the moment, okay?"  
  
He held her eyes in his steadily, then he had a warm smile spread over his lips.  
  
"You know, even when you're a complete mess," he said softly and she blinked, but his expression calmed her and he finished: "you're still the most beautiful creature I've ever seen."  
  
She looked at him, feeling how her body was slowly being relieved of its shakes and chills, how something warm and relaxing was flowing with her blood instead of bits of scraping ice. She smiled timidly at his compliment, at the way he was looking back at her. Then he rose, eyes still in hers.  
  
"Are you okay to get out of bed? I'd feel better if you're there when we give the cure to Susannah; and I think she'll want every familiar face possible around her."  
  
"Of course," Cordelia answered, scooting to the edge of the bed and cautiously standing. "I'm fine," she assured to the watchful eye Angel now was focusing on her.  
  
"You sure?" he wondered and she put on a stern face.  
  
"Let's go," she said, walking ahead of him toward the door.  
  
He slowly followed, ready to move in an instant to catch her, was she to even LOOK as though about to stumble.  
  
***  
  
As Angel went upstairs, Buffy and Spike walked down the few steps leading them to the foyer floor. From the hallway connected to the kitchen Susannah appeared.  
  
"Well, look at this," Spike smiled. "She's up."  
  
"Waiting for good news, she hopes," Susannah smiled back, approaching them though her movements were deliberate and slow.  
  
"The waiting's over," Buffy said as they faced each other, then she brought out the bottle from one jacket pocket and Susannah's eyes grew.  
  
"It's smaller than I thought," she mumbled, reaching out a hand to touch it, but Buffy retracted her own hand and retrieved the bottle to its previous residence.  
  
"I'm going to call Darren," Spike said and Buffy gave a nod to that, watching him as he walked away before having her gaze back in Susannah's.  
  
"We still don't know if this will help you," Buffy remarked at the latters questioning expression. "We're not taking any unnecesary risks, okay?"  
  
Susannah eyed her for a few more moments, then she sighed.  
  
"You're right. I guess I've simply put all of my energy into this being the answer, and for it to not be... It's unthinkable to me," she mumbled and Buffy reached out a hand to take one of hers in a comforting grip.  
  
"It most probably IS the answer," she stated. "But Forte gave it up so easily... It makes me wonder."  
  
Susannah was about to say something when Spike came out of Angel's office and made her close her mouth again.  
  
"Darren's on his way. Ten minutes and he'll be here," the blonde stated, coming up to join at Buffy's side.  
  
"Want some tea while we wait?" Susannah asked. "Fred just made a fresh pot."  
  
The other two both nodded and followed her as she turned, walking back through the hallway and into the kitchen.  
  
Fifteen minutes later Angel poked his head in through the doorway, looking at the six people seated around the table with a cup each.  
  
"Darren's here," he then said and they all turned their heads to him before beginning to rise.  
  
Fred supported Susannah gently as all of them headed out into the foyer. Buffy walked directly up to the doctor, bringing the bottle out and showing it to him. He observed it keenly, then shook his head a little.  
  
"I've never seen anything like it," he said. "But then, I usually deal with herbs and weeds which - more than often - come delivered in very boring glass containers. This looks very old and it has an enormous amount of force within it... Can't you feel that small pulse?"  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow, growing concentrated. And then she could feel it. She was very surprised she hadn't picked up on it before.  
  
"What will it do to her?" she asked and Darren shook his head again.  
  
"I'm afraid your guess is as good as mine," he replied. "Are you positive this potion isn't meant to further ail you?" he added, looking at Susannah.  
  
"No, how could I be?" she replied. "But I want to try. Anything is better than this. Please." She said the last word with her eyes in Buffy's and the Slayer hesitated. "Buffy, it's taking me over. Soon I will be gone. If I am to die, I might as well die fighting this thing."  
  
"You won't die," Spike stated with conviction and Susannah gave him a weak smile before she turned back to Buffy.  
  
"Hear that? No arguing with him, is there? I won't die," she said and Buffy smiled a small smile as well.  
  
Susannah pushed away from Fred, against whom she had been leaning, and took a step forward; reaching out a hand.  
  
"Give it to me. It's all right," she urged and Buffy felt the bottle tremble slightly against her palm as she moved her hand to meet that of Susannah's.  
  
Then the latter suddenly had a mask of pain draw itself harshly onto her features before her legs gave way beneath her and she fell to the floor.  
  
"Susie!" Cordelia exclaimed as Angel fell on his knees and pulled the fatigued woman up to rest her head in his arms.  
  
"Quickly," Susannah whispered, her eyes growing wide as another gush tore through her.  
  
Buffy kneeled down as well, turning the small top of the bottle and taking it off before putting one hand at the nape of Susannah's neck. The latters eyes stared at the bottle as it drew nearer to her mouth and Buffy thought she could see both triumph and panic in their icy blue.  
  
Suddenly Susannah's right hand flew up and grabbed the wrist of Buffy's hand holding the bottle.  
  
"No!" the former then cried, pushing Buffy's arm away before she had any chance to react and making her drop the bottle.  
  
It flew through the air, hit the far wall and fell clinking to the floor.  
  
"She's having another seizure!" Gunn exclaimed. "Hold her down!"  
  
Susannah tried to get loose, her eyes wide with such terror that it made Buffy release her grip and sit back.  
  
"No, stop," she said. "Stop!" she repeated, making Angel ease up his hold as well.  
  
Susannah was breathing heavily, the fear in her expression too clear to miss as her gaze darted from one to the next of the people surrounding her.  
  
"It'll set... him free," she then said, voice shaking. "That's all he's ever wanted. To be free again."  
  
"The demon?" Buffy asked and Susannah looked at her before nodding.  
  
"Satoch," she stated and it was as though everybody collectively held their breath, staring down at her in incredulity. "I wanted to tell you..." she mumbled, voice filled with sorrow. "I tried, but he was too strong..."  
  
"I don't believe it," Cordelia grumbled.  
  
"Believe it," a well-known voice sounded from the doorway, and when everybody turned their heads that way Faith held up a parcel made of linen which looked quite heavy, her gaze in Angel's as she added: "Hey, bossman. I found it."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Okay, long chapter this time. :) I'm so sorry that the updates keep getting so scattered about the place! It will get better. This week I believe we're getting the Net back to our home computer, finally! Well, I'm going away over the weekend, but after that I'll be back, ready to work it! :)  
  
Thanks a lot for great feed back! As always! :)  
  
Special thanks to Winters1 (always happy to read that you keep enjoying this! Very nice indeed. :) Thanks, girl!) Pin1 (I bow down to that, very cool to read. Glad that you like it!) :), wolf116 (Well, good! Heheh, don't want you to figure it all out ahead of time, now do I? :) Nice that you approve though!) :), blackeyedgurl (*lol* Hey, I'm glad you think that's funny, means you share my sense of humor. :) Well, then tell me, did you like this chapter ending? *evil smile*) ;) and darklover (Cool that you liked the Buffy Cordy thang. *smile!* Thanks for that reminder! Heheh. I am glad you want more!) :)  
  
Thanks a lot to all of you! For coming back and for always leaving me a note of what you thought! Makes my day!  
  
Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!!!  
  
All My Love, Annie. 


	22. TwentySecond

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-second-  
  
By Annie  
  
03-11-20  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"Hey."  
  
The sound of Buffy's voice made Faith turn around to face her. The latter had been out in the garden for the past half hour as Susannah was taken back to her bed, Darren having himself another look at her as the others quietly spoke in the hallway about what had happened.  
  
"You didn't feel like joining in?" Buffy now added to her greeting and Faith shrugged.  
  
"Need to de-acclimatize myself first," she then replied and Buffy smiled tryingly.  
  
Faith returned it a bit stiffly before picking up her strolling again. Buffy watched her for half a minute and then said:  
  
"I'm sorry that I didn't..."  
  
"I didn't either," Faith interrupted, stopping to face the other slayer again. "So, we're cool."  
  
"Right," Buffy said, not very convinced. "I just don't want you to think that I forgot about you or anything, 'cause I didn't. I even missed your kick-ass 'tude sometimes..."  
  
"Yeah?" Faith asked, smirking, then she grew serious as she added: "I thought maybe you were mad at me, for not writing and telling you... about Will."  
  
Buffy shook her head, smiling reassuringly.  
  
"Resentment didn't even cross my mind," she replied and Faith finally returned the smile whole-heartedly.  
  
There was a small pause as they observed each other and then Faith picked up the drifting thread of conversation as she said:  
  
"It sure has been a while."  
  
Buffy smiled again, then nodded a little.  
  
"Sure has," she agreed.  
  
"So, what about William?" Faith wondered and Buffy cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"What about him?" she then asked nonchalantly and Faith suddenly looked the most hesitant Buffy had ever seen her as she stared at the blonde.  
  
"Well... You know he's...?" the former tried.  
  
"Yeah, I know," Buffy nodded. "Felt his pulse, even. Just to make sure. And it's... great. Really. To have him back and everything." Faith raised her eyebrows questioningly. "What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well... When he died you were all... And now you seem sorta..." Buffy looked uncomprehending and Faith sighed. "Shouldn't you be happier? I mean, I know you dealt with it way back when; but, I could see what it did to you, B. I wasn't blind. None of us were... You loved him, didn't you?"  
  
Buffy kept her smile back, holding a straight and serious expression as she nodded slowly.  
  
"Well, then...!" Faith began, being cut off by the topic himself stepping through the glass doors and walking up to join Buffy, who turned her eyes in his with a warm smile.  
  
"Hey," she said and he smirked.  
  
"Hey," he replied, kissing her temple gently before adding: "Emergency meeting in the conference room, Angel's orders."  
  
"Yeah, when DID we have that vote for making him the boss of us again?" Buffy asked and Spike chuckled his agreement before giving a nod toward the doors.  
  
"Coming?" he asked and she smiled once more.  
  
"Just one more sec, 'kay?"  
  
He returned her smile, then had his gaze in Faith's, who were turning her eyes from one to the other with a clear look of dawning realization on her face.  
  
"Good to have you back, Belle," he said and at that her mouth put on a wide grin.  
  
He smirked again before turning and walking back into the foyer. Buffy watched him go, and then she looked back at Faith, who seemed mildly amused by the Slayer's little joke.  
  
"That was pretty dark," Faith muttered as she got herself moving, coming up to stand in front of Buffy.  
  
"Couldn't resist," the latter apologized, then embraced the former in a hard hug and the brunette hugged her back before they pulled apart.  
  
"Should probably," Faith remarked with a gesture to the spot Spike had disappeared a few moments earlier.  
  
The two young women both started walking at the same time, entering the hotel and crossing the foyer floor. As they were about to enter the conference room Buffy had to ask:  
  
"Belle?"  
  
Faith smiled.  
  
"His nick for me. Short for 'belief'. You know, faith - belief," she then explained and Buffy had to smile as well.  
  
"So typically him," she mumbled and Faith laughed as they walked into the room, joining the rest of the gang.  
  
***  
  
"Wait, Forte's coming here tomorrow?" Cordelia inquired, pulling on the blanket around her shoulders to wrap it a little tighter.  
  
"Yes," Angel answered her question, giving her a sympathetic look as she sniffled.  
  
"Great; celebrity guests on the one occasion I'm in no shape to greet them," she muttered and he smiled.  
  
"There's just the one," he offered as consolation and she gave him a friendly glare at that.  
  
"And the bottle?" Fred spoke up. "I suppose he'll be wanting it back."  
  
"We'll see," Buffy replied. "Hopefully he'll let us hang on to it for just a few more days."  
  
"In a few more days he might not be ABLE to want it back," Gunn huffed and Buffy smiled a small smile before she locked her gaze on the artifact placed in the middle of the table.  
  
Not one single drop of its contents had been spilt on its journey through the air earlier. When she had turned it upside down there had been no inclination of whatever liquid it contained wanting to be relieved of its prison. It truly was as much of an enigma as the rest of this prophecy. Not that she was surprised.  
  
"Remember the 'black bird' deal from my dream?" she asked, looking around the table and all of them nodded, apart from Faith. Buffy met her gaze. "I'll explain later," the blonde promised, moving on with: "At Forte's I saw the bird. It's in the form of the Forte Incorporated's crest. In the dream Spike warned me that it's 'watching me'."  
  
"In other words, Forte is," Wesley said.  
  
"We already knew that, though," Spike chimed in and Buffy nodded.  
  
"True; but I dreamt the dream before we knew."  
  
"Okay, so Forte clearly has some part in this, but we're neglecting the real reason why we're all sitting here, aren't we?" Cordelia asked, having everybody's eyes on her. "That!" she exclaimed, pointing to the still wrapped in linen object which Faith had brought with her.  
  
Faith smiled, then rose to her feet after exchanging a look with Angel. She proceeded to reach out and pull the improvised parcel to her. Beginning to remove the fabric they could all finally rest their eyes upon the missing part of the prophecy.  
  
"At last," Wesley mumbled.  
  
"Took some time to track it down," Faith said, "but I always deliver."  
  
"That, my girl, is an understatement," Wesley remarked and she smirked; pleased.  
  
"Those IQ infected germs in your head itching for some dinner?" she asked and he smiled widely in acknowledgement. "Well," she added, putting her hands on the book before pushing it to slide across the table, where he caught it. "Let 'em have it," she finished.  
  
The phone rang in the other room and Fred rose to go and get it. Angel leaned closer to Wesley, who was carefully fingering the first page of the book. Cordelia observed the two of them, though not inclined to join in the exploration. Gunn rose and moved around the table to look over the shoulders of the other two men. Buffy turned to Spike.  
  
"How's Susannah?" she asked and he sighed.  
  
"Considering the bleeding circumstances," he grumbled, then smiled a little as his eyes locked in her green. "She'll get through it. I know it."  
  
Buffy smiled back, reaching out a hand and entwining their fingers.  
  
"I would've bet twenty bucks on you two never seeing eye-to-eye on anything," Faith's voice reached them and they both turned their heads to her where she was sitting, her arms crossed over her chest as she tilted her chair back slightly and a rather amused smirk appearing on her face. "And here you are," she added, her voice now tainted with her mirth as she finished: "holding hands."  
  
Both Slayer and mortal smiled as well, though theirs were merely warm at the picture the other's words painted.  
  
"Only twenty bucks?" Spike then asked in faked shock and both slayers laughed at that.  
  
"Buffy," Fred said from the doorway and the namesake looked up, wondering. "It's Giles for you," the former explained and Buffy raised her eyebrows before getting to her feet, giving Spike's hand a squeeze and him another smile before she walked out of the room.  
  
Picking up the receiver of the phone placed on the counter of the foyer she said:  
  
"Giles. Any news? Anything good? Please, don't give me anything bad 'cause I really don't wanna hear it right now, okay?"  
  
"Yes, I'm quite fine, thank you. It's good to hear your voice as well," he replied sarcastically.  
  
"Sorry," she apologized. "I'm a bit caught up in the whole need-usable- information-NOW."  
  
"I understand," Giles assured. "I would appreciate a 'hello' before the labeling as Most Probable Bringer of Bad News."  
  
"You sound grumpy. The books giving you a hard time?" she retorted and he huffed, but his voice got softer as he answered:  
  
"Forte is as impossible to trace as - and pardon the worn metaphor - a needle in a haystack. There are the common details about him, but I've already given you those. The word on the street..." He paused as there was a small intake of breath from Buffy. "Are you by any chance suppressing giggles?" he asked.  
  
"Well, it's just hearing you talk about 'word on the street' like that's something so typical of you to say... I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she stopped herself. "Do continue."  
  
"Well, our INFORMANTS tell me that none of the things said about Forte has ever been verified."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Such as him being extremely eccentric, very interested in the history of the world, obsessed with ancient art and memorabilia..."  
  
"Well, that last I can vouch for," Buffy cut in. "Even YOU would've had to make big eyes at his treasures."  
  
"Really? What sort of things did he...?"  
  
"Giles."  
  
"Okay, to the rather good news. I believe I have found some things out about your bottle."  
  
***  
  
"It's called the bottle of Ritha."  
  
Everyone looked up as Buffy reentered the room with a rather triumphant look on her face.  
  
"Pardon?" Wesley asked, watching her as she walked up to the shelf and began looking at the backs of the books, selecting one she turned and walked up to the table.  
  
"Our bottle is named after its creator, an ancient holy woman named Ritha," Buffy replied, putting the book down and opening it up as she began to search for the page she needed. "Giles said the information we need is in this book, only its not described the way a mortal eye would understand it and... Aha, see," she added, pointing to a picture in the book and nodding to herself. "There it is."  
  
All those not close enough to see got to their feet and came around to have a look as well. Spike stopped behind her and leaned into her as he gazed over her shoulder and she smiled a little, then she noticed the frown on his face.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
He exchanged a glance with Angel, who seemed to have noticed it as well, and then he slowly replied:  
  
"This is the book I used for my research on Satoch, and this picture..."  
  
The people in the drawing knelt and crawled and lay on the ground before two human figures standing at the top of a long set of stairs -the front of a grand palace. In the sky was a fire painted black with flames dancing around it. But what caught his attention now, and which hadn't done so before, was the image of a young woman standing to the side and a few steps behind the royal couple. Attached to her garments, hanging by her hip, was unmistakably their bottle.  
  
"That's Ritha," Buffy stated, putting one index finger on the young woman. "She created a key in case Satoch ever found himself confounded without the power to break free on his own. Why that would ever happen, I have no idea. Or more like Giles had no idea and so I don't either."  
  
"Good old Giles," Wesley mumbled, his eyes still on the drawing though.  
  
"Yeah, he came up with the foundation," Buffy nodded with a small smile. "You'll have to build us something pretty."  
  
Wesley smirked at that, then nodded.  
  
"Yes, I believe I should get started straight away. After all, the longer we simply sit here the more time we waste... I'll begin my interpretation of the second part of the prophecy as well."  
  
"Giles said you can call him at any hour if you get stuck or have any questions," Buffy said.  
  
"Quite the 'good old' all around, isn't it?" he replied and recieved a smile from the Slayer.  
  
"I'll order us some food," Fred stated, getting to her feet. "I'm starving."  
  
Gunn smiled and rose as well.  
  
"Well, then," Angel said, also rising. "Let's leave the man to his work."  
  
Buffy stepped to the side, taking another step forward when she felt the warmth of Spike's chest leave her back and she turned around, questioningly.  
  
"Not coming?" she asked and he smiled a little sheepishly before he shrugged.  
  
"You forget I'm pretty good at this stuff, Slayer," he replied and she smiled widely back before she stepped closer again, giving him a long kiss and then pulling out of his arms slowly.  
  
"I'll be around," she murmured and he smiled a little, watching her as she left the room.  
  
***  
  
An hour later Buffy and Spike climbed the stairs taking them to the second floor and Susannah's bedroom. She had been sleeping since they brought her up there; they had all been checking in on her from time to time. Now, however, it was time for her to wake.  
  
The two entered the room silently and walked up to the bed, Buffy taking a seat on the edge of it and Spike standing at her side.  
  
"Do you think she already knows?" Buffy asked in a hushed voice and Spike shook his head, then answered:  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
Buffy looked up at him, then bent forward and reached out a hand, shaking Susannah gently and soon she stirred, opening her eyes and locking them in the Slayer's.  
  
"Buffy?" she mumbled sleepily.  
  
"Susannah, we have something important to tell you," Buffy replied and Susannah furrowed her brow as she tried to blink the last remains of sleep from her eyes.  
  
"What... is it?" she asked, pulling herself up slightly and then looking up at Spike. "Hi," she added with a trying smile and he immediately returned it, to calm her.  
  
"Hey, you," he then answered and her smile got more confident at the sight of his.  
  
"Susannah," Buffy again spoke, trying to find the right words as she once more had the other woman's eyes in her own. "How much do you know about your past?"  
  
"Well, I remember all of it, apart from when the demon took over..."  
  
"Sorry, rephrase," Buffy interrupted. "How much do you know about your family? Its history?"  
  
Susannah looked perplexed at the question for a few moments, then answered:  
  
"Nothing. I mean, I never thought there was anything to know... My grandparents died when I was very young."  
  
"Your dad's parents, or your mom's?" Buffy inquired and Susannah frowned again.  
  
"My dad's," she replied. "My mother's parents died when she was little."  
  
Buffy looked up at Spike again and he nodded for her to go on.  
  
"We have found something out about your past which might be a little hard to get your head around, but we think you should know about it. You have a right to know."  
  
"Okay..." Susannah said hesitantly, looking from one to the other.  
  
"Aria isn't only a word, or name, we humans use..." Buffy began. "There's a branch of ancient demons called Theros. They have ties to Egypt, and are great worshippers of the old gods... They use the name Aria in their religion."  
  
"For Satoch?" Susannah asked after a short pause and Buffy shook her head.  
  
"No," she answered. "For Nefertiti."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Oh, my goodness! I can't believe how long its been! I've had a million things to do and since I've been working I haven't been able to do them and due to stress I suffered a mild writer's block (which TOTALLY freaked me out because that was seriously the first time I ever experienbced anything like it) but now I've had a couple of days off, I've gotten to make a list and cross it off and best of all - I've gotten back in the game. I am very sorry, but I am also quite confident that you know exactly how it is!  
  
I really, really, really, really hope you enjoyed this chapter!!!  
  
Now, to the special thank yous - maribel (Glad that you liked that! Hope this fitted as well!:) Great to hear from you!) ;), wolf116 (Zup? So, so happy to read your comments! I'm glad I'm still keeping you wondering! And... how'd you like this?) :), blackeyedgurl (and I LURVE reviews! :) Nice to read one from ya, girl. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving very late to you too! :)And I'm not in the States right now. Well, I hope the plot isn't about to disperse for you now, but that it holds that whole... thickness! Hope you enjoyed!) ;), Winters1 (Yup, some of Faith. Hope it was enough aaaaand that you approve!) ;), darklover (thanks, my friend! Glad you seem to like it!) :), ali-lou (Hey, COOL that you think so. *smiling widely* Glad you enjoyed it and if you read this chapter as well, hope you liked that as well!) :), Captain (Aw, nice to see your name up there! And wow, and wow, and wow and thank you so much! Awesome, absolutely awesome that you like it that much. I can only bow my head in honest thanks and hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter!) :), Rachel9 (hey, good to have you back, Rach! Also happyhappy you still like it! Glad you enjoy the C/A deal and yeah, from what I've heard about the show it seems AWFULLY complicated for those two, poor little dears. Well, guess CC wanted out of the show... *sighs* Okay, still glad that you like and hey, Happy Thanksgiving to you too - a bit late. And as once said, actually I'm not in the States right now...) :)  
  
Thanks, as always, for wonderful feed back! Hope to see you again!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	23. TwentyThird

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Third-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-12-11  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤ Susannah looked even more uncomprehending at that.  
  
"What does that mean?" she asked.  
  
"According to one branch of the legend, one that you've actually verified," Spike spoke up, "Nefertiti nicknamed her firstborn daughter into what we would translate as 'Aria', 'cause that was the nickname she had gone by herself when she was young. And that name stuck with the daughter; and so it did with all the firstborn daughters of her bloodline. When it grew into a first name isn't recorded."  
  
"What are you saying?" Susannah wondered, incredulous.  
  
"You're the last living descendant of the queen Nefertiti," Buffy stated.  
  
"How is that possible...? ...I can't be..." Susannah grumbled, looking away from them and trailing off as she stared down at her hands.  
  
"There's more," Spike said. "Satoch runs in your blood. That's the only way he could ensure that when the day come for him to once again rule, he would be there to see it. From generation to generation he has been there, in your family, dormant - until now."  
  
"So this explains it...?" Susannah wondered, and both of the others nodded. "How does he take possession?"  
  
"He can only enter at a young age. And he can only leave one host for another if the first host..."  
  
This time it was Spike who trailed off, Susannah staring at him until her eyes suddenly gleamed with tears of realization.  
  
"I killed my mother," she murmured and Buffy shook her head, reaching out a hand to place it on Susannah's arm, but the other didn't even seem to notice. "I killed my mother," she repeated. "She was the host before me, and he..."  
  
"HE killed your parents," Buffy tried soothingly. "You had nothing to do with it. How could you have known. And how could you have stopped it?"  
  
The growing shock on the young woman seemed to stretch out the minute they were in, and then she was the one to break through it as she suddenly exclaimed:  
  
"I want him OUT of me! Get him OUT!"  
  
She was struggling to get out of bed, but Buffy grabbed her and pulled her close in a tight embrace and after a minute of fighting it Susannah slowly relaxed, all that was heard in the sudden stillness of the room was her weeping.  
  
"I'm so sorry, honey," Buffy mumbled. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"We'll make it right," Spike promised gently. "We'll find a way to kill him."  
  
Buffy turned her gaze in his and he nodded, turning around and going where he was most needed - research.  
  
***  
  
Buffy massaged her neck.  
  
She was tired. Her head cramped with much too many thoughts trying to have audience at the same time. It truly was exasperating. She glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall and noticed that it had stopped. It showed five past three, and they had passed that hour a long time ago. In fact, the sun was setting.  
  
Walking from where she had resided for the past half hour she continued into the foyer and found herself stopping in the doorway of the glass doors leading outside, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She thought of Dawn. Hoping that she was alright, and happy. In case something went wrong...  
  
Can't think like that, she reprimanded herself.  
  
Squaring her shoulders she turned and this time crossed the foyer, proceeding into the conference room where her lover sat hunched over a thick volume, as did his fellow companion. She had to smile at the sight, wondering how good a watcher Spike would make.  
  
He would be fierce, she concluded. He would take extreme measures to ensure the survival of his prodigy. He would train her something awful, and yet, she had a feeling that that Slayer would be one of the most powerful tools the world had ever beheld.  
  
Look at me, she thought. I was fed hatred for so long that I didn't even taste his love, and still it made me stronger. What would actually loving him all the way not have done with my power?  
  
Then she smiled and walked around the table to lean down and put her arms around him.  
  
Now she knew the answer to that last question.  
  
"Unbeatable," she mumbled and he smiled questioningly as she pulled away a little. "Never mind," she offered as a simple explanation, then kissed him on the lips before turning her gaze on the book placed in front of him. "Find anything good and juicy?"  
  
"No," Wesley was the one to reply as he drew a breath and then released it over the page he was reading, having the old dust on top of it fly in scurrying clouds about in the air. "Only things old and very dry," he added, coughing.  
  
She smirked, standing straight again.  
  
"I was wondering what today is," she said and they both looked quizzical, so she elaborated: "You know, the countdown thing-y. What's supposed to hit us where we least want it to, today?"  
  
"I quote," Wesley replied, continuing: "'And as the stars align with the god of fire there shall be no sound but the beating of one heart and that heart shall be true and pure and it shall know its purpose as the third day subdues to darkness.'"  
  
Buffy blinked.  
  
"It's almost dark out," she remarked.  
  
"Well, we can't take it too literal," Wesley answered. "It also says 'And as the year closes there shall be a great tremor felt in the earth...' and so on and so forth and since this whole thing is either over or defeated in less than three days I believe we can safely say that's not meant to be taken word for word."  
  
Buffy didn't look very convinced and as a terrible hunch settled in the middle of her ribcage she felt her mouth grow dry. Leaving the room she looked up and rested her eyes on a piece of the, mostly hidden, fiery sky. She walked slowly in her own footsteps, back to the glass doors and then she proceeded through them. She wasn't sure why, but she walked through the garden and out onto the sidewalk which ran along the side of the hotel. Looking both ways she could conclude that the streets were deserted.  
  
She looked up at the sky again.  
  
She had a feeling she needed to hurry. But where?  
  
Turning she fell into a slow jog, then she suddenly felt a forceful push from that feeling inside and before she knew it she was running.  
  
Her feet were taking her to the ocean. She could smell the salt.  
  
She rounded the same corner of the same building which had taken her to the shore where Spike had been just a few nights before, and as she rushed onto the sand she looked up. And came to a roaring halt.  
  
Her mouth fell open at the sight which met her.  
  
In the sky were the four aligning stars, shining brightly against the husky blue of the sky, and in the horizon - in perfect unison with the line of the stars - was the setting sun. Merely a sliver was left and the heat of it was slowly being pulled into it as the color was drained from the heavens above.  
  
Dusk was setting in quickly now and she knew it was merely a matter of minutes before darkness settled over the city.  
  
The thought made her jerk and she turned her head toward from where she had come. A chill of eerie premonitions pulled ice-cold fingers down her back and in the next moment she was on the move again. This time running toward the Hyperion instead of from it, and her feet pounding the pavement beneath her as she had the most terrible notion of something about to go wrong.  
  
She reached the front doors and pushed them open. Spike was standing outside the door of the conference room, having had his gaze in the papers he was holding, but now turning them in Buffy's.  
  
She looked positively wild as she stared at him.  
  
"Has it happened yet?" she asked and he was about to open his mouth and ask her what that was supposed to mean when there was a sudden scream of pain from upstairs. Buffy's eyes grew and then she breathed: "Angel."  
  
The following second she was running up the stairs, taking it three steps at a time and hearing how Spike wasn't late to follow.  
  
She continued down the hallway, pushed the vampire's door open without any ado and rushed up to him where he lay on his bed. Cordelia was standing beside him, but she still couldn't touch him and she was crying tears which kept forming thin lines of ice on her face.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked as Buffy leaned over the convulsing form.  
  
"Buffy," he got out. "It hurts!"  
  
Spike came into the room, stopping at the sight, not sure of what he should do.  
  
"It's okay," Buffy tried, putting a hand on his brow and pulling it back with a yell as she burned her fingers on his skin. "Oh, my God," she mumbled. "Will!" she added, turning her eyes in Spike's. "Get some cold water, quickly!"  
  
He nodded and dashed out of the room again.  
  
"What's happening?" Buffy seemed to ask mostly herself, unable to answer. "Angel, can you hear me?" she then said, putting a knee on the edge of the bed and leaning forward to look down at him. "Angel?!"  
  
His vamp face came on and the yellow eyes of Angelus leered up at her, making her draw a sharp breath and practically jump three feet away from the bed.  
  
"You... can't... win," Angelus hissed and then Angel was back, letting out another growling scream of pain before vamping out again.  
  
Suddenly all the noise began to be blocked out. Buffy got afraid that she was actually going deaf and Cordelia seemed to be thinking along those very lines as she looked at the Slayer. Then the former asked:  
  
"What is this?"  
  
And since they could both hear her voice loud and clear in the spreading silence of the room Buffy found it unnecessary to reflect on the query.  
  
And then there it was. It started slow at first, the sound very far away, before it grew in intensity and both Buffy and Cordelia turned their stunned gazes at the form on the bed. He was back in his human appearance once more, his chest heaving with even breaths and the beating of his heart echoing through the room.  
  
***  
  
Everybody was quiet.  
  
It wasn't a comforting quiet, it was a quiet edged with sharp questions demanding answers. Answers which could be sought from only one of those gathered, and he had been lost in his own thoughts ever since the attack he had suffered had subdued.  
  
It was nearly half an hour later, and they were gathered in his room.  
  
Sitting on the bed he looked strangely translucent and his countenance told of an age Buffy had never witnessed on him before. Not through hair that had gone white or skin that had wrinkled. He was still as strong and handsome as ever. But the lines of his face seemed deeper, the shadows just one shade darker, and his eyes... Buffy knew there was nothing she could do to ease what he had just gone through; in part because she didn't know exactly what that was, but also because the immense amount of agony which he had seemed to be under was something she hadn't ever seen on him.  
  
And it had scared her.  
  
His heart had slowly but surely stilled, and since then he hadn't uttered one word.  
  
"Would someone just please say something," Cordelia was the one who finally spoke.  
  
Her skin was white now, from frost. Her lips constantly blue and her hair seemed to be covered in fine patches of ice, making it resemble a bad set of dreadlocks. But she wasn't shaking as badly as before, and her cold had blown over as well. Her eyes were burdened though, and Buffy wondered if it was only for Angel's sake.  
  
"What should we say?" Wesley muttered glumly.  
  
"Well, for starters, what the hell is going on?!" she exclaimed. "So, it's part of the prophecy. I guess the fact that he's been burning for the past DAY didn't occur to the jackass who wrote the thing! He's already been handed a frickin' part in this, hasn't he?!"  
  
"But we didn't know what it was," Angel said gently and all eyes were focused on him.  
  
"But we..." Cordelia started, only he interrupted her by saying:  
  
"I know what I'm supposed to do now. I don't know when, or how, but I know what I have to do."  
  
Cordelia looked very doubting, as well as frightened at the calm exterior he had on.  
  
"And what is that?" she finally asked.  
  
Angel smiled a little, then turned his gaze in Wesley's, who grew slightly rigid and whose eyes seemed to try an objection. Only the vampire didn't seem to pay any heed, the smile staying on and then he said:  
  
"Ask him. He's found the answer in the prophecy."  
  
"He's WHAT?" Cordelia demanded, swirling around to face Wesley. "You could have stopped this the whole time?"  
  
"There's no stopping it, and I only just translated it," Wesley replied tentatively, looking around at them all and then having his gaze back in Angel's.  
  
"No, there's no stopping it," Angel agreed slowly, turning his eyes into Cordelia's as he finished: "I will die."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Yes, ppl, two chapters in less than four days IS actually a writer - such as myself - 's way of trying to make amends. ;)  
  
Special thanks and fuzzy cushions of warming Christmas spirit (there's an image for you) :) to Taelyn (hey! Very nice to see your name up there again! And do I know all there is to know about computers going absolutely - and might I add damn annoyingly - bonkers? I do, yes. I could write the manual. Hey, wanna co-write it with me, perhaps? *smirk* Just glad that you found your way back! Oh, and hi Bob! *waves* Meet Letmechangeyourworld(andsometimesdistortthehelloutofit) - my muse. *Letmechangeyourworld(andsometimesdistortthehelloutofit) waves also, though not with as much enthusiasm since she's in charge of the intelligence and leaves the flaky, half-witty, out-there stuff to my pea-sized brain* ;) She's nice though, once you get to know her. Demanding, but indeed very nice. :) Sorry, I'm tired, it makes me ramble. Back to your wonderful review we shall go. Well, basically the whole thing plastered a grin on my face which was stuck there through an entire Christmas dinner *it's a Swedish thing where we go to a restaurant and eat Swedish Christmas food et cetera - very nice!* and well there's a LOT of FOOD and you eat 'til you're certain you're not gonna eat for another decade and could this interest you in the slightest? Well, my point was that you made me feel good. No, terrific, truly. All of you do that all of the time and it never seizes to impress me how good you are at it and GOD I really do appreciate that! So, thanks. Wow, that was long. Okay. Bye for now.) ;)  
  
Winters1 (hey, now don't be insulted if I don't write as an extensive answer to you, okay? I am tired, tired, tired and I need to put a serious leash on my babbling or I'll sit here half the night and you'll all be like PLEASE what the hell is she writing to us about? And - WHY?! So. I'll keep it short and pretty from now on. Oh, like your review! That wasn't planned - that little analogy there. It just happened. Love that. Thank you, truly for the warming words! I'm glad to see I didn't lose you on the long highway of broken equipment and illness and stress and only God knows what else! But you've been there from the start, my friend, so I had no doubt in you. The writer's block SEEM to be completely cured, though, I don't wanna jinx it so KnockOnWood and all that. *actually just DID that* Ahem. Hehe, thanks for the thoughts, girl!) :)  
  
wolf116 (dear old wolfie! You're always here too, aren't you? I have to say I LOVE new readers. Adore them. That they sit down, take the time to read my work, like it or hate it as long as they leave a mark. But the readers who have been there from chapter one and who then sticks through thick and thin, now, there's the support. There's the love. I rely on you, you know? I've lost a few readers who were with me right from the very first story I ever wrote and I don't know why, don't know where they went, and I miss them. THAT'S why it's SO good to see your name up there always! Thanks for that. Glad you liiiked it! Hope you liked this as well!!! It's so fun to have you guessing, really! Hehe, I personally love stories which can go either way. That makes you think! I know you do too and so yay that you like this! Babbling again. Yikes, this is gonna take me an hour! SORRY! I should learn never to post after twelve o'clock at night. Either I'm so tired I can barely write a 'hello' - or I'm so giggl-y tired and have no one to take it out on that I take it out on you, my poor fellow women... and men, I guess. Some of you. Argh! Babbling! Okay. Good night for now.)  
  
blackeyedgurl (okay. You've seen what's overhead. I won't even try to contain my ramblings anymore. Just don't read it, okay? I appreciate everything you write in your review. There. Oh, yeah, the Nefertiti name meaning stuff and well, guess I kinda didn't go there, did I? Well, in a way, with the name, I guess. But when you wrote me what it meant I hadn't known before, and I had already planned this... Don't know yet if I'm gonna use the name bit in the story. See, that's linked to the human interpretations, and this is more of the demon variety... Oh, I just dunno. I'm VERY happy that you like it though, seeing as how you're so into Egypt and everything! Totally cool for me! Nordic Myth, huh? Sound cool. Should try and remember to check it out, now that I finally have Internet at home it's a lot easier to surf. Don't hate me if I don't, though. I really dislike reading stuff in the middle of writing my own thing, and since I'm mostly writing my own thing I hardly have time to surf for reads... Don't get me wrong, I want to! It's just hard sometimes. And sometimes you stumble over someone with practically the exact idea you have and then how could you prove to them that you're not stealing their material, you know? Might sound like really lame explanations, but hey. I mean, I'm so happy for my readers I should pay it back. I just feel like I really respect my readers 'cause you're not all up in my face going "Okay, I've reviewed yours, now you review mine" you know? Makes me feel like you ACTUALLY wanna read what I write not JUST so you can secure a reader of your own. Wow, got totally wrapt up in this, sorry. Should do it in an email instead. Anyways, bloody wonderful thoughts and comments - no surprise here - and hope to see you soon! Oh, and about the writer's block - if it would, God forbid, ever decide to haunt my brain again perhaps I'll take you up on that offer. Thanks!) :)  
  
Captain (goodness, do you SEE how much useless thoughts I'm putting down. They have nothing to do with the story, they're just stupid, stupid... things. Best left in my head. Ah well. ;P Very nice to see you up there! For a moment I paused and thought, OMG, she's left me! Oh, sorry, I don't know, you might be a "he". *eek* Okay, so assuming you're a she. Well, there you were again, no matter your sex, and I was REAL glad to see it! You're one of the faithful ones, you know? Dunno what the ritual is for you to do, just read your own reply or the rantings I make on the other's as well - but if you've read above you saw that I mentioned you guys, the readers, and how I LOVE newcomers, but am so very indebted to the oldies. The ones who sticks by me and with me and who seem to truly, truly enjoy my writing. That's something amazing to me. Not to say it's less cool that someone I've never even met would sit through ten or twenty or forty chapters of a story I'VE written! But, you know. The names I get to see three times a week (well, in a good week, I mean) or even more often - those are the ones I get to form some sort of connection with. Oh, dear God, it's come to the point where I'm actually starting to sound like a soap. I do believe the world might be slowly coming to an end right here and now. :) Okay, phew. Better stop it before I drop it, so, thank you - as forever - that you come back, again and again, and leave such GREAT thoughts and that you're liking it!) :)  
  
Darklover (Now, one liners are very decent feed back. A one liner can say presicely the amount of intel that the reader thinks the writer should have from him/her. That's why I would NEVER discredit a one liner. Besides, sometimes there's not THAT much to say. Or there's no time to say what COULD be said. Or you're chatting with someone and you forget and you hit the button before you're done. Or you listen to music and you want to be able to enjoy the end of the song so you simply write down what comes to mind. Or perhaps there's a small fire starting in one of the corners of your room and you have to finish up quickly in case the computer blows up... OR so that you can run and try to put the fire out. Or maybe you have a kitten who climbs up your leg to sit on your shoulder, fascinated by the moving vertical black thing on the thing standing on the thing with the thing and that said kitten takes a sudden leap and hits the button for you. Or maybe I could just stop making up very stupid situations which would provide a one liner and simply say thanks and I'm VERY happy you're still liking the story and I'm equally happy to hear from you!) ;)  
  
Okay, ramblings which might piss some off - taking up space and time like that, I should be ashamed of myself. What can I say? I'm a writer, it's in my blood! (And my muse who's giving me dirty looks for not getting on with it so that I can write another sizzling chapter!) :) Also, you guys - and I know this sounds corny, but most of what I've written tonight has come out that way on one side or the other. Well, to me - you're friends, you know? I expect to see you up there, I dread and long and hope and everything before reading what you have to write. Not seeing one of your names is like not being able to see one of my friends, and it might sound twisted, but that's the way it is and so Thanks A Lot for reviewing and letting me see your faces! I luv ya guys!  
  
A.M.L, Annie.  
  
B.t.w - I have not infected my body or mind with any alcoholic beverages tonight. This has all been a product of my over-producing mind! Thank you, and good night! :) 


	24. TwentyFourth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Fourth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-12-11  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"That's not possible," Cordelia simply stated. "You CAN'T die."  
  
Angel's smile widened ever so slightly at that.  
  
"Of course I can. Stake through the heart and all that," he replied softly and she stared at him for a second before she turned her head to look at the others.  
  
"Are there any stakes in here?" she asked and everybody shook their heads. "There ARE no stakes in here," she said, her eyes back on Angel.  
  
"Cordy..."  
  
"No. No, I'll not listen to this. This is... We can't have come this far to be faced with THIS!" she protested, pausing for a second as the frustration on her grew and then she turned and simply left the room.  
  
Buffy could almost see that bad sensation from before circle Angel's head like a black halo and she felt her heart go out to Cordelia.  
  
"Why would you have to die...?" she then asked, very much dreading the answer.  
  
"It's a long, complicated, twisted part of history," Wesley answered in the other's stead and Buffy turned her head to him.  
  
"Indulge me," she said and he gave a small nod.  
  
"We need to exorcise Satoch from Susannah."  
  
"You mean, with the potion?" Buffy cut in, but the former watcher shook his head.  
  
"No, that would most surely kill her. There are other ways - I spoke to Giles about it. However, once the deed is done we need an, at least close to, equally powerful demon to fight Satoch. The prophecy tells of a ritual in which we can summon Aatoch, but we have not the knowledge or the means to perform this magic. And so there is another option..."  
  
As he trailed off Buffy's eyes grew.  
  
"You can't be serious," she said. "Angelus does nothing if it isn't for himself! Why would he want to help us save the world?!"  
  
"Because once he's out of the body which hosts him he'll be smashed into oblivion unless he defends himself," Angel replied.  
  
"That's not possible! Your demon can't exist without YOU."  
  
"No, it can't," Angel agreed. "Not as it is. But it will."  
  
"How can you know?" she shot and he smiled that small smile again.  
  
"I know," he stated and she swallowed, still not believing she was hearing this.  
  
"What about your soul?" she then countered. "What'll happen to you soul? You're just gonna let it go...?"  
  
"Hopefully I'll get to dwell someplace nice, like you did," he answered and she shook her head.  
  
"I get why Cordelia just got the hell out of here, 'cause this is ridiculous and you seem too apt to believe this would actually ever work to see what's right in front of you! That you're both insane!" she burst out.  
  
"This is what the prophecy tells us I have to do," Angel disagreed.  
  
"All the prophecies say someone has to die, don't they? But, hey, I'M still alive! There's a way we can beat this at its own game, and I'm gonna search night and day 'til I find it!"  
  
"Yes, you go do that. One night and one day is about all that you have left," Angel replied.  
  
"How can you mock this?!" she exclaimed, aggravated.  
  
"Don't you remember that feeling you had, when you realized the reason everything that had happened in your life had brought you to this one deciding moment?" he asked back. "When you jumped, Buffy, you didn't have any doubts or any regrets. It was your time."  
  
"This isn't the same thing!"  
  
"What if it is?" he retorted. "Angelus has tormented me for a century, Buffy. Maybe it's time to set him free. To set ME free."  
  
"I can't believe you're giving up," she grumbled and then she felt Spike's hand on her shoulder.  
  
"He's not," he said, his gaze in Angel's and it was filled with understanding.  
  
"Then we'll find a way to bring you back," Buffy said, her eyes not able to hold back the tears anymore. "It's worked before! We'll find a way to..."  
  
"Don't mess with nature," Angel shook his head. "I don't want to die, Buffy. But this isn't a life. I can't touch the people I love... I can't walk in the sunshine or have a family or do anything that I once took for granted. I was born human, and now my soul is trapped in here with a thing that has claws and fangs and I've been bearing it for so long... Don't try to bring me back; it won't work for you this time."  
  
"You're talking like you're already gone," she said, drying her tears and straightening her posture as she added: "I won't stand for it."  
  
Turning she walked out of the room as well and Angel sighed.  
  
"Are you sure?" Fred asked, her eyes now also glistening with salty liquid, and he smiled reassuringly.  
  
"Yes," he nodded.  
  
Hesitantly she and Gunn left the room, their own objections kept back by the look he gave them both to believe he meant what he said, and then he turned his eyes in Wesley's.  
  
"I need you to finish your interpretation," the former said and Wesley nodded, he too leaving the room quietly.  
  
Silence again, and then Angel spoke up once more, saying:  
  
"You haven't said a word."  
  
Faith smiled a little, then gave a shrug.  
  
"Dunno what to say," she admitted. "I mean, you seem to have made up your mind and since you're all cool about it, I'm thinking maybe it's not so bad. But I don't think I should slap you on the shoulder and say 'Way to go'. And since I can't offer my condolences I just thought I'd be better off keeping my mouth shut."  
  
Spike smirked, as did Angel.  
  
"Always a direct hit with you, isn't it?" Angel asked and she smiled as well.  
  
"Just valuing honesty a bit more nowadays," she replied. "And what's the use beating about the bush, right? Look, I'm not saying I'm HAPPY that you're about to bite the dust..."  
  
She tried not to look sheepish at her choice of words, but it didn't quite succeed and Angel had a wider smile on as he replied, assuringly:  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well, I'll be downstairs. Picking up the pieces of all those broken hearts," she said, rising from the chair she had been seated on and walking up to the edge of the bed to give him a kiss on the forehead.  
  
She stopped only a few millimeters from his skin and then she asked:  
  
"You're still burning, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So I'll probably get really hurt if I touch you right now, huh?"  
  
"Probably," he agreed and she pulled away again.  
  
"Feel better," she mumbled and he smirked, watching her go and then looking at Spike.  
  
"Isn't it ironic?" the vampire inquired and the mortal tilted his head slightly to the side, wondering. "We have shared loves and passions and pangs throughout this existence... And now, in a way, we'll share a death."  
  
"Perhaps not," Spike replied. "You have two women down there fighting to keep you alive. Two sharp minds, about to be joined by two more."  
  
Angel raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Wesley's and my own," Spike elaborated and Angel smirked again.  
  
"Listen," he then said. "I'm happy for you and Buffy, you know that, right?" Spike observed him for another few seconds before he nodded. "You said that I shouldn't wait too long, with Cordelia... That time has a tendency to run out. Guess there was more truth to that than I even realized myself."  
  
"Hey, soon I'll have to agree with Buffy. You sound like you're giving up. Don't you even wanna try and fight this? You said it yourself, you don't WANT to die."  
  
"I don't know, Will. Even if I do love Cordy, and even if she does love me... where does it leave us? Love will last for a lifetime, I know that. But what kind of life could I offer her? No children, no family..."  
  
"You don't think I've asked myself those very questions when it comes to Buffy?" Spike cut in, only it made Angel smile again.  
  
"But all that's in the past," he pointed out. "You're human. You can give her a future that isn't too far from normal."  
  
"Who wants normal?"  
  
"In the end, everyone craves stability."  
  
"So, you think you'll hurt Cordy less by leaving her?"  
  
"How did YOU make the decision?" Angel shot and Spike grew quiet.  
  
"Fine," he finally replied. "If this is what you have to do. I understand; you know I do. But if I had had a chance to get through what happened alive..."  
  
"But you weren't meant to," Angel was the one who interrupted this time. "You were meant to die, and come back. Just as this is what's meant to happen."  
  
Spike eyed him again and actually felt the first tweaking of sorrow near his heart at the thought of losing someone whom he had considered a brother for a decade, and even more so for the past year.  
  
"Whatever you say," he murmured, turning and leaving the room as well, heading down the stairs to join the others in the conference room.  
  
***  
  
The pieces did seem to be falling into place, however reluctantly or no matter how much some of the group wished they wouldn't. For over half a year had they been studying the prophecy, turning every single stone upside down in search for liable clues.  
  
For what?  
  
What had it all been for if one of them had to die over it.  
  
Cordelia couldn't understand it. She was so fed up with all of it. She hated crying over it, because it did no good. But the anger she felt at this constant messing with them had to come out somehow, and so she slammed her hand into the wall of her room. Repeating the movement as the pain branched through her hand and up her arm to her elbow, taking her mind off the other aches she was under.  
  
When she hit her hand the fifth time her door opened to her right and Buffy poked her head inside.  
  
"You know, that only works if you're on the outside wanting to be let in... And even more so with one of these," the Slayer said, pointing to the door and having Cordelia give her a weak smile before her jaw set again.  
  
"You have no idea how much I hate everything in this world right now," she said, voice hard and controlled and Buffy stepped into the room, closing the door behind her before facing her friend. "I wish it'd just go away and leave us alone. Why do WE have to save it all the time, huh? Can't someone else just do it this ONCE? Or better yet, could all the Powers maybe come together and somehow force world peace on us? Enlighten us, why don't you?!" she yelled, her head tilted back as she directed the last sentence to the ceiling. "Higher beings my ass. Have you noticed that it's this small group of people who constantly have to shoulder the weight of this entire world, while the rest of all the population of this puny little planet continue to live in frickin' oblivion as to what the hell is going on around them. Why? Because they CHOOSE to. They CHOOSE not to acknowledge those creepy X-File things they see now and then as anything real. They go on; they go back to whatever they were doing and pretend that everything is right with the world while HE has to DIE for them!"  
  
At that she broke into sobs and Buffy, patiently listening to the tirade of emotions, stepped up to her.  
  
Only Cordelia put up a hand and walked away, standing with her back to the Slayer, the latter could see how her shoulders shook. Her voice was low as she commenced speaking again.  
  
"He's been trying so hard to make up for the things he did... He hates Angelus. He hates that he can't control him. I've watched him for so many years, Buffy. How he's been haunted by memories that are more than one- hundred years old, TWO-hundred years old; and how he suffers from them every single day. I wanted to help him through that, but in ways I only made it worse... And now... I HATE this!" she exclaimed, grabbing a vase standing on a spindly table and throwing it clear cross the room where it split into different sized pieces with a sharp shatter, falling to the floor with the same noise and then leaving the two humans with nothing but that of Cordelia's crying.  
  
"I know," Buffy mumbled. "More than you can even imagine. I've killed him, Cordelia. I've lost him twice and both times I thought I was going to die myself."  
  
"Please, don't give the old speech of 'You'll be fine, you'll see. You'll go on...'"  
  
"No," Buffy shook her head. "Wouldn't dream of it. But what I was coming to was the second time I lost Angel, I also knew I had to let him go. And even worse was when I was in the Hellmouth with Spike... with William. Walking away, just leaving him there, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do; but I knew it was right. It had to be. His face wouldn't have looked the way it did if what he had decided to do wasn't right. I could only step back and watch it happen, because..."  
  
"You don't want Angel to have to die either, Buffy, don't be a hypocrite!" Cordelia interrupted, twirling around to face her.  
  
"No," Buffy slowly admitted. "Of course I don't. And if there is any way he doesn't have to, we'll find it. But..."  
  
"No 'buts'," Cordelia cut in. "We'll find it, 'cause it's there. I just have to... calm down."  
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy said. "I didn't mean for it to sound like some cheap excuse for feel-good... Just wanted you to know that I know how you're feeling, and that you can talk to me about it. Or scream at me about it, either which way you think works best."  
  
At that Cordelia smiled a small smile again, then she sighed.  
  
"I'll be right down, just have to rinse my face with hot water."  
  
Buffy nodded, only she paused at the door and turned her head back to the other with a questioning frown.  
  
"'Hot water'?"  
  
"Duh," Cordelia replied, pointing to her cheeks, adding: "Ice."  
  
Buffy smiled at that, then walked outside and closed the door, drawing a small breath to steady herself before she headed for the stairs. Spike just stepped out of Angel's room. As she spotted him her heart skipped a beat and she hurried up to him, throwing her arms around his neck in a tight embrace and he looked a little surprised, though pleasantly so, as she pulled back again.  
  
"Just wanted to make sure," she said and he looked quizzical. "That you're really here," she elaborated and he gave her a smile at that, sliding one hand into one of hers as they walked together to the stairs.  
  
***  
  
The hush which had settled over the building at the sudden new turn in their so far eventful week, stayed with persistence as the habitants got ready for bed.  
  
Susannah had seemingly fought back the demon with enough force to have him retract. If it ended up being just another pretense would surely come into play soon enough and so the gang left her as she was. She hadn't come down all evening, and Spike had spent an hour conversing soothingly with her.  
  
Angel wished no company. He had blatantly turned everyone away, saying that he had too much in his head as it was to even pretend to listen to anyone else. He would see them all in the morning. All of them apart from Cordy, it seemed, who had been sitting with the books all evening; but as everyone began to retire she had seemingly gotten her courage back, and she had gone to the vampire. SHE had been let in on her first knock.  
  
The Slayer could only smile over it, though. Knowing that it would be good for the both of them to talk. Hopefully they would talk. Cordelia truly loved him. She had to. Buffy was certain she had researched more in the six hours she had spent in the conference room, than she ever had while helping the Scoobies. Or the Investigations for that matter.  
  
For the rest of them, research had gone slow, though it was a bit simpler than when Wesley had gotten his hands on the first prophecy as he now had quite an extensive dictionary of the otherwise foreign language.  
  
Buffy smeared the blot of moisturizer she had put on her stomach over the skin and then grabbed the bottle again, putting some in one hand and getting to work on her arms after putting the bottle back on its shelf in the bathroom. Walking into the bedroom she locked eyes with Spike, who was lying on the bed on his side, head propped in one hand and a pleased smile on his lips.  
  
"Any particular reason you wear that expression?" she asked and he rolled onto his back as she reached the bed, putting one knee on it and then straddling him.  
  
"Yeah, I'm clairvoyant and I saw you doing precisely this if I wore that expression," he smirked and she chuckled, leaning forward and kissing him deeply.  
  
Keeping her mouth tight against his she slipped her arms around his neck and slid to the side, stretching out alongside him as he held her to him. They gently broke the kiss and she moved to rest her head on his chest, a position she usually placed herself in when in his arms like this.  
  
"How's Susie doing?" she asked and he was silent for a short while, then answered:  
  
"Both good and bad. I think she's even more scared now, thinking this demon is actually some sort of part of her... And still stronger 'cause she's so bloody pissed off."  
  
Buffy had another smile on her mouth as she moved her head to look at him.  
  
"Good. Pissed off is good when you're going to war. Just as long as you don't lose your focus," she stated and he nodded his consent, moving one hand to gently slide it through her long locks and she closed her eyes.  
  
"What about Cordelia?" he asked and she sighed.  
  
"She had a meltdown and then she plastered on a determined face... How do you think she is?"  
  
"Do you really think there's anything we can do? To prevent this, I mean? It's three-hundred years coming..."  
  
"I have to think there is," she stated flatly, opening her eyes again and he looked empathetic for the loss she was clearly already fearing.  
  
"I know," he mumbled. "And I want to believe it too."  
  
"Tomorrow," she said. "We'll find the answer tomorrow."  
  
"Do you think Forte can help?" he wondered and she raised one shoulder in a shrug.  
  
"We'll find out, I guess," she muttered and he smiled as he slipped his fingertips down her cheek.  
  
"You're beautiful," he said and her gaze grew warm. "This week has been the best of my life."  
  
"And I get to make the next week of your life the best as well," she stated. "And the next, and the next. This isn't the end coming, Will... It's another bump in the road. And we won't have to sacrifice anyone this time. We won't."  
  
He reached down and took hold around her shoulders before gently pulling her up in order to get to kissing her.  
  
But he couldn't say anything to reassure her or calm her, make her feel better; because he had a daunting feeling of his own, and it spoke nothing of salvation.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I can't get my head around what the heck's happened to my otherwise so strong immune system! It keeps crashing on me for no apparant reason. These past three days I've been suffering the highest temperature of my not so very old life and yeah, it's been SO fun what with Christmas only a few DAYS away! Unbelievable. Okay, so the fever is still there, but at least I'm perky enough to not only get some writing done, but post this to you! So, yay, for that. ;)  
  
Thanks a lot for the downpour of feed back! LOVED it, naturally! Really great and I hoooope ya liked this chapter as well.  
  
Special and warm thanks to timeends (WOW. That was a lot of reviews. Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it that much! :) So many great comments and thoughts and I'm just overwhelmed! I'm so, so happy! Thank you!!! Hope you liked chapter 23 as well and also, this chapter! :) Merry Christmas!) :), Winters1 (Aw, I'm glad you're so understanding. It IS good to get some of ones thoughts out sometimes though, isn't it? Thanks a lot for your comments, my friend! And Meeery Christmas!) ;), wolf116 (oh, yeah, sorry, it's just you never really, really know, you know? I had a feeling! But still. :) Okay, so, GIRL, very happy that you're still enjoying and also glad that I was able to throw ya another loop. *smirks* Nah, but really, I'd hate for you to have it all figured out already! I actually like the fact that you don't tell me what you think is gonna happen. I mean, it's more interesting for me as well as you to see once all is written DOWN if you were right or not, get me? So, thanks for that. And I'll try my best to not get ill anymore, so that the updates will be a bit more not-sporadic. :) Merry Christmas!) :), Hot4Spike (It's rather ironic that you ask for Angel's death, isn't it? Well, sorry, didn't mean to start with that. Happy, happy to read you approve! Hope you still do. Merry Christmas!) :), Taelyn (loooved the long reply. :) Oh, my friend, it's okay! I'm so happy that you're writing now, and at all! Wonderful and great comments and thoughts on the chapter as always. And hey, you're making me all oooooh! Thank you for those words! Oh, the Swedish Christmas dinner thing... Well, we have quite different food from America, though I enjoy both in their own seperate ways. Ours is absolutely yummy. ;) We have it on a large table where everyone serves themselves and there's different kinds of salmon and ham and lots of really good stuff and, yeah, things like that. :) Okay, so Merry Christmas to you and letmechangeyourworld(andsometimesdistortthehelloutofit) nods her acknowledgement and says that she only tortures me a bit, if I don't sit on my ass enough.) ;), darklover (I'm happy to hear that! :) Hey, you guys deserve all the credit! My muse applauds you as well, of course! Merry Christmas!) :), Captain (Very happy you enjoyed the rambling and didn't go what the f***?! ;) It's cool, I know busy - we're old friends. I'm glad, right now, she's off my back, though. I've had to say hello to old Mr. Illness instead. Wonderful, isn't it. Heheh. Okay, so, cool to have it first hand that you ARE female, though I did hae my assumptions, yes. *muse purrs, by the way* Thanks so much and Merry Christmas!!!) :), ali-lou (hello! :) I will rock... or write on. Can't I do both? (Just a little spin- off of that lameness there, mate.) *wide smile and a chuckle* Glad you enjoyed chapter 23 as well, and thanks for the TWO reviews! Ask for more, ask for more, 'tis the giving season! And welcome to the Buffy on DVD absolute maniacs club! ;) I, on the other hand, have stood for the cost myself. *smirks* Confession: I lack S3 AND S7, so you have me beaten. But not for long! *lol* Congrats, neways, that is lovely for a Christmas gift! Absolutely thrilled you enjoy this and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!) ;), bluebird (So glad that you love it!!! Hope you still do and to see you back! Thank you and Merry Christmas!) :), Calyupsos (Why thank you for those nice comments! I'm glad you think so and really hope you'll think so of the rest as well. ;) Merry Christmas!) :)  
  
To EVERYONE: Merry Christmas! I hope you'll have a joyful and warm one! (though I do wish for droves of snow!) :)  
  
Thank you so much for great reviews and for taking the time. I'm sure most of you have hectic lives of your own, if not all of you. :)  
  
All My Love, Annie. 


	25. TwentyFifth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Fifth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-12-16  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"If I can wake up beside you for the rest of my life, I'll be a very happy woman," her voice whispered in his ear and a smile slowly spread on his lips as sleep began to elude him.  
  
"If I can fall asleep next to you for the rest of MY life, I'll be a very happy man..." he then mumbled, feeling the tip of her nose brush against his cheek right before he opened his eyes and rested them in hers. She smiled a little, and he returned it. "I guess that works out nicely then, eh?" he added and her expression was warm as she nodded, then kissed him softly on the lips.  
  
"I love you," she said, still whispering, and his smile turned content.  
  
"And I you," he replied gently.  
  
"Even if the world ends tomorrow?" she asked and now he couldn't help but look wondering as her question brought him to be fully awake. "Even if I can't stop it this time?" she added, her voice lowered into a grumble and he pulled her to him before he answered her.  
  
"I think we already had the session with the twenty 'even?', love. And you went to bed with what sounded like a mind made up - that there's no question what outcome we'll have tomorrow. What happened?"  
  
She suddenly looked apprehensive and terribly sad and he had something grip his heart as he realized just how little he could stand seeing her like that.  
  
"My dream," she finally said.  
  
"What? Did it change?" he asked. "Was there anything more in there? Any new details that...?"  
  
"No," she interrupted, though her voice sounded defeated and not annoyed. She slowly sat up, sighing as her shoulders slumped slightly. She looked as though she actually hadn't slept all night. "It's just that I feel like there should be, you know? Like there's something I'm missing. It's just so much stuff flying around in my head these days it's hard to choose what to shoot down and what to let go."  
  
At that he smirked widely before sitting up as well, his face stopping an inch from hers before he leaned forward and connected their foreheads.  
  
"You're the Slayer," he said, "no matter what - when it's time, it'll come to you. You won't have to shoot at anything, sweetheart. And you don't have to be afraid of letting the important stuff go, 'cause if you need it, it's not going anywhere. Alright?"  
  
She smiled another small smile, then nodded a little.  
  
"Alright," she mumbled, slipping her arms up and around his neck before she moved her head so that she could nestle closer to him. "God, you've always been so good at this."  
  
He furrowed his brow, holding her to him; then wondered:  
  
"What?"  
  
"Calming me," she answered and he had to smile again.  
  
"'Always'?" he asked and she seemed to think her reply over for a short while before she said:  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He chuckled, kissing her shoulder.  
  
"Forgive me if I'm colored a bit surprised," he said and she pulled away to look at him.  
  
"More like amused," she remarked and he smirked again.  
  
"Well, you have to see the humor in you saying that I always calmed you down! Bloody hell, I'd say I ALWAYS had the exact OPPOSITE effect, wouldn't you?" he inquired, making her smile as well and then shake her head.  
  
"I didn't say you 'always calmed me down', I said you always knew HOW to calm me down. Even when I hated or distrusted you the most, one look from you and a few well-chosen words of comfort and everything'll-be-okay's and I felt like that was the truth... So strange, when I think of it now, how I never saw it back then. Or maybe... I just didn't want to see it," she finished thoughtfully, adding: "I'm sorry."  
  
It was his turn to shake his head, dismissively.  
  
"No need for those," he said. "I think we're done apologizing to each other for the past, don't you agree?"  
  
Her eyes turned tender and then she wrapped her arms around him again, as silent confirmation that he was absolutely right.  
  
"I loved you 'til the end of the world and back, Buffy," he then said. "Do you really think my love could ever die?"  
  
"No," she whispered, mouth against the side of his throat and her hold tightening. "Never."  
  
***  
  
Susannah looked up when her door slid open. She smiled as Angel came through it and he smiled back. Approaching the bed and taking a seat beside her, reaching out and taking one of her hands carefully in his.  
  
"Hi, girl," he said.  
  
"Hello, boy," she replied.  
  
They grew quiet, and serious. She got the feeling that he had come to her room not only to see her, but to speak to her about something. Something important. She didn't know how to set his mind at ease so that he would tell her what it was.  
  
Suddenly he smiled again, and when he spoke she understood that it might take a while for him to get to the point.  
  
"What prompted the Peter Pan analogy in the first place?" he asked.  
  
She smiled as well, tentatively.  
  
"Well," she then answered. "The first time I saw you - in a conscious state, I mean - I noticed you didn't have a shadow... I didn't connect the dots right from the start. Thought I was losing my mind even more. But then... I remember Peter Pan as the savior. And what he stands for. Vitality, eternal youth and laughter... You don't share some of his more annoying traits of childishness and selfishness, that's for sure," she stated and his smile widened. "But," she continued, "you saved me. You made me believe in magic." She paused, then gave a small shrug. "I guess that's why."  
  
"I didn't save you," he mumbled and she raised her eyebrows. "I didn't," he repeated. "Look at you," he added, clenching his jaws together. "Lying here, fighting that... thing. And I know... how it is. And I'm so sorry."  
  
Susannah stared at him in taken astonishment.  
  
"Don't you dare come here and say you're sorry!" she exclaimed, sounding close to offended but only semi-serious this time. "Angel, you've done more for me than I ever would've expected! I can't believe you'd sit there and think that I would think anything else!"  
  
"I didn't see what you were really suffering. If I'd understood it sooner, maybe..."  
  
"Stop," she shook her head, but he didn't seem to listen as he simply continued:  
  
"If I'd been able to see that something was off..."  
  
"How could you have? I hid it from MYSELF!"  
  
"Susannah, I still don't know how to help you. We're running out of time. And..."  
  
He hesitated and she furrowed her brow in wait, encouraging him to continue.  
  
"I don't want to cause you to have a set back in your control over the demon," he said, and she shook her head that it was okay. "Satoch lead us to Forte," he now continued. "And Forte's coming here in less than an hour. I just wanted you to be prepared. We still don't know what sort of link he has to you, or the demon. He seems to know more than he wants to admit, though."  
  
Susannah observed him for a few moments, then she nodded.  
  
"It's okay. I'll be fine...I hope. And for the record," she said. "It IS me. Here. Now. For what it's worth."  
  
He smiled a little, his hand squeezing hers lightly.  
  
"I know," he replied, pausing again before going on with: "There's something else I need to tell you." She looked wondering and he drew a small, unnecessary breath before saying: "Last night my heart started beating..."  
  
Susannah listened with growing eyes as he told her the whole story.  
  
***  
  
Twenty minutes later he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
He didn't know what he felt.  
  
Last night he had talked with Cordelia for a while, but they hadn't even approached the subject which had had her storm out of his room and kept her away from him for the more part of the evening. They had spoken about the first time they met, and those that followed. About Buffy and William and Willow and Xander and Giles. About Sunnydale and Los Angeles. About good times and not so good times. Old times and new.  
  
But as they had said good night and they had laid in the dark for a while without saying anything, when he assumed she had gone to sleep and she must've done the same thing about him, she started crying.  
  
He had never wanted to hold another as much as he had right then, and not being able to had been damn near intolerable. Without thinking he had started humming an old tune from his homeland, and when he began reciting old sayings and folklore from his human ancestors - in Irish - her sobs had hushed. She had moved over on her side, her still teary eyes fixing on him and then she had given him the most heavenly smile.  
  
He had spent an unknown amount of hours watching her sleep. Feeling like he was beginning to have two split sides to him. One side was still at peace with what he knew he had to do; he knew he had no choice in the matter, not really. The other side refused to reconcile with that thought. That side wanted to help with the research for some other way, some other road they could take, so that he could survive. Looking at her, having her before him and so close, made the feeling of loss that more real.  
  
Then there was his own words still lingering in his head.  
  
What life would they ever have together?  
  
No, he would be rid of his demon; he would get to rest, truly rest, for the first time in nearly three centuries. It might be selfish reasons for which to die for the rest of the world, but he needed them there; in plain sight.  
  
The world he would be leaving had given him its share of pain and of pleasure. It was his time to give something in return. He wasn't like Spike had been, and Angelus had seen that sappy romantic at heart in Spike from the day Drusilla brought him into the Scourge's closed circle. Angelus would never have fallen in love, would never have given his way of life up for another being. Never. Angelus would never have gone willingly to retrieve a soul the demon in him knew would hold his instincts back, would probably dull them into something unrecognizable with a big dose of conscience and leashes of human emotional drivel.  
  
Spike had gotten some sort of second chance. With Buffy and with the world he had saved. William had deserved that chance.  
  
Angel knew there was none of that for him.  
  
It wasn't about him being less worthy, because he wasn't.  
  
It was about the order of things.  
  
This was the meaning he had lasted for so long. The reason for his life was these fatal last days of it. He had accepted that. What he hadn't accepted was how this was affecting those around him. People he knew relied on him, one way or another. People whom he loved, and who loved him.  
  
Cordelia...  
  
"Angel?"  
  
He jerked at the sound of her voice, barely realizing he had been so deep in thought.  
  
"Hey," he mumbled, then had a smile curl the corners of his mouth as he rested his gaze in hers.  
  
She mirrored his expression, but those eyes of hers carried a trace of a shadow now that was unmistakable.  
  
"Do you grieve me already?" he asked silently and she blinked, then looked away from him. "I'm sorry," he hurriedly added. "I didn't mean it to sound so... harsh."  
  
"I don't know how to deal with this," she replied, glancing at him. "I don't know how to act or what to say anymore. I don't..." she trailed off before facing him fully again, finishing: "I don't wanna let you go."  
  
He bit his jaws together, trying to find something supportive to say. Some insight which would lead her to conclude that this was their only option. That it was pointless, what she was doing; trying to save him from his own fate.  
  
"I don't wanna let YOU go," he finally murmured, and it was the truth. "You're the one thing I don't know how to give up," he added quietly and her eyes grew just a little before a flash of happiness appeared in them.  
  
She opened her mouth to say something when Buffy called from the foyer that Forte's car was pulling up in front.  
  
"We'd better get down there, don't you think?" Cordelia asked and Angel paused, then smiled a little, nodding his consent and they headed for the stairs.  
  
***  
  
The sleek silver Cadillac announced the presence of someone reeking with power, elegance and self-assurance just as much as the air about the man himself did as he stepped out of it. He wore a pale chalk suit for the occasion, impeccable in presentation as always. It was hard for anyone of those who saw him to remember that in actuality he wasn't human.  
  
He gave them all gracious smiles as he stepped up the short set of stairs to the entrance doors, shaking Angel's hand firmly - since the latter now had taken front space to greet the guest after he and Cordelia had ascended to the bottom floor - and then he walked inside, the soles of his shoes sounding hard against the floor as he proceeded to the floor of the foyer and then stopped abruptly. He seemed to sense something, but clearly shook whatever it was off before he turned to face the others again.  
  
"Interesting place you've got here, Mr. McLaughlin," he said with another smile. "I would love to get in touch with your decorator."  
  
"I realize it may be a long run from the splendor you're used to," Angel replied, keeping the sarcasm out of his voice as he added: "But I believe it's the people - not the design - that make it home."  
  
"Touché," Forte smirked. "I meant not to offend you," he then stated. "I'm afraid my mind is much too used to making itself heard. It doesn't think before connecting itself to my mouth. I apologize."  
  
"There's no need," Angel assured. "However, had you said something demeaning about any of the people you see surround me I believe an apology might not have been enough."  
  
Forte's smirk changed once more into a smile, this time a warmer one as he nodded.  
  
"Very well, then. I'm happy I have nothing but praise for those you keep close," he said and Angel returned the smile, all be it not with as much friendliness. "Shall we get on with the reason for my visit?" Forte added with a raise of his eyebrows, seemingly waiting for someone to lead the way.  
  
Angel exchanged a look with Buffy, who gave a small shrug of what-else? And then he looked at Spike, who kept his eyes on Forte and showed no sign of letting the latter escape the surveillance for even a second.  
  
Angel knew exactly how the former vampire felt, but for now there wasn't much they could do and so he had to rely on Buffy's Slayer instincts being right - what else was there but to give Forte access?  
  
Angel now turned his head to Wesley, giving a small nod and Wesley returned it before walking down to join Forte and then showing him into the conference room.  
  
"Bad feelings all over," Spike grumbled.  
  
"Hon, not to sound putting-you-down-y or anything, but you're human now. And everyone knows the male side of the species have intuition worth jack," Buffy said, slipping one hand comfortingly in his as she gave him a sympathetic look.  
  
He gave her a faked smile at that before replying:  
  
"I WAS a vamp for a long time; some things are bound to stick. And I didn't lose my bloody eyes, Slayer. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him..."  
  
"Anyone else feel it might be a good enough time as any to join in on the exploring of OUR prophecy before that demon 'changes' into something big and hairy and topples only-human-with-intuition-worth-jack Wesley over and perhaps, I dunno, bolts with our only key to saving the day?" Cordelia cut in and everybody paused as they looked at each other.  
  
Then they moved as one and soon they were all cramped into the conference room, where no one were even about to change OR get toppled. However, Forte's eyes were shining with excitement as he surveyed the last page of the first part of the prophecy.  
  
"This is amazing," he breathed. "Amazing!"  
  
"And - ripped in two," Buffy pointed out.  
  
There was one thing to give Forte access, a completely other to give him ALL access; or so Angel had figured as he had ordered the second part of the prophecy be put in the safe in his office. At leas they had some sort of upper hand. But for how long? He wasn't exactly sure how large a being a changer could change into, or even what countenance the changer had in its original form; but Cordelia's comment about big-and-hairy hadn't flown too well with the vamp and now he was even more on the edge and ready to leap on top of Forte's head - if duty called - than he had been before.  
  
"Yes, indeed," Forte now nodded to Buffy's earlier input. "Torn in half, just as the legend foretells. Amazing. Simply amazing. You have the second part as well, of course," he added, looking up at Angel who stared at him; about to deny it when Forte smiled and shook his head. "No need to worry, if I had been in your shoes I wouldn't have shown it to me either. I would love to see it, naturally. But I cannot blame you for taking precautions. After all, what do you know of me?"  
  
Now they were all silent and he smiled again before bending closer to the prophecy and slipping one finger along the rows of letters.  
  
"'And on the second day their cries shall eclipse all and fear shall rule the world,'" he recited, looking up at them as he asked: "Last night the stars aligned, did they not? The first crucial step of this prophecy has been taken, and the second one is about to be set in motion."  
  
"Who are you?" Fred spoke up. "How can you know this?"  
  
"It is of little consequence who I am," Forte replied. "And how I know...? The Coming has been told of among my people for centuries. It's rather strange it took so long for someone to write it down. Perhaps it had to do with so many considering it to be myth; folklore, if you will."  
  
"But..." Fred paused, looking a little uncertain before she finished: "But it was a human who wrote the prophecy, wasn't it?"  
  
Forte chuckled, shaking his head again and straightening his posture before making a gesture to his form.  
  
"Ever heard the saying: never judge a being by its exterior," he replied and her eyes grew.  
  
"Are you saying..." Wesley began, "that Alliande was in fact a demon? ...That he was a Changer?"  
  
Forte observed him in silence for a few seconds, then he nodded; growing serious.  
  
"Yes, that is what I'm saying," he confirmed.  
  
"But then you can help us!" Cordelia burst out. "You can finish the translation. You can tell us what to do...!"  
  
"No," Forte shook his head. "I can't. You see, this prophecy has changed over time. The marrow of it stays the same, but the meaning of what is to be done is as much a mystery to me as it is to you. For some reason this text found its way into your hands. It did so for a reason. The task is yours and yours alone. It has to be."  
  
"Save the Matrix mumbo-jumbo, would you?" Buffy asked, not able to hide her annoyance. "People might die if we don't solve this. If there is anything you can do to help..."  
  
"My part in this has already been played," he stopped her. "The bottle was in my safe-keep, and I delivered it onto you. And people 'might' not die, they will. The whole world will die if you don't stop it. The Coming tells of the final plague upon man and beast. It will eat its way through time and essence, through dimension and space until there is nothing left but an infinite black hole."  
  
He turned his eyes back on the prophecy and pointed to a row of letters situated beneath the ones he had spoken out loud earlier.  
  
"That is what this part of the prophecy refers to. 'There shall be no end'," he said, having his eyes in Angel's as he finished: "'and no beginning'."  
  
Suddenly there was a scream ringing through the room. It seeped through the walls, hung loosely in the air, crashed into their hearing and made their eyes tear up with what seemed not far from pain. Pain seemed to be coming from everywhere, wrapping around them tightly and making it difficult to breathe.  
  
"Soon chaos shall rule," Forte said, looking at those surrounding him as they went to their knees with their hands before their ears.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hi all! Happy about getting this out before Christmas. Speaking of which -  
  
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!  
  
Thanks a lot for the great reviews! And all your positive energy must have helped 'cause I'm finally well and up-and-at-em. So, thank you! ;)  
  
Special and warm thanks to wolf116 (Why, thank you! And, again, merry Christmas! ;) Oh, I know exactly what you mean with the annoyance of people writing TOO much in their reviews. Haven't had one in a very long time now, but yeah, that ticks me off, actually. So thanks a lot for not wanting to spoil it for everyone else!) :), blackeyedgurl (Thanks especially for the focused positivity! I am much better now! Oh, and the comment about Joss still writing while not being all put together granted me a spur of inspiration, just so you know. Yes, merry Christmas - and God Jul, which is the Swedish way to say it so there, now you know another one.) ;), Taelyn (VERY great to hear that you think I capture Angel and Cordy in a fair way. I actually really like that pairing as well, but perhaps that shows. And you know, if I get Spike to feed me chicken soup when I'm sick I don't ever wanna be restored to full health again! Ah well, too late for that, but I have to give the boy credit. He is one picker-upper, that one. Thanks for sending him! ;) *smiling* Happy to have made your mouth water, it IS delicious. Glad you enjoyed the chapter and Merry Christmas!) :), Hot4Spike (Great that you're loving it, but hey, give me a break about the Angel deal, k? I mean, all of it's set in L.A. and the story line demands the Angel cast to be part of the whole. More than that, I want them to be part of the story. If you crave Spuffy and pure Spuffy, please try reading TRAppED, Scruffy and Fang, True Hearts or any of the other more fluffy fics I've written. Thanks again for your interest and for liking this story so far! A.M.L.) :), Winters1 (Heheh, sorry if there's too "little" Spuffy, but this story line just goes like that. Forgive me? ;) Hope this chapter was soon enough and Merry Christmas to you too!) :), timeends (thanks for the three reviews! *smiles* Cool that you liked the Belle thing. Sorry that the whole Christmas-timewarp-only fluffiness-thing just didn't work out. :) Thanks a lot for the prayer, it must've been one of many aids that helped because I am better and have a very merry Christmas you too!) :), darklover (Seasons Greetings right back at ya and here was that other update! Hope you liked!) :)  
  
I hope you get a white Christmas if you want it - I got the one I wished for! Over ten inches of snow and this country is simply beautiful! Also pray that you have a warm and happy Christmas with those important to you. That you have a peaceful and joyful Christmas, and - of course - that you get lots and lots of marvellous, useful things to be glad about! 'Tis the giving season people, give the greatest gift of all - love!  
  
Have a blast! Santa's coming to town!  
  
All My LOVE - Annie. 


	26. TwentySixth

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What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Sixth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-12-19  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
"...leaves talk of not only paranormal activity being recorded around the world, baffling even the most hardened scientists within the field, but also opening the doors for speculations around government conspiracy... and alien invasion."  
  
Buffy rested her forehead in her hands as Angel turned off the small television set.  
  
Everybody sat stunned.  
  
Forte had left rather hastily twenty minutes earlier. The sound of the sharp cry which had rung through their heads had slowly died away and as they had collected themselves again, rising to their feet with the echo of it still in their ears, Forte had said nothing. He had listened to their silent conversation about what this might mean, and then he had stated that he had overstayed his welcome; and thus had to leave.  
  
"I also have some personal things to tend to," he had added at the doors. "If the world might be at the brink of destruction it may be a good idea to have no unfinished business with it."  
  
None of them had been able to offer a good enough protest to keep him there. They couldn't very well force him to decipher the prophecy. For all they knew he was telling the truth, and he wouldn't be able to do a better job than Wesley or Spike.  
  
The reason they had turned on the TV was because three minutes after Forte had left, Giles had called. And it seemed he had had due cause. The world wasn't only on the brink of destruction, it was at an uproar as the fragile seams between demon and human society seemed to be ripping and revealing the two in all their degraded beauty and immoral right to coexist.  
  
"Okay," Buffy now said. "This is a bad-on-top-of-really-bad we don't need."  
  
"And one we can't deal with in any way," Wesley said.  
  
"I second that loudly," Gunn agreed. "There's no way we can stop what's happening. But if the demons decide to come into the streets there are other slayers who'll strike 'em down," he added and Buffy smiled a little, nodding.  
  
"So," Faith said, "our focus is yet again set on our own private party."  
  
"Seems like it," Spike nodded.  
  
"'Alien invasion'," Cordelia huffed. "My God, there are some who'll believe anything."  
  
None could resist smiling at that remark.  
  
***  
  
Three hours later Wesley rose from his chair, staring at the page he held in his hand and then bending forward to reread what he had written and cross-reference it with his dictionary notes on the first prophecy. Spike, sitting at the research table across from him, was following his movements with growing interest.  
  
"Figured anything out?"  
  
Wesley looked up at him, his expression seemingly saying enough because when he grabbed the book before him on the table and rushed out of the room Spike wasn't even one second too late to follow. The two men walked through the foyer and into the kitchen, where Angel, Cordelia, Gunn, Fred and Buffy were sitting having a moderate lunch during which they had so far fervently discussed the rising situation in the rest of the world.  
  
As Wesley and Spike entered the room all conversation stopped, as well as knives cutting and forks bringing food to mouths. Eyes landed on the two forms, questioningly and apprehensively, but also with growing hope.  
  
"The last part," Wesley said. "I believe it continues with this: 'And only one other may serve the side of light within the realm of dark. Look to the west and you shall find what you seek, look to the east and there shall be nothing but sorrow, look to the south and you shall see the fire burning, look to the north and there shall be nothing but grovel and dust.'"  
  
The others seemed to be waiting for the rest, and when it didn't come, Buffy was the one who swallowed the food still lingering in her mouth and then asked:  
  
"And that means?"  
  
Wesley looked from one to another, then replied in fake-optimism:  
  
"I don't know. But we'll find out."  
  
Buffy restrained herself from rolling her eyes, then smiled as she directed her gaze in Angel's.  
  
"There might still be hope," she said, but he only gave her a half smile back before rising to his feet and walking up to Wesley to have a closer look at what he had been able to deduce from the text.  
  
Spike walked with them back into the conference room.  
  
"Well, I couldn't start the translating so that it picked up where the first part left off, obviously," Wesley said and Angel nodded.  
  
He knew that the prophecy was written backwards with symbols in patterns and as the punctuations and sentence formations were completely different from the human way of structure he also understood that it might be difficult starting in the middle of something, when you didn't even know exactly where the middle was.  
  
So Wesley had taken the clearest paragraph closest to the first page of the second part and started there. Trouble had been that it had been situated nearly three pages from that very first page. It had taken him a day and a half to work his way through it, because every new page offered new or different versions of the same symbol, and if that symbol was entirely new to the context he ran into a brick wall which needed patience to be dissembled.  
  
"So," Wesley continued, "it took me some time to go through the content up until the point we're interested in. Now, the translation is finished, as you understand; and even if we don't know exactly what it means it does in fact point to Buffy being right - there may still be hope left for you," he finished as they entered the conference room.  
  
Wesley put the book down on the table and Angel and Spike joined at either side as he opened it up and began speaking again.  
  
"After the prophecy there are several pages telling of what will become of the world, and it seems Forte wasn't wrong in that regard. But, Will, it's your turn," Wesley stated, turning his head to Spike who raised his eyebrows and then said:  
  
"Right," before they all stepped back slightly and he continued: "Well, I figured out why the last part of the FIRST part of the prophecy starts with 'as the year closes'. According to the Gotcka's - which is the more traditional name for the Changers - well, according to their almanac, or what you wanna call it, tomorrow is New Years Eve."  
  
Angel cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Okay. So then all of the dates fit. The countdown of the prophecy is verified and leads us to tomorrow, for certain. Good job," he commended.  
  
"Yeah, but how prepared are we?" Wesley wondered. "Do we know where yet? What time? How?" Angel gave him a look and Wesley sighed. "Okay, blindfold it is. Right now I am going to try and get a hold on Forte. And demand that he tells us something about this supposed 'other'."  
  
Angel watched him leave the room, then turned to Spike who was looking at him probingly.  
  
"What?" the vampire inquired and Spike hesitated before replying:  
  
"You don't think there is someone else, do you? To take your place."  
  
"No," Angel confirmed. "Even if there was someone like that... how could I expect them to step in? How could I WANT them to? And we're out of time," he added, looking at the prophecy. "We're out of time."  
  
***  
  
"I wish things were simpler..." Buffy mumbled, cuddling closer to Spike where they sat under a blanket on the bench in the garden.  
  
The stars had just been lit above their heads by some unseen match and against the blackness they seemed strangely comforting with their familiarity, though also melancholy with a reminder that no matter what happened on the planet they were watching - nothing could touch them. Though perhaps for the very first time that wasn't even true anymore. Forte's words seemed to have included all being turned into nothing, even space and time.  
  
"I wish we could fly off to some distant island or something, you know?" Buffy now added, voice low as she quietly enjoyed the nearness of her love. "Just the two of us. Alone."  
  
"Mhhh," he murmured his consent, moving one hand to play with the fingers of one of hers and then he sighed.  
  
"But even if I could go all Superman and scoop you into my arms and fly away with you..."  
  
He trailed off and she pouted before sighing as well.  
  
"I know," she grumbled. "Wouldn't it be cool though," she added. "If you could? Go all Superman?"  
  
He furrowed his brow, then looked down at her; making her move her head and meet his gaze.  
  
"You don't miss... the super-me, do you?" he asked and she blinked, then smiled widely.  
  
"You think I do?" she asked back and he squared his shoulders slightly with self-consciousness before he replied:  
  
"Well, no... It's just I can't go on patrol with you anymore, can I? Can't spar. What fun am I?"  
  
She raised her eyebrows before moving up and kissing the closest corner of his mouth and then giving him a gentle smile.  
  
"Loads of fun, love," she said and he returned her smile, then kissed her back.  
  
She returned to her previous position, with her head against his shoulder.  
  
"Patrolling isn't what it used to be," she now stated. "I hardly do it anymore, and with you in the same bed..." She stopped herself and then she smirked as she glanced up at him. He was wearing the same expression and she swallowed the laughter before continuing: "Well... And the sparring I do, I just do it for exercise. I mean, you can't just let seven years of your life go. Old habits die hard and all that...But I don't think I'd enjoy kicking the head off your shoulders nearly as much now as I did back in the day," she finished and at that he chuckled softly.  
  
"I guess," he murmured, brushing his lips against the top of her head and then closing his eyes. "But I can still watch you... can't I?" he added and she smiled again, looking up at him once more and then nodding a little. He smirked. "Good," he said and her smile broadened.  
  
"What time is it?" she asked.  
  
"Somewhere between we-don't-have-to-get-up-yet and dinner," he replied and she laughed before moving one arm out from under the blanket to look at her watch.  
  
"It's almost seven," she said and he grumbled something incoherent as she sat up and stretched. "What was that, honey?" she added and he gave her a look before flashing her a smile.  
  
"Just said I'm not really hungry," he clarified and she smirked, getting to her feet and then turning around to grab one of his hands and pull him up as well.  
  
"Are you ready for tomorrow?" she wondered and he shrugged, slipping his arms around her from behind as they began walking together toward the glass doors.  
  
"As ready as I can be. Doesn't matter how much you focus your mind on expecting the unexpected, it's still as unexpected once it arrives as it was when it was only anticipated," he replied and she smiled her agreement as she looked at him over one shoulder.  
  
"You always say the darndest things," she smirked and he returned her smile as they entered the foyer.  
  
He hesitated for a second or two, then made up his mind and said:  
  
"I have something I wanna ask you."  
  
He stopped and made her do the same before unfolding his arms and moving her around to face him.  
  
She frowned questioningly, then smiled a little as she waited.  
  
"Buffy," he continued and suddenly her heart skipped a thousand beats; in actuality she thought it had nearly stopped.  
  
What is he doing? her mind demanded as she stared into his eyes, so serious. Oh, God, what is he doing?  
  
It wasn't that she hadn't fantasized about him doing this, about him looking at her precisely like that and his voice sounding exactly like that, but she hadn't thought the moment would arrive now! She hadn't even imagined it would be this soon. Of course, the world might be over in twenty-four hours, perhaps it was now or never... She drew a small breath as she focused back on him.  
  
"Would you do me the honor..." he began slowly and she swallowed hard as he took one of her hands in his.  
  
Go on! her thoughts screamed, her pulse now elevating into a surreal rhythm as his thumb gently slid over her knuckles and then squeezed softly.  
  
"...of joining me next Saturday..."  
  
In holy matrimony, forsaking all others and living happily ever after, amen.  
  
"I do," she replied as her own sentence died out in her head, and when she saw his quizzical expression she blinked and smiled brightly to cover her thoughts up. "Sorry. Please -continue. Wait," she then stopped him, suddenly looking surprised. "Did you say NEXT Saturday?"  
  
"Yeah..." he replied slowly, observing her closely. "I'm asking you out on our first date."  
  
"Our first...?" she began, trailing off as she felt, to her very deep detriment, how her cheeks began to burn.  
  
"We've never had one, and this whole buggering world-going-under'll blow over, we'll be alright and in light of that I thought we could set a..." he trailed off from his elaboration, watching her complexion and beginning to feel more and more insecure about her reaction. "Are you okay, pet?"  
  
"Of course!" she answered, smiling again. "God, Spike... William... Honey, of course, I'm... okay. That's a very... romantic and... nice and everything... idea. A first date." She chuckled, seemingly to herself before she slapped him on the arm. "I'll clear my schedule," she finished and he could see the nervousness on her as though she had drawn it with very light purple paint on her skin.  
  
"Buffy," he said and she raised her eyebrows, her eyes not really in his and he furrowed his brow.  
  
"What did you think I was talking about?"  
  
"Nothing," came the much too quick reply, and then that smile again.  
  
Did she think she could make him forget everything just by flashing him that smile? As though the happiness and strength and love hidden within the light of it would make him lose his head completely and just turn into some puddle of brilliant. No... much better than 'brilliant'. A puddle of bliss and...  
  
Damn.  
  
"Stop that," he grumbled and she had a wondering expression on her face before she stepped closer and stood on her toes, giving his cheek a soft kiss and making the joints of his knees non-existent.  
  
"Dinner's served!" Gunn called from the kitchen and Buffy stepped away again, grabbing Spike's hand with another bright smile directed his way before she began to walk toward the doorway of said room.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes at himself.  
  
He was such a bloody wanker.  
  
A curious bloody wanker and a bloody wanker that'd make sure she told him sooner or later, but a bloody wanker nonetheless.  
  
***  
  
Buffy had been walking around with the most gnawing feeling all day. There was something she was missing. She knew it. But the more she tried to bring it forward, the more it slipped back and away and so she had tried to take her mind off it.  
  
She was scared that Angel was right. He had taken her aside after dinner and spoken to her silently for nearly fifteen minutes, saying that he needed her to keep her mind clear of all things but the fact that the future of all life was in their hands now. He knew she had held it before, and he also knew that she had never faltered to do what was right. Not even when it meant she had to give loved ones up.  
  
No matter the proof he already had, he had stated that he had to have her promise now that it didn't matter what was going to happen the following day, she would still do everything in her power to make sure that the prophecy's darker parts were never fulfilled.  
  
She had looked at him and known that it would take a miracle to save him now, because she could see the determination in his eyes which was the very same that she had felt in her heart the morning she had jumped off Glory's tower.  
  
"What about hope?" she had murmured meekly and he had smiled a little, then shook his head.  
  
"I said it before to Will, and I'll say it again to you now - we don't have any time left," he had answered and she had found nothing to say to that.  
  
She had hugged him hard, had told him that she loved him, and that no matter what happened the next day she would stop the prophecy. She had told him that the Slayer side was stronger than her human side in that regard, and always had been. He didn't have to worry.  
  
But now she was scared. Because she had never let hope leave her, she had to keep it close, especially for him. Only a large part of her was beginning to come to terms with his statement being very accurate - time had run out for them. For him.  
  
She slipped between the sheets of the bed, Spike's strong arms immediately wrapping themselves around her and pulling her close, making relaxation come all the more easily as she rested her head against the pillow and closed her eyes.  
  
Flashes of pictures suddenly appeared before her eyes and Spike could feel her body tense as she gasped.  
  
"Buffy?" his voice came from far away.  
  
She turned toward the gaping opening in the cave wall, through which she had come, but then let the thought go and turned toward the well. The blood glistened in it, like colored glass. And before she knew it she sat up, back in Spike's room, her eyes wide as she caught her breath.  
  
"Oh, my God," she mumbled, throwing the covers off and getting out of bed again.  
  
"Buffy?" Spike repeated as she rushed up to the door and she turned to him.  
  
"Come on," she said. "Hurry!"  
  
He didn't bother asking for an explanation. The urgency in her tone made him get out of the bed as well, to run after her where she had already proceeded down the hallway and further down the stairs all the way to the first floor.  
  
He caught up with her in Angel's office, where she was just finishing dialing the numbers of Giles'. She raised one hand for him to keep quiet as the dial tone rang in her ear, and then Giles answered.  
  
"It's me," Buffy said.  
  
"What can I do for you now?" he wondered and she smiled a little.  
  
"I miss you," she stated sweetly.  
  
"Very nice to hear," he replied. "And me too," he added, his voice warmer which made her smile broaden. "Now, what may I aid you with?"  
  
"The Hellmouth," Buffy answered. "How far does it stretch from Sunnydale?"  
  
"The Hellmouth is destroyed..." Giles began, but Buffy cut him off impatiently.  
  
"Yes, but its caves. It must stretch further than merely underneath the previous-and-now-not-so-much town," she said and there was a slight pause.  
  
"I guess there could, in theory, be vast areas that have yet to be explored," he agreed reluctantly. "Caves as well as passageways. Some too narrow to even think about entering, naturally. But I suppose there could be a possibility, yes," he finished and Buffy nodded, her grip on the phone making it creek in dislike at the pressure.  
  
"Could they stretch as far as to the coast?" she asked, struggling to keep her excitement down.  
  
"That would be highly unlikely," Giles answered slowly. "But... I believe they could. What is this about?"  
  
"My dream," she replied. "Thank you, Giles," she added. "Is Willow there?"  
  
"Why, yes... But..."  
  
"Please, can I talk to her? It's important," Buffy interrupted and Giles seemed to hesitate before he called for the Wicca.  
  
"I wish you'd tell me what is going on," he then stated.  
  
"I know," Buffy replied. "And I'm sorry. But it'd take too long."  
  
"Here's Willow," he muttered.  
  
"Thank you," she said.  
  
"Buffy?" Willow's voice sounded.  
  
"Willow, I need your help. I didn't wanna ask unless I knew I didn't have any other choice, and now - there's no other choices left," Buffy said.  
  
"What's wrong?" Willow wondered.  
  
"I'll tell you everything, once you're here."  
  
"There?!" Willow exclaimed.  
  
"Could you teleport?" Buffy inquired tentatively and there was a long silence before Willow replied:  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"Would you do your best? For me? I wouldn't ask unless it wasn't absolutely necessary."  
  
"Another apocalypse?"  
  
"More or less."  
  
"Right," Willow sighed, then she suddenly giggled. "I was actually wondering when you'd call on me. Didn't think it'd be this late."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"No, you don't have to apologize... I just... I'll talk to the Coven. Maybe they can help me help you," she said and Buffy felt relief fill her before she smiled.  
  
"Thanks, Wills."  
  
"What're friends for?" the Wicca smirked and Buffy laughed at that.  
  
"I'll see you soon, then?" she asked.  
  
"Pretty soon," Willow answered and Buffy smiled before they said good-bye and she hung up.  
  
"Okay, tell me," Spike said and she shook her head.  
  
"Let's wake the others," was her reply as she came up to him and then passed him in the doorway, heading back toward the stairs.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey all! This chapter is delayed due to the holidays and I hope you can find it in your hearts to once more show your patience! :) I was really happy to read all your great reviews, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!  
  
Special thank yous go out to wolf116 (heheh, good! ;) Oooooh, Spike calendar, eh? Glad you got what you wished for! One of my friends got me a really nice picture of James, one of those signed ones, with a great blue background which goes perfectly with his eyes and it's amazingly yummy. I framed it the next day and now it carries a very special spot in my room. ;) I was a fan of a boygroup when I was younger, though, and so after that I'm trying to stay low-key on the whole picture-on-the-wall deal. *lol*) :), Winters1 (yeah, and of course I stop having the chapters come out as fast simply 'cause you take notice! :) Sorry! ;) And hope this was soon enough. Glad you liked!) :), maribel (I'm really glad that you liked, and it's cool! I did have a very merry Christmas, hope you had the same!) :), Hot4Spike (Great that you like those. And thank you.) ;), Rachel9 (Happy! That you enjoy! Oh, do I know what it means getting the flu, I feel for you! I'm glad you got better in time for Xmas! And thanks for the wish of a merry Xmas - which I had. And the happy new year we'll see about, eh? I'm sure I will have it, though.) :), blackeyedgurl (You being happy makes ME real happy! Yay, back!!! ;) I hope you've had a wonderful holiday as well! And... hey, I asked Santa for a JM sized package, but he didn't deliver! I mean, would a Spike-bot sized package been too much to ask for in stead, then? Really! I think I'm starting to lose my faith!) ;), ali-lou (on 24: I'm thrilled you liked it that much! Thanks a lot for all your kind words, I'm so happy!!! And I agree that the whole Angel hater or Cordy hater deal is annoying. I AM a bona fide Riley hater, and I have to stand for that, but he's a puts and a clown and a geek and I don't like that character and... What I was getting at is you have to still keep him in character and not make him evil or not loving Buffy or not understanding etc. Get me? Okay, not sure how I detoured into that, but... yeah. On 25: Well, that's sad that it wasn't AS good... But it was okay, and that's good! :) Hey, thanks for the compliment and WOW, Australia? That's far and so cool that I actually have a reader there! *huge grin*) ;) and darklover (thanks for that, glad you think and you too!)  
  
To ALL a very happy New Year! Do hope you liked this! Take care.  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	27. TwentySeventh

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Seventh-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-12-21  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
Spike was about to open his mouth and drop a sarcastic comment of how she hurt his feelings ignoring him so thoroughly, but then the few lights still lit in the foyer went out and the blackness which surrounded them seemed to be deeper than even that of night.  
  
Buffy had stopped halfway to the stairs and now she turned around toward him.  
  
It took only a few seconds for her eyes to adjust and though her night vision meant she saw everything in black-and-white, she saw him perfectly clear. He, on the other hand, behaved as a blind man and she felt a sudden sympathy with him. It couldn't be easy, to go from being able to do pretty much anything, to barely being able to maneuver in the dark. She didn't miss the power-him, but she wondered if HE didn't sometimes. It must have been a real adjustment, getting used to his mere human form after he had been brought back.  
  
Of course, there were so many bonuses coming with that form, she supposed. Perhaps there wasn't that much to miss in his vampire one after all.  
  
She walked up to him and reached out a hand, taking his and he gave her a smile.  
  
"Knew I'd find you," he quipped and she smiled as well.  
  
"Candles," she then said and he nodded.  
  
"Kitchen cabinet. Right side corner. Below the counter."  
  
She let his hand go and turned, hurrying across the foyer and into the kitchen. She found her prize where he had said it would be and grabbed a handful as well as a large silver candelabrum. Putting the candles into the five arms of the latter she searched for, and found, a box of matches. Quickly putting flames on each candle she grabbed the candelabrum and proceeded back to Angel's office.  
  
Wesley had joined Spike with a candlestick of his own. His hair stood on end and he seemed to have grabbed the first best thing at hand to cover his bare torso, and seemingly that been a very wrinkled, red shirt which he had neglected to button up. He was quite the sight as apposed to what he used to look like. He also had a haggard expression in his gaze when he turned it into the Slayer's, but before she could put in any kind of remark he stated:  
  
"The whole city's out."  
  
Buffy wasn't surprised, but she still put the candelabrum down on the desk before turning and running through the foyer, up to the front door. She opened it and stepped outside.  
  
Blackness.  
  
She drew a small breath and turned, closing the door behind her as she walked inside again and looking up as Angel and Cordelia came down the stairs.  
  
"What's going on?" Cordelia demanded as the three met in the middle of the foyer.  
  
"'And on the second day their cries shall eclipse all'," Buffy replied. "Add that quote to your favorites list 'cause I'm sure it's one that'll be remembered."  
  
"I'll do that," Cordelia said and Buffy smiled a weak smile just as Fred and Gunn also came clambering down the stairs, both holding a candle each and looking rather alarmed.  
  
"It's okay," Buffy calmed. "It's just the 'second step' being taken," she added. "Go into the conference room, I have something to tell you. I just have to wake up Faith."  
  
They all looked at her with eyes asking her if this was good or bad, but she didn't even give them a hint as she turned and proceeded up to the second floor.  
  
***  
  
"I finally got it," Buffy said, fifteen minutes later.  
  
"Got what?" Faith asked, not hiding a yawn and Buffy gave her a patient smile.  
  
"My dream," she answered and she could feel Angel's eyes immediately having all their focus on her.  
  
She turned her gaze in his and then nodded.  
  
"Yeah, this is pretty big," she confirmed his expression. "Because now I have an explanation for the 'how' and maybe even for the 'where'."  
  
At this everyone seemed to quickly grow more awake and most of them squirmed slightly in their seat; with disbelief that this moment had actually arrived, as well as anxiousness over what it meant that it had.  
  
"I didn't tell you of the 'extended version' I had a few nights back," Buffy now continued. "I didn't think it mattered. Most of the details were regarding Spike," she added with a smile his way, which he returned though she could see how he joined the others in impatience with her getting to the point. She would. "My dream this time began, however, with me going down into the Hellmouth. I didn't pick up on this sign of where it's actually taking place -until tonight. I realized that it's significant to this whole situation and after talking to Giles I know I'm right. He didn't confirm my suspicions, but he gave me enough acknowledgements to make me fully believe in them. He said that there is a possibility that the caves of the Hellmouth might stretch as far away from Sunnydale as to the coastline. I smelled the ocean in my dream, and that was what threw me for a loop. I never even considered the Hellmouth being larger than the actual gape of it, located beneath Sunnydale. But, I think it is. I know it is.  
  
"There's a well in my dream, and first it's filled with clear water; but then it's filled with blood. I thought this was linked, again, to the Spike aspect of the contents. I thought it had something to do with his past as a vampire and also with my Slayer side. I didn't know how to interpret it, but I thought I had the grounds for the part of why the blood was there figured out. I was wrong. The prophecy told me why it was there, but I didn't connect the dots."  
  
The silence was strained and seemed on the verge of snapping the air as all stared at her.  
  
"'And the heavens shall cry tears of blood and they shall rain down upon he who is damned and he shall drink them and they shall cleanse him for his final task...'" she recited, looking at Angel who seemed to finally understand.  
  
"Of course," he murmured.  
  
"'Of course' what?" Cordelia asked, her voice suffering a small shake as she looked from one to another.  
  
"Tomorrow morning Angel and I have to find this place where the well is," Buffy answered her. "Once Angel drinks the blood which either already is there, or will come to be there once the 'final' step of this whole thing is set in motion, his demon will be released."  
  
"In other words, he'll die," Cordelia cut in and Buffy paused, glancing at the vampire before she slowly replied:  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No!" Cordelia exclaimed, her tone agitated.  
  
"Cor..." Angel said gently. "Cordelia." She looked at him, still annoyed, and then that emotion gave way for sadness before she averted her gaze. "This is good news. We might just win this yet."  
  
"I hate Angelus for being right," she shook her head, looking up at him again before rising to her feet, adding: "He said 'you can't win'. And I can't."  
  
She left the room and Angel sunk back in his chair, closing his eyes in defeat. Then he seemed to take a hold on himself and he looked up at Buffy again.  
  
"How do we know when the right time is?" he asked. "We can't release Angelus before Satoch has left Susannah."  
  
"We'll have to trust that we'll know," Buffy answered and he gave a nod to that.  
  
"Did you get a hold of Willow?" he then wondered and she smiled a little.  
  
"She said she'd do her best," she replied. "Which means she should be here in a few hours," she added and Angel looked relieved at that.  
  
"That's good," he said.  
  
Buffy observed him for a few moments, then encouraged:  
  
"Go after her."  
  
Angel seemed to hesitate, and then he rose from the chair, walking the way Cordelia had a few minutes earlier, following her well-known scent and finding her on the steps before the front doors of the hotel. She had her arms around her knees and her forehead leaned against them. The candle she had grabbed was dancing in the cool breeze of the street and seemed to spread a surreal light in the otherwise so dark world. She didn't make any sound like she was crying, but he still felt a rush of guilt for the pain she must be under. He could feel it too, surrounding his still heart with a web of gray and blue.  
  
He slowly took a seat beside her, looking at his hands for a while, not sure what he could possibly say to her.  
  
"I was thinking," she then mumbled, raising her head but looking straight ahead instead of at him, "that this could be it for me too. That I could die tomorrow. There is that possibility every day, I suppose. That you might die. But this time it's really... in my face. Know what's scary?" she wondered, and he shook his head a little. "I'm not sure if I'd mind all that much," she finished and he blinked, then gritted his teeth before saying:  
  
"You don't mean that."  
  
"Yeah, I do," she stated. "I do mean it. Why live in a world where everyday is a constant battle? Why live in it when you know what evil there is in it? When you've seen it, practically even tasted it? What is there that holds me to it?"  
  
"Stop this," he mumbled, taken aback by her words. "This battle we fight, it's the good one, remember? It's to make the evil in this world a little weaker, and make it a little safer to live..."  
  
"Yeah, for everyone else," she cut him off. "We have to give up everything so that our neighbors can go on with their little lives while we suffer. I'm sick of it. Look at you, Angel. You've walked the Earth for so long; can you honestly tell me that it's changed at all? Isn't it the same worthless speck as it was when you were born? Filled with murderers and cheaters and liars. People with no moral conviction who wouldn't give a damn about us even if we saved their precious ass from the fires of hell! So tell me, why should I care about them? Why should I go out there tomorrow and try to save them, when I really don't wanna save myself?"  
  
Angel looked at her for the longest time, and then he said, voice soft:  
  
"For me?"  
  
Her eyes welled up at that, and she looked away from him again.  
  
"This feeling," he continued, "it'll pass. You'll want to... go on, Cordy."  
  
"Is it worth saving, then; to you?" she inquired, her jaw set and her tears held back by force. "This world?"  
  
"Yes," he answered her with conviction. "It always was. I admit, I've wanted to bring it to a close myself."  
  
"No," she said, mock-bafflement in her tone and he smiled a little; hoping that she might be letting go of her anger and bitterness; hoping that he was reaching her.  
  
"Once or twice," he said nonchalantly and she had the trace of a smile on her mouth as well, kindling that hope even more. He continued: "But there's a lot worth while. A beauty unmatched. Intelligence and spirit and that human attribute of striving to improve. It's fascinating, to watch how history has made its path over a billion years. And I've seen nearly three centuries of it. I'm blessed. I've seen and felt things you wouldn't believe... I've laughed and lost and longed. And loved..."  
  
He trailed off, growing tentative as she carefully met his gaze.  
  
"There's so much love in this world, Cor," he mumbled. "It weighs out all the hate, if you just believe in it. Do you? Believe in it?"  
  
She looked at him, then smiled a small smile.  
  
"I believe in it," she answered quietly and at that he returned her smile.  
  
***  
  
The wind was cold on the altitude she was keeping, but it didn't bother her very much. Her Sisters were protecting her in more ways than one as she sailed the air over the Atlantic, its waves a blue carpet some fifteen thousand miles down.  
  
Her mind was foggy and she felt like drifting off, but knew she had to keep herself awake or the ones keeping her moving would lose their contact with her, and she would plummet.  
  
Drowning wasn't even close to her top priority right now, and so she gave herself a mental slap and fought to get her eyes at least into slits; though the harsh draft really made it quite difficult to have them open even as little as that.  
  
Soon, she told herself. It's not far now. A few more minutes and you'll see the lights of Manhattan. After that Los Angeles isn't more than a breath away.  
  
She kept her pep-talk up as she was brought in over the very shore she had a few minutes earlier mentioned. It wasn't much farther now. It was always easier to teleport over landmasses than vast ocean waters because the elements were stronger coming from rock and earth, and more tangible.  
  
Before she knew it she began ascending and she felt her concentration beginning to come more easily the lower she got. Then the city of Los Angeles was spreading itself before her and she drew a small breath.  
  
The country seemed to be suffering one major blackout. No town shone any lights, and it was obvious this city was no exception. It was eerily quiet as she touched down on the asphalt outside the large Hyperion Hotel.  
  
She was hit by the sense of something very dark residing within the walls of the building, and also by how it sensed her presence as well. It didn't want her there. She smiled a little.  
  
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I'm here to stay."  
  
She crossed the street and then started toward the entrance of the hotel. When she got closer she could see that the steps hosted two forms, and after only a few more paces she knew who they were.  
  
"Willow," Cordelia said, sounding as surprised as she looked and getting to her feet.  
  
Angel did the same, his face splitting into a welcoming smile.  
  
"Good to see you," he stated as she stopped at the first step below them and smiled back with as much warmth.  
  
"The same," she assured and he laughed, taking one step down and giving her a hard squeeze.  
  
As he stepped away Cordelia moved forward and embraced the Wicca.  
  
"It IS good to see you," the former said and Willow smiled brightly, hugging the other back. "I have a feeling we have lots of reasons to be happy you're here," she added and Willow grew serious.  
  
"Yeah, I'd really love to know exactly what's going on," she said and Angel nodded.  
  
"Come on," he said, opening one of the doors and holding it up for the two ladies. "I'm sure Buffy's eager to see you."  
  
The three crossed the foyer as Angel took the lead to the conference room. As they entered Buffy turned around from where she was standing talking to Wesley and her eyes lit up when they rested in Willow's.  
  
"Wills!" she exclaimed. "Thank God you're here," she added, walking up to meet her friend and then giving her a hug.  
  
"It's good to be needed," Willow smiled as they let go, and then her eyes met the blue of Spike's; her gaze growing mild and then she smiled again. "Hello, Spike," she said and he smirked, though he looked a little insecure. "Well, come on!" she added, waving one hand at him to get up and come over to her. "Give us a hug," she finished and his smile widened before he rose and did as she instructed.  
  
Walking around the table he then embraced her and she suddenly chuckled. He blinked, pulling back with a wondering look on his face.  
  
"It's just..." she said, keeping her smile from growing too broad with effort as she finished: "I can't help but remember the time you tried to bite me."  
  
At that he laughed as well. Clearing his throat he then said:  
  
"Ahem... yeah. Eh, sorry about that."  
  
She shook her head as she watched Buffy's arm slip around his waist and how the Slayer stepped closer to the former vampire in a way which tattled that she was so used to doing it that she gave the motion little thought. Willow smiled at the sight, feeling how a great weight was finally lifted from deep inside her where it had grown so strong from watching Buffy's quiet and stoic anguish for all those months.  
  
"You don't look so different," the redhead now stated wryly and Spike smirked again.  
  
"Don't feel so different," he replied. "Except the need for anger management is gone," he added. "And whenever I'm a bit annoyed I don't get yellow eyes and very sharp teeth."  
  
Willow smiled once more at that remark.  
  
"And don't forget the lumpies," Buffy pointed out. "No lumpies either."  
  
"True. No lumpies," he admonished and Willow watched as they looked at each other in a way she never would have thought possible three or four years ago, and then they gently shared a kiss.  
  
"Pretty disturbing, isn't it?" Faith's voice sounded from behind her and Willow turned toward it. "Them not beating each other up all the time," the slayer elaborated with a smile. "Makes you wonder what exactly it was that threw the world order out of wack."  
  
"Hey," Buffy complained and Faith smirked. "That Alliende guy was way ahead of us with that," the blonde added and Willow smirked as well.  
  
"How are you?" she then asked Faith, who gave a shrug.  
  
"Same old," she answered. "Another prophecy, another give-us-today-our- daily-bread," she added. "You?"  
  
"Jetlagged," Willow replied and Faith laughed at that.  
  
"We all need to get some sleep," Buffy said now, having Willow turn to her again. "But before that there's someone you need to meet," she stated and Willow raised her eyebrows.  
  
***  
  
Susannah woke with effort, it seemed. She looked more fatigued now than ever before; and still she had been sleeping most of the past two days. She blinked at the soft light from the bedside lamp before slowly focusing her eyes on the new addition to their group.  
  
"Get away from me, witch," she then murmured and Buffy's heart sank.  
  
"Susannah?" she tried, but the woman smiled such a wicked smile that the Slayer immediately understood that the demon was back in control.  
  
"There is no way of stopping the future from crashing down upon you all!" it spat. "My time has arrived and you shall despair!"  
  
Willow bent her head and summoned the power she possessed, felt it tingle through her nerves and into her fingers, and then she whispered the words her Coven had taught her. Making a small gesture with her left hand when she was finished she then opened her eyes and looked at the young woman before her.  
  
"What...?" Susannah asked, disoriented.  
  
"It's alright," Buffy soothed, feeling the certainty that everything was going to be okay settle between her ribs and heart, beating in sync with the latter. "I've brought someone who can help."  
  
Willow took a step forward and Susannah gazed up at her.  
  
"He really doesn't approve of this," the latter then mumbled and suddenly there was a faint smile on her lips as she reached out a trembling hand and took one of Willow's in a steady grip. "Welcome," she added and the Wicca smiled back at that.  
  
"Willow can help exorcise Satoch so you won't have to drink from the bottle," Buffy now said.  
  
Susannah looked even closer at the woman before her at this disclosure.  
  
"Who are you, then?" she asked and Willow squeezed her hand a little.  
  
"My name's Willow," she answered. "I'm a good friend of Buffy's."  
  
"And a witch," Susannah said. "A powerful one at that, I take it," she added and Willow didn't have to verify it for the other to know it was true. "So, what are my chances now that the cavalry has arrived?" she wondered, letting Willow's hand go and sinking back against the pillows.  
  
Buffy turned her eyes on her friend as well and Willow paused, choosing her words before she answered:  
  
"If I can successfully remove the demon, you're chances are excellent."  
  
"And if you can't?" Susannah inquired.  
  
"She can," Buffy answered in the Wicca's stead. "Just focus on that. She can. I just wanted you two to meet tonight, so we're ready for anything tomorrow," she added. "Go back to sleep now."  
  
Susannah nodded tiredly, though Willow knew she watched them as they silently left the room again. Buffy closed the door and turned to Willow.  
  
"Please, tell me you don't harbor any doubt that you can pull this off," she asked and Willow looked at her for a second before she sighed.  
  
"That's a powerful demon in there," she said. "I can't promise you anything. You have to be realistic, Buffy."  
  
"I am!" Buffy hissed. "You're her last hope. OUR last hope! Satoch has to be exorcised and if you can't do it... I don't know what's gonna happen, but I'm sure it'll have her die once the final hour begins, and I'm NOT gonna let her die like that!"  
  
"What about this bottle?" Willow asked.  
  
"It's only design is to set Satoch free... it's poison to her," Buffy answered, running her hands through her hair as she leaned against the wall to the side of the door. "And there's something about the potion in the bottle... We're not sure if it's meant to increase his strength or his size or... The legend says, according to Wesley, that the woman who made it - Ritha - worshipped Satoch with a passion almost surpassing Nefertiti's. She wanted to ensure that once it was his time, he would be unstoppable."  
  
"Wow, had I know I'd get a history lesson I would've brought a notebook," Willow said and Buffy gave her a look as they proceeded up the stairs to the third floor. "But Satoch is supposed to... destroy this world right? So what was he doing going all wimpy three-thousand years ago? I mean, from what Giles has told me that Wesley has told HIM this 'demongod' only possessed Nefertiti and her husband."  
  
"Yeah, but Wesley has a theory about that. He thinks that it wasn't time yet. Satoch's one purpose was to destroy, right? That was the only thing he wanted, to cause chaos all around him. But he was 'young' back then, he wasn't strong enough to wipe out life as we know it. He knew he needed to bide his time, but also that he couldn't grow stronger in some cave somewhere. So, what does he do? He takes possession of a powerful figure through which he can wreak havoc and feed that need for anarchy and distortion. And, of course, keeping himself within that bloodline he was able to feed off of war, misery and whatever else was going on around the one hosting him."  
  
"You sound like you've actually been doing your homework," Willow remarked and now Buffy stopped.  
  
"Aren't you proud?" she wondered and Willow smiled.  
  
"I've never been prouder," she stated.  
  
"Not even when I aced my SAT's?" Buffy asked and Willow put on a thoughtful look before she shook her head.  
  
"No, this takes the cake," she answered and Buffy smirked, pushing the door open to the room which had been assigned to the Wicca. "This is nice," Willow said, stepping inside.  
  
"It's one of the better rooms," Buffy nodded. "But let's not kid - it isn't exactly in top shape."  
  
"I like it," Willow merely replied.  
  
"Well, good night," Buffy said. "We'll probably need to get up bright and early in the morning."  
  
"Okay," Willow said, stopping the Slayer in the doorway by saying: "And... where do you sleep? In case something happens and I need to get to you, I mean."  
  
Buffy gave her a sweet smile.  
  
"I sleep just a few doors down the hall."  
  
Willow cocked an eyebrow and Buffy's smile widened.  
  
"Shut up," she muttered before grabbing the door handle and stepping out into the hallway, closing the door after her.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hello. *sheepishly dragging one foot from side to side in front of me as I glance downwards* I'm SORRY this chapter is so late! I've had guests over the New Years and then I've been working this whole long weekend! Okay...? *smiles tryingly* I really am sorry!  
  
I keep saying that, don't I? BAD Annie! Believe me, once I'm done with posting this chapter I'll give myself a good, clean ass-whopping and teach myself to NEVER-DO-THAT-AGAIN!  
  
But - before that - thank you all for really great reviews!!! We're almost done now, guys. Can you believe it?! *tear*  
  
Special thanks to wolf116 (oh, don't get me wrong! I would LUV a Spike calendar, only I think I'd be too distacted by him if I put it on the wall and so I'd have to take your route with the closet deal. ;) I mean, all honor to my Spike-bot, but sometimes... ah, he's just not the real deal, get me? *giggle* And your poor husband! *snicker* No, really, honestly, poor him! ;) I'm glad it wasn't obvious it was a little joke - the proposal bit. :) I'm glad you liked!) :), winters1 (I'm so glad you had a good week!!! Very happy you enjoyed this!!!) :), darklover (Heheh, glad you thought so! Hope you liked this as well!) ;), timeends (thanks for both reviews!!! I'm so, so happy that you're still liking it!!! Hope this was not averting from that path!) ;), Captain (It's cool! I get that you wanna do your own thing. I'm glad you come back at all. Or rather that you want to read this still. Thank you! Oh, Xmas was perfect this year, hope yours was too!) :), AJ (Well, thanks. And I agree. And Riley, UGH! What did she EVER see in that guy? Or rather, what did JOSS think she could possibly see in that guy? Such a total wanker! *shudders* And no, let's not get started on this rant! And hope Willow is still appreciated. ;) Yeah, and sorry about the lacking of Fred and Gunn, it's just how it happened. I guess I feel I got more of a hang with the other characters. And Australia IS that far!) ;), Caitlin (heheh, I agree. Happy to make you happy! *grins widely* I'm very glad you liked it and so happy to make your day!!! Hope this chapter was to your satisfaction as well!) :), Anna (hey, girl! Completely cool that you enjoyed the story that much! Thanks a lot, that's a real huge compliment! And the cliffhangers driving you crazy. Excellent. *evil laugh* Heheh. Oh, and the latter-former bit has nothing to do with Buffy and Faith unless it's put in the same context as them right then. I.e. say I write something like:  
  
Buffy entered the room and saw Faith standing by the conference table; the former walked over to the latter swiftly and grabbed her arm in a harsh grip.  
  
I'm just referring to Buffy as the "former" 'cause she's the first one I mention in this short paragraph, and then Faith is naturally the "latter" since she's the second one. It's only so I don't have to phrase it like this:  
  
Buffy entered the room and saw Faith standing by the conference table; Buffy walked up to Faith and grabbed her arm in a harsh grip.  
  
Get me? Hope that clears it up for you. And I'm SO happy you liked it!!!) :)  
  
To all, thanks so much for continuing support! Couldn't do this without ya!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	28. TwentyEighth

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What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Eighth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2004-01-07  
  
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Buffy woke up the following morning from her body shaking with frost. She was so cold that she could barely get herself to sit up. She could see her breath as it formed a small cloud before her and she frowned. What was this?  
  
Grabbing one of the blankets she wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled it closed tight before she even attempted getting to her feet. As she rose, Spike stirred and then she heard his harsh intake of breath as he sat up.  
  
"What's going on?" he asked and she turned her head to him.  
  
He brushed his hands quickly up and down his arms, trying to regain some heat in his icy limbs, and his curls were an untamed mess on top of his head, his eyes still heavy with sleep and his whole appearance quite adorable.  
  
"Where's a camera when you need it," was all the reply he got from the now smirking Slayer before she crossed the floor to the door and disappeared through it.  
  
He blinked, confused, then sighed and began to collect the blankets that were left; pulling them around him the best he could before he rose as well. The windows were all covered with a thin layer of white frost and he squinted as he put one hand against one of the pains and created an opening big enough to peek out through.  
  
He stared at the sight which met him, his mouth falling agape; then he straightened his back and turned to the sound of Buffy reentering the room. She stopped at the sight of his expression.  
  
"You okay?" she asked, putting the clothes she had gotten for herself, from where they still were kept in her "own" room, down on the bed.  
  
"Look outside," he encouraged and she raised her eyebrows before she did as he said, walking up to the window and gazing out on a completely altered world.  
  
"Snow?" she said and Spike nodded. "But it's the middle of May," she disagreed and he nodded again. "Great," she grumbled, throwing the blanket off and walking back up to the bed, grabbing the first pair of the two sweatpants she had gotten and pulling them on; proceeding with the second one she then pulled on two sweaters and a sweat shirt.  
  
Spike watched her with a small smile playing on his lips and once she had finished, as she pulled her hair out from under the hem of the sweaters and then turned to him, he asked:  
  
"Warmer now?"  
  
She returned his smile, then had hers die away as she replied:  
  
"No. But I'd better be - we've got work to do."  
  
"And the white wonderland out there?" Spike wondered.  
  
"What should I do?" she asked. "Call Mother Nature and ask her what she's on? She'd just say mister sir Alliende slipped her something last night and she can't remember a thing." Spike smirked at that. "Get dressed, honey," she added. "Group meeting in ten minutes."  
  
***  
  
The discussion had been on for nearly half an hour. The subject was the past six days and everybody spoke their minds freely. The only one who was keeping quiet and keenly listening was Willow, who had only heard the prophecy in broad, bold strokes last night - all the interesting details had been left out.  
  
"I think we shouldn't rush into anything," Fred said, looking around at the others before she suddenly got a trace of insecurity in her gaze and she added: "Unless, of course, we really have to... since it's the last day and all."  
  
Gunn smiled comfortingly, taking her hand, and she smiled as well before she leaned her head against his shoulder.  
  
"I think my girl's right," Gunn spoke up. "What do we know for sure? That Buffy and Angel have to find some well in some cave somewhere, and then what? All we have to go on so far are hunches and something a demon scribbled down hundreds of years ago."  
  
"That's not what I said," Fred disagreed silently. "I'm sure the prophecy is as authentic as it gets and Alliande wasn't just 'a demon' - he was a prophet. He saw the future as it was."  
  
"But Forte said that this 'prophecy' had been talked of amongst his people for a really long time, like some kind of folklore. And this BEFORE Alliende chose to grab a piece of parchment and a goose pen and write it all down," Gunn countered and Fred sighed, having nothing to say to that.  
  
"There's a very real demon just up the stairs," Buffy stated in her stead and Gunn looked at the former as she added: "In case you've forgotten just how real the prophecy is, perhaps you should go upstairs and have a look."  
  
He shook his head, turning his gaze out of the Slayer's and she nodded.  
  
"Good. We all have to remember that this isn't something about to happen - it's happening. Right now. Whether we want it to or not. Satoch expects to break free today. He expects us to fail because he sees himself as invincible now that his time's finally arrived. We're gonna prove to him just how wrong he is. Gunn," she said and the man once again looked at her, "you're right. Hunches and instincts are about all that we're left with. But trust me - mine's yet to fail me. Angel and I are heading out in one hour. We'll see where our instincts take us."  
  
At that they broke for breakfast.  
  
Cordelia nodded to Fred's question if she should make some coffee for the whole gang and then walked up to Buffy, who now had her arms wrapped tightly around Spike's waist and her head leaned against his chest - trying to get access to his body heat, as well as he was wishing to borrow some of hers.  
  
"I can't tell you how much I dislike not even knowing around when we can expect this whole shablam to start," Cordelia muttered and Buffy nodded, then frowned.  
  
"You look really good this morning," she remarked and Cordelia shrugged.  
  
"Yeah... I FEEL really good, actually," she answered and at Buffy's quizzical expression the dark haired smiled sheepishly. "I guess my body's used to the cold," she added and Buffy returned her smile.  
  
"I actually feel better too," Angel stated as he joined them, leaning against the table and crossing his arms over his chest. "The heat's not so overwhelming. Slept like a baby straight through the night for the first time since this illness came over me. Or whatever it is."  
  
"Well, that's... good. Right?" Buffy wondered and Spike smiled.  
  
"Of course it is," he cut in.  
  
"I just wish I knew how I'm gonna stand this cold once we're out of here," she grumbled unhappily. "Nobody told me it was a bring-clothes-for-EVERY- occasion trip."  
  
Spike laughed at that, having her move her head and look up at him.  
  
"We'll find something for you to wear," Angel assured.  
  
"I'll bring out my winter clothes," Cordelia offered and Buffy gave them both a grateful smile.  
  
***  
  
"You nervous?"  
  
Angel turned around and faced Cordelia, who was leaning against the doorpost of his bedroom - where he was going through some of his older belongings and trying to gather his thoughts. He could see the burning need to have what was left to say between them said; it was all over her. In her loosely crossed arms over her chest, in her tight jaw and in her questioning gaze. But most of all it was in the echo of her beating heart, and he wished that he could reach out and place one hand over it; have it vibrate through him.  
  
"No," he then answered her question and she smiled a little before it turned into a frown and she stepped into the room.  
  
"Didn't think so," she tried at keeping the conversation light.  
  
It failed.  
  
He watched her face so intently that she had to look away. Her mind couldn't understand that in less than an hour he was walking out of her life forever. That he'd be gone and there seemed to be nothing she could do about it. She felt helpless in a way she never had before, and she couldn't even touch him.  
  
"I remember the first time we met," she mumbled, still not looking at him and fighting back her tears as they came to a glistening layer over her eyes. "I remember thinking 'There goes the handsomest man I've ever seen'... And then you turned out to be nice and friendly and funny and... completely in love with somebody else."  
  
"Aren't you forgetting something?" he asked with the trace of a smirk on his mouth and she raised her eyebrows, turning her gaze in his. "I wasn't exactly your average scouting material," he elaborated and at that she smiled brightly.  
  
"You had some excess baggage, sure," she agreed and he mirrored her smile. "And yeah, at first it was a bit freaky... Even when we teamed up here it was a bit odd to not see you as just the regular Joe. I mean, between the times you suited up in that... other form. But I know you... now. Now I know you. And I know Angelus has never really mattered when it comes to who you are. He's no side to YOU, he's only a representation of that demon you have to carry around with you. So I don't even have to take him into account, summing you up...Your worth lies in you and you alone. The man that you are. I-..."  
  
He cut her off by stepping up to her and pulling her close to him. She was rigid at first, surprised by his action and anticipating the pain to overcome her as before. Only it didn't. For another few seconds she couldn't understand why, and then she connected the scarce dots and concluded that even with nothing but the fabric of the clothes they were in separating their skin from contact with the other, it obviously was enough.  
  
She relaxed.  
  
Leaning her head against his shoulder her hands slid up his back and she pressed herself closer to him. At the feel of him, the scent of him, and the churning knowledge that he was about to disappear, she couldn't hold back her sorrow any longer. Her sobs were soft, but they ripped at him as he could feel her shoulders shake gently from them.  
  
"Please," he mumbled. "Please, don't do that."  
  
"I can't take this," she whispered, looking up at him as the trails down her cheeks slowly began to freeze.  
  
He put up a hand, pausing his movement right above her skin and having the water thaw and then just as slowly start to dry up. He smiled a little, then brought his hand to her temple and carefully touched her hair before placing the hand back at her left hip.  
  
"There's so much I want you to know," he murmured and she nodded a little.  
  
"Me too," she stated. "Angel, I'm..."  
  
A knock on the doorframe interrupted her and she was about to chew whoever it was' head off right before her eyes landed in Buffy's and she saw the expression in them. They looked not all too unhappy and Cordelia immediately had her craving-of-good-news drenched antennas stand on alert.  
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy apologized as the two before her let each other go reluctantly. "But there came a messenger from Forte just now," she added, stepping through the doorway and bringing one hand out from behind her back, as she finished: "He had this for you."  
  
She reached out her arm toward Angel and revealed the object placed in the middle of her palm - a bottle of nearly the exact same size and shape as the bottle of Ritha, only this one carried no etchings or markings what so ever and it was made of silver.  
  
Angel took it with clear hesitation as he eyed it, then looked at Buffy questioningly.  
  
"What is it?" he asked and she smiled a half smile before replying:  
  
"The note from Forte - and it was short, by the way - said that it's the counter pool to the other bottle. He never realized it until today, when... Well, open it and you'll see."  
  
Angel put a hand up and cautiously pulled the small top off the mouth of the item. Cordelia drew a breath as there was a thin, but undoubtedly visible, ray of bright, white light stretching itself all the way up to the ceiling.  
  
"The note said it started glowing about two hours ago," Buffy stated, continuing: "And then that it stopped, seemingly collecting the light inside instead... He's heard of it, but didn't know it was in his possession. He thought the bottle in question was supposed to look exactly like the other one. Anyway, I know what it's for," she finished and both Angel and Cordelia observed her skeptically, which made her smile again. "We're not supposed to feel out the right moment for you to drink," she picked up her thread again, her eyes in Angel's. "We're supposed to fill this bottle with the blood, and bring it back here. We're supposed to face this, all of us together. And that's the only way of beating it."  
  
***  
  
Spike corrected the borrowed hat Buffy had on her head and she looked up at him with a smile as she pulled her borrowed gloves on. In fact, pretty much everything she was wearing was borrowed from Cordelia. They were all warmer now, having been awake for a few hours and having been on their feet moving around as much as they possibly could during that time. But the world outside promised cold and so Buffy was thankful for all the warmth she could store before having to face it.  
  
The greatest warmth, of course, came from the adored man standing before her.  
  
He seemed slightly nervous. Frightened.  
  
"I'm coming back," she said gently and he glanced up to meet her gaze. "You know that, right?" she added and he smiled.  
  
"Of course," he replied, though he didn't convince her and she pushed away her own fluttering fear from her heart before she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him.  
  
"I love you," she whispered and felt how his arms slipped around her as well. "I wouldn't miss our first date for anything in this world, you know that. Not even some bloody demon with delusions of grandeur."  
  
His face nestled into the side of her throat and he held her tighter at that, but she knew he was smiling.  
  
"You'd better come back to me," he then murmured and she swallowed her tears bravely before pulling back and meeting his worried eyes.  
  
"Tell me you love me," she mumbled and he put up one hand by her cheek, brushing his fingers over it softly before he smiled a little again.  
  
"I love you," he then complied, voice as low as hers and then their lips met carefully before they deepened the kiss, unwilling to ever break it again.  
  
Cordelia looked from them to Angel as he pulled on his black coat and then met her gaze. She smiled tryingly and he returned it.  
  
"We all rely on you now," she said, voice soft and he nodded. "I guess you're used to that, though," she added and his eyes turned warmer.  
  
"We'll be back soon," he replied and she swallowed before nodding, forcing on another smile.  
  
"Promise?" she asked and he clenched his jaws together, then nodded as well.  
  
"I promise," he said and she stepped up to him, slipping her arms up and around his neck before she moved even nearer and closed her eyes.  
  
"In case anything happens..." Wesley said tentatively and Angel felt Cordelia's grip tighten. "What should we do?"  
  
"It won't come to that," Buffy replied with conviction; the kiss broken and she slowly let her love go before stepping away from him, her gaze in Wesley's. "Just sit tight, we'll be back before you know it," she added, looking at Spike who held her eyes in his with intensity.  
  
She pushed away the small shiver of displeasure down her spine at the prospect of what she might be about to face, what demons might be waiting for them out there. Then she smiled one of those bright smiles which she knew that man of hers adored seeing on her before she turned and headed for the door.  
  
"Be careful," Willow called after her and she looked back at her with reassurance not to fret.  
  
The determination to get the mission over and done with, so that she truly could be back at the hotel as soon as possible, took over easily and she welcomed it.  
  
Angel watched Buffy go, then looked at Cordelia.  
  
She smiled a small smile again, and he held her gaze for another moment before he turned and followed in Buffy's footsteps.  
  
Cordelia's heart was heavy with anxiety and when she glanced at Spike she knew he understood her perfectly as the door of the Hyperion closed behind the Slayer and vampire.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Gosh, I didn't expect these chapters to be so late! Really, you MUST believe me! Life and life alone has gotten in the way this time. Also, it's always like this when there's only a few chapters left of a story. I really distaste saying good-bye to it! I apologize time and again for the sucker that I am, the idiot and schmuck, and ardently beg your forgiveness! The next chapter will be up on Tuesday. I know this for a fact, unless the world actually ends before then or all the computers in this country for some inexplicable reason stops working.  
  
Big, huge, warm, special thanks to blackeyedgurl (Aw. *smile* Oh no! I hope you're better now! *sending very healthy vibes from here!*) :), wolf116 (hey, cool that you liked, and I'm glad you're enjoying where I'm taking the plot! Hah! So funny about the DVD, and I know - it's a mesmerizer, isn't it? I adore Intervention! So funny! But the whole Out Of My Mind episode is funny too! And naturally Fool For Love... Ah, heck, I could go on for ten pages.) ;), Winters1 (SORRY, I know this wasn't soon enough. But I hope you still liked and next chapter, I promise I'll do better time-wise for next chapter!) :), Anna (good to see you again. Heheh. Sorry 'bout driving you crazy and I'd say there should be about two or three more chapters. And Fred and Gunn are very much a couple, I'm sorry I've had them participate so little in this story!) :), darklover (thanks and sorry this was late!) :), lilmamaday (SO great to read your review, girl. Thanks a lot! You had me smiling very widely. Okay, I admit it, I was jumping up and down on my chair! ;) Thanks for wonderful comments and I'm so happy that you like it! So sorry that this is SOOO late and please, please, please tell me there has been no withdrawal pertaining my tardiness! *quiver!*) ;) and timeends (thank you!) ;)  
  
To all, I luv ya, I luv ya, I luv ya and I would never not submit a chapter intentionally. Curse these ten hour shifts at work! (though not all through 'cause I need the money!!!) :)  
  
Take care and I hope to hear from you as we round this journey up together!  
  
All My Love, Annie. 


	29. TwentyNinth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Twenty-Ninth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2003-01-11  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
The blanket of snow was close to blinding white as it reflected the bright sun in the sky and covered everything as far as their eyes could see. Buffy pulled the jacket she was in tighter around her before she began to wade out into the glittering dunes. Stopping after only a few paces she turned to her companion, who was looking at something right before his feet and seemed quite taken by it.  
  
"What?" she asked and he looked up, then moved his arms and pulled his coat off. "What are you doing?" she added as he let it fall around his feet.  
  
"I can't... explain it," he answered and then he began to move forward, towards her.  
  
She furrowed her brow questioningly, watching him as he got closer and then her eyes widened when he made his way passed her. The snow melted an inch or so before him and in its wake it was gone completely, creating a perfect path for her to follow in.  
  
"What the...?" she murmured, then tentatively stepped out of the heap of cold she was in and began to walk behind him instead.  
  
As the fascination of what was going on with him began to wear off she started to pay attention to the world around her. The stillness was what hit her the most. Everything was cushioned. There was no noise, no wind, no shouts or laughter, no traffic, no life. Just an ivory wave of silence. And everything was so clean, so sparkly. It was as though Mother Nature had put on her most precious gown and decided to show it off in all its splendor. And there was nothing for anyone to do but thoroughly admire it.  
  
Buffy suddenly smiled to herself at a memory from another time when she had been walking through a snow covered land with the vampire before her. Then they had been holding hands and known nothing of what their true fate would be. God, so much had changed since then. And still she loved him, she cared for him, and felt happy to walk through the magical change of the country with him. Happy that he was there with her, and that she didn't have to go in search of the Hellmouth on her own.  
  
"You know, it feels a bit like old times," she said and he stopped, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder.  
  
"It does," he then agreed, smirking. "I'm glad you're here."  
  
She smiled back.  
  
"I'm glad you're here too," she replied and his smirk widened, then he looked ahead again and started up their walking. "So... you and Cordy? I mean, you looked like you're actually making progress when I came knocking earlier..."  
  
"'Came knocking'?" he interrupted sarcastically. "I'd say you barged in at the most inappropriate moment. Literally."  
  
"Said I was sorry," she pointed out and he gave her another glance before he laughed softly.  
  
"I don't know if I wanna discuss Cordelia with you, Buff," he then admitted and she smiled.  
  
"Fine, I'll hear it all from her then, I've gotten everything from that source so far," she teased and he stopped again, turning to face her. "What?" she asked, innocently. "Girls talk with each other, unlike MEN. AND vampires, it seems."  
  
"I talk," he countered. "It's just... strange. I see you with Will and... it's great. I'm happy for you. Both of you! Still... it's strange. Part of me will always love you, you know that."  
  
"And part of me will always love you," she agreed. "But you being happy for me now means everything to me. I'm happy for you. It's strange, yes, I have to agree that it's a bit weird seeing you with Cordelia; knowing that you met her around the same time as you met me... But it's... fate. Can't tamper with that."  
  
He suddenly looked regretfully sad and she felt a growing lump in her throat as she remembered.  
  
"Angel..." she tried, but he shook his head.  
  
"If I get into this with you I'll go crazy. It's enough seeing what it's doing to her. I know what I have to do, Buffy. I can't rationalize my way out of it, can't change it, can't even TRY to tamper with it. Let's leave it at that."  
  
She was about to say something, but then let his words sink in and kept her mouth shut.  
  
"Did you tell her?" she asked instead, and he sighed.  
  
"As fate would have it, there wasn't time," he grumbled and she reached out a hand to place it on his arm.  
  
"You will," she said.  
  
"No," he disagreed. "I HAVE to. She has to know."  
  
After another moment he turned around and began walking once more. She wasn't late to follow. They continued their journey passed blocks of buildings, onto the vastness of the beach. The ocean closest to shore was covered with ice, but farther out it was billowing in steel-gray.  
  
They had been going for nearly fifteen minutes when Buffy asked:  
  
"Do you have any idea where we're headed?"  
  
There was a slight pause and then he answered:  
  
"Not really. But trusting my 'instincts' I'd say we're on the right track."  
  
"Right," she nodded. "What if our instincts malfunction? What if magic gets into the game and sends us on a wild goose chase?"  
  
"Does anyone use that expression these days?" he asked and she gave him a shove in the back before replying:  
  
"I'm serious! What if we're completely...?" her eyes landing on something glowing in the quilt of white, not far ahead, cut her sentence short.  
  
"We're not," Angel simply said before he held up the silver bottle, which he had kept in his hand ever since they started walking. "It's been leading the way."  
  
***  
  
"Hey," Spike said, standing in the doorway of Willow's room and having the Wicca look up from the page in the book she was currently studying.  
  
"Hi," she replied with a smile.  
  
"I'm not disturbing you, I hope," he said as he entered the room and she shook her head, putting the book down on her lap and watching him as he came to sit to the side of her on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Interrupting," she then admonished and he smirked before she continued: "but not disturbing."  
  
"So... what do you think?" he asked with a gesture to the book, which happened to be Wesley's very detailed journal on the prophecy.  
  
"About Wesley's handwriting?" she quipped and the blonde laughed, shaking his head. "About the contents?" she therefore wondered and receiving a nod, she sighed. "I'm not sure. It's so dark and depressing all of it. Hasn't anything good happened over the last six months that can at least give me one speck of belief that we'll be able to beat this one?"  
  
Spike smiled at that, then he replied:  
  
"Buffy came. Sent from heaven with the choirs singing their hallelujah's. And then you came, accompanied by nothing less."  
  
She smiled a small smile back, looking a little taken by that statement.  
  
"I think I'm starting to understand how you could have such an affect on Buffy when you did," she remarked wryly and he smirked.  
  
"I had my ways," he replied. "But you can't blame it all on me. She was weak after the whole death-going-to-Heaven thing, and on top of that she did kiss me first."  
  
Willow's eyes suddenly kindled with real interest and she leaned forward a little.  
  
"She did?" she then inquired and Spike cocked an eyebrow. "I've never heard the story of when hate couldn't separate the two of you anymore," she explained. "I mean, for a year she's been... absent. And before then... Well, you were around and I couldn't exactly go 'Oh, and by the way, Buffy. What ACTUALLY happened between the two of you?' while she was dealing with you and the souled bit of you and, before then there was the way you just left her and she wouldn't even mention you, so that wasn't a good time either and... Would you just tell me? Please?"  
  
He simply looked at her for the most grueling five seconds and then he smiled.  
  
"You sure you wanna know?" he asked and she nodded, trying not to look too eager. "Do you think she'd mind if I told you?" he then stopped himself and Willow blinked, then answered truthfully:  
  
"No. I really don't."  
  
He drew a small breath.  
  
"Well, I guess it all really started with this dream I had. Let's just say it woke me up to one or two truths..."  
  
***  
  
Angel and Buffy stopped at either side of the hole from where the glow had been coming. It was still there, glistening around the edges and straight down seemed to be the source of the light because it was nearly hurtful to try and look into the brightness of the gape. The opening was a little less than a yard in diameter and Buffy looked up at the vamp, who held her gaze and then nodded.  
  
They knew what they had to do.  
  
Question was if it really was such a good idea.  
  
Guess we'll see, Buffy thought as she took a small step closer to the edge.  
  
Suddenly there was something pulling at her, feeling as though a thousand small arms were wrapping tightly around her and dragging her forward and before she knew it - she was falling.  
  
She couldn't hear Angel's voice, but knew he called her name. Then she hit the ground. It wasn't painful, though she could feel the impact and the hardness of rock beneath her. She even noticed how her head got thrust into the ground mercilessly and when she opened her eyes the first thought that came to her was that she shouldn't be able to.  
  
That she should be dead, or at least in a coma. That her brain shouldn't be functioning after a hit like that. Only it was, and since the second thing her eyes took in - apart from the fact of her being in a cave that looked much too familiar - was a well in the cave floor from which a beam of light was stretching into the ceiling, she didn't think more of the fact that she shouldn't be alive.  
  
She slowly sat up, feeling her heart racing with adrenaline in her chest and then remembering...  
  
"Angel."  
  
She looked around, her eyes landing on his form merely a few feet away and she got on her hands and knees, crawling over to him. Right before she reached him he made a small noise and rolled over on his back.  
  
"Am I dead?" he murmured as she was at his side and when he opened his eyes she smiled widely. "'Cause it sure feels like it," he filled in before sitting up with a painful grimace. "What is this place?"  
  
"My dream," she replied matter-of-factly. "It's weirding me out seeing it like this, but this is exactly what it looked like. God, I'm thirsty..."  
  
Her eyes widened slightly at that statement.  
  
She really was thirsty.  
  
She didn't think she ever had been so thirsty.  
  
It felt like her throat was digging to get out through her neck and she put a hand up by it as she leaned forward, fighting for air.  
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked, obviously growing worried.  
  
"I need... have to..." she tried to reply, but started coughing instead.  
  
Suddenly her gaze fell on the glittering water in the well.  
  
Yes.  
  
Just a little drink.  
  
A mouthful; she knew it would be enough.  
  
She began dragging herself toward it, disregarding Angel's repetitive questioning of what she was doing.  
  
Just a little drink.  
  
She reached the water's edge and felt her heart leap with joy and triumph. Soon the clawing pain would be nothing but a memory...  
  
A memory...  
  
She stared into the blank surface. She could feel the coolness of what lie just beneath it. Could taste it slipping over her tongue. And then she heard it. The memory. Of her sister's voice in her dream, as it whispered:  
  
"It's poison to you."  
  
Buffy pulled herself back, startled. Crawling backwards she then stopped nearly ten feet from the well and drew a shaky breath.  
  
A trap.  
  
Her thirst was already evaporating, the pain was already being soothed out.  
  
"You okay?" Angel asked to her left and she turned her head to him, then smiled weakly.  
  
"Yeah," she answered him. "Now I am."  
  
Angel nodded, then turned his eyes on the well again. Buffy did the same. They both rose to their feet as there began to be slow ripples on the surface of it. Buffy came up to join at Angel's side and they both took a step closer, watching as something dark began to mix with the clearness of the liquid; the light from below being shut out.  
  
"Is that...?" Angel asked and Buffy, practically holding her breath, nodded slowly.  
  
"Yup... 'The Heavens shall cry tears of blood'," she then mumbled as the blood was pushing the water away, taking its rightful place as possessor of the well.  
  
The process was quick and soon thick crimson was all there was to be seen.  
  
Angel brought out the bottle from one pocket and opened the lid. The thin ray of light inside was still present and the silence surrounding them seemed to bid the task to be ceremonial and filled with awe at what they were doing.  
  
Buffy swallowed, not sure why, but her senses were all on attention as she watched Angel walk up to the edge and carefully get down on one knee. He glanced at the object in his hand before he gripped it tighter and then brought it toward the slowly moving waves. He paused for a moment, then brought his hand into the liquid. When he brought it back up the light was smothered in the bottle, just as in the well, and he put the top back on firmly as he rose to both feet, turning toward the Slayer with a rather relieved expression.  
  
She knew precisely how he felt.  
  
"Okay," she nodded. "Let's go."  
  
He turned toward the opening through which they had come, and then they both turned their eyes in the other's.  
  
"How do we get out of here?" Angel was the one who voiced their mutual concern and Buffy was about to offer a reply when there was a very distant sound which cut her off.  
  
Angel had heard it too.  
  
They turned their heads to the large crack in the far wall, seemingly serving as an entrance and Buffy recognized it to be the place through which she had come in her dream. So, she could only deduce that beyond that crack lay vast, un-chartered territory of passageways, more caves and Hellmouth.  
  
And that sound... a scratching noise... she had heard it before.  
  
It had been following her in her dreams, but it had never shown itself.  
  
She swallowed now, looking at Angel again and seeing the questions in his eyes. She clenched her jaws together, then reached back and grabbed the stake she had tucked there. Bringing it out she said:  
  
"Get ready."  
  
Angel stared at her, then at the weapon, before he brought one hand up behind his neck and grabbed the sword which he had hanging in its sheath on his back. Pulling it out the slow sound of metal against metal was all that was heard.  
  
The stillness told of something not being right, Buffy could feel it in the air all around them.  
  
And then there was the loud cry of something not even close to human.  
  
This time it sounded close.  
  
Very close.  
  
***  
  
Willow turned her head and looked out the dirty glass of the one window in her bedroom. Spike stopped talking, his smile fading as he saw the expression on the Wicca's face.  
  
"Did you hear that?" she asked and he frowned, shaking his head a little as she moved to sit straighter, seemingly still listening.  
  
There was a small sliver of chilled goose-bumps down his spine as he was able to interpret her behavior and he took a breath as he realized that something was terribly wrong.  
  
"It's Buffy, isn't it?" he asked, his voice breaking as Willow's eyes began to grow black. "Willow..." he tried to reach her, but she got off the bed in the next instant with a sharp breath and he felt his heart begin to race with fear at what she was seeing.  
  
"No," she whispered. "Oh, no."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hey all! A promise is for once a promise actually fulfilled, and I hope you liked this chapter. The fact that the Spuffiness will be bagged for the upcoming few chapters is something I hope most of you are okay with. This story is one of those that also incorporate a deeper story line than just the former vampire's and the Slayer's relationship, and I really hope most of you are enjoying that as well! Thanks for all the positivity!  
  
Special thanks to winters1 (Hehe, I'm glad you liked it! And hey, thank YOU for all your great reviews! I wish I could get out there more, but most of the time, there is no time! Anyways, I'm glad that you're glad!) ;), wolf116 (Aw, really? Cool. :) Haha, you think, huh? Well, all I know is that I detest S4! The story line is very cool, with the whole military trying to butt in deal, but I cannot STAND Riley, as said before. Well, in a way I must agree that S5 is the best season, but in another way it's not... I think you know in what ways.) :), lilmamaday (oh, dear! Well, at least this chapter was a lot quicker, right?) :P and timeends (Well, I really do hope that you can overlook the lack of Buffy and Spike and everything! ;) No, but really, I know that sometimes that's really all you wanna read and I get the feeling, but this story really deals with a lot more than just bringing them together, so as I stated in the first paragraph I hope that you're liking that aspect of it as well!) :)  
  
Thank you ALL and I'll see you soon!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	30. Thirtieth

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Thirtieth-  
  
By Annie  
  
2004-01-24  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
The quiet which followed the deafening cry did anything but calm the two warriors, now left with nothing but waiting. Their gazes were transfixed on the opening, and the shadow they could swear they saw shifting just beyond it.  
  
Buffy felt the adrenaline spread throughout her body, and every limb was tense with anticipation. She swallowed, seeing Spike's face before her eyes and then Dawn's. She broke the line of familiarity quickly. This was not that moment before her demise. She would live to see them both again; to see all of them again.  
  
Then there was the subtle scrape of something against the rock just by the opening and her heart slowed down its pace as all her senses were immediately reaching out for more information.  
  
She could scent something earthy, like wet clay; but she could hear and see nothing but blackness.  
  
Angel's grip on his sword tightened, his eyes not blinking.  
  
And then everything which seemed to be put on pause was suddenly pushed into fast-forward and out of the dark came a creature unlike any either one of them had ever seen. It had the height of at least eighteen feet and its body seemed made out of dirt and stone and twig. Its eyes were black as charcoal and they gleamed with an evil Buffy hadn't faced in what felt like eons. The smell of earth she had previously scented was now accompanied by one of slowly molding apples and its sourness filled the cave as the beast came to stand before its opponents.  
  
"Wonder if he's allergic to water," she now murmured and Angel had one corner of his mouth curl into an agreement before he raised his sword in front of him, holding it with both hands.  
  
"Too bad we don't have some," he then replied and she glanced at her stake, thinking she truly should have brought something a bit heavier, and then he added: "I would've liked to test that theory."  
  
She nodded, throwing her weapon aside and beginning to look around the cave for something which wouldn't seem as though it could have been made from the monster before them. From every part of it that would have a joint - had it been of a more normal form - there was a thick piece of branch sticking out. They didn't exactly look as though their purpose there was for mere decoration.  
  
Suddenly the thing went down on all fours, having its head still be in line with Angel's, and the vampire frowned slightly.  
  
"What's it...?" he began, and then the creature drew a breath before opening its mouth and letting out a roar of pure fire.  
  
Angel threw himself to the side, rolling on the ground and then getting to his feet.  
  
"Never mind," he filled in, sharing a rather panicked look with Buffy before they got themselves moving; running toward the opening of the cave.  
  
***  
  
"Willow?" Spike tried again. "Willow!"  
  
She finally looked at him, her eyes still covered by their black shield. She smiled a little.  
  
"Don't worry," she said, and then spread her arms, her feet leaving the floor.  
  
The next instant she was gone and Spike blinked, his heart thumping fierce beats against his ribcage and his eyes filling with the overwhelming fear he felt at the thought of what the Wicca had seen.  
  
Buffy...  
  
*** Angel was just behind Buffy as she reached to gaping mouth which would lead them into the unknown shadows, and then he heard the intake of breath right behind them. He saw Buffy turn her head to look over her shoulder, and how her eyes grew wide with surprise. And then he felt the heat wave which announced the oncoming storm of fire, and before he knew what he was doing he turned around, dropped the sword to the ground, and raised both hands before him.  
  
The flames licked around him, but his hands held them away from his body as though creating a power-field. He felt how his palms were burning with pain, how his forehead was beading perspiration he shouldn't be able to produce, and how he was just about to reach the place where his strength would leave him.  
  
Buffy stared at the scene, wanting to do something to help, but knowing that there was nothing she could do. She could see that Angel was nearly falling on his knees, practically leaning against the stream of glowing warmth which kept coming at him.  
  
"Step back."  
  
The voice sounded so unreal that Buffy didn't pick up on it at first, and then she felt a hand gently place itself on her upper-arm, making her move aside; and she turned her head, with widening eyes, to Willow.  
  
"Step back," the Wicca repeated and Buffy blinked, then did as the former asked.  
  
Willow closed her eyes, her hands growing into tight fists. Then she opened them up, slowly raising her arms and having bolts of electricity begin to form between her fingers. When she opened her eyes again they met the even blacker ones of the creature before her and it seized its breathing, staring at the small frame of the one in front of him.  
  
Angel staggered to the ground, falling onto his stomach. Buffy didn't dare to move.  
  
The creature hesitated for but a moment, and then it once again drew a breath.  
  
Willow seemed to have been waiting for this. She directed her fingers at it and released the electricity she had collected into its rightful form, as powerful bolts of lightening going straight into the being. It rose on its legs again, throwing its head back and letting hear another of its loud cries. This time it was laced with pain.  
  
At the sound of it Buffy got herself moving, running up to the fallen vamp and turning him over onto his back. She looked down at his hands and made a face of sympathy as the skin had been completely melted away. She pulled her thick jacket off and then ripped off the arms of the shirt she had on under it, which had been large enough to cover the other two sweaters beneath it. Wrapping the pieces of cloth around his hands she then turned her head back to the scene of Willow and the creature.  
  
It was a sight the Slayer knew she wouldn't soon forget, as the heat which the former was sending into the latter was making its countenance dry up and begin to fall apart.  
  
Angel stirred, moaning silently, and Buffy looked down at him.  
  
"You'll be alright," she assured when he opened his eyes and looked mildly disoriented. "It's okay."  
  
And then there was a crashing noise which had her once again turn her eyes on the creature, which had tumbled over on the side and was trying to move, but couldn't, as the dirt was beginning to wither away even more rapidly. After another ten seconds was all that was left of the formerly so mighty combatant a skeleton made entirely out of wood. It looked like a crossbreed between a human and a wolf, as the body had the look of a human - while the skull had the markings of a canine of some sort.  
  
Willow stumbled backwards, leaning against the wall she finally reached and then sinking to a seated position against it. Her eyes grew into her own and the silent crackling of the power circling between her fingertips slowly died out.  
  
"You okay?" Buffy asked, the question echoing through the cave and Willow raised her head, meeting the Slayer's gaze and then nodding tiredly.  
  
"I'll be fine," she replied. "Just need a minute."  
  
Angel sat up, with some difficulty, and Buffy stared at him for a moment before she asked:  
  
"How did you do that?"  
  
He shrugged a little.  
  
"The same way I melted snow," he answered and she smiled a small smile before helping him to his feet.  
  
"You saved my life," she said and he smirked.  
  
"So, what else is new?" he shot and she smiled again, then turned to Willow; who was also rising. "There's the hero," he added and Buffy's smile broadened. "Or heroine," he corrected as the latter left his side and rushed over to her friend.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Buffy wondered and Willow waved a hand.  
  
"We just need to get outta here," she stated. "I don't think I can handle anymore surprises."  
  
"Right. Any ideas? I don't exactly feel like hiking through the Hellmouth to try and find a way out," Buffy replied and Willow frowned.  
  
"Why not go the way you came?" she asked and Buffy pointed to the ceiling. Willow tilted her head back and looked up. "What?" she then asked and Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Unless we use the bones of that dead thing over there in some very creative way I can't see how we're ever gonna reach," she said and Willow smiled.  
  
"Oh, ye of little faith," she replied, walking up to the well and stepping up to the edge of it, once again directing her gaze on the ceiling before she simply stepped out and where Buffy would have thought she would sink into the depths of the blood, she began to gently hover above it; to then slowly start ascending toward the blessed light of day - visible around the edge of the hole.  
  
Buffy glanced at Angel, who shrugged his shoulders again and then they both walked up to the place where the Wicca a few moments earlier had stood.  
  
"You got the bottle?" Buffy inquired and Angel felt in his left pocket, to make sure.  
  
"Yeah," he answered and she nodded, growing tentative for a second before she did as her friend before her and stepped out, onto the blood.  
  
***  
  
Spike had been pacing the foyer for nearly twenty minutes; and this after nearly enough wearing a hole in the conference room floor - as well as Wesley's ear, the former being inapt to keep his worries neither silent, nor to himself. When the knob of the front door began to turn he stopped and then bolted for it.  
  
Buffy was accidentally the first one through it and before she had time to react he had hoisted her up in his arms in a tight embrace. Pulling back he then joined their lips in a deep kiss and when he finally allowed them both to come up for air she had a wide grin grow on her mouth.  
  
"I was so scared," he mumbled. "I knew you were okay, but I was still so bloody scared!"  
  
She looked up at him, the smile still on, and then she said:  
  
"Good?"  
  
He smirked at that, pulling her to him again.  
  
Cordelia came out through the door of the conference room and her expression was radiant relief and happiness as she set eye on the returning three. She crossed the foyer with a bit more self-control than Spike, but her gaze didn't leave Angel's for a second and she stopped before him with the clear need to hug him. She contained it, trying hard not to clench her jaws together too tight in the process, and merely offered him a bright smile.  
  
"So, you did it?" she asked and he returned her smile before bringing the bottle out and showing it to her demonstratively.  
  
Her joy suddenly faded as she looked at it. Then her eyes grew.  
  
"My God, your hands..." she began, but he interrupted her with a calming:  
  
"Don't worry. They'll heal in no time... Remember?"  
  
She grew quiet, looking away and seeming uncertain of what to do next. The seriousness didn't leave her and it was as though she was retracting, moving out of reach for him. He was just about to say something when she glanced at him and then said:  
  
"I'm glad you're back."  
  
He could hear how she wanted to add something along the lines of "for now" to that sentiment, but as she merely turned from him and walked back down the steps he felt his heart grow heavy. He squeezed the bottle still held in his right hand, then he followed her.  
  
Willow watched them both as first Cordelia disappeared toward the kitchen, and Angel walked after her. The Wicca turned her head to the still embracing blondes and had a smile on her face before she too proceeded down the steps and headed for the conference room.  
  
Wesley looked up when she entered. He had an expression of concerned curiosity on his features as she came up to the table and had a seat on one of the chairs with a sigh.  
  
"You look..."  
  
"Ah-ah," Willow shook her head, putting one hand up. "Please, I really don't want to know if I look how I feel."  
  
Wesley smiled, shaking his head a little as well.  
  
"I was going to say that you look surprisingly... pert," he said and she smiled back at that. "So, it went...?"  
  
"It went," she shrugged. "We're all here, all in one piece. Though Angel's a bit roughed up..."  
  
"What was it?" Wesley wondered.  
  
"Oh, just the Hellmouth's very own version of a Balrok, I'd say," she replied and then she rose again. "I need to go see Susannah... And I think we should have a meeting, talk things over. Soon."  
  
"Ten minutes?"  
  
"Make it fifteen," she said and he gave a nod to that.  
  
***  
  
"Nowadays all we do is have meetings," Faith complained, throwing herself down on one of the vacant chairs and tilting it back carelessly as she put her feet up on the table. "When are we gonna see some action? Isn't today the big day? Are we really gonna have another talk-it-over? What's there to talk about anyway? I tell you, I haven't seen this much calm since I climbed the Himalayas."  
  
"You never climbed the Himalayas," Gunn remarked and she smirked.  
  
"I could have," she replied. "Besides, I wanted to make a statement to underline just how frickin' bored I am with this drought! I wanna kick this demon's ass back to whatever hell it came from, save the day and hopefully have time to build an igloo or a giant snowman or..."  
  
As Willow entered she grew quiet and since everybody were gathered now that the Wicca took her seat they focused their gazes on her. She smiled a little, looking slightly insecure before she said:  
  
"I think we should begin the exorcism." Everybody grew a tad more rigid at hearing that, but Willow continued undiscouraged: "We'll bring Susannah down here. We'll have to have some way of tying her down without her hurting herself. I think the process should be quick, once it's started, and so we need to get everything straight before we take the first step."  
  
"Okay. You get Satoch out of Susannah," Angel spoke up. "I'll have a drink. Demons fight and then we'll see if there's still a world."  
  
"When you put it like that it sounds pretty simple," Cordelia murmured, having Angel's eyes lock in hers as she added: "Doesn't it?"  
  
The tension between the two of them was palpable and Buffy, sitting next to the lady of the context, had to wonder what had been said between them before. It seemed as though Cordelia was shutting him out completely and the Slayer wished she could have a minute or so with the brunette to tell her what a huge mistake she was making.  
  
"Why can't we just let it all be?" Faith now broke the silence. "I mean, if this Satoch character needs to be 'exorcised' to be set free, why can't we just let him be trapped in Susannah until tomorrow. Hey, maybe that'll kill him?"  
  
Wesley smiled a half smile before he answered:  
  
"No, it wouldn't. He's been changing hosts for three thousand years, waiting for this date. He'll simply do it again, and wait for three thousand more - if that's what it takes. Only this time it's a bit more complicated for him since he'll have to change bloodline, and not just body. However, he will be able to and there's not a damn thing we can do to stop him. He'll pick the strongest one of us to enter."  
  
Buffy furrowed her brow as he turned his gaze in hers, and then she raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Great," she muttered. "Here we go. It's all falling into place now."  
  
"No," Wesley disagreed. "It's not directed AT you, Buffy. But you're the strongest being here 'cause you're strength lies with your heritage."  
  
"Right," she said, voice low.  
  
"What'd happen to Susie?" Cordelia wondered.  
  
"She'd die," Wesley answered.  
  
"I'm here to make sure we don't have to even consider this as an option," Willow picked up at that. "I've talked it through with Susannah, and she's ready. She wants to do this now; I can see it on her. We'll start this circus up in half an hour... Until then all we can do is..."  
  
"Pray?" Fred asked with a trying smile and Willow returned it.  
  
"At the least," she nodded.  
  
***  
  
Cordelia closed the door to her bedroom behind her, but after only two steps into the room it opened again and she turned around. Angel stepped through it and then closed it behind him, seemingly trying to muster all of his patience as he caught her gaze and held it steadily with his own.  
  
"Cordelia," he said and she crossed her arms over her chest, taking a step back.  
  
"What?" she wondered and he frowned.  
  
"'What'?" he asked back and she tried to keep the nonchalance in her manner, though it failed her and she took another step back as she unwrapped her arms.  
  
"What do you want now?" she elaborated. "I think we pretty much concluded that we've said our good-byes."  
  
"YOU concluded," he disagreed. "And it seems you decided on concluding this while I wasn't even present. Why are you doing this, Cor?"  
  
"I don't know wha-..."  
  
"Yes, you do!" he interrupted, his patience eluding him as he couldn't take her treating him like this anymore. "You're wasting it!"  
  
She swallowed, but couldn't keep tears from rising and so she turned from him.  
  
"What? Our last precious moments?" she asked, voice strained and then his hands gently placed themselves on her shoulders.  
  
"Yes," he said and she let him turn her back to face him without putting up an ounce of a fight. "I don't know why I haven't gotten the chance to tell you sooner. Why something always gets in the way... But you know - don't you?"  
  
She stared up at him, her testament of emotion running over and sliding down her cheeks; then she nodded.  
  
"I love you, Cordelia," he stated gently and a smile began to tentatively form on her mouth. "I've been in love with you for a long time..."  
  
He trailed off. Looking down at her beautiful face now glowing with the very feeling he harbored. It made him feel lightheaded, floating.  
  
"I love you too," she mumbled, her face so close to his that he could feel the cold radiating against his skin.  
  
Then her arms slipped up and around his neck and he held her to him, closing his eyes and wishing that one half hour could have been enough. It never would be. He would never be able to tell her all the things he wanted to tell her, ask her all the questions he wanted answers to, or hear her thoughts on everything around them.  
  
He knew her, but her deepest and darkest fear or her most well-kept secret - those were things he would have to leave with her.  
  
"Our timing really sucks," she suddenly grumbled and he had to smile, turning his head to look down at her again.  
  
"But maybe we'll appreciate each other more in this half hour than most people do in a lifetime," he offered and she smiled a little as well, then said:  
  
"Maybe we'd appreciate a lifetime more then most people do in a half hour."  
  
He smiled, then frowned again.  
  
"That made no sense," he pointed out and she smirked.  
  
"To me, neither did your little attempt at philosophy," she replied and he had a wider smile on his lips at that.  
  
***  
  
Susannah was leaning against Willow as the latter helped her to carefully make her way down the stairs to the foyer.  
  
"Slowly now," Willow encouraged, Susannah's breathing heavy and forced into a calm Willow knew the other wasn't anywhere close to feeling.  
  
Spike met them at the last step and Susannah looked up at him with a grateful expression as he took his place on her other side, helping to support her.  
  
"My feet can barely carry me, my legs are shaking so bad," she whispered and he hushed her gently.  
  
"Don't think about it," he murmured and she smiled meekly.  
  
"How can I not?" she wondered.  
  
"You're stronger than you think," he said firmly.  
  
"Another dash of your incorrigible stubbornness?" she asked, still bearing the traces of a smile and he had the same occur on his mouth as a reply.  
  
"Here's good," Willow said, stopping and Susannah moved the arm she had around the Wicca's shoulders to let the other leave in order to get Gunn.  
  
Susannah hesitated, and then turned so that she faced Spike, leaning into him as she had no choice. If she didn't, she was sure to fall. He looked down at her and she saw a haunting worry in those eyes she loved so.  
  
"Please," she said, voice lowered as it seemed any attempt at speaking above a loud whisper was instantly broken off. "Don't look at me like that."  
  
"I'm sorry," he replied. "But I'm afraid for you. Can't I be?"  
  
"Sure you can, I want you to be," she mumbled. "Just don't let me know it. I have to believe that Willow can do this."  
  
"She can," he stated. "I know it."  
  
"So don't be afraid," Susannah said, moving one hand to place it softly against his cheek.  
  
"Sannah..."  
  
A wider smile cut him off and then she said:  
  
"I've always liked that nickname... It sounds so personal. Like a secret."  
  
"I'm sorry if I hurt you..."  
  
"You're happy now... You're eyes they... they're finally full of... life..."  
  
"Susannah?"  
  
Her eyes began to close and then she suddenly slumped in his arms, making him have to go down on one knee to keep her from hitting the floor as she began to slip out of his grip.  
  
"Susannah?!" he said her name again, her hand previously on his cheek now on his shoulder and her fingers gripped the fabric of the thick sweater he was in.  
  
"What happened?!" Cordelia demanded, coming rushing down the stairs with Angel not far behind her. "What's going on?"  
  
"I don't know," Spike replied. "Get Willow."  
  
"I'm here," the Wicca said, coming back out of the conference room, accompanied by Gunn. "I thought this might happen. We have to hurry and tie her up... Satoch's taking back control again."  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Hello! It's hard to think it, but I do believe there is merely two more chapters to this story! Incredible.  
  
I want to send warm and special thanks to Winters1 :), Rachel9 (it's alright! Thanks!) :), timeends ;), Anna (it's cool and glad you liked!) :), darklover *big smile to that*, blackeyedgurl (good to see ya! And you're welcome!) ;), Captain (totally okay and I'm happy you enjoyed! Thanks for the Spike! Delicious!) :)  
  
Sorry to make it so short this time, and I'm sorry if the steam seems to have gone out of me, trust me - it hasn't. I'm taking a course (in Screenwriting, for those who are interested) online and it's occupying my time very efficiently. :) I hope all is well with everyone and big, humungous thanks to you all!!!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	31. ThirtyFirst

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What Is To Be  
  
-Thirty-First-  
  
By Annie  
  
2004-01-26  
  
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Gunn secured the ropes tying Susannah's arms behind her back, making sure they were fastened tightly before stepping away from her. She was now placed on a chair brought out from the conference room, and she didn't exactly look as if she was comfortable; but Cordelia's concerned remark about this went by with only one short reply from the Wicca:  
  
"She will get a lot more uncomfortable before this is over."  
  
And so the brunette dropped the attempt.  
  
Now there was yet again stillness filling the Hyperion. A tense anticipation seemed the trigger for it as they all had their eyes locked on the form before them. And then a slow breath was taken by her.  
  
"I thought I told you to get away from me, witch," a deep voice sounded; one they hadn't heard since the night Susannah attacked Buffy.  
  
The tension merely heightened at this, but Willow seemed unchallenged by it; her gaze rested firmly in the demon's. It looked out through eyes which wasn't its own, and tainted them with an expression filled with wicked, sardonic expectance. An amusement the Wicca didn't share, but she wasn't set back by it. In fact she met it with the hint of a smile - in no way kind. It was an overseeing smile, one that she might have used with a child that had been naughty and knew it, but was trying to cover it up.  
  
Then she calmly offered her reply to the demon's previous statement.  
  
"You use that word as if it was a bad name... I'm sure you know it's not, to me."  
  
The demon smiled, distorting Susannah's beautiful face into a mask of madness as it straightened her back and leaned against the back of the chair. Tresses of auburn hair hung before its sight, but it didn't seem to mind it as it kept its gaze in the redhead before it.  
  
"I do offer my deepest apologies," it then said, mockingly. "I thought I told you to get away from me... Narlat."  
  
Willow squinted at the sound of that word, then she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, I guess it's my mistake for correcting you, but here I thought you had spent so much time cooped up in a wretched human body that you had completely forgotten all need of education; and yet you managed to pick up one of the few words which actually are offensive in regard to who I am."  
  
"There are a lot more than you even know, Watrolk," the demon smirked and she smiled the small smile again - unimpressed.  
  
"And I bet you know all of them," she nodded.  
  
"What do you think you could possibly accomplish?" it spat and she raised her eyebrows in faked innocence. "Why are you here?" it murmured.  
  
"To help put a stop to you," she answered without hesitation and for a moment it merely stared at her before it threw the head of its host back and let hear a roaring laugh.  
  
When it finally calmed down it looked at Willow once more, and then slowly turned its piercing gaze on every last person present in the room; ending with the Wicca and pausing before saying:  
  
"But you forget one thing."  
  
Willow didn't even blink, waiting for it to continue on its own. She didn't have to wait long. Another smile formed, this one in close proximity to triumphant as it brought its arms forward - showing that they were now untied - and held its hands out, wiggling the slim fingers of Susannah tauntingly before finishing with:  
  
"I am... a god!"  
  
Everyone seemed frozen to the spot as they stared at the being, but then it stood hastily and was about to move forward, only as it hadn't noticed that Susannah's ankles were also tied to the chair it had a momentary lapse of focus and Gunn noticed it. He was running in the next instant and before the demon could react he had thrown himself over it. The chair tilted backwards as the two rumbled to the floor and Willow closed her eyes, beginning to recite the words her coven had made her burn into her brainstem - or nothing far from it.  
  
When the body beneath him made no sign of movement, Gunn rolled off it and to the side. Sitting up his gaze fell on Willow as she opened her eyes and slowly got herself around to the side of the fallen young woman. Gunn watched the Wicca for a second, then moved onto his knees and untied Susannah's ankles before carefully removing the chair from under her - Angel walking up to help him.  
  
"She said this should be pretty quick, right?" Faith asked.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "But... does anyone know how quick 'pretty' is supposed to be?"  
  
***  
  
There was a loud, scraping noise as the coppery bottle of Ritha slowed its journey on the conference table, where it had been performing a beautiful spin for the amusement of the Slayer. When her hand reached out to grab the object and have it do it all again, Wesley's hand cut her to it; grabbing the bottle and moving it out of reach from her.  
  
She gave him a look of dislike before straightening her posture from where she had been stretched out with her upper body resting on the table, her head on one arm.  
  
It seemed that "pretty" was turning out to be a word none of them would choose to put anywhere near "quick" at any given time. Willow had been completely focused for nearly an hour, but there seemed to be no results from her efforts thus far.  
  
Wesley now placed the bottle next to the one of Angel with a rather reprimanding glance at the blonde; as if she had even IMPLIED that she was going to try and take it again.  
  
She rose to her feet, glaring at the watcher as she headed out the door. He seemed to barely notice, his nose too far stuffed into whatever old book he had it shoved into this time. So like him.  
  
Buffy crossed the foyer.  
  
"William. William. William. William," she mumbled to herself, trying to make the name sound estranged when spoken over and over, but failing, and when she nearly walked right into the man himself as she reached the doorway of the kitchen she exclaimed: "Spike!"  
  
Receiving a wide smirk at that she felt as though she was practically blushing and then she smiled back. He gave her a kiss on the cheek before moving passed her and she grabbed his arm, making him stop and turn back to her. The small frown and clear pout that she had on made his smile broaden and then he leaned into her, catching her mouth with his and giving her a deep kiss. She looked mildly satisfied when he broke it, her eyes telling him that he shouldn't be leaving the room she was just entering. He had to agree to that, but then he held up the books he was taking to Wesley and she rolled her eyes for him to go ahead then.  
  
He smiled again before giving her another quick kiss, proceeding out through the door while Buffy walked up to the table in the kitchen where Faith, Fred, Cordelia and Gunn were sharing a pint of ice-cream. The Slayer grabbed a spoon and took a seat as Angel re-entered the room - he had been called to the phone some ten minutes earlier. He sat as well, declining the offer of joining in their gorging, and being content at simply watching them eat. After a short while he said:  
  
"I just talked with Lorne."  
  
Cordelia raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Really? How is he?"  
  
"Oh, fine... You know, the usual worry about being slapped in the middle of what looks like the Third World War, but I assured him that we were putting our asses on the line as always and after that he seemed a lot calmer."  
  
Gunn smirked, scooping some ice-cream into his mouth and looking as though he thoroughly enjoyed it. Cordelia watched Angel for another few seconds, and then she asked:  
  
"Did you tell him?"  
  
Angel met her gaze before he shook his head a little.  
  
"No, I didn't. It didn't feel like the right time... like it's something you tell someone over the phone... No, I didn't tell him."  
  
Quiet seemed content to lodge itself between the six after this revelation.  
  
Buffy wondered who this Lorne was, but didn't feel like breaking the spell and asking. She looked at Cordelia, and then at Angel, who was watching the brunette with eyes that told everything anyone could ever need to know and the Slayer had to wonder what the hell they were doing sitting there with people around them. They should be alone. They should be talking about... The thought died there, as she realized that with the familiarity of others came the postponing of this thought that they were to be separated.  
  
Buffy got to her feet, throwing her spoon in the sink on her way to the door and walking through it, again crossing the foyer before reentering the conference room. Spike looked up as she came through the doorway, a welcoming smile immediately on his face and she returned it as she walked around the table and came up to him.  
  
She easily jiggled herself in between the edge of the table and his stomach, curling herself contentedly on his lap and placing one arm around his shoulders, the other on the table as she looked at the thick volume placed before him.  
  
"So," she said. "What're we reading?"  
  
To that she received a pleased smirk.  
  
***  
  
Faith sat quietly watching the Wicca at work. The former had been seated on the same spot for the past twenty minutes, while the concentration of the latter hadn't faltered for nearly three hours. Her eyes, though, were beginning to look tired and the strain evident on her features due to her set jaw didn't exactly help the matter.  
  
Fred came up to join at Faith's side and the two kept silent for another minute, then Faith said:  
  
"I wish there was something I could do to help her."  
  
"I'm sure we all do," Fred replied. "Has there been any change at all?"  
  
Faith shook her head.  
  
In the conference room Buffy shifted on her chair, trying not to grow sleepy as she watched Spike turn the page of the book for the hundredth time. After being comfortably placed on his lap for close to an hour, she had had to move, since his legs were falling asleep. Now she drew a small breath, letting it out as yet another sigh and Spike glanced at her. At the small recognition she lit up. He gave her a smile back and she sat straight from where she once again had been splayed out across the table.  
  
"You're a quick reader," she remarked and his smile turned to a smirk.  
  
"Only when I have to be," he replied and she cocked an eyebrow, scooting a bit closer to have a look at what he was occupying himself with.  
  
She observed the drawing of a mighty building, and then read the text below it. She couldn't make out much of it, except for the building being the temple of Karnack, and that it was - or had been - situated in Egypt's ancient capitol of Thebes.  
  
Her eyes fell on a depicting below the drawing, showing some sort of pattern and she frowned.  
  
"What's this?" she asked and Spike looked at what she was referring to before answering:  
  
"It's the symbol for the order of Amon."  
  
"Amon...?" she asked and he nodded.  
  
"Yeah, you know - the high-and-mighty back in the day. One of the most worshipped gods. His priests kept order in Egypt. Remember?" She looked as though she wasn't connecting the dots yet and he smiled a little. "The priests - who evidently founded this particular order - were the guardians of the god - Amon, and had been for generations until the day Nefertiti and Akhenaton decided to break with custom. They invented their own religion which revolved around Aton."  
  
"And Aton is the same as Satoch," Buffy nodded. "And Amon... is Aatoch?"  
  
"Right," Spike said. "So you did pay attention?" he added teasingly and she gave him a smile before directing her gaze back on the sketch in the book.  
  
It was extremely familiar to her. She furrowed her brow for a second time, trying not to concentrate too hard, knowing that the information was most likely to escape her if she did. Placing one hand on the book she tentatively moved her fingers across the symbol and then she drew a breath in realization.  
  
A wooden doorframe. Her fingers brushing over something carved into it.  
  
"Oh, my god," she said, looking up just as they heard the front door being thrown open.  
  
They both got up and so did Wesley, moving quickly to the doorway and continuing out into the foyer; Buffy grabbing the two bottles off the table as she went.  
  
She wasn't surprised at the sight which met them.  
  
"Forte?" Spike asked, his expression quite the opposite.  
  
And him it was. Dressed in long, deep-blue robes he - and eleven others - stood before them. He smiled disarmingly. It didn't take on the former vampire, who was still observing the strangers with clear suspicion.  
  
"It's alright," Buffy was the one to speak up, just as the others came rushing from the kitchen to see what the racket was all about. "He's a priest," she added, not hiding the sarcasm and Forte's smile widened ever so slightly.  
  
"What?" Cordelia wondered, confused.  
  
"He has the symbol for the order of Amon carved into the doorway of his study," Buffy replied, still looking at Forte.  
  
"But that's not possible," Wesley said, disbelieving, and Forte glanced at him before looking around at all of them.  
  
"It is highly possible," he then stated, "or I wouldn't be standing here before you today. Of course, we have known the true origin of Amon for quite some time, unlike our ancestors."  
  
Angel stared at the demon, then said:  
  
"You wanted this to happen." Forte turned his gaze in the vampire's, his exterior that of pure calm. Angel continued: "That's why you gave us the bottles. That's why you didn't tell us more than you thought we needed to know... Why?"  
  
Forte cocked an eyebrow and was about to answer when a loud thud was heard behind them and they all swirled around.  
  
"Willow!" Fred exclaimed, running up to her where she had fallen and was struggling to get up.  
  
Taking a firm hold around her waist the latter helped the Wicca to her feet.  
  
"I'm sorry," Willow breathed, the exhaustion on her making her look smaller than she was. "I couldn't... I tried, but... He's too strong. I can't release her. I'm sorry."  
  
Buffy felt the fury begin to boil within her and she turned back to Forte.  
  
"What did you do, come here to act as a goddamn audience?!" she exclaimed, slamming the bottles down on the counter irritation before she approached the demon. "I bet your little cult thing-y you've got going here has waited and waited for this to happen! For history to repeat itself and for you to be able to bear witness this time! You had answers and you didn't give them to us, and now...?!"  
  
"Buffy, take it easy," Gunn tried, but she wouldn't listen as she stopped before Forte.  
  
Fred helped Willow over to the chair still left from when they tied up Susannah, asking if she wanted some water and Willow nodded feebly, her eyelids heavy and her body limp. Everybody were gathered facing Forte, listening to the words being exchanged. She tried to make them out, but they grew into a low murmur which didn't seem to matter.  
  
She turned her head to where Susannah lay, and blinked tiredly.  
  
Her mind was playing more tricks on her, because she could have sworn that the girl wasn't lying there anymore.  
  
Fred came back, kneeling beside the chair and handing her a glass of cold water. Only, the thirst seemed to have left the Wicca's throat, and she forced herself to form the word she knew she had to get out.  
  
"Susannah...?" she murmured and Fred furrowed her brow, then turned to the spot where the young woman had been only a minute or so before.  
  
She wasn't there anymore.  
  
Fred got to her feet and turned around.  
  
"Did you know THIS would happen too? Did you know we'd fail with the exorcism?!" Buffy demanded on the opposite side of the room and Forte eyed her before replying:  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
"What do you mean 'of course'?" she asked, agitatedly.  
  
"'Four times four will open the door'," he answered matter-of-factly.  
  
"Buffy!" Fred yelled. "Buffy!" she repeated, and at the urgency in her voice the Slayer stopped her arguing.  
  
The stillness which followed was nearly frightening as they all turned to see the form of the formally fallen - now standing before the doorway of the conference room.  
  
"Susannah?" Spike tried and she turned her head to him, her eyes burdened and sad.  
  
"There are so many things to be said," she stated, her voice cracking and then her head suddenly drew back with a pained hiss.  
  
"Susie," Cordelia mumbled, the tears in her tone soon settling in her eyes.  
  
Susannah brought her face forward once more; looking at the people before her and having a small smile grow onto her mouth.  
  
"I wish I could tell it all with one word, but I can't," she mumbled, looking down at something she had in her left hand and seemingly wavering for a moment before she moved her gaze in Spike's. "I don't have time."  
  
His eyes widened as he came to understand what it was she was doing; he took a step forward, about to let out a protest, but she shook her head and stopped him.  
  
"This is the only way," she said and the rest of them caught on to what Spike had deduced as they could glimpse what it was she was holding - the bottle of Ritha. "I have to let him win this one. You have to make sure he doesn't win the next."  
  
She put her right hand on the small top of the bottle and removed it.  
  
Buffy stared at her, her heart beating heavily with defeat and sorrow. Her hand being clasped by Spike's in a hard grip and she ached for him as well.  
  
"I'll never forget you," Susannah whispered, then she brought the mouth of the bottle to her lips, closed her eyes and tilted her head back, swallowing the liquid down.  
  
The bottle fell to the floor with a hollow clank. The form of the woman didn't move, but stood as it was for what felt like the longest time. Then it writhed, convulsed and was finally lifted into the air.  
  
Cordelia turned her head to Angel, but he was already moving toward the counter where the second bottle still lay.  
  
"Angel!" she called out and he turned to her as he grabbed the item.  
  
He smiled a bright smile and her tears ran over as she tentatively returned it, and then she had to watch as he opened the top in the same manner Susannah had, knowing what was to come next.  
  
Angel took a moment to look at all of the people he loved and cared for gathered in the same room. A small miracle in itself.  
  
Having his eyes in Buffy's and then in Spike's he wished he could have told both of them how much they had truly meant to him, and still meant. How they had both, in some way, helped shape him into what and who he was. He guessed, to some extent, they already understood.  
  
He locked his gaze with Cordelia's and knew that she knew what he felt, and how much he did love her. She would always remember that.  
  
He gave another smile and then brought the bottle up, opening his mouth he let the blood slip down his throat and then he couldn't think anymore, only feel.  
  
The taste was the sweetest he had ever had on his tongue, but as it continued down it began to burn him. He was on his knees the next instant, and then he felt as though he was slowly lifting off the floor. Flying above everything. Suddenly the heat was coursing through him, it took him completely off guard and he screamed a scream he couldn't hear. The warmth was more intense than ever before and it ripped at him, made him feel as though he was being eaten away - particle by particle.  
  
And then teeth scraped his neck, from the inside. Claws scratched down his back and it was as though there was a being inside of him fighting to be let out.  
  
Demon.  
  
"You will never be rid of me," it whispered and taunted and shouted and cried and then...  
  
Silence.  
  
***  
  
"Do something!" Cordelia yelled, but no one had anything to say in neither comfort nor reply as they had their undivided attention at the two forms hovering twenty feet apart.  
  
Susannah was hanging in rigid stillness, while Angel seemed to be suffering something close to a seizure.  
  
Forte gave his comrades a sign and they moved quietly to the place where Willow had been struggling for so long with Satoch. Once there they all bowed their heads.  
  
Cordelia stared at the scene before her in growing terror, and when Angel suddenly dropped to the floor with a harsh thud, her heart nearly stopped. What happened then was, however, enough to break through her worries and have her immobile. There was a shift in the air above them. It looked as though stirring smoke, only there was no smoke to be stirred - only air. It was surreal to watch.  
  
In the next instant Susannah fell from her suspended state as well, hitting the floor with something not far from a crack and Buffy averted her gaze with a wave of nausea attacking her at the strange angle the formers body had landed in.  
  
Something red was moving with the see-through now and all fixed their concentration on the battle about to ensue. As the two entities crashed together their true forms were revealed. Angelus being black; his head bald and his eyes glowing yellow. His fingers were long and pointy, as though really growing into claws; and his wrath was clear. Satoch was still red. He looked three times bigger than Angelus and his eyes were piercing green. They both looked more like ghosts than anything else, except from when one of them hit the other. Then a flash of them, in what would have been the closest they could get to an actual hard form, could be seen.  
  
"Holy crap," Buffy murmured. "He's getting slaughtered."  
  
And it was true. Angelus was already loosing.  
  
"This can't be happening!" Faith exclaimed.  
  
"But it is," Buffy murmured.  
  
The next moment Satoch delivered a blow to the other demon's throat and the shape burned for a second, then it was gone.  
  
"Oh, my god..." Fred whispered.  
  
Satoch looked down at the mortals, his eyes glittering with glee.  
  
"Did you think that sending such an inferior being to conquer one of the mightiest this world has ever seen... would actually work?" he asked. "You cannot have believed that that puny imp would even put a dent in my skin!"  
  
"Didn't know you HAD skin," Buffy grumbled, searching her mind for some way of defeating the demongod, but she kept coming up empty-handed.  
  
"I will," he answered her mockery and she glared up at him, beginning to grow mighty pissed at the fact that there wasn't a single thing she could do to stop him.  
  
"So, what's the plan now then, oh-mighty-one?" she asked. "Eat up the whole of existence as we know it? You're pretty big, but will all of that REALLY fit into that stomach of yours? And have you ever heard of the saying 'less is better'? Do you HAVE to eat up all of it? Can't you just swallow... the North Pole or... one of those tiny islands we don't need anyway or... half of Cleveland? I mean, isn't there someway to work around this?"  
  
"I am this world, and this world is in me," was the reply she got and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Sarcasm is completely wasted on that one," she grumbled to Spike, who smiled a rather weak smile.  
  
At the sound of murmuring she frowned and looked over her shoulder at the circle-placed Amon priests. She blinked, letting go of Spike's hand and taking a step closer.  
  
"What in the world...?"  
  
In the middle of the circle there was a slowly moving swirl of blue. She was hypnotized by it as it began to grow. Suddenly there was the furious roar of Satoch as he seemed to notice what was happening, but before he could move in to put an end to it a stream of blue light shot out of the swirl and hit him with full force -pushing him to stay where he was.  
  
"No!" he screamed, the anger he produced making the walls of the Hyperion shake.  
  
The priests moved their arms out from their sides and up over their heads, placing their hands palm-to-palm before bringing them down to their chests. Once there they said a sentence in a language none of the others could make out, and then they moved their hands forward, splitting them up in a welcoming gesture with their palms up toward the ceiling. In one voice they then said one word.  
  
"Aatoch."  
  
The blue twirl grew into a spiral which stretched all the way to the ceiling. It didn't slow down, merely picked up its pace; and moved out of the circle, between two of the priests, looking like a small tornado.  
  
Satoch stared at his nemesis as the latter stepped out of his shelter and in the moment he did, it vanished.  
  
"Curula tatem urig lat," Satoch said, his deep voice filling all of their ears and they put their hands up to try and shut it out.  
  
"Teh," Aatoch replied. "Itoch sadigur lorith talh."  
  
In the next instant the two beings attacked each other with a fierceness none of the mortals had ever witnessed before. The two demons flew up against one wall, creating a deep crack in it. Satoch grabbed Aatoch and threw him across the room, which meant a crack in the other wall. The ceiling and the floor shook with each new impact and plaster fell from above.  
  
"Should we be standing here?" Gunn asked and after a moment's contemplation they began to move away from the exposed spot they were in.  
  
Buffy helped get Willow to her feet and they all got themselves moving toward the front doors.  
  
"Natulat dorigh!" Satoch screamed and Aatoch threw himself over him yelling back:  
  
"Othar igh dunn!"  
  
"I wish I spoke demon," Willow whispered to Buffy, who granted her a smile at that. "I'm... sorry," the Wicca added and Buffy shook her head.  
  
"You did good," she assured. "You did great," she then corrected herself. "And you had the powers of cosmos working against you."  
  
Willow smiled meekly as well, then an earth shattering noise was heard as the two demons broke through the wall on the opposite side of the foyer, and the shake which followed had them all loose their balance.  
  
The twelve priests stood on a line at the same place they had performed the ritual of waking Aatoch. They all looked calm as statues and seemed to be waiting for the two in battle to return. Buffy looked out over the destruction of the room and her eyes fell on Angel. She wouldn't cry now. She couldn't loose focus. But the sight of him hurt her badly and she closed her eyes for a moment.  
  
"Help me get him over here," Cordelia mumbled in her ear and she opened her eyes again, meeting the others and then giving a nod.  
  
Making sure that Willow was okay leaning against Fred, the Slayer then followed Cordelia and they quickly made their way up to the body. They both kneeled, and Buffy bit back her tears as she looked at the well-known face. Cordelia was crying, she didn't have the strength left in her to pretend to have a brave face. She blinked at the liquid and it slid down her cheeks, freezing on her skin and making pretty patterns of ice.  
  
As it did, the cold, which had been forgotten, was suddenly making itself reminded and she put her arms up as a chill tore through her. The frost wasn't only there this time, it was painful and it seemed to be covering the very bones of her body, tearing through her with an astonishing pace.  
  
She leaned forward, fighting for air.  
  
"Cor?" Buffy asked. "Are you okay?"  
  
Cordelia nodded, fearing the return of the two in battle and feeling that the rest of them didn't have time for her weakness now, of all times. Then she turned her gaze on Angel, and felt a very strange tranquility come over her as she looked into his open eyes.  
  
"It's okay," she mumbled, reaching up a hand and carefully closing them.  
  
"Good," Buffy said, her voice coming from far, far away. "Then you take that arm and... Ouch! God, he's burning up!"  
  
Cordelia nodded.  
  
"It's okay," she repeated.  
  
There was a rumbling noise and the two demons reentered through the way they had disappeared. Satoch seemed nearly deranged, still screaming foreign words at the other.  
  
"Come on," Gunn murmured, following the action as well as keeping a watchful eye at the three forms below it. "Come on. Finish it!"  
  
There was a pause as the two combatants faced each other. There seemed to be a challenge in that pause.  
  
Kill or be killed.  
  
Then they once again started towards each other. They moved so quickly now that they grew into a purple blur as they collided. They seemed to be delivering swift blows to each others frames and then there was a dark cry of pain.  
  
Time stood still, as well as the onlooker's hearts.  
  
The purple haze slowly dispursed and they saw what was hidden behind it.  
  
Aatoch had his right arm stretched out and it was piercing Satoch's chest. The latter seemed stunned, staring into the green eyes of the other, reflecting the shade of his perfectly.  
  
"Anone tukara dor, limukeh," Aatoch grumbled. "Sirah delde sukh."  
  
"Afolh tukara dor, limukeh," Satoch replied. "Sukh sirah ath."  
  
And then he dissolved, almost gently, until there was nothing left of him.  
  
Everybody stood astounded and quiet until Wesley let hear a cry of triumph. He cleared his throat, looking around at them, but it didn't take many seconds for the others to join in and soon they were cheering.  
  
Aatoch looked at them all, his countenance serious, but friendly. Then he turned and moved back to the twelve priests. Forte bowed in clear awe, as did the others, and Aatoch said something to which Forte nodded. Then he held up one hand, containing an item of some sort. They couldn't make out what it was, but it reflected the light in bright blue, and as the flare was taken out of their eyes, Aatoch was gone.  
  
Buffy was standing now, disbelieving that it was actually over, and then she turned her head to Cordelia just as the latter slowly leaned forward, joining her lips with Angel's.  
  
Buffy blinked, rather abhorred.  
  
Cordelia closed her eyes at the gentle beginning of the kiss, and then the pain she was under grew in power, something that she had anticipated this time, and it began to pulsate through her. She felt the heat from his body pour into her veins and nerves; wrap around her muscles and thaw her whole being up. At the same time she felt the cold be drained from her body, seeking its way into his.  
  
Once the process was over she fell to the side. She had never been more tired in her whole life.  
  
Buffy took a small step forward, looking down at Cordelia who seemed to have gotten the color back in her cheeks. And then the hand of Angel closest to the Slayer moved, and she jumped back in startled surprise.  
  
"What the...?" she mumbled, her eyes widening even further as Angel opened his.  
  
It took a while for his gaze to adjust, and then he could have sworn that he was looking up at the ceiling of the Hyperion. Very strange.  
  
"Angel...?" Buffy's voice said from somewhere to his left and he frowned.  
  
"Buffy...?" he murmured, moving his head and yes, there she was.  
  
Very, very strange.  
  
And then he remembered the sense of cooling down, the feel of a pair of lips against his own and how the chill from them had hurt him at first, but how they then had helped remove the ache within him as the heat began to leave him.  
  
"Cordelia..." he whispered and suddenly he felt a warm hand in his, its fingers entwining with his and then how the body it belonged to moved so that it was placed alongside his own.  
  
And then - that heavenly face.  
  
"I'm here," she whispered with a small smile, her eyes glistening with tears and he stared at her, taken.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"We won," she answered him softly.  
  
And then he could feel it. It was the most compelling sensation. The strangest and most exhilarating thing he had been under for quite some time, because this time he instantly knew everything about it was different.  
  
He was breathing.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Did you LIKE it?! :) I hope you did!!! And the tardiness - I won't even get into the reason, it's too stupid. All I can say is as of now I officially hate computers. (Except for when I don't.) And that's that.  
  
Okay, special and extremely warm thanks to wolf116 (Aw, that's the sweetest thing! Well, I'm glad you don't want it to end, 'cause neither do I! And so, now, what did you think of the second last chapter?) ;), maribel (oh, it's okay, girl! Glad to see you there now and sorry to read that you've been sick! Hope you're all well! And, thank you!) :), Winters1 (thanks and I hope you thought it was great, and will think the last chapter is too!) :), ali-lou (I'm so happy you've been enjoying the Angel Cordelia part of this story! And that's a compliment, to be your first addition!!! *smiles widely* Thanks for your confidence in me, and I hope you did like it!) :), timeends (sorry to hear that! I hope the plot moved on a bit faster this time!) ;), darklover (oh, come on! Can't you give me something more than that? Did you like the chapter aside from it being too short? Which IS a good thing that you thought 'cause that would indicate that you DID enjoy it, but... come on!) :) and Rachel9 (well, that's good that you like her a bit better now! And thanks a lot for that comment! I would love to be a writer on that show, now that Buffy's out of the picture! *sob* Glad that you like it!) :)  
  
To all - thank you SO much for never failing support and I really hope I didn't disappoint your expectations!!! Luv ya and I'll see ya soon!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


	32. ThirtySecond

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
What Is To Be  
  
-Thirty-Second-  
  
By Annie  
  
2004-02-15  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤  
  
The echoes of battle still rung in everyone's ears, but the absolute silence which now surrounded them seemed to enhance it, make it grow ever louder. Something which had been awaited for so very long, which had been anticipated and dreaded, which had caused so much worry – was over in less than ten minutes.  
  
The world had once more slipped through the fingers of destruction and stood victorious in its still lingering winter shroud.  
  
Inside the Hyperion was this gathering of fragile, confused, uplifted, shocked, disbelieving, joyous, invincible beings and they all stared at the one still lying on the rubble covered floor. The one who had changed.  
  
Angel had his gaze in Cordelia's, held her eyes with his own as though he never wanted to look away from her again. He had expected death, he had reconciled with the thought – at the pivotal moment he had even embraced it – and here he was, so filled with the force of life that it was difficult for him to see. But he did see, and he saw her.  
  
There was surprise in him, and yet it was as though an invisible hand was stroking his head gently, and as though a voice from another reality was telling him that all was as it should be; that he shouldn't question it, or ponder over it; that it was what it was and as it was in that way he should merely let it wash through him.  
  
He slowly reached up a hand and touched Cordelia's cheek. She smiled through her tears, though he knew the latter were shed from happiness. Her eyes were sparkling with the very emotion. His fingertips took in the incredibly smooth and soft skin of her jaw line, his thumb grazing her lower lip. She felt different. More... real, somehow.  
  
He slowly sat up. The feel of how his abs had to work to get him into that position was a sensation which had him feel in awe as he was suddenly very aware of his own body, of how his heart was pumping, of how his lungs were filling with air, of how he was a design brought to its perfection in order to carry him through life.  
  
There it was again, that word.  
  
Life.  
  
For so long had he mused how it would be to step into the sun. For a year had he watched his younger former blood-relative as the bleached blonde enjoyed countless hours in the sun-drenched spots of the small yard. He had felt envy and a longing to remember exactly how the sun felt on his skin. He hadn't been able to.  
  
He had been so certain that he was going to die, but now he felt a strange insight as to why he had felt that way. In the larger scale of it all, it had been Angelus who had known, all along, that his days were numbered. Projecting this emotion into the soul of Liam...  
  
Liam.  
  
...until the soul couldn't tell where its own feelings started and the demon's ended.  
  
Angel had needed to be cleansed through the blood, he understood that; but he had needed this so that he could release Angelus. It was all so clear, like a bright pattern before his eyes. He smiled, feeling tears rise as well and then Cordelia's arms wrapped around him tightly. He could feel her press herself against him and he closed his eyes as she softly whispered:  
  
"Thank God."  
  
Buffy watched them with a sense of incredulity. Not over seeing them together, not over Angel being alive, her brain had already processed that and she felt slow tears of building happiness and relief softly form in her eyes because of that. No, the reason she felt so astonished, frankly, was because of the fact that it was over. The dust had settled, the drama was done, and she hadn't swung one punch. Her glory days were gone with this final clash, she had known it all along. Felt it in her bone marrow. The very last stand of the true Slayer. She was ready for it, and yet she had thought that she'd at least be able to...  
  
Her gaze met Spike's and her mind was laid at rest. He had a small smile on and she mirrored it.  
  
She looked at him and knew she had been wrong, her glory days weren't gone.  
  
They were just about to begin.  
  
***  
  
"Are they going to do that much longer? It was amusing for about three minutes, but now it's starting to seriously get on my nerves," Faith stated half an hour later, hiking a thumb toward the spot where Aatoch had appeared and around which the order of Amon were seated chanting, and had been so for the passed twenty minutes.  
  
"It's a ritual born probably three millennia ago," Wesley pointed out. "You can't really tamper with that."  
  
"All they're doing is repeating the same stupid sentence over and over. Is this Aatoch dude deaf or just slow?" she muttered and Wesley smiled a broad smile at that, which had her return it mischievously. "Maybe I should join them?" she suggested, about to rise when Wesley promptly stopped her, shaking his head.  
  
"Please, don't even joke about it," he said and she cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"We really need to loosen you up," she stated and to that he merely smirked.  
  
They were all sitting on the steps leading up to the front door. Buffy wrapped in Spike's arms, leaning her head back against his chest and watching Angel and Cordelia, who were seated in the exact same position. She wasn't sure she had ever seen two people looking more relaxed with being close to each other, taken that they'd never truly been so before. Angel's fingers were playing leisurely with Cordy's as they both looked at the spectacle of the order, and finally Buffy turned her eyes that way as well. Then she felt Spike's lips against the top of her head and she smiled a little.  
  
None of all of them had said much of anything to each other, apart from commenting on the sudden need to buy some serious buckets of paint. And probably some sort of plaster as well. The foyer looked as though it had been hit randomly with a wrecking ball.  
  
Now the chanting abruptly stopped and the twelve members of the order stood as one and then began to move toward the others assembled. They all rose as well and Forte looked up at them, a smile on his face.  
  
"You fought bravely," he said.  
  
"We?" Fred asked. "We didn't do anything but run, duck and cover."  
  
"You fought a very hard fight within you as you watched your friends fall. Satoch felt how much you cared for them, and so did Aatoch," he replied. "In fact, he wanted you to have this," he added, holding out his hand in which a blue crystal, big enough to rest on his palm, lay.  
  
He looked directly at Willow when doing this and the Wicca's eyes widened slightly.  
  
"What?" she asked, taken aback.  
  
"He knows you will take good care of it. It will come to your aid, should you be in need of its power," Forte stated and Willow stepped down, reaching out one hand and taking the crystal.  
  
She looked at it, and then at Forte. She didn't say anything, but Buffy got the feeling that they were communicating out of range from the others.  
  
"I hope you don't mind," Forte said, once Willow took a step back again, and this time he addressed Angel, "that I take my trinkets with me," he finished and Angel smiled, shaking his head.  
  
Forte gave a nod, turned around and reached out his arms, holding his hands out and making the bottles fly up from the floor, across the room and into his grasp. Then he turned back to the group and gave a small bow before he began to walk up the steps, his followers filing in behind him.  
  
"Why was he sad?" Willow asked, and Forte halted, turning his head to her and holding her gaze for a few seconds before he replied:  
  
"Satoch was his brother."  
  
***  
  
"Will?"  
  
He looked up as Buffy entered the bedroom, then back at Susannah where they had placed her in her bed. She was pale, but looked peaceful, only somehow this fact made it even more hurtful to watch her, remembering her last words.  
  
He turned from the sight and walked up to Buffy, following her as she walked back out through the door and then leaning a little against the wall to the side of it as she closed it. Once it was done she faced him, but didn't say anything as she understood he treasured the silence at the moment, waiting patiently for him to speak.  
  
"I should have done something," he finally murmured and she placed a hand gently on his arm, shaking her head a little.  
  
"What could you possibly have done?" she asked softly.  
  
"I could have... stopped her," he stated and Buffy smiled a melancholy smile before she replied:  
  
"How? And to what end? It wouldn't have stopped Satoch...."  
  
Spike turned his eyes in hers.  
  
"I could've stopped him," he grumbled stubbornly and she grew serious, moving her hands to put them on either side of his face and making him focus on her.  
  
"No," she said. "You couldn't."  
  
He closed his eyes and leaned forward, her arms enfolding him in a tender embrace and she comfortingly stroked his hair as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, his arms slipping around her as well and holding her tightly.  
  
"Poor baby," she said quietly, kissing the side of his throat and wishing there was some more definite way, than showing her support, that she could ease his pain.  
  
***  
  
"Is anyone hungry?" Wesley asked and everybody looked up at him where they sat around the conference table an hour later.  
  
Thirty minutes earlier the power seemed to have been switched back on because all the light-bulbs had flickered and then regained strength, bathing the interior of the Hyperion with the console of electricity.  
  
"Not really," Gunn now answered Wesley's question and there were murmurs of agreement from the rest.  
  
"I feel like I have a bunch of things to say, but there are so many thoughts in my head I can't get it straight," Fred said.  
  
"I know what you mean," Faith sighed, shifting in her seat.  
  
They were all quiet again and then Buffy asked:  
  
"How do you feel?"  
  
Angel turned his gaze in hers at the question and then he smiled a half smile.  
  
"Tired," he replied. "But in a surprisingly good way," he added and they all shared a laugh at that, feeling as though the weight of the day was slowly being lifted, and the joy they had felt as they realized that they stood triumphant began to make itself remembered.  
  
"We've suffered a great loss today," Wesley stated and the severity came back, though this time it was with an awe and love that made the feeling of lightness stay in the atmosphere. "But through Susannah's sacrifice we were also saved, so let's not dwell in sorrow and grief, but remember her as the heroine that she is, and be glad to have known her."  
  
"Who'll take care of the funeral arrangements?" Spike asked, his voice strained and Buffy linked her fingers with his.  
  
"I will," Cordelia said.  
  
"No," Fred shook her head. "You shouldn't have to..." she added, trailing off and then having a slight smile on before she finished with: "I'll take care of it."  
  
Cordelia returned her smile.  
  
"You sure?" she asked and the former nodded.  
  
"So, what's with the giving of gifts to only the super-supernaturally inclined?" Buffy wondered and Willow turned her head to her before she smirked.  
  
"Changing the subject?" she asked, and when Buffy glanced briefly at Spike Willow didn't wait for a reply before she continued: "The crystal contains a lot of Aatoch's power. He's a peace-seeking demon, if you recall, and he decided to put his strength into the crystal to save him from further call- to-arms, so to speak... I was a bit shocked that I was to have the crystal, and I'm still not sure why. Guess time will tell."  
  
"While we're on the subject of Forte, did you receive an explanation during your little tête-à-tête as to what he meant by the 'four times four' remark?" Wesley asked.  
  
"Yes," Willow answered. "He told me... Susannah's bloodline has gone through four different stages in each of which four important changes have occurred in the history of her family. He didn't give me any specifics, but I guess he didn't have to."  
  
"What else did he tell you?" Buffy wondered.  
  
"He said the reason we weren't instantly killed by Satoch was because of Aatoch. His presence kept us safe until he could appear in his real form."  
  
"The bottle of Ritha, then?" Fred spoke up. "What did it actually do to Satoch?"  
  
"Nothing except release him," Willow stated.  
  
"And Forte... who is he, really?" Gunn inquired.  
  
"He's one of the good guys," Willow answered simply.  
  
They drifted into conversation about the fight, about the Hyperion and the world and it wasn't until hours later that they began to rise, deciding it was high time to head to bed.  
  
***  
  
Cordelia hesitated in the hallway outside Angel's bedroom, where they both had come to a tentative halt. He looked as she felt and she smiled a little to try and get the nervousness away from her. It didn't really work. The nearness of him had been wonderful, almost exhilarating, during the past hours; but now the intimacy of the mere thought of entering his room made her feel like blushing. She wanted to; boy, did she want to. But...  
  
"So..." she said and Angel nodded.  
  
"So."  
  
"If you were tired seven hours ago I'm pretty sure all you wanna do now is get some sleep," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow, a gesture which made her heart beat elevate almost painfully in her chest.  
  
"Yeah," he then said, though she could hear in his tone that that wasn't what he wanted to offer as a response.  
  
"Yeah," she mumbled. "So..." she repeated and he smiled at her insecurity.  
  
He wasn't exactly the pillar of calm himself at the moment, but he knew he really didn't want to sleep alone, and he didn't care if that meant only holding her, having her close at all seemed to him the very essence of Heaven and he had no desire of giving that up for a mere few hours of sleep.  
  
"Good night," she said, moving to walk passed him and he was about to stop her, but instead found himself watching her walk down the hallway.  
  
"Cordelia," he then said and at the sound of his voice she came to a slow stop before turning back to him.  
  
She smiled a small smile, which he mirrored before he stepped through the door of his room. It didn't take longer than half a minute until her form appeared in the doorway. She walked inside as well, closing the door quietly behind her and then having her eyes in his. The moment stretched, prolonged itself as though it was the most important in the history of time, and then her smile split it three quarters of a second before she said:  
  
"So..."  
  
He smirked at that, approaching her with a sudden caution as he wanted nothing to ruin the carefulness of her stature. He wanted her just like that, open and unabashed at showing him her pounding heart and her weak knees. Knowing that he felt the exact same way. As he stopped before her she tilted her head back and looked up at him, her gaze warm and expectant and he smiled.  
  
"I love you," he said, voice low and she felt a swarm of flutters near her heart.  
  
"And I love you," she whispered, closing her eyes as he leaned forward.  
  
His lips took in her upper one softly, her arms moving up and around his neck as she stepped into him. Then the kiss deepened gently and he held her to him. He took in the feel of her tongue, the sensation of her hands first in his hair and then her arms around him again, taking him in the way he was drinking her up and he smiled in the midst of the kiss before he ended it the way it started.  
  
Then he took one of her hands in one of his and led the way to the bed.  
  
"Stay with me tonight," he implored, voice still lowered and her smile widened before she nodded.  
  
Her fingers unbuttoned his shirt, taking their time with the task as her eyes still rested in his. Her hands slipped up once the job was done, under the cotton and over his shoulders, pulling the shirt down and having it fall to the floor. He pulled her sweater over her head before moving closer and they embraced as their lips once more joined.  
  
They somehow removed each others pants, though the kissing this time refused to give way for trying gropes and silenced giggles. His hands took in her curves and she breathed into his mouth, her heart hammering against his chest, but his was beating just as hard. The rapture of a different familiarity which occurred in every new touch and taste had him utterly transfixed. As had she, when he pulled away to look at her.  
  
She smiled at the expression on his face, then with clear self- consciousness removed her bra. He kept his gaze in hers, but returned her smile before placing his fingertips by her collarbones, and then letting them move down to her breasts, teasing her already hard nipples and having her close her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her neckline as he placed her on the bed.  
  
Kissing his way down to her stomach he pulled her underwear off and then moved up again, putting his face by hers and looking down at her. He could see how ready she was for him, how much she wanted him, and loved him.  
  
But now it was his turn to grow self-conscious. He grew tentative for yet another set of moments, and then he got rid of his own underwear as well. When he lay back next to her again she rolled over on her side so that they were pressed together and he closed his eyes as she kissed him deeply, her hands roaming his body freely now.  
  
He rolled her over on her back again, moving so that he was between her legs and she parted them invitingly.  
  
Pulling back he waited until she opened her eyes and having her gaze once more locked in his own he delicately began to make love to her.  
  
***  
  
"Are you okay?" Buffy asked, turning out the bedside lamp before getting into bed and cuddling into Spike's waiting embrace.  
  
His arms closed tight around her as she put her cheek to his chest, listening intently to his heart.  
  
"I'm okay," he murmured. "I'm just gonna miss her," he added and Buffy moved her head to look up at him.  
  
"I know, honey," she said empathically. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's not your fault, love," he replied and she felt as though she should consider the topic dropped.  
  
Perhaps it was for the best.  
  
"It seems a bit unreal, don't you think?" she wondered and when he merely raised his eyebrows she elaborated: "That it went by so quickly."  
  
"Yes," he agreed.  
  
"But we're alive."  
  
"That we are."  
  
She was silent for another minute, then said:  
  
"I feel like you're annoyed with me."  
  
He closed his eyes, then pulled her up so that they were face to face, catching her gaze and holding it as he answered:  
  
"I'm not annoyed with you. I'm sad, Buffy. I'm sad she had to die, that I couldn't help her. I feel like I didn't spend enough time, like I wasn't paying enough attention. Like if I'd only done that, she'd bloody be alive!"  
  
He made himself shut up when he realized his voice was growing louder, but then Buffy's small hand slid into his and squeezed it knowingly. He understood that she understood exactly what it was he was saying and when he looked back at her he could see it written in those greens of hers.  
  
"It wasn't your fault," she said. "None of it was your fault, William. Do you hear me? Hon? Can you get that through that thick, pigheaded skull of yours?"  
  
When he finally smiled she mirrored it, a small ray of relief spreading its light within her.  
  
"Susannah wasn't meant to be saved," she continued softly. "It's terrible and awful, but she wasn't meant to be. Just like you weren't meant to be... Maybe, if you look at the history we have with a lot of dead folk, we'll see her again."  
  
"I'm sure we will," he stated. "No matter when or where," he added and Buffy gave another small smile at that before moving near to him again, kissing his jaw line before nuzzling even closer.  
  
He held her to him and closed his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry you had to have such a terrible birthday," she whispered and he shook his head slowly.  
  
"You're still with me, sweetheart. That makes it not seem so terrible," he murmured and she smiled faintly.  
  
"We'll make it up next year..." she said and he squeezed her a little.  
  
"Don't fret over it, love," he replied. "I didn't even think about it being today 'til you mentioned it. I haven't celebrated it in such a long time."  
  
She was silent at that, regretting that she didn't wake him that morning in a nicer manner, or that she didn't say anything sooner. But the feeling vanished as she understood it didn't matter. Today he hadn't thought of himself for one moment, and so trying to stress the fact seemed to violate his actions.  
  
"I'm so tired," he grumbled.  
  
"Then rest, my love," she whispered and a faint smile reappeared on his mouth.  
  
"Say that again," he asked and she frowned, then smiled as well.  
  
"Rest... my love."  
  
***  
  
"This morning's top news – it seems a wave of unnatural climate variations have occurred all across the globe these past forty-eight hours. The inexplicable phenomenon seems to have started droves of discussions, not only in the homes of families around the world, but in the halls of congress and the rooms of the White House as well. A UN spokesman said today that a group of scientists have been ordered on the case and are currently conducting studies as to whether these astonishing events may have something to do with global warming."  
  
Cordelia huffed.  
  
"Here we go," she muttered, shaking her head.  
  
"As the weather is rapidly growing back to its normal temperature, the worry of the end of the world as we know it has been put at ease. In related news – the worldwide sightings of unidentified creatures have been dismissed by the Secretary of Defense today. He states that it is most likely to have been a group of environmental extremists who wished to cause a stir as debate began regarding the reason for this weeks alarming change in nature."  
  
"So there they go, slipping back into their quiet, comfortable little corner of blissful ignorance," Buffy sighed and Cordelia turned her head to her as she hit the off-button of the TV-remote.  
  
"Did we expect anything else?" the brunette asked. "Can you even imagine a world where everyone knows what actually goes on behind the scenes? People would hijack space shuttles just to get away from this place."  
  
"That'd be a sight," Angel smiled and Cordelia looked at him before smiling back and giving him a kiss.  
  
She was seated on his lap, her arms firmly around him, and the two humans looked as though from now on they would be literally inseparable.  
  
"Are you going to do that every time I open my mouth?" Angel now inquired and Cordelia gave it a second's thought before she leaned forward and gave him another kiss. He smiled again. "I think I can get used to this," he said and she smiled as well, their lips once more joining.  
  
"Ah, to be young and in love," Wesley said as he walked past the scene, coffee cup in hand.  
  
"It's not too late for you, old chap," Spike offered with a smirk and the watcher stopped to give the former vampire a slight glare.  
  
Buffy laughed, giving Spike a kiss on the cheek as she got to her feet and then she proceeded into the kitchen.  
  
"Buffy!" Fred called from the foyer and the Slayer continued on her way in order to go and see what the former wanted. "It's a call for you."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows and then walked into Angel's office, taking the receiver and putting it to her ear.  
  
"Yeah?" she said.  
  
"I can't believe you didn't call me the first thing you did after you realized the planet wasn't exploding!" Dawn exclaimed and Buffy's eyes widened.  
  
"But, Dawn..." she tried, only her little sister wouldn't hear it.  
  
"Do you have any idea how worried I've been? I could barely sleep all night 'cause I was scared you had DIED again. I mean, I didn't feel like you had died and I think – being your sister – I would've at least FELT something, but I was SO scared anyway and the least one would expect is for you to CALL your only sister on your death bed!"  
  
"I'm not dying."  
  
"Yeah, well, that's a good thing 'cause if you had been, man, had I been mad at you!"  
  
"Dawn," Buffy repeated. "I never actually told you about what was going on here. I assumed you didn't know. I was going to call Giles in an hour or so, because I know he usually is out on town between one and six, and it's only ten o'clock in the morning over here. I'm sorry, Dawnie, really. I thought you'd be in school."  
  
Dawn seemed to calm down at that, then replied dryly:  
  
"In case you hadn't noticed there's been a lot of stuff going on not just in L.A."  
  
"No, I had noticed," Buffy stated.  
  
"Yeah, well, did you know that it was hailing here for about a day-and-a- half? It's not the easiest thing to go outside when you're facing bits of ice as big as fists raining from the sky. I tell you, this country is cursed when it comes to the weather."  
  
Buffy laughed at that.  
  
"Buff," Dawn then said, and the slight longing in her voice made Buffy ache to be there, with her; and not so far away from her. "When are you coming home?"  
  
"Soon," the Slayer assured. "Very soon. I have a few more things to deal with here, though. But in a week, Dawn. I promise it won't take longer than that."  
  
"I love you," Dawn said and Buffy smiled.  
  
"I love you," she agreed.  
  
"Oh, Giles is home," Dawn said before she bellowed: "Giles! Buffy on the phone for you!"  
  
Buffy held the receiver away from her ear, but had the smile still plastered on her face.  
  
"Buffy! Are you all right?" Giles asked as he had taken the phone from the younger sister.  
  
"Most of us are," she answered him. "It's a bit crazy, this whole thing with the world, isn't it?" she added.  
  
"All my life I've waited for something like this to happen. I've dreaded it as well, thinking what it might do to the commoners if they were to understand the danger they suffer every day..." he replied, trailing off before continuing with: "And now – well, I take it you've seen the news? Yes. I could never in my wildest dreams have thought it would be this easy to cover something of such grave importance up, but they managed it. It's all for the best, I suppose."  
  
"Yeah," Buffy agreed slowly. "I mean, there'd probably be a panic, and then mobs trying to hunt the demons down on their own accord, then war... Yeah, I'd say it's all for the best, definitely."  
  
"It's good to hear your voice," he admonished and she smiled again.  
  
"It's good to hear yours too," she said.  
  
"When are you coming home, Buffy?"  
  
"Soon," she repeated her answer. "Very soon."  
  
***  
  
The day of Susannah's funeral was a fitting gray. The sky was stocked with white clouds and sheets of lukewarm rain dragged through Los Angeles. The ceremony was simple, but beautiful, and Spike stood by the grave for a long while once Susannah was beneath the earthy surface. Buffy walked with the others, feeling as though she should leave him to say his goodbye.  
  
He didn't know where to start.  
  
The tumultuous past days – past week! – was hard to understand as it was. His whole life had gone through major changes in most of its aspects, and now, here he stood at the foot of a grave in which rested a truly beloved friend.  
  
"I remember our first conversation," he finally said. "You told me that you didn't have anything to talk about, since all your memories seemed dull and dark. Painful. And I said that talking about something which seems hopeless and hurtful, sometimes brings it into a different light. Blimey, could you talk." He smiled to himself, looking at the name on the headstone and feeling his throat bundling up with emotion. "You told me about your whole life, and I wasn't about to be less candid. You grew into one of the closest friends I've ever had, Sannah, and I'll miss you everyday. And I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted me to. But you have to know that I did love you, so much." He paused, swiping at his tears, then he finished silently: "Be happy."  
  
He then followed in the footsteps of the others back to the cars. Buffy snaking an arm around his waist as he came up to join at her side. He gave her a weak smile in assurance that he was doing alright, and then they all climbed into the vehicles, setting their sights on the Hyperion.  
  
The day transpired in quiet reflect, a hush which were brought forth out of respect of the deceased. But there was no hesitation in the smiles they shared once those occurred, since they knew that if Susannah from somewhere was able to look down upon them she would surely frown if they couldn't share the happiness which also – irreversibly – sailed the halls of the hotel as love's brilliantly white dove seemed set on staying within its walls.  
  
***  
  
Three days later Buffy, Spike and Willow boarded the plane which would take them across the country and to England.  
  
The farewell had been bittersweet and heartfelt with truthful promises of a get-together very soon.  
  
"So, the Slayer shroud comes off?" Angel had asked Buffy as they shared a hug and she had laughed, nodding.  
  
"Yeah, I think it's officially found a hook," she had admitted. "But I'll put it on from time to time."  
  
"I'm sure you will," he had nodded.  
  
Buffy had taken his hand and then Cordelia's, looking at the couple with real warmth in her eyes before she had smiled brightly.  
  
"I'll see you soon," she had said and they had both returned her smile before embracing her.  
  
"You bet your ass you will," Cordelia had stated, her eyes glazed with tears as they pulled back again. "Only this time it'll be YOUR place we'll be crashing."  
  
Buffy laughed again, nodding her sound agreement to that before turning to Spike and Willow, who were waiting for her.  
  
Now it seemed on the border of surreal that she had left England only a week-and-a-half earlier, and that she had gone feeling lost and alone, but returned with the one thing which she had been in want of.  
  
She felt like the luckiest being when she looked into the blue of his gaze, and she knew that whatever was to be from this moment on, it would only get better.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
Don't miss the epilogue! ;) 


	33. Epilogue

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What Is To Be  
  
-Epilogue-  
  
By Annie  
  
2004-02-19  
  
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Dawn came running from the drawing room when she heard the front door open. She was latched to Buffy the next moment and the Slayer laughed as she hugged her sister back, the formers luggage rumbling to the floor as she lost her grip on them.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here," Dawn stated and Buffy smiled.  
  
"Me too," she agreed as they let each other go and Dawn turned to Willow.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here," she repeated with a giggle, embracing the Wicca who laughed as well.  
  
"Buffy," Giles said, coming down the stairs to join in the reunion.  
  
She smiled up at him and then hugged him hard.  
  
"It's good to be home," she said as they stepped away from each other and he returned her smile.  
  
Dawn turned to Buffy with a questioning look as the third party had yet to arrive. Buffy looked seriously at her sister for a moment, and Dawn's eyes began to grow worried, but then the door swung open and Spike stumbled through it –weighed down with luggage, which was his own fault since mostly all of it belonged to him.  
  
"Spike!" Dawn squealed with delight, jumping on him and hugging him so hard that he lost his balance and they tumbled to the floor. "I can't believe it's really you! Say something, quick! No, never mind. I have to feel your pulse! Wow, you're so warm. No 'ripping my head off and drinking from my brains stem' now, huh?" she laughed and he joined her, shaking his head at her as he struggled to get the bags away from him in order to look at her.  
  
Finally he was able to rest back on his elbows and she gave him a radiant smile where she sat straddling his thighs.  
  
"Niblet," he said, staring at how grown she looked in only a year.  
  
At the mention of the well-known nickname Dawn hugged him again, on the verge of tears.  
  
"You're back, you're really back!" she repeated over and over until Buffy had to stop the spectacle and help them both to their feet.  
  
"Let the poor guy breathe," she reprimanded, but she was still wearing her smile as well. "Come on," she added, addressing Spike. "I wanna show you around."  
  
"I wanna come too!" Dawn chimed in and Buffy nodded, reaching out a hand to Spike who took it in one of his and had Dawn gape at them both.  
  
She followed in teeth-gritting-with-curiosity silence as they began up the stairs, and after Buffy had shown Spike around the third floor the younger Summers couldn't hold it in any longer.  
  
"You never said anything about you two being together!"  
  
Buffy stopped, turning to her sister with her eyebrows raised.  
  
"I wasn't sure it was any of your business," she replied and Dawn flushed with indignation.  
  
"Not any of my business – are you completely crazy?! I watched you guys... evolve from... banana flies to... butter... flies!" she tried at a retort, but it merely had the two blondes exchange a glance and then a fit of laughter. "Or... something," Dawn grumbled, annoyed with their humor at her expense.  
  
"Come on, Lil'Bit," Spike said, seeing her sour expression. "It's not something your sister wanted to discuss with you over the phone, you have to understand that."  
  
Dawn's features grew a shade lighter as she looked at him, and then she smiled.  
  
"I still think it was a rotten thing to do!" she withheld, but Buffy smiled as well and it seemed the matter was settled. "But I'm glad," she added and Buffy's smile widened before she kissed her sister's cheek.  
  
"So are we," she assured and Dawn smirked, watching them mischievously and when they finally leaned forward and shared a soft kiss her smirk turned into a grin.  
  
"Wow. It's so weird to think that two years ago I'd have bet twenty bucks without even blinking on you two never getting along, especially like this," she commented and at that both Slayer and ex-Vamp smiled widely.  
  
"That's exactly what Faith said," Buffy stated. "I can't see how we were able to establish such lack of belief in us, in everybody."  
  
Dawn merely rolled her eyes at that before walking passed the two, who shared another smile and then followed her.  
  
***  
  
Buffy looked at herself in the mirror. Her nerves were dancing the jitter- bug, but she didn't mind it at all since it was in such a nice way this evening.  
  
It was Saturday, and she knew that Spike had been waiting for her downstairs for nearly fifteen minutes.  
  
What? She had to let him sweat a little bit, what kind of first date would it be if she didn't? Of course, he knew that she was coming down. And of course he didn't for a moment think that she might have changed her mind. But she still liked the suspense. He didn't know that she was wearing a new dress, and she had no idea what he would be in. Probably a nice suit...  
  
Her own garment went in a soft, blue tone. It stopped an inch below her knees and had a flow-y feel to it as the fabric was light silk for the first layer, and on top that were two layers of see-through material colored a lighter blue. The cut was simple, but enhanced her figure and plunged steeply to show off her back.  
  
She wore her hair let out, her blonde locks cascading over her shoulders in a way that she knew he loved.  
  
She smiled at a memory before grabbing her pocketbook, deciding that it was time to join him.  
  
Walking down the stairs she drew a small breath to steady herself. When he came into view, looking up at her, she smiled at his taken expression. He was wearing a suit, indeed. A charcoal one and a blue tie which went wonderfully with the color of his eyes. He was the handsomest creature she had ever seen and she smiled again, this time at him. He returned it and reached out a hand to escort her down the last few steps.  
  
"You look absolutely stunning," he murmured. "Though that's nothing new... Wow."  
  
Her smile broadened with satisfaction.  
  
"You don't look all that bad yourself," she remarked warmly, standing on her toes to give him a peck on the cheek.  
  
He smiled at the movement. She seemed set on keeping their relationship low- key this evening, making the feel of the first date all that more palpable. He didn't mind. He loved the way she looked, he adored her aloofness since it made him want her even more, and he looked forward to making this night something special. After all they had been through to get here, they deserved it. She deserved it.  
  
"So," she said as he hooked his arm for her and she slipped her hand through the loop. "Where are we going?"  
  
"That's a surprise," he replied and she smirked.  
  
"I knew you were gonna say that," she stated and he returned her smirk before walking with her up to the front door.  
  
"Can't I take ONE picture?" Dawn's voice was heard from the drawing room.  
  
"No," Buffy replied. "We're not off to prom, for crying out loud. Now, good night."  
  
"I won't wait up!" Dawn called as the two stepped out through the door and closed it behind them.  
  
Buffy drew a breath of the fresh May air and looked up at the stars spangling the sky with their far away might.  
  
"Look at that," she said, her voice filled with a dreaminess he found fascinating.  
  
He looked at her instead and she must have seen it out of the corner of her eye because she smiled and remarked:  
  
"You're not looking."  
  
"I'm looking really hard, Slayer," he mumbled and she turned her gaze in his at that. "Couldn't you tell?" he added and she felt her cheeks blush slightly under his prodding eyes, wondering when he would ever stop being able to do that to her.  
  
"Are you driving?" she changed the subject and he smiled slightly before he shook his head, and as though it was timed to perfection a horse-drawn buggy stopped by the sidewalk in front of the steps leading down to it.  
  
"Oh, no," Buffy mumbled. "Don't tell me you're gonna be doing this all night?" she added, but her eyes shone of merriment and delight and he merely smiled at her question before ushering her down the steps and helping her up in the seat.  
  
He took his place by her side and then told the driver they could move along. The driver nodded and got the horse into a light pace, the sound of its hooves connecting with the pavement echoing between the houses.  
  
"This is so nice," Buffy mused, resting her head on Spike's shoulder and he put an arm around her, pulling her close.  
  
"And still it's only the first treat," he said and she smiled widely with anticipation.  
  
They arrived, twenty minutes later, outside a nice and romantic little restaurant by the Themes. The light in the windows tattled of the interior being friendly and welcoming, and that it was. The building was a replica of an old Victorian Inn, and the ceiling was low, the tables made of polished wood and the only light available was that of burning candles positioned everywhere in the room.  
  
They were shown to a table and Spike pulled out Buffy's chair for her, making her smile at him before she took a seat. He moved around and sat down opposite her.  
  
He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was so beautiful it made him ache with the thought of her sitting there, before him, loving him back. He had thought, but not dared to hope that this day would ever actually present itself where he could reach out and touch her hand without having her flinch back in disgust and fear. And now there she was, looking at him in the same way that he felt for her. He could never make her understand how much she meant to him. But he would try.  
  
"I remember the first time I saw you," he said and she tilted her head a little to one side, questioningly. "The very first time... at the Bronze. You were dancing and for one second something inside me was convinced that I had never lived for a moment, until THAT moment... You scared me, Buffy; but not as much as I scared myself. This history we have... without it, we wouldn't be sitting here." She shook her head, her eyes once more filled with tears and he smiled a small smile, reaching out one hand and taking one of hers. "You're the most amazing, incredible, talented, funny, intelligent, beautiful woman I've ever known, and there will never be anyone else for me."  
  
She swallowed, trying to have the liquid his words produced not ruin her carefully applied makeup. She was failing.  
  
"For me either," she then got out, thinking it sounded immensely meek. "I mean it," she added, taking his hand in a firmer grip.  
  
He smiled.  
  
"I know," he said just as the waitress came up with their menus.  
  
They ordered, enjoyed the fabulous meal they were served, and talked. They talked about their past and their present, for hours. For some reason they avoided diving into the future.  
  
Buffy guessed she was a little bit freaked out by the idea of getting their own place. Of actually living together. What if something happened and they didn't make it? What if he tired of her? She knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't help it. The step was too big NOT to worry over. They had been on ONE date after this evening. True, they had lived together in very intimate and close proximity now for over a week's time, but...  
  
"Are you done?" he asked and she glanced down at her half-eaten chocolate mousse.  
  
"Yes," she then replied and he nodded.  
  
He paid the bill, and they left the restaurant with many compliments to the chef about a fantastic dinner. Getting back into the buggy they were off again, Buffy still clueless as to their next destination. They drove down a quiet street, and then stopped. Buffy looked around, quizzical.  
  
"What's this?" she asked and he smiled, getting out and helping her to do the same before he made a gesture to the building before which they stood.  
  
"This," he answered, "is where I was born."  
  
She stared at him, then at the large brick house, and then she smiled.  
  
This was truly something.  
  
She had another look around the street.  
  
"Does it look the same?" she asked and he nodded.  
  
"Pretty much. There are some new houses... the trees weren't here when I was little... and the pavement wasn't either," he said and she had the cutest picture of him as a little boy running around playing with his friends before her eyes.  
  
It had her smile widen once again and for some reason it felt as though the mere act he had performed in taking her to such a personal place brought her even closer to him. They walked down the street and he pointed out a few spots to her which carried specific memories to him. She soaked it all up with an interest that never wavered, holding his hand in a tight clasp and watching his face as he spoke just as much as she was their surroundings.  
  
"Thank you," she said when they stopped as they were back at their original position and he tilted his head to one side, the glint in his eyes making her smile.  
  
He smiled back and then he pulled her to him, hugging her close to him and she held him back. They pulled apart, looking at each other before laughing a little at how they kept getting so caught up in the other. Climbing back into the buggy they then were once again moving.  
  
"Know something?" Buffy whispered.  
  
"What?" he whispered back.  
  
"I really love you," she said, brushing the tip of her nose against his and he smiled.  
  
"I really love you too," he replied and she mirrored his smile before their lips met carefully.  
  
The kiss deepened and she slipped her arms around his neck.  
  
This was living!  
  
She sighed as they eventually pulled apart, contentedly.  
  
"We going home now?" she asked, her eyes veiled with a sudden desire which had a suction occur in his stomach, not at all unpleasant; but he shook his head.  
  
"There's one more stop," he said and she didn't push for more information, merely rested back into his arms and enjoyed the ride he so neatly was taking her on.  
  
They entered Hyde Park, slowly maneuvering on the promenades and then coming to a halt at a spot where the moon was painting silver in the grass, the soft dew making the green glitter. Weeping willows were scattered toward the horizon of their view and their branches hung heavily to the ground.  
  
It was perfectly enchanting.  
  
The two lovers once more got out of their equipage and Spike again took Buffy's hand, thanking the driver and asking him to return for them in an hour. The driver nodded and drove off. Buffy looked around and then spotted something in the middle of the grass.  
  
"What's that?" she asked and Spike smiled, pulling her with him as he began to walk towards it.  
  
As they got closer she realized it was candles, their dancing flames spreading a tentative glow in the blue shadow of the park. They surrounded a blanket and Buffy felt her eyes well up as she looked at the scene, being filled with a gratitude toward the man at her side that she didn't know if she had ever truly experienced before. Gratitude for his love taking him to the place where he wanted to do this for her. She knew she would treasure the memory for the rest of her life.  
  
"Spike," she breathed, and he smiled at how she dropped back into the use of that name.  
  
He couldn't be anything but warmed by how tenderly she said it now, as though it was her own nickname for him, and like she didn't connect it at all with his past except for the good or important moments they had shared together.  
  
He made her sit down and then splayed himself out beside her, putting his hands behind his head and looking at her. She gazed back, smile still on, and then she lay down as well in the same position; having him chuckle before they both took to, for a second time that evening, gazing up at the stars above them.  
  
"They're pretty," Buffy stated and Spike smiled widely before he nodded.  
  
"That they are," he agreed.  
  
They easily slipped into conversation about the earth as it was, with demons and people in two different worlds, and weighing the pros and cons. Half an hour passed and then Spike gently kissed her. She kissed him back and deepened it languorously. Putting her forehead to his she then took a breath and he gave her another quick kiss before saying:  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Yes?" she asked, her focus still on the taste of his lips.  
  
"There's something... here!" he suddenly exclaimed as there was a growl and a body threw itself over them. "Bloody hell!" he added as he managed to put a foot in the being's stomach and throw it over his head.  
  
Buffy was on her feet in the next instant, watching as the vampire rose to its feet, showing its teeth and growling.  
  
"Sorry to disappoint," she said. "I never cared much for being considered as fast food," she added, bringing out the stake she had put in her pocketbook.  
  
"Slayer!" it hissed. "What the bugger 're you doin' in England?"  
  
"I'm afraid I'm moving in," she replied and the vamp's eyes grew slightly right before it attacked.  
  
She took its blows easily, spun around and sunk the tip of her sharp weapon into the lethal spot of its ribcage. It turned to dust and she moved out of the way for its ashes before turning back to where Spike had risen.  
  
"Are they morons?" she asked. "Haven't they noticed during this passed year that there's probably... ten other slayers in this country?"  
  
Spike smirked at that, watching as she threw the stake aside and then came up to him.  
  
"Now," she said, "where were we?"  
  
He grabbed her hands when she was about to slip them up his chest and she cocked an eyebrow, wondering.  
  
"I brought you here 'cause this was a place we've never been to together... I guess you always bring a piece of the past with you, though," he said and she still looked inquiring as to his point, so he continued: "I wanted this place to be the fresh setting for... a new start. But our friend," he emphasized the last word and had Buffy smile before he went on: "made me conclude that there's no need for it. We are who we are, and we'll always be this way. There will always be this knowledge of another dimension, of other creatures... Our new start happened the moment you said that you loved me. The rest is irrelevant. Buffy, I need you more than anything else. I need to see your face everyday or I feel like there's no real meaning to waking. I need to feel you close to me 'cause otherwise it's like I lose touch with myself. You're this part of me now that I can't live without and now you're crying," she smiled at the remark, brushing at her tears, "but I think that you know I'd never hurt you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."  
  
A small sob escaped her, though it was just as happy as her tears and she sniffled a little before she replied:  
  
"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."  
  
He looked at her for a long moment, then as he put one hand in the inside pocket of his jacket he asked:  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
She nodded, not picking up on the movement until it was the hand being brought out again, holding something. She blinked at the liquid obscuring her sight and then her gaze fell on what was held between his thumb and index finger. She swallowed; her heart slowing down until she could barely feel it.  
  
White cold fitted a beautifully cut white diamond.  
  
She knew no words. Language had eluded her in quiet mockery of how sure she was of what she wanted.  
  
She had her eyes in his again.  
  
He didn't think; his whole existence was made out of waiting for her reaction. He wasn't sure how to interpret her silence. Was it good, or was it bad? Was she not ready? Was he moving to fast with this?  
  
"You... don't like it?" he finally asked and it was as though the mental clasp was broken and she finally got word over tongue.  
  
"Yes," she said and he smiled tentatively, though with obvious relief.  
  
"Good. I wasn't sure of what cut you wanted and the clerk went into a lot of different styles which pretty much spun my head but..."  
  
"No," she cut him off and he blinked, staring at her. "No. What I mean is... yes," she then said and now he truly stared at her. "Yes!" she repeated and his face finally split into a smile she had seen on him once before and that memory had her almost laughing.  
  
God, it was real this time! That amazing ring was for her, and HE had picked it. HE had taken the time to plan this whole thing so that she would be able to look back and say to their grandchildren "And when grandpa asked grandma to spend the rest of her life with him it was in a beautiful place and it was the first time they were there together. There was a vampire there for about three seconds, but since grandma made it go to... a warmer place, it doesn't exactly count. The moment was perfect and all because your grandpa loves your grandma so very much, and THAT'S what you all should be looking for."  
  
Somewhere between "God" and her speech for her so far non-existent offspring's offspring she had moved into his arms and she drew a deep breath of his scent before pulling back and finding his mouth with her own. The kiss deepened immediately and then she ended it softly, taking a small step back as he took her left hand in his. She watched as he held the ring ceremoniously before the finger on which it belonged  
  
forever and ever  
  
and then he cautiously slipped it on.  
  
It fit like flowers in a vase and she smiled another bright smile before he pulled her to him once more, joining their lips in a lingering kiss.  
  
***  
  
They snuck into the house at half past one, keeping quiet as they made their way upstairs (Dawn had apparently made good on her promise not to wait up) and closing the door of the bedroom they had been assigned. Giles had merely said he didn't want to hear any funny business in the making, and Spike had said under his breath that they had better keep it down then, which had forced Buffy to stifle her laughter.  
  
They got undressed slowly, enjoying every movement and every silent noise that their clothes made falling to the floor. Their hands ran the others body with care and knowledge of what spots to choose in order to get the preferred effect. Spike moved to lean her against the wall and kissed her neck before catching her mouth and kissing her fervently. She put a leg up and around his waist and he entered her, filling her to the edge of driving her clear over the edge, having her breathing grow deeper as she clung to him.  
  
They didn't sleep that night.  
  
***  
  
"You know that I'm not expecting us to get married in three months," he said the next morning.  
  
They were lying face to face and hadn't looked away from each other for over two hours. She smiled now, nodding a little.  
  
"Yeah, I know," she said. "And you know that I feel the same way, right?" she added and he returned her smile, nodding as well.  
  
"Yeah. We'd better find a place to live first and... live there for a while. Right? Just be... together," he finished and her smile grew.  
  
"Right," she concurred. "Just be together. Pick out furniture. Grow some roots. Have a baby."  
  
His eyes lit up at that input.  
  
"You'd want that?" he asked and she laughed.  
  
"Well, duh!" she replied. "Of course I want a family, we already had this discussion!"  
  
"Yeah, I remember. But a real, actual baby?"  
  
She laughed again, moving forward and kissing him on the mouth.  
  
"Yes, a living breathing replica of YOU," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"No, no, of YOU," he disagreed and she smiled.  
  
"Let's say he or she can have your smarts and my vigor," she suggested and it was his turn to laugh.  
  
"I think that if our son or daughter has all your traits he or she will be a perfect little person," he returned and she smirked.  
  
"We'll never agree on this," she pointed out.  
  
"Better let nature have its course," he said and she smiled again.  
  
"I want to go back to school," she then stated and he raised his eyebrows, this time a little surprised. "You don't mind that, do you?" she asked and the mere look on his face gave her all the answer she needed.  
  
"What do you want to be?" he asked and she gave a little shrug.  
  
"I don't know. Something fun like... a food critic," she answered and he smiled widely at that, which she returned. "I've been thinking a lot about it for the past few days since there was so much talk about the Slayer's last fight and how I'd somehow put that part of my life aside, and I recall something Kendra once told me, that the Slayer isn't what I do, it's not my job – it's who I am."  
  
"She was a smart lady," Spike mumbled, feeling rather shameful as he knew what end the smart lady faced in his demonically screwy ex-girlfriend.  
  
Buffy gave him a smile to tell him that she hadn't brought Kendra up for the sake of her demise and then continued:  
  
"She WAS a very smart lady, but the thing is that even though she said the words, I was the one who taught them to her. I made her realize that this is the truth of the slayers nature. I've just forgotten about it for a while, especially since the nature isn't solely my own anymore. What I'm trying to say is that I will always be her, I'll always be the Slayer. I'll always put on the 'good fight' and be the protector for those who might need it... but it's not my job. And I NEED a job. I liked college. I hated giving it up. I want to make something more of my life. I've always wanted that. I think you know that."  
  
He smirked his affirmation and she smiled back, entwining their fingers.  
  
"We're facing the really scary deal of the whole package," she said. "You, me and the really real world. Think we'll make it?"  
  
"I know we will," he replied with conviction and she leaned forward to grant him yet another kiss.  
  
***  
  
"Could you hand me the jam, please?" Buffy asked an hour and a half later, seated at the breakfast table to the left of a paper-reading Giles, to the right of a croissant chewing Dawn and a bread-buttering Willow, and with her still not official fiancé before her.  
  
He gave her a smile and then reached across the table to give her what she wanted.  
  
"Thanks, hon," she said sweetly.  
  
"Your welcome, darling," he replied and there was a low click of a tongue behind the paper.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes and then put the jam down on the table as she asked:  
  
"Do you have any objection against William?"  
  
"What was that?" the Watcher inquired, bringing the paper down and looking at her quizzically.  
  
"Against William," she repeated. "Any objections against him being here? Or my being with him in every sense of those two words?"  
  
"This is a place for eating and reading and I shall not tolerate crudeness," he stated reproachfully. "We can discuss this a little later."  
  
"No, we can discuss this now," Buffy shook her head. "Do you disapprove of Will? And if you do I'd like a liable explanation why you won't let the old hatchet be buried once and for all."  
  
Giles sighed, putting down his paper completely and then looking from one to the next.  
  
"I don't disapprove," he finally admitted.  
  
Buffy looked rather disbelieving but he smiled a genuine smile and then looked at Spike, who seemed rather taken aback by the conversation all together.  
  
"You don't?" Buffy now demanded.  
  
"No," Giles answered, growing a bit serious and then having a streak of sadness in his features before he cleared his throat and said: "I'm happy for you. For the both of you. It's seems it's been a long time coming, the two of you calling each other such affectionate names... I surely do remember the first time I bore witness to such events." Spike and Buffy shared a humorous glance at that, but it was interrupted as Giles finished: "I shall miss you, is what I want to have said."  
  
Buffy frowned, not following.  
  
"I suppose I will be able to come and visit you," he added. "And you me. Once you're settled. Will you be living in California once more, or will you be looking for another state altogether? I believe a house in any part of New England can never be considered a bad idea."  
  
"Oh, no," Dawn spoke up, looking a little worriedly at her sister. "Are we moving back to America? Really? I mean, I know I'm from there and I love it and everything, but all my friends! And school! And..."  
  
"We're not leaving England," Buffy cut her short and Dawn closed her mouth.  
  
"You're not?" Giles asked, not able to filter out the hope in his tone.  
  
"No," Buffy stated. "In fact, we're not leaving London. Well, at least I don't think we are, and if we are then we're not going very far."  
  
Spike nodded his agreement and she smiled at him.  
  
"What's that?" Willow suddenly asked, staring at Buffy's left hand with widening eyes.  
  
"What's what?" Buffy wondered, oblivious to her friend's growing fixation with what so prettily acted as decoration.  
  
"That huge sparkly thing that's sitting on your finger!" Willow exclaimed, rising from her chair and coming around the table to have a closer look.  
  
Dawn rose as well, her very being seemed shaken to the core that she herself hadn't been the first to notice and she grabbed Buffy's hand in a hard grip as she stared at the testimony to what had been going on the night prior.  
  
"Oh my God!" she yelled. "You're getting married!"  
  
"You're getting married?!" Giles asked and Buffy clenched her jaws together as her arm was jerked back even farther and then she pulled it out of the grasp and massaged her wrist a little as she replied:  
  
"Yes, eventually we hope to have a beautiful wedding. But for now you should be screaming 'You're engaged?!'"  
  
Spike smirked at that and she smiled back before being brutally embraced by two of the closest people she had in the world.  
  
"This is amazing!" Dawn squeaked, jumping up and down.  
  
"It is," Willow nodded. "But I swear I'll kill you if you make me wear the same kind of bridesmaid's dress as Anya did."  
  
Buffy laughed at that.  
  
"You'll be astonishing, I promise," she then replied. "I promise I won't go for teal or anything loud in color and you'll get to choose the cut yourself, sound good?"  
  
"Lovely," Willow nodded.  
  
"We'll have to plan the whole thing! Have you set a date?" Dawn asked and Buffy smiled at her excitement before she answered:  
  
"No, hence the reaction-should-be comment. We're engaged, indefinitely. We'll set a date when we're ready."  
  
"But you ARE ready! You are! Oh, a summer wedding would be terrific! Out under the trees. Good thing you don't have to worry about the deadly rays of the sun anymore, huh, fangy?" Dawn teased and Spike gave her a friendly glare before she continued to rant. "Or maybe a winter wedding would be better. Inside with a big party and snow outside. It should even be snowing, that would be the perfect setting!"  
  
"Mh-hmh, and you plan on ordering a few hours of snowing from...?" Buffy asked, but Dawn was too caught up in her own musings that she didn't pay any heed to her sister.  
  
Buffy shook her head at her and then turned it to Giles, who looked one the one hand shocked and on the other truly happy for her.  
  
"Let me see that," he said and she held out her hand to him. "Nice choice, if I do say," he stated with a glance at Spike, who smiled tryingly. "Congratulations," the Watcher then added with his eyes in his Slayer's and she had tears glisten in them before she rose and went to embrace him.  
  
"Remember what I asked you the first time?" she asked as they pulled apart and his eyebrows rose. "I want you to give me away, Giles. I'd be honored if you would."  
  
"No," he shook his head. "I will be honored TO."  
  
She smiled widely at that and then embraced him again.  
  
Spike was just being attacked by his sometime to be sister-in-law and the Wicca, who were both apologetic for not hugging him sooner and therefore hugged him all the more harder. He didn't mind it in the least. It was one of the happiest days of his existence and he would savor every last facet of it, even if one of them were him being slowly suffocated by two pairs of slim arms.  
  
Half an hour later they had toasted in champagne and were just finishing drinking out their glasses when there was a ring on the doorbell. Willow went to open and there was a cry of surprise in the form of the visitors name, which had the rest also rush out into the hall.  
  
"Xander!" Buffy exclaimed as the man himself stepped through the door, putting down his bags for embracing the Wicca. "What are you doing here?!"  
  
"I was in the neighborhood," he replied with a smile, letting Willow go and opening his arms for the Slayer and her sister who hugged him tight and then stepped back. "And that wasn't just a sarcastic remark either," he added. "I'm actually here on work for a few months."  
  
"That's so great!" Buffy said and he nodded before reaching out his hand to shake Giles'.  
  
"Good to see you," Giles said and Xander smiled, taking a step forward and giving the Watcher a hug as well.  
  
"The same," he then replied, stepping back and turning his gaze in the former vampire's.  
  
There was a long moment of tension, and then Xander reached out his hand to the bleached blonde as he had Giles. Spike looked at it for a short second and then he moved forward and took it in a firm grip.  
  
"Good that you're back," Xander said, his voice carrying only a small hint of a strain, but the words sounded as though he meant them, especially when he added: "Buffy was a mess when you were gone. Sorry, Buff, but you were. So it's good... that you're here," he finished, and Spike gave a nod before they let each other's hands go.  
  
Buffy looked from one to the other and then she took a step forward.  
  
"We have some news," she said.  
  
Xander smiled, moving a hand to take her left and having his fingers grace the ring before he stated:  
  
"I noticed." She smiled back and then he put his arms around her in a warm hug. "I know it sounds like the most unoriginal thing to say, but I'm happy for you."  
  
Buffy's smile merely widened and her eyes landed in Spike's, his face reflecting her expression.  
  
They were gathered again. The small tightly knit group who had seen it all begin. It was as it should be, and Spike was glad that Xander had been able to join up with the posse. The Scoobs under one roof once more. A past, a present and a future was what Spike knew they would share. The people he looked upon now were his family, as they were Buffy's family, and something light and fuzzy tickled his heart at the thought of growing old with them. Of seeing Dawn develop into the bright woman he could already see in her. In following Willow's progress within her coven. In seeing if the whelp... no, if Xander finally found the happiness he so clearly had been lacking since he lost his truest love. And in working out his relationship with the man who Buffy considered her father.  
  
And then... creating with Buffy a family and a solid base for that future which stretched out before them as a wide and vast sea. What a journey that still awaited them. He was looking forward to it more than he had anything ever before. It was exhilarating to think of the opportunities they would most surely have and the choices they would have to make.  
  
He felt as though a few memories were somehow already imbedded in his mind.  
  
Buffy in an unbelievable creation of white.  
  
The sound of a baby's loud crying.  
  
Lifting that baby as it had grown into a child high in the air. For some reason he found himself seeing it being a daughter. She had Buffy's bright smile and his own blue eyes and she laughed loudly when he put her on his shoulders...  
  
Yeah, he saw their future.  
  
And it was nothing but what he had always known it would be.  
  
Perfect.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************  
  
I can barely believe that it's over. I guess you noticed that the "one" chapter more or less turned into a sixteen pages extravaganza and so I divided them up since there were so much I wanted to get in to the ending. Which I very, very much hope that you enjoyed.  
  
I'm very apologetic for how long it's taken me to update, but it's been partly because of lack of time, and partly because of a slight reluctance in taking on this final task when it comes to this story. I've had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you've had equally as much fun reading it! I know, I know, all your feedback testifies to it, so once and for all Thank You All, so much, for your never ever failing support and warmth and energy in pushing me forward! It's been a privilege, truly.  
  
I'm very regretful to also have to admonish the fact that I'm closing up shop indefinitely. I really feel like I have to focus on my personal writing and though I have loved the two years I've spent with you and with the cast of this sort of fiction, it simply takes up too much time. I hate that I feel it absolutely necessary to do this because I still have ideas to develop and an unfinished story!, but the fact is that I hope to go to college this fall and until then I feel I need to focus on myself and what I want to get out of my writing.  
  
To all of the readers of In the Dead of the Night – my deepest, most earnest apologies. I realize that this is like reading half a book and then having the second half not be there, and I feel AWFUL, but I can't give you a promise that I'll be able to finish the story in any near future. For a long while I truly did think that I would, but as of late, my life taking the course it seems set on taking, I find myself forced to make a choice – and I simply have to make this one.  
  
I dislike giving all of you up, giving this wonderful community that we have up, but I have to! *sob!!!* I'll miss all of you dearly, I really will, but who knows, we might still see each other again! :) What I want to have said is Thank You times ten billion thousand trillion! Without you guys, and though it sounds so corny it's very true, I wouldn't be at the juncture I'm at right now!  
  
Warm and special thanks to  
  
Wolf116 (hehe, I'm smiling widely over here! I'm really happy that you were hoping and in that hope was so sure that the Angel deal would have that outcome! Hey, did you think I'd fail you? :) Thank you for all your love and support through all my stories, girl, it's mean more than I can say! I so very much hope you liked the two concluding chapters!!! All My Love!) :)  
  
Maribel (I'm sorry that it ends, but I'm really glad you feel better! Hope you liked the last chapters! And may I say my heartiest thank you for sticking with it throughout! All My Love!) :)  
  
Winters1 (ah what a pleasant sight it is in seeing names one recognize as old friends! :) I've been reading The House of Mirth and feel some very old English dripping into my vocabulary. Wonderful, ain't it? I hope you enjoyed the follow up! I hadn't anticipated my brain having so much left on this story! A personal thank you to you now for everything! It's always been a treat to read your thoughts! All My Love!) :)  
  
Darklover (Well, I'm very happy to hear that you liked it and as I've said and said again, one line of good or bad is always sufficient, though I admit the long rants are always welcomed! ;) Thank you for all of your encouragement, girl! It's been duelly appreciated! All My Love!) :)  
  
Ali-Lou (Well, I think I accommodated to your wish pretty well, eh? Lot's of Spuffy and celebrations? I couldn't sign off without a wedding! :) I'm really glad you liked the last chapter and hope you enjoyed the VERY last ones as well! Thank for all the beatiful support and feedback I've recieved! I'm forever grateful! All My Love!) :)  
  
Lilmamaday (I love it that you adore it! I felt I couldn't just ignore that, and I have to admit that I really do want those two to end up together. Angel and Cordy, I mean. Well, the Spuffy thing goes without saying! I very much hope you liked the last two chapters! Thank you for never faltering in your honest encouragement! It's meant the world!!! All My Love!) :)  
  
Blackeyedgurl (It's more than okay that you didn't review, but I'm glad you did this time! It's a sad goodbye, but I guess all good things must. ;) I'm so happy that you've enjoyed the story and I certainly hope the ending wasn't a detour from that path! Thanks for all the insight into Egypt that you supplied and for all your enthusiasm toward that aspect of the story, it was great fun to receive! And I hope you enjoyed the Epilogue!!! Thanks for everything, girl. For joining the ride and for not failing to tell me what you thought of it! All My Love!) :)  
  
Timeends (I'm very glad that you liked the chapter!!! And I really hope I was able to quench some of that Spuffy thirst with the last chapter!!! Thanks a lot for all your comments, it's been so good to see your name up there, and thanks for reading on! All My Love!) :)  
  
Ekmw511 (And last but not least I get to say hello and goodbye to a new reader, which is rather sad! It was awesome to read your review, though. Can't believe you spent all that amount of time on something I've written, makes me feel like a million bucks! And there was a bit more to the story! :) Thanks a lot for letting me know what you thought, and I'm thrilled you liked it!!! All My Love!) :)  
  
To those of you who haven't reviewed but read, or who have sent me emails, I BOW DOWN before you, truly! You're the reason I posted this story, all of the readers, and I know you know that! Been there through thick and thin you have, miss you I will! *smirk* Nah, but really, this story I dedicate to ALL of you. Thanks for making me feel... good enough! ;) You've invested time in me as I have in you and the mere thought is so huge to me that you've done that. You are wonderful!  
  
This is me signing off. I'll really miss you guys!  
  
A.M.L, Annie. 


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